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"Do you want to see the most beautiful thing I've ever filmed? It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing, and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was just, dancing with me, like a little kid beggin' me to play with it - for fifteen minutes. And that's the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know that there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember - I need to remember. Sometimes, there's so much beauty in the world - I feel like I can't take it, like my heart is just going to cave in.
-Ricky Fitts

She took his hand then and kissed him.
[Film: American Beauty (1999)
Screenwriter: Alan Ball
Role: Ricky Fitts
Actor: Wes Bentley]
Sep 2016 · 497
Ars Longa, Vita Brevis
Though each day
may seem long,
Life is short.

Kiss slowly and
savour each breath,
Love truly; remember.

Laugh uncontrollably,
Especially at yourself.
Life is short, forgive
quickly, no regrets.
Sep 2016 · 197.7k
Miotic World/Kenosis Pinnacle
like know just time mind life feel world lost say we're things think love there's does people night away way thought got words long reality want better left make end eyes day man human dark experience remember really right death memory going place high good live city thoughts soul meaning great pain home sky believe shall change living oh fall light choice god consciousness existence years cause hard feeling thinking fear times 'cause dreams ask alive heart need past felt days dream sensation truth true use power knowledge wrong stars understand baby tell state thing face wave broken old you'll wave new broken nature you'll **** mental look far ah drug moment best ago air lose sleep dare try leave beautiful blue born lives escape sublime doesn't body dawn friends waiting feels young daze game control perception gone story mean sun head given writing act difference reason poetry philosophy psyche little trying touch deep greatest wonder choose drugs exist we'll moments score hold play set run self forget coming hope word future dead wish burn music emotion rain stop gaze pleasure glass one's what's lies sense wake hit remain real work bad stay open brain art seek space present happy spent acid pill social we've they're half-light used land held gotta help lie path finally listen actually longing rave water cold seeking caught energy reflection information anymore venturous goes came red hide start truly hand evil divine subtle matter kind lonely yes told eternity keeps line black edge ego context dusk horizon gonna spiritual tripping dimension data die white **** seen means care getting saw places sure freedom looking hurt fool wind flow search chance la took broke existential summer content flowing belief praise empyrean empathy discovery chemical aeon couldn't who's turn forth bit question eye judgement pray passion sound personal worth memories sanity accept universe embrace lack knows free makes rise language decide consider temporal society gain wander conscious stuff religious comprehend particle psychedelic metaphysics you've entheon absurdia entactus maybe ready fate realize family meant return perfect learn miss spirit doubt rest loved minds health moving mortal bring expression sleeping cast lines purpose quiet known strange infinite king months madness haze depths ate party patterns oneself psychedelion inside guess crowd later silent clear soft breath hours hate dust forgotten arms drink fast year war longer close searching morning ashes calm beauty darkness different justice fell friend shadows knowing fine youth heavy standing sweet enjoy explain vain simple chasing hidden ends smoke gold heaven follow point person breaking necessary today relief action cool possible bass generation lying listening machine yeah substance hath engine forlorn problem subject intangible study effort quantum definitions dopamine psychedelics we'd sigma cybran apotheon isn't empathion clouds practice gave warm wanted stand poem wait storm met asleep course skies crime surely grow depression write loose fair ecstasy knew dreaming humanity waves share taken simply faith playing sands view fix winter afraid began wise welcome comprehension sought late big zero table says bliss changed repetition everybody blame unto maze understanding mr explore states ignore addiction venture define teenage american humans billion she's wasn't 'til sonder walk smile tonight speak dance skin blood breathe fears illuminate worse peace girl crave easily emotions feelings **** having force ways lets catch meet hair doors worlds hearts destroy heard walking near hurricane wisdom lights second suicide ignorance fresh waking sadness grand happiness appear rising scared save join adventure neon outside alike liberty particles wonderful compounds killed somebody grace merely closer company desert master twisted realm respect trance ridiculous *** exile pondering noble dangerous absurd nation progress culture contradiction perceive irish urban phenomena cyberspace scoreboard psi ain't you'd mydriasis entheogenesis **** ones taste throw watch painting room alas lay history spend apart sea staring poet fact cut smell happened admit river wasted brought leaves making answer