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Mar 2017 · 603
Aghast
That archetypal, clichéd feeling
I can't seem to shake. Once again,
Write with some grace. Flux shows
just how much I'm missing of myself.

By the gods, what a dark place! I say it
and shudder, half-laughing, wholly afraid.
The other half is lying, it always did prefer the shade.
In half-light I spied a shadowed face. It whispers to me, I


hear its divine abuse
as it shouts a cruelty.
I have been remembering
things
all day, memories
that I locked away.
I would rather they
remain contained but
my ravaged mind seeks
a remedy.
Mar 2017 · 934
Alive And Swell
Sometimes it seems
like me and her, we
keep missing each other, one
is high while the other is low,
One of us stays, the other goes
and what goes up
must come down.

It is hard to be here,
Being what I am. What am I?
How are you? Let us talk for
awhile. We are friends, don't
give up on lonely chance for
relationship would not be forced, nor should
intimacy be founded upon a thing as fragile
as mental health if we are to have hope. It's
'cause when I talk to you it feels alright to
be alive. I cannot apologize, "I was gonna
die young, now I gotta wait for you, ***."
Quote:
Line Eighteen and Nineteen from Die Young by Sylvan Esso
Mar 2017 · 328
Mydriatic Addict
I've never been so clean
and always I crave opia.
Mar 2017 · 978
Occhiolism
One of those days where the weight of it all
seems insurmountable
in the face of life, of men
and mice, of gods wronged
by mortal songs, o' those few,
Precious few, fated to cast dice
and any other animal who might.

