i wasnt very kind to you
i know
i pushed you into freshly fallen snow.
i laughed and i was cruel to your heart
i stomped on it, i crashed all hopes you had.

i never understood what i was doing;
i never stopped to think if i were wrong.
the wind led me with the force of a bullet
it made me so insensitive so long.

i wasnt very kind to you
i know
i wasnt fair, i didnt care
to show;
that deep down i was burning with desire
to kiss your lips, your fingertips
are fire.

i wanted to be with you every second.
when im awake, asleep, alive, or buried under
in my peaceful beginning you're a thunder
and i loved you so eagerly i reckoned.

im sorry i was ******* you, im sorry
i thought i was the author of the best
the most romantic, to die for love story
im dead inside : i watch you're laid to rest....

under my breath i muttered that i loved you
under your halo i saw fires, flame
looked like an angel, acted like the devil
you fooled me twice, id let you fool again.

and life is harder when you're not around
the water's levels climbing higher as i drown;
the air is cold and i cant feel my hands,
the knuckles on my right hand bleeds
oh so it tends;
and nights seem darker, sheltering more fright;
and days more dangerous, more burning feels the light;
like acid rains appears against my skin,
like spiderweb my armour but i take it on the chin.
and music- hopeless noise filled with vain screams
about being disappointed in what love just seems;
i scream along with them, empty my lungs;
and tears stream down my face,
i get the chance;
now all is calm, i ve had my break and let it go
im lying on the floor its dark and cold you know
and life's not needed when you're not around
that's why im lying buried deep, deep down

you're tearing me apart
you're my death sentence.
you're blood that wont stop
but get more intense and

i throw myself at every stranger passing
and ask to give me hope,
but it's collapsing.
i beg to see you,
and beg to forget you.
i gave you all i had to offer
and more than that too;
i got myself in debt
now i pay back.
i wake up, 3 am and sweat is dripping
my heart is racing at the speed of sound, it
feels like it's going to jump right out of my chest.
vertigo, sickness, desperation...
blessed.  
i tell the others i am blessed to know love
to feel the way i feel
and fall so low i've;
...

i searched for what i craved the most;
i thought i'd had it before lost.
i tried the sea, i searched the earth
i looked elsewhere no bliss just curse.

I looked under pillows, and deep in the sands
i dived deep into waters of unfulfilled plans;
i wondered round woods though dense, scary nights
i searched for what i could't find in his eyes.

"love" all i was craving.
it was all that i needed.
all i waited, i wanted
i prayed for and seeded.
i watered and cared for
cherished, protected.
i cuddled and held
not to break, but to save it.

my love turned into dust
my heart is coal
i shook the world off me
and grabbed the soil
i ran to keep the earth moving and spinning
the end of this was end of my beginning.
pathetic
hear me?
i speak words of truth
pathetic
you with ugly useless youth.
with time the beauty fades
your mind comes reeling
so when you run to contribute to the earth spinning
you will be thrown off into space
forgotten
love turned to dust
heart black, hard,
and bones rotten.

i know it's wrong to love you
and i shouldn't
but give me chance to change it
and i wouldn't
give me another try at making first impression
another go at faking my perfection
i'd blew it once again
i'd disappoint you
that's just the way i am
and me pretending being someone else-
there is no point to.
like class A drug i'd still inject you
shoot you under my skin into already failing system
you are the cure from clear mind, strength, and too much wisdom.
im kept with feet firm on the ground by you reminding
the love i made up in my head
so hopeful, binding,
is nothing more but product of my own imagination
and it's not fair how frequent and how fast around your axis is
my  rotation.
it seems i know what you're looking for
it seems i know exactly what you need
and i know all about your type of breed.

Oh romance, whatve you got against me
Oh love, have I hurt you in some way
Have I sinned
Oh lover have I left you before our time
So wickedly I lived
And now I bleed
With every new wound I lose more and more my strength and
My bones turn into dust when you're around
But romance what I done.
What have I done.
Amongst a thousand people
I feel one.
Alone, deserted, left out
I feel blank
And when I stay with you
Alone, deserted, treasured
Don't feel numb.
My feelings they exhaust me
My flame fades
I blame it on being tired
But stay vague.

you are the best thing that has happened to my soul.
you are the strength i needed most when all went wrong
and now when i am back on track and can stand firmly on the ground
you're found.

you are the best thing that has happened to my heart.
you are the power that keeps pumping across my entire body
blood.

you are the best thing that has happened to my all
you are the air i breathe, the dreams i dream, my soil.

you are the worst thing that has happened to my sanity.
because of you, it's long gone down the drain
there goes the gravity.

you know i'm ill
tired and wasted, I
thought i was bulletproof
thought i could handle truth.