sorry glow learned decided grasp breeze bed begin pretty floor lived sole sand cure awake sight tears barely kept running safe roam willing prefer mist heads asked prose wandering sounds imagine looked hour growing recognize soon falls mirror treat ***** brother climb hero problems granted digital proud changes birth quest age spring aware doing witness names amazed ****** despite takes condition intoxication level beginning worked pupils decision object insanity rhythm medium quality weather physical false process strife individual journey doth code effects abandoned channel judge notions moral swear experienced greater chain natural thunderous cleanse determine shivering hallowed plus reckon caused adolescence media superposition addict connection indigo ethics survived definition reasoning internet feedback vibrancy serotonin cyclone hacker sardonic surreality virtuality here's he's sunyata temporality ******'s empathos apotheotelos flash shining green forever anger carry son moon selfish written supposed feed ya quite loop hooked pure feet hole paper flag sick voice burning attention fly utter wicked tremble endless form infinity talking piece shores verse chest rules food placed plan hallelujah called gun fading drinking emotional measure inspiration suffering belong west read sly instead bear erase furious shame conclusion drunk roll ******* depressed calls taught died defined tire everyday answers sacred acknowledge speaks perfection games ground spoke stood motion sway keeping pretend hell movement magic park key spin kick sake jump hanging animal begins orange streetlights fade crazy honest warp puppet chained survive apathy chains claim prey science diamonds begging grip tale hang powerful wonderland heal dealing plant twice painful daylight mastery desires recall school conviction miracle yearn empyreal weekend actual court value chalk hurts humankind rabbit eggs potential offers temporary pupil atlas nostalgia serenity happens yearning ponder hypothesis worthy witnessed ideas azure tools alpha curiosity consume singularity typhoon revelation stimulant liberate application projection criminals communication throes fraternity enables actuality starshine ethos apotheosis sardonicism aren't mind's teleology empatheon entheos hear mydriatic transcendention fight tear ash minutes wanna taking nights forgot tales lest desire lust darkest single shine slow allow destruction money comes anxiety contemplate nostalgic offer continue happen ink brings brave created holding create thunder produce talk sail philosopher creating distant illuminating drive dancing ease wishing higher pass excuse figure essence angel hopes child ahead sigh using door vast loves awaits strong tornado ok sorrow immortal ghosts certain remains stained insane reached lot discovered plain poison streets killing ending tried session vs poor woke stare watching grass slick emptiness falling box painter series children virtues awareness clean rolling reach advice heavens rend half cherish bay started relax focus laughed ashamed fiend melody drop exhale void occurs beneath win chose robes thrall shield ended sons normal sunrise road forged onward burden actions unlike colors curious street observe chosen silence shades returns technology race vengeance swept bag civilization strive reconcile trouble cloud described replaced substances whilst finding euphoria dear chemistry events deal message eternal masses beliefs vision apparent honestly dr seeing idea domain soar books frames rule law pleasures eat dread bare blaze raise compassion kindness wandered objects expressed sin declare mistake smoking drum heavenly honor lands fountain renew happening aspect gotten issues divinity teach matters pills goal follows significant job romantic gazed envelope elements identity group sell foolish lucid dimensions brothers owe education november difficult recognition express properties glitter considering illusion appreciate discover resonance derived transcendental buzz notion risk scares riot rainy teaching drizzle direct experiences elation normality quote evolution versus lamplight method reflective endeavour cloth eats teenagers eventually haul club result relative breed threat subjective concerning solstice interpretations allows rational ultimately basis aligned numbness hypocrite charade morality dope chaser continuum undead exploits aeons research freeman appropriate ion ****** teachings dilation binge beatific intuitive transcendent escapism psychedelia metaphysical beta untitled mescaline otherworldly dreampt contextual experiential symbiosis codex dissociation cybernetic weren't life's let's mirror's well-being any-more entheogenic junkiedom signifiers mescalito zero-summing won't 'pataphysics window 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current raised travel scratch haunts played women apathetic conquest naught goodbye midnight asking passed waste loss fallen rapture absolute positive walked mistakes lately bound patience nurture fog stranger men wants prevent forfeit asks arose easy quick sing allowed prove pitch mad closest deeply tides praying root poets sentence pulse nightmare deem coffee commit golden insert mock innocent whispers offend low tea strength captured