I know to be content
all I must do is stand here
in the drizzle during the witching
hour, all I must do is
feel the morning dew after it's coalesced,
Its moisture caressingly laid on each fine blade
of grass, all I must do
is breathe the afternoon mist, take in this fresh air,
All I must do is stride
thru nightly fog, taking it in; and above all, be present
while I can, all I must
do is appreciate that I
am
getting better.
Mar 2017 · 341
Here We Are,
Cò̝̰m̱̲i̦̮͠n̻̼̮͈̰g̶̤̞̖̝͓͇ d̪o͎̣̞̟̜̲wn̷͖͕̠̭̟͉̣, after
your teenage years
you think you're gonna die young,
Well here I am, s̩͉͓̟̟͓̗i̶̮͉̜̯t͔t̥͉̹ͅͅi̦̮͠n̻̼̮͈̰g̶̤̞̖̝͓͇ h̷̬̗̥̩̝̫e̘̩̩͚͇̙͘r͓͖ͅe̵̞̳, w̦r̖̝͖͍̣i͙̹̳͖̤͓̘t͖̲̠̲͙i̥͍̠̪͞n̻̞̕g̴͈̺̯̞͚̭̼
t̮̬̲̫ḫ̻͓͕̱͕ͅi͈͠n̫̗̗̗̲g­̲̝͕̪̪̰s̩͉͓̟̟͓̗ that don't make any sense.
T̹̜̥̠͍h̷̬̗̥̩̝̫e̘̩̩͚͇̙͘r͓͖ͅe̵̞̳ ̙̱͡i͍̥͍̱̭̟s̵ ̸͕̩ n͍̟͉̜ò̝̰t̮̬̲̫ḫ̻͓͕̱͕ͅi͈͠n̫̗̗̗̲g̲̝͕̪̪̰, n͍̟͉̜ò̝̰ o̤̠̼͙͎̺n̷͖͕̠̭̟͉̣e̢͉̻̯̦͖̟ i̖̻s͝ cò̝̰m̱̲i̦̮͠n̻̼̮͈̰g̶̤̞̖̝͓͇.
Á̬̳̳l̨l̢͍̮͎̜̲̟ ͈̲̟͚̞͜w͎͉̞̤̗ę͎̣̬͙ͅ ̬͙͠d̤̬o̤̠̼͙͎̺ ̳͈̀i̖̻s͝ ̝͙͖̝b̝̯̼͚̠̩̣l̮e̼e̢͉̻̯̦͖̟ḓ̬̖̩͙͚.̧͎̣
Two miotic worlds,
Too kenotic for words;
To raise and debase us.
We doubt these miotic words mean something.
Feb 2017 · 160.4k
Miotic Words/Kenosis Debacle
like know just time mind feel life world say people things lost we're does love think there's away long way thought night got words want better day human left right remember man dark end reality memory experience going make really eyes place 'cause good death tell great feeling soul home high consciousness live pain thoughts fear understand fall thing city sky believe god meaning thinking lose change oh felt hard ask heart times years shall need past light living existence choice use dreams power days cause poetry talking state we'll alive knowledge **** true moment little hope old wrong mental stars wave ago gone broken look brain dream far given truth feels head you'll best sensation baby try leave forget young sleep face stop escape blue dare drug lives wish doesn't drugs work earth new acid game nature bad sublime gods break beautiful ah writing hold born trying coming friends hold writing ah space daze burn body reason rain real moments wonder music memories exist psyche control waiting dawn future act philosophy word choose emotion lies deep one's difference self score truly perception actually finally what's story sure spent play happy greatest help start used lie took listen touch run belief fool glass hurt we've gaze goes cold set seek they're yes information anymore longing lonely qualia social land water afraid kind getting came dead hit present keeps gotta pleasure reflection free rave line held pray path sense art black half-light wake question quiet remain longer pill stay course open ego matter places worth lack horizon saw dusk beauty hand makes energy looking gonna data told seeking die **** seen subtle bit caught venturous means freedom yeah divine eternity empathy later rise perfect minds edge comprehend spiritual write couldn't evil care ashes summer knew turn content context accept existential white red sound chance who's consider hide judgement friend 'til realize dimension cast gave tripping praise health la enjoy search universe winter broke empyrean gain family personal spirit flowing wanted point poem lying wander loved wind knowing sleeping rest stuff doubt flow began embrace months knows discovery society hate aeon darkness chemical surely searching meant oneself infinite share forgotten fell late person religious conscious *** you've teenage blame eye instead different clear bring follow known decide forth strange cool stand we'd miss psychedelic passion today wasn't language catch purpose patterns tonight subject madness temporal ready simple sanity asked entheon absurdia entactus psychedelics metaphysics humans particle unto skies inside arms drink smoke bass youth breath listening close depths intangible expression mortal nostalgia practice return loose maybe dancing shadows king war answers morning silent dust ****** party generation near judge define asleep quite machine lines moving learn hath fate ate crowd standing haze guess brought certain fair read ways hours irish scared fine reckon possible ain't year psychedelion ******* apotheon substance isn't study bliss selfish ends warm dopamine explain fix addiction culture respect wisdom calm hurricane problem contradiction heaven forlorn vain gold sweet hidden effort fast she's breaking changed engine faith dance maze alas girl sigma watch grand heavy justice wait tried doors appear phenomena definitions somebody ignore feelings process sonder cybran soft depression chasing taken throw answer action relief having wandering compounds quantum necessary effects empathion ethos begin everybody rising clouds emotions indigo falls ecstasy fresh american walking glow outside speak force grow physical says view voice happiness shame sought age understanding lay individual billion explore crave pretty lights comprehension tears big sands crime waves taught forever venture adolescence welcome humanity comes zero storm wise claim swear sounds pass **** met he's internet mr table company repetition heard playing ***** mirror lets awake sorry doing dreaming states pondering ridiculous simply greater heal hear natural mydriasis mydriatic substances fades asking measure worse scoreboard destroy erase blood leaves worlds abandoned skin twisted walk grace smile fading illuminate hearts bed food ignorance admit drunk spring exile apart killed talk master meet waking chose neon adventure join **** mist aren't breathe psi laughing feet river trance wonderful floor hair desire breeze birth desert fade looked urban continue nation probably second belong willing alike criminals progress cyberspace sole survive names pills fears beginning digital you'd sadness easily depressed perceive surreality poets merely remains sober closer prose fact growing died save insanity defined session soon realm empyreal taste suicide science skins quality peace raise ashamed azure quit yearn piece notions absurd noble liberty entheogenesis reckoning feedback particles object reconcile baseline chain sardonic false weather hallowed intoxication wasted ******'s here's express cover green witness anger treat sacred pure cure ethics code objects level happen room addict smell fun climb pupils mere ok quest roam park meaningless form hour reasoning cyclone laugh nostalgic inspiration takes attention drop written sigh hole statement sand keeping thunderous sight despite grasp lived called drinking west heads spoke daylight staring song calls hell shivering kept recognize granted weekend problems decided aware happened hacker forgive sea key single moral sway definition caused connection channel difficult media strife dangerous ones cleanse imagine running utter ground spend vibrancy trees changes rhythm everyday group deal foolish hurts anxiety painting proud brother crazy amazed value temporality decision journey spinning making ha acknowledge learned scars apotheosis sort serotonin poet safe experienced potential lucky sunyata condition poor witnessed history doth barely pretend taking hero superposition plus suffering prefer offer won't medium empathos essence events reflect apotheotelos actual determine house issues worked begging virtuality swore gleaming sly gentleman wicked abyss feed lands tea moon miracle honest streetlights tale lust nights early chained allow placed life's actions emotional plant plan drizzle speaks spin hypocrite conviction watching rules jump application chains forged angel fail reflections lot illuminating flag grip fly sick wonderfully create freeman shine job supposed eggs draw pupil dripping tremble mescaline singularity subjective darkens alpha needed atlas orange discover rabbit warp joint wonderland perfection ponder souls silence ahead roll magic ease bag sorrow escapism sake chest magnitude chaser cloud infinity replaced revelation survived vs carry yearning school slip games begins curiosity heavens powerful typhoon furious theory hypothesis apathy serenity mind's marks window humankind cybernetic fraternity liberate cut movement excuse stopped thunder tire apparent mastery occurs motion paper masses throes falling race hanging bear follows sardonicism endless burning idea ideas burden court ya verse consume kick method stood temporary flash realized eat kindness occur advice shades properties shores hang shining ink rolling minutes street deem tools autumn empatheon entheos reach echoes remix diamonds gets worthy identity thoroughly stuck happens recall conclusion choices fiend dealing finding gun son stimulant experiencing depth twice starshine whilst chosen thereof hooked confused enables painful desires serotonergic teleology prey loop wishing relation neural animal hallelujah ultimately projection communication actuality significant experiences remind transcendention notion proposition works illusion puppet offers chalk series occasion calling degrees ended sin figure slick ending ash sentence glance rend november eve drum rainy destruction romantic drawn shadow observe ghosts bodies wandered atmosphere box familiar children honor road serve beliefs strong avoid lessons returns poison relax exhale whispered intention liquid stare dope needs ****** smoking club relative glitter reached fractured stones junkiedom aspect ketamine heavenly scares domain excess robes vast euphoria grass thrall elation buzz renew dr waste let's morality wanna bottle immortal owe intuitive wouldn't teachings transcendent nocturnal education eternal divinity drive aligned illegal lamplight sell sail insomnia curious beatific seeing insane continuum kiss beta void soar roar fog basis **** town cost regrets appropriate brave threat using emptiness fountain short stole shield riot shade ghost numbness stained steam dreampt october ion derived hazy money message sing quote metaphysical scene swept plain colors nirvana alright unlike dear low teens nonetheless pick considering teenagers beneath door electronic kids build pulse teaching kid mistake teach tear contextual political civilization vision dissociation completely tells normal nevermind raised brings laughed melody spot streets holding coffee praying violence appreciate vengeance law trust exploits slowly trouble mirror's refrain compassion eats recognition discovered blaze otherworldly pieces darkest angst brothers sit win buckfast vicious binge breaks undead forgot demands able notice lucid dimensions evolution sunrise plans philosopher killing produce working cloth produced painter gazing favourite track bunch haul arrives started chemistry prevent awaits definitive strive versus rule dread bare slow stayed onward altered helps lifestyle losing followed woke fight event innocence charade child ventures higher y'all acceptance pay any-more bay vicissitudes codex cannabis pleasures planes doses awareness steal beat zero-summing narcotic lest strength matters reading easy sons drift solstice half formed normality weren't hungry hopes declare research tales envelope regret tired breed release honestly haven't it'll blow entheogenic stories amidst insofar technology direct binary pushing gotten patience danger symbiosis dilation gleam untitled risk remembering aeons contemplate suppose allows goal certainly virtues well-being popular regard result tornado mescalito usually distant creating skyglow behold manifest psychedelia representation endeavour excitation transcendental resonance odd growth hedonism possibly focus proper assert formation described interpretations reflective determination rational consuming cherish expressed pathos psychoactive eventually significance dissociative strings author experiential specific oxytocin loves glimpse frames loneliness elements created 'pataphysics craft betrayal typical built wall wonders concerning critique signifiers books failing assume effect 'auld subject-object lethe scorn wants shroud understands enhanced ascend tides finality collapse lake reclamation beach proclamation justify junkies hood teen streetlight caressing lips other's comprised harvest midnight blink aching lesson responsible native fortune mistakes nurture grown healthy test mock especially badly boring walked gorgeous innocent villain giveth benediction stone rictus nightmare skystruck insignificance struck **** nothing's thrown unspoken den shatter loss subjugated angels myth fallen demon temples reborn irrelevant thousand clothed plains whispering insert telling everybody's ultimate expand immortality small rapture bound dry comedown starlight whispers contained watched attack mechanism questions palindrome perpetual surreal theme perspective bane heathen basking singular physics sighs rhyme deity sincerely goodbye fit asunder naught comfort adrift -the radiance plunge rock planet twine applause current enhancement zen profit terrible ill weary leaving fierce alchemy luck speed opportunity men arose prophecy steadfast captured sage demand weird estates gathered distance all's foretold sold wrath kinda relentless advance coil anybody columbine ocean drown spoken ancient eden wet blessed crimson concepts yesterday evening deeply whisper flicker enter book apathetic streetlamps trespass spun turned clean underworld disguise viewed despair tunes melancholy reverence unsaid noise o' groups turning swallow dropped lead confident veracious offend talked switch teenager shouldn't paying allure variable humane inspiring ex 11 matrix flickers offering receive signal news chant exhaustion access background commence summer's arcadia deja vu complex realization vivid stick sublimeoblivious deliverance belonging creed symbionts pendent sane smiling rumination plane glint resembles conversation web corporeal solace theft burned they'll sensations shivers satisfied enslaved mire comfortable shattered arch medina's fragmented plead achieve woman stage swaying dismiss entire numb lord type chapter infamous conquest aspects proving leads bloom floating precipitation artificial renewal spill beating midst petrol mad hands exploit movements examine women sublimation occurred eternally notes dizziness perceptive guys haunts spark poems poetic pull remained gazed vagabond presented blanket cried stranger glad lucidity turns sum details pour valuable exceed represent surprise continuity occasionally relinquish gravity likes weeks wrought gathering entirely reaper rays aging root laid balance four-twenty provide double-edged ceased exploration mates world's walls alteration faces breach million grey tidal unknown price absolute garden haunting train jungle aloud allowed habits closed syntax difficulty alter scratch glimmering drifting quenched explained forfeit in-between clearly ideals ubiquitous chemicals happening abandon supreme drifted soothing reveal alcohol stimulants psychonautes indescribable conscience closest dying andor travel gentle foodstuffs tree worried demons pair recognise inability ensure including hey graciously prove logic rhetoric 15 galaxy lately hearth ethereality forsake wanting steps memorable 'round player moves del you- encourage finished suspect frequently intoxicants acts aer veil qualities animals remembered karma kissed burying shooting bold scattered input howling design forsaken banish seraphim wide cola united democracy meandering -one zed's hot commit self-sufficiency thought's psychosis flows unreality immersion aesthetics realms struggle wisely immanence absolutely member add writings coin avoidance naturally boys inseparable standard convinced concerns passed prudence quick external suffer choosing produces letter proclaimed myths pains shroom bright absurdity awhile prospect sad distribution recreation responsibly ghb adrenergic minor neurotransmission cyclica lonesome foolishness cometh 5-ht2a beings golden pitch cathinone suggest conclude cognitive motions ethical condensate precious abuse compound underlying adult bask push damage attachment originally determinative heaviness concept facts today's regress detract step ugly absence cosmic note imagination psychedelos noumena noumenon reader haunt determining error questioning habit measured limitations manifestation learning arcadian joke hallucinogens material diethylamide mysterious exists 'twas response proportionate quantized nervous anyways identify qualify device analysis moderate moderation alterations accompanying totality fascinated gradually 'the represented brief juxtaposition played t'was resides tribe stead vote period liminality delete recurring mirror-neurons alexithymia craic ar positive drank maelstrom pharmahuasca wondered reflecting lovely facebook typing quale implicit dispute occurring fallacy treasure exactly reduction distinction discussion man's construct couple contain lovers failed confidence writer's integrity worst psychiatrist sesh rare chronology scale drug's definitely title sesh-heads who'd asks unable tomorrow plucked picture alphabet named coherence task pretends inevitable contemporary trips graces wrote entertain vice elicit psychoactives feens conform deface replace grin h-bomb atomic bleeding 20 bloodless unequalibrium following quench hunger bent euphoric display interstellar vertigo influence waited sunlight explored paradise soaring faded sitting unafraid aqua tinted source itches optional differently stem rich greed forbidden negative privacy react earned ails charity gift couch courage endlessly fascinating boyfriend phrase movies hopelessly loud admission inherent hypocrites intoned devil laconic sinful vein surrounded movie contempla
Composed on 01:33, 27/02/2017 using Hello Poetry's 'Words' algorithm. We still don't assume this means something.
Feb 2017 · 633
Palabra
We are always interpreting ourselves,
Interpreting our actions, thoughts
and even those interpretations.
Will becomes the extension,
So too does it look upon
itself to ask where
the arbitrary line
should be drawn.
Where do I end,
Where does the machinery
of my intention take the place
of the unequivocality that I saw.
¿Donde Están Las Palabras Nacidas?
Does translation change the location?
Feb 2017 · 527
Altschmerz
I should be working
but people just do nothing
and let those perfect moments slip