You know i'm done
no more strength to carry on
I feel the tides rise up
i feel the pain increase
summer is long gone now
you put me on my knees.

Youth's running wild but i
am planning my own death.
writing my own eulogy,
drop the veil, i cant stress

enough it's hard to breathe
your sight it hurts my lungs
walls coming closer still
i stare and burn inside.

i'm sick
and im wasted, I
thought i was bulshitproof
til i met up with you tonight.
you can say what you want
you know i will believe
you can treat me the way
you think is best i'll live.
no matter what you say
abuse me, erase my faith
put me down, bring me low
set me on fire so
leave me bleed, bruised and scarred
leave me die under cars.

do what you want to me
i can withstand your touch,
one thing ask in return
once im lower than life
dont begrudge.

you crawled under my skin
you got inside my head
dug a hole in the core
of my mental armour.

you poisoned veins and my air
know, im not going nowhere
you chained my heart to your face
my strength my all to your grace
your body is all crave.

i cant sit still when you're near
forget what common sense is
all i can think of is this
the way you touch and you kiss .

the way you lift me up and
the way you looked in my eyes
how you ran your fingers down
my naked back and my thighs.

how i breathed so deep and gasped
how i wished that it could have lasted
for just one more day

I dont believe in ghosts
I dont believe in torture
My faith lies deep inside
Inside the light I nurture.

In shadows I hide well
Am quiet, am no shameful
Am brave, rarely regretful
In shadows I hide well.

I dont believe in life
But death aint my religion
Inside black holes I find
My safety, self imprisoned.

When I am old and my
Hair is the shade of ashes
And my old look refuses to
Surrender to all washes

My thoughts will fall asleep
And constant noise will quiet
I won't care for the world
I won't care if my nights end.

My cage will stay the same
The walls will still surround me
I won't believe in ghosts
Even not those I can see.

The more I look the more
I notice in reflection
My perfect imperfection
The more I look I see.

The end will be my closure
Ill rest I'll lay my head
Nail down my bed, and change my posture
At death im now adept

You are the ache in my head
The deep black hole in bossom
Youre the devil from hell
And a Saint, heaven's gossip.

Just take a deep breath
let it, let it go
don't rap it, sing it, live it
do it slow

the thing is that i like you more than others;
you make me feel so safe
one of my brothers.
the deal is, i will always be a little bit too crazy
my speech will sometimes flow, sometimes seem lazy.
my eyes will shine one day
the next- be flooded;
sometimes my nod' s a yes
or for no i will nod and
there's nothing you can do to change my figure
for i am not a fan of bitter tastes;
there's little you can do to leave me saddened
and there's no way to erase my mistakes.

my love
will you be mine forever
will you be my untreatable and everlasting
fever.

Will you throw me off balance
leave demented
will you please would me deeply
scar me gently.

leave marks on my arms
on my wrists
my thighs, my neck.
carve crosses, broken ties
on heart and legs.

disfigured leave me
will you?
shall you try
suppressed, forgiven
wasted
humble, shy.

i dont know how to feel
i dont know what to do
i dont know your face even
though i thought i knew you.

i am choking on smoke
we are equally broke
and now i am divided in two.

There was this boy
And there was this girl
For him she was carnal lust
For her he was the whole world.

He looked at her - never noticed
She struggled to look away,
For him she was unimportant
While to her he- drop of faith.

Through debris following beams
Of what life's not, but it seems;
We wander, most getting lost
But so determined to find
A soulmate, despite the  cost.

Alone we walk along sidewalks
Paths laid by others like us
Seeking and calling for someone
Who'd hear the hertz of our cries.