attack stories baseline joint innocence neural chemicals plains blanket dripping reflect blink concepts psychosis plucked tidal radiance roar bathed wonders thrown moves suffer unspoken exists glad shroud plunge scorn bane asunder enslaved harvest possibly fail allure drank danger unsaid veil gravity assume sum receive bloom reveal odd whispered likes news fractured wisely gathered seraphim intention wrought plane weeks mere haunting aspects ha distance hungry eternally swaying eden foretold breach advance pains balance design event forgive significance 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refrain renewal myths manifest nocturnal reflections limitations teenager naturally material matrix columbine giveth inseparable singular proving lifestyle coherence humane ideals starlight sincerely prudence underworld infamous perspective presented pretends excitation viewed regard enhanced zen reverence arcadia theory realization typing construct statement subjugated exploration vote hazy reaper **** streetlight artificial trespass definitive device exceed complex finality surreal petrol proposition inspiring totality originally recurring narcotic cometh juxtaposition reckoning represent inability proclamation syntax continuity nevermind avoidance irrelevant veracious arcadian commence rumination aesthetics ubiquitous nonetheless variable exploit experiencing underlying villain cola rictus ketamine corporeal electronic graciously input cannabis manifestation comprised socially proportionate insofar ethical hedonism junkies vicissitudes cognitive determining psychiatrist palindrome lucidity remix reduction dissociative reclamation detract aer enhancement intoxicants qualia world's shouldn't wouldn't other's nothing's man's summer's today's who'd everybody's y'all 'the all's t'was ethereality thought's drug's noumenon skystruck shroom alexithymia transhuman you- -the in-between self-sufficiency -one zed's 15 11 liminality immanence adrenergic symbionts sublimeoblivious medina's buckfast psychonautes determinative serotonergic psychedelos skyglow cyclica 5-ht2a noumena pharmahuasca jeans role proper loud aching grows concrete cruel strains conversation ill paint wet couple calling mouth kiss senses case keeper torn pause middle setting whats pulling bone reminds likely remind wrath karma reading sunlight prone ***** phrase enemy familiar levels careful source adolescent small straight driving courage rush flaw suppose starting deny stayed weary worship trust turbulent troubled letting absence leaving wearing college proclaim spirits gather ear lady hey garden boys winning alcohol pay foolishly banish song cross encounters plays belonging famous shift burst alice tunes hood flickers glimpse gleam fleeting grant ride deja vu anticipation spot switch boyfriend order faded wrapped definitely short fish beach clock older dusted block station anchor longest deserve passing mark awhile lovers muse ache island totally existing comfort pride phone greek apollo bleeding unknown psychic powder remembrance tree train helps painted gambling tide tired acting blow build apologies silver fabric especially suspense band cascade flawless heat hunger nearly numb bread bright minus wide looks differently dive beating veins settle turning couch holds saying impression suspension meaningless plastic rich pointless occupied brief tiger sticks stones mask cake bitter concentrate drown forbidden shell dry walks unless regardless moved type shirt lone burns songs negative momentary staying police swing unseen ability analysis worries determined dreamt sink hopelessly chances abuse palm week existed ignorant blind dice sheep agree joke spy spill odds immeasurable *** pushing wanderlust softly midst presents blade guided ripped round ball lovely rhythms beats cars glaze wash fates evening vein gloss juvenile sides faces graces month circular rung wheel rises permeates father supreme portal liked rip fades october sitting grin showing surrounded explored opened confused wall quietly deftly scene sighs lingering radio altered evaporated suns dreamed vibration important appetite exactly devil inhabiting brains ordinary beckons constant local organic soothing linger meditation moonlight lads height ethereal simplicity kinda cigarette suggest violence blew bombs arise trips predict surface guy movements grey car stepped large bank forward landed lied ancient purely crash direction inspired release warned melodic rhythmic telling mysticism blues riddle blur floating drama neck lover nerve poisonous glare factory wage character suburbia escaped gates suspended followed pierced hall marks ruled influence functioning contained losing stopping effect electronica relate fed temper facts dependent malleable convey bent delve horror wolves won lacking certainly fooled temple oblivious watches extension molecular random subtlety rem price sear covers truths judging stage frost conditions victory millennium realised confront trickster eve daughter defines awoke terror remembere
Composed on 00:53, 21/09/2016 using Hello Poetry's 'Words' algorithm. We don't assume this means something.
Sep 2016 · 621
Tidbits
When asked what my drug of choice is
I could only narrow it down to this list:

Music or words,
Tea, ***, dreams
and the internet.
Honorable mentions go to: alcohol, caffeine, cannabis, LSD, MDMA.
Worthy contenders were: mescaline, miprocin, moxy, mexxy and love.
Sep 2016 · 568
"People And Pain"
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s *******. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.
*-James Douglas Morrison
Beatnik poet and singer for The Doors,
Died in 1971 at the age of twenty-seven.
While trips can provide valuable insight
when I linger too long you'll find
these moments begin to slip
away as they are lost
to our reflection
in its pondering.

Sometimes we do remember too fondly.

Many hallucinogens we have taken
and now I must ask us to evaluate
and apply their great potential.

What is this psychic continuum
that we explored? Psychedelia,
Absurdia; delirium, dissociation.
Was it simply some neuromodulation?

More research should reveal much to us,
In time we will return
but for now we must move on.

The next area of evaluation
lies in human enhancement
of the cognitive kind.
We classify compounds
that can elicit such
effects as nootropics.
Their potential applications
fascinate me, as does the ethics
of academic doping.
Who doesn't enjoy a morning coffee?
I might prefer an evening cup of tea!
Time is of the essence.
I convinced myself so thoroughly I was under
surveillance that I was sure they were about to
storm into my life and change it permanently.
I keep seeing myself coming home to a house
raided, with the front door kicked in, ransacked
in their wasted efforts to find something I would
simply give them should they ask politely. This is
no way to live. No wonder
I have mental problems.
At least that's what I call them.
No psychiatrist ever attended to me
and the last time I sought counselling
they advised me to seek psychotherapy.
I don't have the money, all I have are these
substances
and the terror
that the threat of their discovery brings. God
help me; I'm terrified, I'm an addict, I'm lonely,
I'm paranoid, my head is ****** up and no one
could save me.
All I have now
is my writing.

I find myself wishing
they'd catch me
just so someone
could look at me, right
in the eye and listen
to my story; all I want is
a little human connection.
All I have is this imperfection.
Sep 2016 · 424
Azimuth
Been to the summit before,
Now baseline calls me forth
and I gotta ask for directions.

We might last 'til the end
of this one-night-fantasy.

For the first time in over a month
I felt something worth celebrating.

Sometimes you don't know what you're ignoring
until the sun goes.

"The gentle background roar of the unsleeping city filled the sodium-stained skies and I stood listening for the river's dark liquidic music in vain".

It struck me out of my daze,
I felt a twinge of emotion today. What now, navigator?
Quote:
Line Ten & Eleven from page 64 of Dead Air by Iain Banks
I want to communicate something
but all I have is this
emptiness
where there should be emotion, I
wish for so many things
and yet can't find
the devotion.

Why am I so scared of my empathy?
It's been pretty dark for me of late, and winter is coming.
During the winter of {twenty-thirteen/twenty-fourteen}
many a night I did spend alone, marathoning powerful
series (namely, Game of Thrones), until eventually
the sun crept up and finally I'd fall
into troubled sleep, exhaustion was the only stuff.
So eager to forget the world I was
that I found myself in such a lonely place. I kept what
it offered me: an escape. I went a week without daylight.
The night was all mine for this nocturnal escapism, it was
great, a ridiculous and foolhardy thing, I needed it so badly
back then. In this act of praxis I vilified.