away. I can't reconcile how far I seem
to stand apart from people, people I like.
I fear I've always been so removed.
From a young age I had such difficulty
losing myself. How much I value being
lost, I see it in my earlier writings,
The praise I give to the ventures
which took me to dark places,
All-the-better to find oneself.
"What does not **** me,
Makes me stronger."
Thus spoke Apotheos
who I once praised
in the maze that is
The Apotheon, a place
at the heart of apotheosis.

This was before I gave up
on life. Sometime
long ago.


Whatever
is a human
?
Quote:
Line Twelve and Thirteen from Twilight of the Idols [1888] by Friedrich Nietzsche
Feb 2017 · 394
These Cogs Are Spinnin'
My mind,
My thoughts,
My paradise lost;
Only you
dearest
reader
dare I let glance in here,
The corridors of my psyché echo
with the voices of friends and family.

My voice resounds in its chamber,
My thought reverberates on these planes,

I tell myself, the only reason I live is for others
because whatever would they think if I died.
Sometimes I wish I didn't exist, which is futile
because I know I am privileged.
Oftentimes I feel I died long ago.

Now I bask in the shower, its stimulus, the hot water
pelting down my back, I feel selfless, egoless, empty,
Questioning existence, bliss, I enjoy it before I turn
down for what, to the coldest setting,  step into it
unflinching, before shutting it off.
I've been acquainted with the following
psychoactives compounds:

Depressants & Dissociatives;
Ethanol / EtOH / alcohol, drink, *****
γ-Hydroxybutyric acid / GHB / G, fantasy
β-Phenyl-γ-aminobutyric acid / PhGABA / Phenibut
Dextromethorphan / DXM / Benylin, Robitussin
Morphine / Papaver somniferum / *****
3-Methylmorphine / Codeine
Dihydrocodeine / DHC
Buprenorphine / Subutex, Suboxone
N-Allylnoroxymorphone / Naloxone / Suboxone, Narcan
Tramadol / Ultram
O-Desmethyltramadol/ O-DSMT / Omnitram
Thiopental / Sodium Pentothal
Diazepam / ******
2'-Chlorodiazepam / Ro5-3448 / Diclazepam
4'-Chlorodiazepam / Ro5-4864
Chlordiazepoxide / Librium
Gidazepam, hidazepam
Desalkylgidazepam / Bromonordiazepam
N-Desalkylfluarazepam / Norfluarazepam
Flubromazepam
Alprazolam / Xanax
Bromazolam / XLI-268
Clonazolam, Clonitrazolam / Clam
Etizolam / Etilaam, Etizest
Flualprazolam
Flubromazolam
Zopiclone / Zimovane
Pagoclone
Promethazine / Phenergan
Diphenhydramine / DPH / Benadryl, Nytol
Chlorphenamine, chlorpheniramine / CPM / Piriton
Cetirizine / Zyrtec
Amitriptyline / Elavil
Tianeptine / Coaxil, Stablon
Mirtazapine / Remeron
Quetiapine / Seroquel
Nitrous Oxide / N2O / laughing gas
Amyl Nitrite / Poppers
Ketamine [racemic] / K, Kitty
Esketamine [S-isomer] / Special K
Deschloroketamine / 2'-Oxo-PCM / DCK
N-ethyldeschloroketamine / 2'-Oxo-PCE / O-PCE / Eticyclidone
Deoxymethoxetamine / 3-Me-2′-Oxo-PCE / DMXE
Methoxetamine / 3-MeO-2'-Oxo-PCE / MXE / Mexxy
Hydroxetamine / 3-**-2'-Oxo-PCE / HXE / Hexxy
Methoxpropamine / 2-Oxo-3'-MeO-PCPr / MXPr
Methoxisopropamine / 2-Oxo-3'-MeO-PCiPr / MXiPr
3-Hydroxyphencyclidine / 3-**-***
3-Methoxyphencyclidine / 3-MeO-***
3-Methoxyeticyclidine / 3-MeO-PCE
3-Methyleticyclidine / 3-Me-PCE