Clearing the driveways
Of snow, of dead leaves
Spraying with water fake lawns
To keep facade what it seems;

At last so tired and empty
At last but never at least
You find the one whose heart fills in
The beat your heart gently skips.

this is a very lonely world
we're born alone and  lone we're learnt
we're bred alone
alone we live
we search alone
the ground beneath.
alone we pray, alone believe
alone we stay alone we leave.
a single person you and i
one match, one candle, single eye.
this is a very lonely world
for those who hope to say right words
we grow old lonely
in the aftermath
we are still single soldiers
walking different paths.

your friends wont remember
your name in a day
your parents will live on
a niddle in stock of hay.

I dont know if im shaky or steady
Are my feet firmly set on the ground
Or am I lost and not at all ready
To see clearly or even come down.

I dont know if im honest or false
Am I being sincere or pretending
When I talk is my voice being heard
Or its drowned by the noise never-ending.

Can you feel me being in the same room
When im there with you sitting so tightly
Itching to get away, get out soon
Being close is too much, it is frightening

i thought life would be easy
then you came around
i quickly fell off cloud 9
and hit the ground.

I believed knights were real and
i just might meet the one
i thought life would be like a dream
but
then you came around.

in my broken heart there is no light
every day like new it used to ignite
seasons change and days go by, I
wish i'd never looked into your eyes.

This city cuts
This city bleeds.
The lights are blinding
Concrete streets.

A littered nature
Faded sun
In stitches are
All lakes and farms.

You run and run
Try to escape
You feel the pain
Try not to break

Your soul unfolds
Mind closes gates
You've seen it all
You know the dates.

Quiet quiet in my head it's quiet
Riot riot my heart wants a riot.
More and more I
Long for wars than peace and
Bigger greater
Grows my love for fears then
Quiet quiet
Before storm it's silent
Riot riot
Im awaiting my end
Larger brighter
Fire's flames are rising
Thinking dreaming
Over-analysing.

Seems like it was yesterday
This pain found in me shelter
Unwanted guest
What a terrible mentor

I have wasted so much
Battling, trying,  defending
Saving, crying, pretending
I have wasted so much

Time. It seemed so irrelevant
I let ache swallow me whole
Love. It seemed so important
Above all.

On my mothers bed was I
Lying still, covered up
Couldnt make a sound, whisper
Couldnt make days count, listen
To my favourite songs.

i feel like im trapped in a cage
and the lock's getting tougher
as i rave in sheer rage
i feel like im wearing a vest
that is too tight to breathe in,
as it crushes my chest.
the hight never scared me at all
and i've always looked up
traced those firm concrete walls
all the way to the skies
i mistook them for paths
guiding me to the heaven
while hell was where i was.
I could never imagine
how much i'd fall for your gaze
how i'd search for your figure
in this foreign thick haze.
I could never envision
i'd get to taste your stiff lips
wrap my arms round your body
and let go of my shield.
you fall silent for months
nonchalant and unworried
whilst my days are now one
my steps no longer solid.
and im thinking i could
just get rid of you now.
block your way back into
my life.
but if you disappear,
everything i live for
all my hopes, expectations
stay behind the closed door
on the same side as you.

will you be my silence?
will you be my rope?
that i'd hold on to so tightly  
as i let go of hope.

will you be my nightmare?
wake me up from good dreams;
will you be my last drag
before i seize to exist.

i want you to replace
all the good and the bad
i want you to take place
of what i have and what had.
i want you to be the air,
i want you to be the sun
the only voice i can hear
when i can hear no more sound.
the only touch i react to
when flesh come off of my bones
and be the darkness i enter
as i fall deeper in love.

what if i loved you a little bit more?
if I blocked all ways in
but gave you key to main door;
what if my heart beat a little bit faster?
would i slow down the time
'fore inadvertent disaster?

What if my hand was a bit closer to yours
what if my ships came to your abandoned shores;
what if i travelled every day hundred miles
through the mountains and oceans
passing cages with lions;
would you love me a little,
would you love me some more?
if i broke all my bones
would you love me at all?

It's like when someone stabs you over and over.
It's like you're being left daily by your perfect lover
It's like you are drowning but people are watching
It's like you've been chained to the air, the doors latched, and
The world seems so small
But your dreams are so big
And this constant sharp pain
Makes you tastelessly weak.
You lay there, heart in seizures
No one noticed a thing
you cry: it's so obvious
what you carry within.

you are my paper-cut
wound that wont heal;
you are the water in my lungs
my Achilles' heel.

around my neck- tight noose;
my quiet self abuse;
my lucid dream-
my silent scream;
and faulty safety fuse.