It was during one of my worse times,
When I'd be out sessioning regularly
'til dawn and for days afterwards I'd
still feel the come-down. Two lives fit
into one sleeping pattern all-too-perfectly. I remember skagging with an odd fondness now, fairly irreligious yet therapeutic somehow.
I found reprieve awake in the dark of night.
I felt so much, I
could not control it.
I had to close myself off
from the world of experience,
I had to make it stop, lest hyper-
empathy tear myself apart. I had to

stop. Judge me, please, I only wish I
could be strong enough. For what
it's worth know that I always
ask whether the pain is
worth as much as this
sanity I've bought.

I miss who I was,
I've nearly forgotten;
I'll be happier when I'm lost

in the darkness
and in thought

where I belong.
When she said she felt sorry
for me I felt sorry too, not
for me but for the feeling I
had caused in her; something
I would not allow for myself.

I had closed the feeling off.
Aug 2016 · 962
Remeasuring Dark Thoughts
There's broken glass, something escaped
from the think-tank. Now that thought's
gone and gotten loose whatever will we do:

These inauspicious days alcohol only leads
to the darkest recesses of my mind anymore
for who knows how many suicide notes I wrote
whilst in the cold throes of this depressing war
on my own dear sanity; you tell me who the victor
really is.

"Yes, I know"
"I am a son of Hades,
The darkness is my birthright".

A daydream I'd been having
too often, my thoughts were
dreams of escaping
something terrible
but I would only entertain them.
Still I find myself asking
why I feel sick in the head so often?
Am I playing mind games?
I know it's not him [who I am]
yet I created this thing that is,
Isn't this thing part of me, is this/it's contrary, this counterintuitive.
Nothing is as it seems, the world scares me, and all I ever wanted was a human being to be gentle with. A significant Other? I can barely be with myself let alone any other. I have little power over my own prophecy nor my dreams as of yet. When I become lucid then I'll know that I can finally sleep unburdened.



Yes I know,
She told me so.
                        [Daphni]
Quote:
Line Ten from 'Yes I Know' by Daphni
Line Eleven and Twelve - Nico di Angelo in Heroes of Olympus: Blood of Olympus by Rick Riordan
Aug 2016 · 456
Semideus
Sometimes I think of
Montauk, or of other
memories I somehow have,
Then I stop thinking, start
listening, let memory
lose its continuity
and live in the imagery given;
I have never been to Montauk.
How now, odd as nostalgia
enthralls, he quietly asks:
What would Percy do?
That son of Poseidon
remains a favourite hero of mine.

Might as well love the rain, its
pitter-patter upon my window
comforts today's aches
and tomorrow's pains.
I lose myself in books
when I need to escape;
For this is my oldest
addiction, the least
damaging of all the
escapisms, and my
most fond habit.
Of all the things humans throw away, their past is our greatest waste.
Aug 2016 · 304
Pandoran Projection
Consciousness is a projection
existing in another's projection
which we presume exists inside
an ultimate projection, the universe.
Why stop there? When there's no context
there can be only infinite regress.

A more convoluted box you'll not
find than those pandoran trips
that the psyché left behind.


"All these infinite universes  . . .
. . . and yet we end up just going down the same paths."
Aug 2016 · 318
Graces And Impropriety
How many of us are there, out there:
Wherever are those poets in all their
graces? Whose life story might they
find, trial by fire to test the will and
condition the mind. Who'd outshine
even the most illustrious noble man?

Above lies an awful brick of a verse
if I do say so myself, I 'ave not yet
mastered the art of grace my-lord.

The supplicant whose life story shone
might yet demand attention but
"I'd prefer not to".
Quote:
Line Thirteen from Bartleby, the Scrivener by Herman Melville
I called myself Mydriasis for a reason
not because The Session resides in my being
but because pupil dilation signifies so many things:
Focus in attention, pure and utter stimulation, and of course,
The comfort of darkness;
The abyss we gaze in
to feel sky's depth.

Went for a swim in the river Lethe,
Rather than lose everything as you bathe, find śūnyatā
and bask in its praise; do not shy away from any depth, have patience.
Ameles Potamos
Aug 2016 · 588
Dark Stuff
I am not afraid of the dark.
I am not afraid of monsters.
I am not afraid to die alone.
I am afraid to love someone.