Stimulants & Enhancers;
1,3,7-Trimethylxanthine / Caffeine / Coffea, Camellia sinensis / Coffee, Tea
3,7-dimethylxanthine / Theobromine / [constituent of] Chocolate
N-Ethyl-L-glutamine / L-Theanine / [constituent of] Green Tea
Nicotine / Nicotiana / Tobacco, cigarettes, smokes
Ephedrine / Ephedra
Pseudoephedrine / Ephedra, Sudafed
Adrenaline, Epinephrine
Choline bitartrate
L-alpha glycerylphosphorylcholine / Alpha-GPC, Choline alfoscerate
Cytidine 5'-diphosphocholine / CDP-choline, Citicoline
N-Acetylcysteine / NAC
2-Dimethylaminoethyl (4-chlorophenoxy)acetate / Meclofenoxate
N-Phenylacetyl-L-prolylglycine ethyl ester / Omberacetam / Noopept
Coluracetam / BCI-540
4-Phenylpiracetam
Propranolol
(±)-2-Benzhydrylsulfinyleth­anehydroxamic acid / Adrafinil
(±)-2-[(Diphenylmethyl)sulfinyl]acetamide / Modafinil
(–)-2-[(R)-(diphenylmethyl)sulfinyl]acetamide / Armodafinil
α-Methylphenethylamine / Amphetamine, αMP / Speed
N-Methylamphetamine / Methamphetamine / ****
Lisdexamfetamine / Vyvanse, Tyvense, Elvanse
2-Fluoromethamphetamine / 2-FMA
3-Fluoroamphetamine / 3-FA /  PAL-353
4-Fluoroamphetamine / 4-FA, 4-FMP /  PAL-303 / Flux
4-Methoxyamphetamine / PMA, 4-MA / Death
5-Methoxy-2-aminoindane / MEAI, 5-MeO-AI / Chaperone, Pace
Methythiolpropamine / MPA / Blow
3-Fluorophenmetrazine / 3-FPM / PAL-593
Methylphenidate / MPH / Ritalin, Concerta
4-Fluoromethylphenidate / 4F-MPH
4-Fluoroethylphenidate / 4F-EPH
3-Methylmethcathinone / 3-MMC / Metaphedrone
3-Methylethcathinone / 3-MEC
4-Methylmethcathinone / 4-MMC / Mephedrone
4-Methylethcathinone / 4-MEC
3-Chloro-N-tert-butyl-cathinone / Bupropion / Wellbutrin, Zyban
4-Chloromethcathinone / 4-CMC / Clephedrone
4-Fluoromethcathinone / 4-FMC / Flephedrone
4-Fluoro-α-methylaminovalerophenone / 4-Fluoropentedrone / 4-FPD
α-Ethylaminocaprophenone / N-Ethylhexedrone / NEH / Hexen
alpha-Pyrrolidinohexiophenone / α-PHP / PV-7
alpha-Pyrrolidinoisohexaphenone / α-PiHP, α-PHiP
3,4-Methylenedioxy-α-pyrrolidinohexiophenone / MDPHP
3,4-Methyl​enedioxy​pentedrone / βk-MBDP / Pentylone
3,4-Methylenedioxymethcathinone / βk-MDMA / MDMC / Methylone
3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine / MDMA / ecstasy
5-(2-methylaminopropyl)benzofuran / 5-MAPB
6-(2-Aminopropyl)benzofuran / 6-APB / Benzofury
6-(2-Aminopropyl)-2,3-dihydrobenzofuran / 6-APDB / 4-desoxy-MDA
Mesembrine / Sceletium tortuosum, Kanna
Harmine / Peganum harmala / Syrian Rue
3,4,8-Trimethoxyphenanthrene-2,5-diol / Dendrobium nobile
NSI-189
4-chloro-N-(2-morpholin-4-ylethyl)benzamide / Moclobemide
Escitalopram / Cipralex, Lexapro
Fluoxetine / Prozac
Sertraline / Zoloft
Venlafaxine / Effexor
5-Hydroxytryptophan / 5-HTP / Oxitryptan

Hallucinogens & Psychedelics;
Cannabidiol / CBD / Cannabis
Cannabigerol / CBG / Cannabis
Δ9-Tetrahydrocannabinol / THC / Cannabis, Marijuana
Hexahydrocannabinol / HHC
AM-2201 / Synth-'noids, Spice
NM-2201 / CBL-2201
5C-AB-PINICA
Salvinorin A  / Salvia Divinorum / Diviner's Sage
d-Lysergic acid amide / d-Lysergamide / LSA / Ergine
Lysergic acid diethylamide / Lysergide / LSD, LAD / Acid, Lucy
Lysergic acid 2,4-dimethylazetidide / LSZ / Diazedine, Lambda, λ
1-Acetyl-lysergic acid diethylamide / 1A-LSD / ALD-52
1-Propionyl-lysergic acid diethylamide / 1P-LSD
1-Cyclopropionyl-N-Methyl-N-isopropyllysergamide / 1cP-MiPLA
6-Allyl-6-nor-lysergic acid diethylamide / AL-LAD / Aladdin
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-methylamphetamine / DOM / Dominic
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-bromoamphetamine / DOB / Aphrodite
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-chloroamphetamine / DOC / Doctor
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-methylthioamphetamine / DOT / Aleph
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-methyl-α-ethylphenethylamine / 4C-D / Ariadne
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-methylphenethylamine / 2C-D, 2C-M / Matrix
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-ethylphenethylamine / 2C-E / Eternity
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-bromophenethylamine / 2C-B / Nexus
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-chlorophenethylamine / 2C-C / Callisto
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-iodophenethylamine / 2C-I / Infinity
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-methylthiophenethylamine / 2C-T / Tesseract
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-ethylthiophenethylamine / 2C-T-2 / Rosy
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-fluoroethylthiophenethylamine / 2C-T-21 / Aurora
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-bromo-β-keto-phenethylamine / βk-2C-B
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-bromo-β-hydroxy-phenethylamine / βOH-2C-B / BOHB
2,3,6,7-Benzo-dihydro-difuran-8-bromo-ethylamine / 2C-B-FLY
2,5-Dimethoxy-N-(2-methoxybenzyl)-4-bromophenethylamine / 25B
2,5-Dimethoxy-N-(2-methoxybenzyl)-4-chlorophenethylamine / 25C
2,5-Dimethoxy-N-(2-methoxybenzyl)-4-iodophenethylamine / 25I
2,5-Dimethoxy-N-(2-hydroxybenzyl)-4-ethylphenethylamine / 25E-NBOH
3,4-Methylenedioxyamphetamine / MDA / Sass, Sally
3,4,5-Trimethoxyphenethylamine / Mescaline / M
3,5-Dimethoxy-4-ethoxyphenethylamine / Escaline
3,5-Dimethoxy-4-methallyloxyphenethylamine / Methallylescaline / MAL
α-Methyltryptamine / αMT / Indopan
N,N-dimethyltryptamine / DMT / The Spirit
N,N-dipropyltryptamine / DPT / The Light
N,N-Diisopropyltryptamine / DiPT / The Sound
N-Methyl-N-ethyltryptamine / MET / The Colour
N-Methyl-N-propyltryptamine / MPT
N-Ethyl-N-propyltryptamine / EPT
N-Methyl-N-isopropyltryptamine / MiPT / The Touch
4-Hydroxy-dimethyltryptamine / 4-**-DMT / Psilocybe / Psilocin
4-Phosphoryloxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine / 4-PO-DMT / Psilocybin
4-Acetoxy-dimethyltryptamine / 4-AcO-DMT / Psilacetin
4-Hydroxy-N-methyl-N-ethyltryptamine / 4-**-MET / Metocin
4-Acetoxy-N-methyl-N-ethyltryptamine / 4-AcO-MET / Metacetin
4-Acetyloxy-N,N-dipropyltryptamine / 4-AcO-DPT / Pracetin
4-Acetoxy-N-methyl-N-cyclopropyltryptmine / 4-AcO-McPT
4-Acetoxy-N-methyl-N-isopropyltryptamine / 4-AcO-MiPT / Mipracetin
4-Hydroxy-N-methyl-N-isopropyltryptamine / 4-**-MiPT / Miprocin
5-Methoxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine / 5-MeO-DMT / The God, The Power
5-Methoxy-N-methethyltryptamine / 5-MeO-MET / The Vision
5-Methoxy-N,N-diallyltryptamine / 5-MeO-DALT / Foxtrot
5-Methoxy-N-diisopropyltryptamine / 5-MeO-DiPT / Foxy
5-Methoxy-N-methyl-N-isopropyltryptamine / 5-MeO-MiPT / Moxy
Each of our interior universes differ, their exploration is not a competition.
This list is merely a personal reference for my own psychoactive history.
I have come to disavow psychonautics in favor of phenomenology or philosophy of mind.
Feb 2017 · 939
Do Track Marks Suit?
Happy Valentine's Day
you lucky *******.
If not for the usual, severe
exhaustion I might have
something to share or
sometime to spare.
Alas, insomnia
suits me better
than dear sleep
that I pray will
take me 'afore I
continue to lose
a few good brain cells,
Or a few more friends.

