I'm sick of bleeding out for you
When all you do is lead the blade
If they could really see
The scars from the pain you cause
Red rivers would run deep
Encircling my stomach and back
Tearing through these tattoos
Leaving only ripped skin in its path
These tattered pieces of me
It's all I feel like some days
And I couldn't even begin to tell you
Exactly how much hurt you caused
Because you were already crying
Telling me how much you love me
But how it isn't working out
And **** babe
Don't you think I know that?
Don't you know I came here to end it
But what you don't know is
While you left because
You can't handle your feelings for me
I had to leave for myself
Because I can't handle the subtle hits
Of emotional abuse
I've never loved anyone more than you
But I've also never felt so much pain
As when you made decisions for just yourself
As you completely disregarded me
And even though leaving you
Has filled me with undeniable relief
My heart is still broken and bleeding
And right about now
The blood is choking my lungs

You say you love me,
Then threaten to leave me.
When does this love
Become unhealthy?

When you tell me that
After this
I can't have any more partners?
As though I had any say in yours.

When you enforce a set of boundaries
While completely disrespecting
Those I ask of you?

When you don't want to hear about it
But you do want to hear about it
And if I don't tell you about it
Then you're just as upset
As if I'd brought it up?

When you call me while I'm working
Yelling because you say I ****** up
And you want to hear me cry
Because then you'll know
That I still care about you?

When you're telling me
How in love you are with me
And how you love when we connect
While telling your other partners
That I'm really just immature
And a horrible person for
Trying to hold your hand?

What about when
You're trying to control
Your partner's and my behavior
By telling them that
They can't hang out with me
Or be my friend anymore
Since it's a choice of solidarity
And it breaks their loyalty to you?
Completely disregarding that
We are best friends too?

Or when you expect me to call into work
Because you aren't satisfied with
The way our discussion ended
And you think that you need to be
Always my main priority
Over even my financial security?

When I'm expected to be present
Whenever you want to talk about us
Or about an issue we're having
But if you don't want to talk about it
Then you'll just turn your phone off?

Or what about when
You boast about how
Open and transparent you are
Then turn around and
Expect me to know what your feeling
And how to fix it
Before we even talk?
And if I don't know
Then I guess I'm just stupid
Which only makes you more angry

And lastly,
What about when
I'm trying to talk to you about the things
That are causing me pain
But you can't even listen to me
Because you just get angry
Because of course I'm just demonizing you?
And even if my feelings are valid
So are yours
And you think I'm wrong
So nothing ever changes

When do I draw the line
And walk away from this "love"
That I honestly
Don't know if I feel anymore?

Poison flows through my veins
And I'm ready to attack
Do not come near me
Do not **** with me today
Depression is anger turned inward
And I'm sick of feeling sad
Maybe if I turn my anger outward
I can start to feel better again
They say assertiveness beats aggression
But I need to let it out somehow

I am an outsider
Your friends
Your lovers
You're all connected
But not me

I am the unfamiliar
The unknown
The stranger in the crowd
No one sees me
But maybe you do

So sensitive we are
Deeply sunk in our love
With it we keep each other afloat
Through this toxic river of life
Even though we both love another
And recognize the depth of our feelings together
We still experience tremoring fear
In the face of the other's other

I don't understand
All the things that I feel
This anger isn't genuine
It's spawned from sadness
From hurt
From pain
I love you undeniably
And it feels like
You dont feel the same

My heart pulses with this pain
Everything is in waves
So I know this will pass
But it hurts to keep breathing
I want to cry
And I want to sleep
But nightmares plague my mind
When I close my eyes
I used to smoke to avoid the pain
Now it seems to cause me more
I can't keep doing this to myself
I feel like I'm going to break