I fear that I love being alone.
I am not afraid of depression.
I am not anxious about my life.
I am not scared of myself 'cause
I do not fear judgement. I am not
afraid of the dark,
I'm scared of that
which I don't have.
Thanks for reading.
Feels better having written it down.
Dear friends and fiends,
Those who'd weave poems
and lose themselves in dreams,
Let me tell you of the places I've been.

The hour of my writing
is late, as always, and tonight
I find myself trawling through
the deep dark web.
Seeking out the dark
stuff, I cast out the net
to catch a glimpse of fate
and to contemplate the death
of patterns that lurk inside my
head, gleaming all but nothing.

I will have the night always
and I'm wondering what
worth really is. Blasted
signifiers and infernal
meanings! Why can't
it all just go away?

So I spend some time in the darkness
until the end rears its eventual head
and I am left here, blind, grappling
in the dark. All we are, all our
shadows are; beautiful, ugly;
Powerful, ridiculous;
Virtuous/viceful;
Good/bad, right/wrong,
Off/on; it's all the same really,
Tell me which side of the coin
becometh unseen?

No one's listening!
Insignificance is a powerful asset
given today's crazy, contrary world,
It serves as well as any sartorial shield;
Or, rather, should I say it is insignificable?
I am a being thinking no one's bothering
to listen to me yet I do much listening
and even reflecting. I'm not complaining,
Reliving seems a better choice of word.
I do like listening: I listen to the
quiet before morning and after night;
To the hustle and bustle when bathed
in that artificial light;
To other humans who
speak Other languages
in all their idiosyncrasies,
The content of which I'd not
grasp but the form of it I might
understand, from sweet Italian
to feisty Spanish, haunting Irish
to French's romance, the only tongue
I cannot see such quality in is English
because instead I see in it everything,
Some of which I'd rather forget, under-
lying meaning, miscommunication, dis-
information and each mistake and error,
Destroyed etymologies, broken referents
and the tyranny of endless signification;

Everything and Nothing,
∃xistence and ∀niverse.

Although I like to listen
I cannot help what it is
I hear. I do not control
perception though I try
very hard to fool the seer
into ignorance, to ignore
the pessimism I'd otherwise
embrace, to swallow those itty
bitter blue pills I'd otherwise taste.

God love every parent and sibling,
Friend, enemy and other acquaintance
for each of whom I have many mixed
multifaceted feelings but who I'd listen to
nonetheless for the sake of their heads, mental
wellbeing can be such a chore. I really don't know
anymore, I've no real purpose, I'm just a data-*****.

Not a chance nor even a hope of finding
work or love with hobbies like these, and
this for lounging-list of habits that I keep;
No meaning, or at least nothing significant.
Went away and now I've returned,
What do I have to show for it? Well,
I learned to love the weather, now
the rain makes me feel so much better.
Jul 2016 · 444
Interrogations
Time changes people,
Power chains people.
What changed in me?
Whatever chained me!
Oh subtle judgement
and standard teleology,

Tell me:
Is the world
worth pondering,
Or is this all just
time wasting?
Thinking,
Longing;

Ruminating over purpose,
Contemplating loneliness,
Tell me: what am I typing?
These poems used to be my
escape, my passion, carefully
constructed as words were con-
-verted from temporal lifeblood
into digital ink which still I spill
over, the words trying, to find
something worth posting for
but sometimes it feels as if I
am not obsessing over these
sentences enough to pick up
the pieces, unapologetically I
throw out another uninspired
verse. Poetry's best not thought of
as work and therein lies the problem:

Me,
Writing the same poem
for the umpteenth time,
It feels like we've been
here before but can't seem
to remember; of which this piece is
a perfect example, disinspiration.
Of times, change
and a poet's written
interrogations, no regrets.
Back into the throes of existence
I find myself thrown.
The session has found me again
and I admit
that I lost it
sometime ago. In longing I drown
until something best left unknown
reared its head; The Great Perhaps
was upon me at last

and I could only see heartbreak
awaiting me on the horizon
of her love.
What of this
change? A{lone
/home}gain!
Jul 2016 · 568
Miotic Teardrop
Held fast,
Felt ****-all.
All-the-way thru
unto the Fall; pwn
Logos (language),
Pathos (sensation),
Ethos (spirit).
Jul 2016 · 278
I Swear At The End
Ever fantasise about dissolving oneself in a vat of acid?
Took so many psychedelics I very nearly lost it; it being
ego, ergo, myself. Found a solution, and don't give a ****!
'swear.
Belief;
n.
A coherence of given presentation to the subject
which accords with their representation of reality.