My world needs dimming,
Turn the lights down low
and stick something on; ****** Bed
Track
by The Bluetones. Everyone's
gotta make their mark. Sleep calls to me
and I'm trying to call back
as she strokes
my tired back,
Arching, aching
and shaking with
hysterical, delirious
laughter. Gleaming
needlepoint, sooth me.
*"You're the only friend I need,

Sharing beds like little kids
and laughing 'til our ribs get tough
but that will never be enough".
Mydriasis Alethia left/seeking
the empyreal choir
only for
the chthonic drums
Myosis Lethe wrought/found.

Quote:
Lines Twenty-Nine, Thirty, Thirty-One and Thirty-Two from Ribs by Lorde
Feb 2017 · 364
Contentedness
The keys of my keyboard
alight with will, imagination
and this mental life
yet all words pale
in comparison to
the scene lying before my mind.
Rain falls, in the garden and on the street.
I see it shimmer on the tarmac, dripping
from an old tree
I remember when it was a mere sapling.

Sometime otherwise, the scene darkened
and a dusk sky
I fell in love with summers ago
graces us with her subtle indigo
which I see through this window.
I witnessed so much I am thankful
for, every moment remembered has
some significance, rarely is it obvious.
Though this life can be lonely at times
on occasion it is so kind
that I feel in my head
and it feels right.

Once, from a dark desk
in a quiet room
  I felt it
through the window, with it
came the sublimation of all
that I knew. I was contented
then, for a long and wonderfully lonely time.
I savored the moment, sublime, knowing it
fades to leave memory, not answers why;
Contentedness, wandering in mind and
wondering why. Everything has come
together, objects in space, movements
through time; cloud, rain, reflections
in water, tarmac, shimmering, leaves
dripping, time easing, sky clearing, the
opaque steam of a condensate wall fading,
The azure gradually fades into indigo and
again onto navy blue until finally, a black
absence tinted with skyglow, space in all
its darkness, teeming with twinkling stars.

Moments tied to memories, tinged with emotions
evocative of time, reconcile space and my mind
with a sublime environment, separate  from mind.
Its function is to divide subject from object,
Self from world, me from you, I from all
and shade
from hue.
Such are some of things
minds do.
I sit here, at my desk, in wonder
as things I cannot comprehend
pass through,
I can feel them;
Noumenal, innumerable,
Like memories I can't define,
While the afterglow still lingers
I see the world
and it seems
so fine.
All recreational drugs should be decriminalised;
Altering one's own state of mind is no injustice,
It only reflects the psychology of a given agent.

The majority of psychoactive drugs should be legalised
barring those with extraordinary potential to injure or
to be weaponised. Distribution should be state-regulated
to ensure that monopoly of the marketplace does not occur.
Vetting substances will require a series of clinical trials
and the health of our people comes before all other concerns,
Particularly business and religion. Freedom of choice is the
individual's burden, our mandate is only to provide information.


*"Under a government which imprisons any unjustly,
the true place for a just man is also a prison."
This proposition is just, reasonable and open to being discussed;
I stand by my words, as citizen and human
I implore others to come forward.
Stand with me; let us fix the broken windows
through which we view the world. Stop punishing the sick,
Don't criminalize the victims; end the war on consciousness.
After almost half a century it is time we start treating people
like the adults they are, it is time to advocate for responsibility.

[Quote:
Lines Twelve and Thirteen from "Resistance to Civil Government", also known as "Civil Disobedience", an essay by  Henry David Thoreau.]
Feb 2017 · 826
Mentlegen
All I ever wanted
was to be a gentleman.
What if those gentlemen I
aspired towards are proponents
of a patriarchal life-world.
Where does hope ever leave me?
All anyone ever wanted
was to be good. I know
I'm one of the bad guys. So it goes.

Might as well tell a joke befitting:
Why did god give man two nostrils?

A small bump of 4-MEC
[4-MethylEthCathinone]
It is a fairly typical
substituted cathinone.
Pleasant enough and
without excessive
tachycardia at
lower doses.

A little line
of Ketamine
goes down
well as
a chaser,
It put me
at ease after
the stim's quick-
fire breeze. I fall
into tranquility
but it's not the hole
we're all searching for.

My mate sneezes.
The next day
the afterglow shone.
“Our lives are not as limited as we think they are; the world is a wonderfully weird place; consensual reality is significantly flawed; no institution can be trusted, but love does work; all things are possible; and
we all could be happy and fulfilled
if we only had the guts to be truly free
and the wisdom to shrink our egos and quit taking ourselves so **** seriously.”
―Tom Robbins
on ingredients for
I stopped feeling love, stopped wanting to be loved, stopped loving.

I thought I would be happier on my own.
I push everyone away.

The blues kick, sensation
drips down the nape of my neck. I shiver;
Frisson.
  I crave the
feeling, the comfort of an all-too-familiar pain in the midst of my numbing depression that soothes this psychiatric ache; and substance that let us fake it
so much better, helped us feel
again, made it all seem better.
A special sort of lie
that erased heaven.
Jan 2017 · 384
Voices
I've been fading,
Nothing respects itself,
I am a piece of work, don't even dare to dream
anymore but from way down
deep the memories slip
through while I sleep
and then I can lose
myself to anything
other than all the things
I could be. The things
I write now
are so different
and I'm so confused
by the changing
things, voices
said to me that
"*** is something
to be respected".

I found it hard
to reconcile this
with my past.

I hope one day
you'll forgive me.
I hope one day I can forgive myself
and forget my faults.

Memory always gets me,
I can't help myself, I fall
into its music and lose myself.
Quote:
Line Seventeen and Eighteen from Sense8, S2E1.
Jan 2017 · 319
I Suppose I Am
as you read me,

Feel this brief unity
and understand

I am only
brought to life
by your reading, it

allows me lucidity
in the symbolic silence
that words otherwise may
have had, before your glance.
Dec 2016 · 288
Trying To Qualify Why
Today was so quiet

and by the end of
tonight, tomorrow
will shine; even
though the most
azure of feelings
fade, given time,
Into their home
within memory.

Tomorrow is silent
as we define
one's inner
sense of change.
Dec 2016 · 437
Skins, Memory And Soul
Another group of teens, enraptured
by whatever was at the heart
of their beating group.

So sure we were of what it was
that went beyond
mere ***, some drugs and few events.

Who can say how but from the depth
of boundless, sonder oceans,
We found you.

Amid all those faces, in the midst of
social coercion and amidst all this angst,
The friendships we formed
forged our personalities.

Some of us even found love
in between being lost, lonely
or ****** up; but together we

felt belonging, for the first time
in our insignificant, stupid little
lives, we felt alive, autonomous.

We had people to rely on
and substance to revive,
We might yet survive,

A bittersweet mixture of
empathy and nostalgia;
What does Skins
mean to you?

To me it meant a lot, it was about
pushing boundaries, the transitions,
Trying to live with them, rolling with it.

It was was about getting down and growing up,
Being young, feeling old and coming to terms with
one's soul; and of course, the vicissitudes
of a few foolish seventeen-year-olds.

Times, change and memory made manifest
is all that's left of us, them, those people we
call friends, they always have a place in my

heart; pass
us the skins.
In remembrance of Skins [2007-2013], generations 1, 2 & 3;

We get older and they stay the same.
Dec 2016 · 398
Torchlight (Cast By?)
Oh those cold, dreary, wet, winter days spent inside, warm and dry, looking out into the drizzle of these grey skies.
Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireann na daoine.
Lovers are patient, or so they say.
The quiet hours of our strange days
hold me close as hours pass and I look
into the clearing sky, a cold horizon falls
upon this tired denizen of the little
idiosyncrasies that life grants, such as
remembering, detailing, wondering what
atmosphere is and wandering down its path.
Follow your heart,
Consider with your head.


For awhile I thought innocence still lingered
in this old world. A fool I was,
That young word is used
against those who would
otherwise loiter on this old earth.
Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireann na daoine.
The future never arrives, plans contend
with the present just trying to survive;
We need be content, lost in sometime
and sometimes I do, I wish I was high.
I remind myself of someone,
I am so lucky to be alive
and when I realize
I am content enough to rest
for a time; sigh
What little of me did ever survive.
I wish I could offer you more
but I am selfish, I write
only for myself.
Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireann na daoine.
Dec 2016 · 354
Blackwater City
Aren't I a fool

and a gentleman
and a scholar
and a fool
once again
'cause sure
there is only a
single chance that

I'm getting out
alive.
...If you wish to lose yourself to your dreams,
Lost souls asleep do drift,
With those memories that gleam,
I won't be hiding as the doses I admire
sate those craving of desire; find your game.

We got this glow in our house,
The entire crowd is out,
All the feens are
up for it,
I know you love it when it's kickin' off.
I like your reckoning
because we're buzzin' and there's nothing here to stop,
To stop this.

And everything works out, be sound,
I wear the symbols just because.

...The way we are, the way we seem,
Fill this nothing with our dreams.
The buckfast and spliff do their rounds
in the gaf where we all sit
as we get ****** and love it.

And everything works out, be sound,
Everyone can put their hoods down
here.
Say nothing of hypokeimenon,
Philosophy of a rave.
After giving up psychoactive substances
for a long while, I hoped I might find my
definitive baseline but all I can conclude
is a lack of one. Only in contrast
to an altered state of mind
can we really judge one to be at baseline.
I tried, I really did, sober for months at a
time. I would not eat properly when I was
studying and it would be most unpleasant,
Restless and irritable, I'd say I was 'hangry'.
This hammered home one thing, one thing
alone: as food metabolizes certain nutrients
are absorbed into the bloodstream, some of
which may permeate the blood-brain barrier.
Deficiency or excess of common compounds
contained in food can affect our consciousness,
For example, postprandial somnolence.
Lack of nutrition causes contrasting effects and an
aggravated excitation manifests in a hungry human
just as sleepy sedation occurs in the sated **** sapien.
I do wonder what effects diet has on neuroplasticity.
Vitamins and rich-foodstuffs must have some effects
on cognition. It should hence be essential in building
a nootropic stack that one keeps track of their diet so
that every calorie can be calculated and tallied. Thereby
we might more efficiently measure our natural baseline
and hence perfect a method of stacking.
Keeping in mind what consumables (foodstuffs, vitamins and psychoactives, etc.) have synergy will allow identification and perfection of a stack as well assessing stack-to-task suitability.
Dec 2016 · 909
Cathartic Analysis
Such an odd thing it is to
craft such a lonely piece
of poetry and publish it
on a website where others
might read into emotion
that seems to bleed from
those words
put down
by yours
truly. Be they fearful
or joyous or of sorrow
or intrigue, the echoes
of feeling
are detached
from the voice
that did dare cast
them, begging
for interpretation
yet no longer a part
of him, his moment of
subjective experience is
all yours
for the taking,
Encapsulating
what he saw,
Inanimate
signs drawn
on thy digital wall.
The reader does read
into your words
but the question I am
asking is what thoughts
do you suppose
belong, to who or whom?
Which pathos do the words
you read belong to? Surely
it is yours, mine has been

detached when I transcribed
those words. Do you see
what I'm getting at?
When you feel you might wonder
where it all comes from.

I ask in my poetry that
I might be healed, that
it might heal me but tell
me, who or what am I asking
this of? Words make up poetry
but they do not endow semantic
properties of themselves, sign
does not equate to significance
for the process of semiosis does
require a subject to deem,
To bestow meaning, to gleam.
It is my intention that this
self-expression should be as
therapy is but I see not the
means or rather its mechanism
we call catharsis but claim no
more, nothing but a few sounds

and some long gone echoes
that remind us of things
I knew we'd never forget
but I never thought it'd
be this difficult
to remember what-
ever beauty was.

Would you mention those foreign times
in the quiet of night
or some other type of cool nocturnal silence?


I am asking you
what the relief
feels like after
actual catharsis
and how the
world appears
changed after-
wyrd. What fate?

What is it that a
poet casts in the
act of poesis, is
it their will made
manifest
or perhaps some Other
thing expelled, bound
together and outcast,
Another will, perhaps,
Whose, how, why and
what becomes of that? Is the word truly inanimate?
We'll sing of the sesh, our heads' song,
With cheering rousing bants,
As 'round a blazing joint we throng,
The starry heavens clothe us,
Impatient for thy coming line,
To shtall off tha morning's ****-light,
Hear our tchoons pulse thru the night,
We'll chant a sesh-head's song.

Sesh-heads are we
whose lives are pledged to sessioning,
People have come
to us from places all over,
Sworn to rave,
No more our ancient seshland
shall shelter the anti-craic of the state.
Tonight we house the gap of danger,
In session's cause, comedown or ****,
Bass cannon's roar as we dance,
We'll chant a session's song.
Sinne Fianna Seis,
atá faoi gheall ag Seisiún,
Daoine dár slua
thar ó áiteanna do ráinig chugainn,
Faoi mhóid bheith rave,
Seistír ár sinsear feasta
ní fhágfar faoin frith-chraic ar an stáit.
Anocht a teach sa bhearna baoil,
Le gean ar Seis, chun báis nó saoil,
Le balla de dord romhainn, agus muid ag damhsa,
Seo libh canaídh amhrán na tseisiún.
Nov 2016 · 815
Narcomancy
Let me tell you what once was
and what has come to pass,
We skip over the names
of chemicals ingested
otherwise we might be here
forever, boring you
with the finer details of our sorcery.

Some psychoactives were ingested
and they had great effect, but
as that garrulous fiend
lost himself to/in guileless babbling
about some concomitant companion,
A friend, an event, special he felt
in the company of a human
who made him feel like an adult,
Selfish octopus
what you must think of me, but
why should I care/does it matter?
I do because it's what humans do
and there's some human left in me
yet (hopefully.) Tell me what occurred
on the banks of the Lethe?
Don't answer that.
"Not what but why" was actually asked.
My, this has been
a most meandering
experience said the
author who promptly
resigned and fell asleep
doubtful how anyone who
actually bothered to read this
most prosaic mess should have
managed. It does have a fine name
if nothing else, and undertones
of narcissism always help in
the casting of a fair spell.