Truth;
n.
The coherence of given presentations to an object
which can be said to accurately represent its reality.

Meaning;
n.
Signification of object/subject
which coheres/reconciles truth and belief.
These operations of mind constitute the will which enables choice.
Jul 2016 · 748
Entropy Is Inevitable
When Europeans came to America
they bought the island of Manhattan
from the Native Americans for tradestuff.

Supposedly the Natives (who did not actually
control the territory) thought this idea, that
one could 'own' land, was ridiculous.

The land does not belong to us,
We belong to the land.
Now Manhattan

is home to some of the highest valued
real-estate in the Western world, and
still it is such a ridiculous notion:

Ownership, valuations, land;
We own nothing except for
our minds (if even them).

Eventually Earth repossesses life.
This is the way it was, has been
and will be for all of time.

Gradually the ground reclaims
itself. Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust.

Possession is always (con)temporary,
Just as subject and object are of
the same stuff so too must own-
ership open us up
to the equivalence
underlying a Hegelian dialectic.

The captain was right: control is an illusion.
There is only ever direction, and mind is that
process, which the human body offers up.

We fall prey to subject-object dichotomies
that breed from our own feeble illusions.

I say: praise be to memory.

The inevitable begs that
all information be free.

Time will take us all.
Note: 'the captain' refers to Jean-Luc Picard.
Jul 2016 · 791
Pride Goeth Before The Fall
To say the word silence
is to break its reference.
Nothing's unutterable,
Does that mean some-
thing, could you out-
line the indescribable
or would it just fade/
replace/become? I'm
so happy to be sad,
Content in feeling even
if it be painful, I've felt no-
thing before, it's numbness
is awaiting us all, I can wait,
I am no thrall, I am here and
I am proud to fear.
Title inspiration from a sketch by George Carlin on pride and nationality.
Jun 2016 · 824
Forlorn Lovers
Don't take this pain away
from me, it's all I have
left. Don't worry for me,
I have no regrets; I fell
in love with my loneliness
and then I was able to live
again.

Her name is Forlorn,
I'll never leave her
'cause, just 'cause,
We're in a good place
together, with no one
but each other; loners
forever.
Jun 2016 · 242
Swell
I rarely feel anything
anymore, think I'm in
a lot of pain but I can't

tell, been playing with
this numbness for too
long, hide and seek.

Somebody
answer me,

Why are we
human?
Well!?
Jun 2016 · 557
Procession
Those ceaseless sounds
they continue to amaze
everlong as there shall
be praise.
Yes, lets giveth praise,
For music is the pantheon
which humanity hath raised.
Humans
construct their own narratives.

We are shrouded in these tales,
Each of us wearing our thoughts
woven from the cloth of memory
by the will of a dreamweaver,
And you, the dreamer/speaker.


No wonder the old gods fade, their notes replaced
with these stories we tell ourselves by the light
of day 'til night comes and again it's swept away
by storytellers who emerged from the dark
to practice their art and sing songs of new gods
which we raise up, construct, stitched like robes
we are clothed in these thoughts as our personae
roam, dramatis indeed, theatrically we seek/seeth;

Psychaé
wandering.
It's so hard to say it in words
so dedicate these works to her;
Yes, my god is female, unattain-
able, and I'm but a lonely man.
So judge me for what I believe/am.
May 2016 · 972
Precession
It is the last day of May,
Summer's now in full swing
and I've come to realize many things.

I think, for once, I'd rather leave them
unwritten. There's little I can say
now that'll reconcile memory.
Poetry is freedom in expression, a lack of which is in-keeping with the mood I am. What's this then? Where silence says more than a poem.