Floating down this
preserved memory,
Way down on
the banks of
the Lethe
where
memory
dares not
ordinarily
stir (up whatever
does occur), therein

we find ourselves asking
why
should we
remember this?

What is this
significance
you grapple
with, what
question is
it that we
might ask.
Meaningless
details amid most
meaningful memories
haunt me, everlasting.
Nov 2016 · 332
Degrees
Spring to Summer;
Degrees went by
as he remembered
how we lay there
some hazy days
ago, down by the Shire
in a place in the Wesht
near a canal,
A cathedral's
oxygenated copper dome
poking out, rising above
trees taller than streetlamps.

Winter from Fall;
Degrees went by
in memoriam of
a park, occluded by mist
breathed in to form the fog of
Aetherius, patron of our territory.

Other gods fought for these lands
we'd otherwise have forgotten
but for they were sacred

and us, abandoned.


Degrees went by
Degrees of memory/days,
Degrees of amnesia/haze;
Intemperate daze.
Contemporary democracy is a flawed system we cling to
because we've nothing better with which to build consensus.
Perhaps the resurfacing of fascism was heralded by excessive
neoliberal efforts towards political correctness and as it became
too much to behold the people began to throw stones. Or perhaps
it is due to inescapable socio-economic concerns. Ultimately I think
we have to ask three things:
1. Is libertarianism right, (surely its left but) is it fair, cui bono?
2. Is democracy good, is it viable, is the oligarchic disguised?
3. Is representation really all we can offer, does it work or
does pretense to transparency conspire to fail politics?

All I can conclude is that we don't know how to govern ourselves because we don't know ourselves very well.
Maybe you'll come up with something better.
Thirsty bunch of dogs
baying at the stars,
Let loose and Come Find Yourself
down by the reservoir.

Shadows Of Ourselves
been walking insofar.
Heaven's Gonna Burn Your Eyes
down by the reservoir.

You know what they say,
Every dawg has its day
so we'll Smoke 'Em
down by the reservoir.
Schmoove.
I haven't been able to shake this
most recalcitrant feeling that the
best of my poetry lies behind me,
I know it's silly, still I feel it's true.

I don't know how to write anymore,
It is not composition to which I refer;
I do not have the will to express anger,
I do not have an interest in any treatise.

Even the depressive laments I transcribe
most ruminatorily do not appear to be of
any significant worth. Everything that I go
to transcribe I feel ashamed of. I lost interest
and have forgone my soul and all its contents.
Gone are the bashful stories
from my mischievous youth,
Gone are the great pondering
pieces I'd craft of the universe.
The poetry stalled, I am no use;
There's no meaning
to be found in these
navy blues.

Gods, how has it lasted this long?
You haven't been taking your vitamins!
Nov 2016 · 1.1k
Persona
It's not that I haven't got something to say
it's more that I don't have the will to utter it.

Where even do I start? I mean:
**** girl, I like you, it's just
I'm not so keen on myself. So
it's hard for me to see exactly
what you see in me without
a postscript to my thought
which reads 'you sure know how to pick them'.

I might be handsome but you are beyond beautiful,
You're hilarious, you're intelligent, you're my kind
of girl.
I apologise if I've not been
all there
because I like you, I swear.

I am still finding my feet
after kicking down
The Doors.
When I get it together I can look her in the eyes.
Oct 2016 · 715
Empyreal Precipitation
I did not forget
nor did I lose myself
in remembering, Hallow's Eve
and all the memories by which we once
swore. It's Autumn, and the trees are wavering
as the sky darkens.

"Here come the rain."
The downpour put out
my foolishness, a fire's longing.


The embers' may be quenched yet
the ashes of nostalgia still yearn,
X marks the spot where love burned.
Quote:
Line Seven from The Rain by Aer
It usually goes something like this:
"Hey, where were you this morning?"
Wide awake and far too anxious
to think about socializing.

"Oh", [sheepishly] "I was sleeping."

"Yeah, what are up this weekend?"
Thinking about you,
I really like you, sighs

[exasperated sigh] "I'm working,
Really busy at the moment"

"You coming?"
I'm just not able
for it right now, have
to give it a miss.
[measured reply]
"Yeah, I might be around"

The thing about lying is you inevitably
do it without thinking, use it to cover
up what you are really thinking about.*

Of course you're only lying to yourself.
and it's 'cause I don't trust myself.
Oct 2016 · 1.1k
World Of Narc
You are defined by your choices,
Your choices define you,
Pray thee tell what narc you choose?

Everyone has something they lose themselves in,
Some habit, regime, or routine. ****** if you don't
but ******* if you do. Tell me what narc you choose?

Pray thee spill, or did this narc chose you;
Who feels narcosis calling,
Narcotic longing?
Acid etched the daylight into my heart,
Closing the sun, I chose to see less of our scars;
We know I'm numb.

I kicked most of our bad habits but still
I don't really sleep,
Over-thinking all of these little things;
I spill some ink.

While people are talking, people are talking
while people are talking, people are talking,

Raise your head 'cause we're one ******* statement,
They say get real but instead we'll get away with it,
Let 'em talk 'cause we're dancing in this world alone,
World alone,
We're alone.

All of these voices and all of their noise,
's a mental thing you know,
They're studying escapism, I study The Door(s).
I stopped our cravings but I'm not alright.
Baby the Internet raised us
probably because people were jerks.

While people are talking, people are talking (but not me)
while people are talking, people are talking,

Raise your head 'cause we're one ******* statement,
They say get real but instead we'll get away with it,
Let 'em talk 'cause we're dancing in this world alone,
World alone,
On our own.

All the double-edged people in Skins,
They reflect our memories and that's when it gets real,
You're my best friend, and we're dancing in the world alone,
World alone,
Together/alone.

I know we've lost our family,
We're on a train, I'm wrecked with anxiety,
One day we'll go off the rails again,
One day they'll feel what you feel
(while people are talking, people are talking
While people are talking, people are talking),
What I feel;

While people are talking, people are talking
while people are talking, people are talking,

Raise your head 'cause we're one ******* statement,
They say get real but instead we'll get away with it,
Let 'em talk 'cause we're dancing in this world alone,
World alone,
Forlorn/our own.

All the double-edged people in Skins,
They reflect our memories and that's when it gets real,
You're my best friend, and we're dancing in the world alone,
World alone,
One reflection.

Where people are talking, people are talking
'cause people be talking, people be talking
while people are talking, people are talking
yeah people are talking, people are talking;
So let's talk.
The birth-throes of adulthood is alteration unto its/our own state, the formation and growth of neural connections straining our minds, the brain adapting to phenomena in space and time, deeming it experience. It is this process I reckon to be consciousness.

It was only after adolescence I could begin to understand qualia. During this period my brain was busy going through the teenage 'motions of neurochemical upheaval. My mind was far too young to understand what it intuitively grasped. Something was memorable, meaningless, its qualities stuck in mind. This was how I began to understand qualia, meaningless memories which I treasured beyond measure without knowing why, the essence of nostalgia.

During this time emotion was a mysterious thing I could only feel as coming from my own experiencing ego, not as something occurring between two animals which one alone can never understand (though the narcissist might dispute that). Take love, an attachment, certainly an altered-state, a modifier of behavior, the serotonergic system implicit in its proper function (and if we're lucky, some oxytocin).

We'll hold this for further discussion.
Now for something mildly intresting.

My introduction and use of psychoactives was typical if quite comprehensive (and of course it felt 'special', I still feel this). Fascinated by what substances could do to elicit qualia (though no doubt unable to elucidate this) I lost myself thoroughly, great attracted to the culture around them. This accompanying ethos I could not hope to comprehend took me in its stride. At first I had no reservations as to indulgence, which taught me a few hard lessons. Later I would catch a rare glimpse of this ethos in its motions, gleaming it on occasion.

These times gave rise to specific feeling, recreation followed by reading into the neuroscience brought about a knowledge of some sort. The neurochemicals represented what my experiences were founded upon but not what they were.
I knew them in theory and from practice upon my consciousness,
This knowledge stayed with me long after my 'research' had finished. I would recognise familiar mental sensations in occasional sober interactions, minor alterations in mind brought on by certain foodstuffs (or lack thereof).

What does this answer in relation to qualia?
It tells us that moments are qualitatively conditioned by the given physical constraints.
What power mind and/or brain have over each other remains to be seen, as does the will's constituents and how it comes into being. Does it boil down to binary, exponential subject-object distinctions giving rise to abstract properties? Answers to the question of meta-consciousness continue to elude us.

We hypothesize that the given conditioning can evoke
a certain magnitude of qualia. We assert that qualia exist
to the extent that belief does (and is) but that they are ascribed
to experience by presentation rather than representation.
Belief and desire are propositional whereas qualia are proponents thereof which feedback into behavior, belief and desire.

Tentatively, we suggest that qualia might be measured in term analogous to wave patterns and spectral density while individual quale might be respective to individual neuronal constructs within the neuroplastic structure of the brain.

In this way a given pathway corresponds to a certain experience/memory.
Oct 2016 · 468
Free From The Snake
"Dark have been my dreams of late"
but things look brighter in spite of this.
I held the torch at arms length
and let its light pour out upon darkness,
Illuminating what was once in shadow.
There is hope, something worth fighting for.
What had I been looking from? Sometime ago
I ceased gazing into reflections cast onto mirrors.
Often it's just loneliness; I am still healing.
Quote:
Line One from Théoden King in Lord Of The Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
Oct 2016 · 230
Title (optional)
I wrote you a poem but
"                                           "
I deleted it instead of posting.
Quote:
Line Two-INPUT_MISSING_FUNCTION-

I wish I could feel enough to write with conviction.
I'm here, so many years later,
Entertaining foolish notions
that I might go and just quit
everything, fearing my time's
up, I might have to renounce
all that I did love,
All I've become,
All of the work;
All for nothing.

I can't quit,
I spent years
crafting who I am,
Or who I thought I was.

Quitting the session almost
sounds like quitting on life
to an Irishman, I feel like
I've gone and quit
being who I am.

Thy time will come again,
When the world need be rethought
in the lair of some gremlins.
Everyone has their moments of weakness
but not everyone
understands.
"Teenage angst has paid off well
Now I'm bored and old.
Self-appointed judges judge
More than they have sold",

There's no right side in any war,
I'll go back to being a lurker.
I may erase my past from memory
but I can't retract the actions
that haunt me. All I can say is
what I'm sorry for. "Serve the
servants, oh no.

Serve the servants, oh no."
That legendary separation was such a
bore. It may not be worth mentioning
but I enjoy the apparent irony of the world.


I'd listen to Teen Spirit all day long
while I waited to move on.
Quote:
Lines One, Two, Three, Ten to Eleven and Twelve from Serve The Servants by Nirvana.
Oct 2016 · 448
"Never Look Away"
“To love. To be loved.
To never forget your
own insignificance.
To never get used to the unspeakable violence
and the ****** disparity of life around you.

To seek joy in the saddest places.
To pursue beauty to its lair.
To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple.

To respect strength, never power.
Above all, to watch.
To try and understand.
To never look away.
And never, never to forget.”
―Arundhati Roy
Oct 2016 · 263
Changeability/Exit
There came a point where the learning ceased
and when recreation became its sole purpose
I had to desist, this is why
you don't see
me anymore;

I gave up everything that
I had to reach
where

I am.
I just
can't be back there anymore.

Forgive me for being such
a changeling.
Oct 2016 · 492
Mal Inveterate
Say what ye will about nicotine,
Alcohol's our neurotoxic queen;
God love the Irish, we just want
to "forget
all the hurt
and pain in life". The legacy left us
by imperialism, the colonial mindset,
The abject hate of our own system, sure
they built it and we just plough on, brush
over the fact that this 'system' is ours; watch
us **** it up, 'cause we just love to get ******
up. This penchant of ours toward getting
Hurricane Drunk, we found a way
to banish it, blow everything away,
Drown in it, "'cause we can do this
until we pass out." Submerge both
of us, we'll give in
to thy accursed thirst and let loose
this loquacious cannon upon the world
'til the liquid disinhibition hath run afoul
of us, fearful and mordant mornings become
of us and we realize that last night hath ran amok.
Tell me, what d'you think we do this for? D'you think
this craic is fun?
Are you wrong?
Quote:
-Lines Four, Five and Six from Human Traffic (1999), "What Was I Talking About?" monologue.
-Line Thirteen references the Florence + The Machine song.
-Line Fifteen and Sixteen from Pass Out by Tinie Tempah
Personally, "when choosing between two evils,
I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before."
Variety is the spice of life, it keeps our addictions fresh.

Some people want to
pretend they're better,
As if they never indulged
a single junkiesque tendency,
Ever.

Alas!
Show me a moderate
and I'll show you the hypocrite.

Hear my words, please, judge me
but don't underestimate the
violence dismissal does.

I have always believed health should come before
any habit we discover, but what will it cost us to
legislate over the bodies of unknown others?
None have right to do injury to another,
Nor do they have the right to restrict
without discourse. Any lifestyle my
siblings subscribe to is beyond my
power. Even when they do wrong
it seems all we can do is be impartial
in informing them, and hope they see
the benefit of respecting one and other.
I try to connect. Should they refuse then
we must leave them but let it be known,
It means something; what can we do but
be there for them? Every adult has
committed
hypocrisy.


I am no different but for the acknowledgement
and vivid proclamations of being neo-moderate.
Quote:
Lines One and Two by Mae West
Sep 2016 · 645
A Quiet Evening
Lets go down to the docks
and throw some stones off the pier,
As the sun goes down we can cheer;
We made it this far, down by the Dockyard
(B Seite) - Paul Kalkbrenner knows
what's going on: Right here
is what's going on; Right now
it's going on, so go on, listen to music,
Take in the lovely tunes, bring some of
them good vibes home; "****** my mind
and you can have my body, find my soul
and I’m yours forever.
"
Lines Ten, Eleven, Twelve and Thirteen from some random post probably still circulating on tumblr.
Ain't it funny, some of the things we do
to avoid pain. Am I kidding?
Surely I'm not. Who's laughing?
Everyone's leaving. Losing me for
some-other heathen, somebody a bit
more tangible, someone a little less lost.

"I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way.
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."
Sprained my ankle cycling home, call it the karma I don't believe in.
Quote:
Lines Seven and Eight are a paraprosdokian by Emo Philips
Sep 2016 · 346
Papier-Cliché
Be yourself? *******, I'll be whoever I want to.
Be original? *******, I'll copy whatever I care to.
Be cool? *******, I'm so hot I burn fools on contact.
The trick to surviving hell
is not to suffer from insanity
but to enjoy every moment of it.

Laugh at absurdity,
Laugh at surreality.
Laugh at yourself.


I've been to some dark places
as I'm sure y'all can see

and I'll find my way back,
if ever I let me.
Just ask Hades and Persephone.
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