Refusing to lend oneself to expression instead affirms an equal and opposite impression. Oh memory, once again, playing games with me.

Being, in
I stood facing the wind
and felt like a teenager,

For the first time in years
I had felt something, again;

And with that it began to re-
-solve and I felt much better.
Whatever
'it'
was.
May 2016 · 1.1k
Indifferent Living
I chose not to feel. I abandoned
all my emotion, I left love
to gather dust
and let memory sustain;
I ask myself
am I so stained?
I can't even remember
my own name.
May 2016 · 1.3k
Unleaded
Humanity will fall long before we can abscond to the stars.
Our planet already shifts with this paradigm that is human,
The so-christened 'anthropocene', it will leave us
for another age/deity; Dionysus or Apollo? A Gaian
dream or the Venusian nightmare, whom do we feed?
Consuming needlessly, heedlessly, we became enamoured
with that consummation, forgetting our own Earth-Mother;
We forget nature, we forego any chance to heal the world.
Instead we'll let runaway greenhouse effect be the death
of our home, we're desecrating Hestia
and soon the hearth will burn out
and shall be forevermore cold.

Sure doesn't the madgod hunger
for an end to his own insanity!
Are we not them and they not
an aspect of our own reflection?

Carl Sagan said we'd need four things to stop this madness:
Efficient use of non-renewables, better use of renewable energy,
Reforestation on a grand scale and self-sufficiency for the poor.
I wouldn't want to disappoint Carl.

(Help)[us]{hack-the-planet/save-the-environment}
May 2016 · 663
"Alphabet Soup"
Janie saw her life like a great tree in leaf with the things suffered, things enjoyed, things done and undone. Dawn and doom was in the branches.*

Ah know exactly what Ah got to tell yuh, but it’s hard to know where to start at [...] Ah was wid dem white chillun so much till Ah didn’t know Ah wuzn’t white till Ah was round six years old.
...
we looked at de picture and everybody got pointed out there wasn’t nobody left except a real dark little girl with long hair standing by Eleanor. Dat’s where Ah wuz s’posed to be, but Ah couldn’t recognize dat dark chile as me. So Ah ast, ‘where is me? Ah don’t see me.’
“Everybody laughed
...
‘Dat’s you, Alphabet, don’t you know yo’ ownself?’

“Dey all useter call me Alphabet ’cause so many people had done named me different names.
Ah looked at de picture a long time and seen it was mah dress and mah hair so Ah said: “ ‘Aw, aw! Ah’m colored!’
“Den dey all laughed real hard.


But before Ah seen de picture Ah thought Ah wuz just like de rest.
Excerpt from Chapter Two of Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston.
There is great sadness within me, he whined absently;
I plucked this notion from our head and deftly, with
both hands, laid it gently to bed: aye, there's sadness in
every member of the human race, but it's what we do
with it that makes the sad great. I was but a man
'til I began to debate the pros and cons of being human;
I learned to love my sadness, my madness, me.
Learned it a time ago.
May 2016 · 439
Shades Over Miosis
After many hours of deliberation
about few things of great import
the sleep-deprived are haunted
now and again, "on earth as it is
in heaven", and will be forgotten.

So much so that tomorrow will
stare blankly into the mirror
and we'll feel lifelessness whisper
as I gaze into your constricted
pupils and pretend something is
there.
May 2016 · 519
Shadows Under Mydriasis
The baggage we carry
is irrelevant when we
finally meet their gaze,
In that moment
all that matters is
the significance of
another;
Let it etch and fade.
May 2016 · 408
Mydriatic Eclipse
Hold fast,
Feel it all,
Even thru
the fall; hav
Logos (reason),
Pathos (emotion),
Ethos (culture/communitas).
May 2016 · 760
Guess ωhom?
Does information want to be free,
Does the law of entropy will it to be?
Even stars
must die.
May 2016 · 241
μFiction
My history is between
me, my mental health
and this messy poetry.
Can charges of false-consciousness ever really be levied without falling victim to them?
May 2016 · 596
Existential Resonance
Physics is the study of nature and reality,
Concerning existence and substance.
It ultimately asks: what is there in nature
and what are its properties?

Metaphysics is the study of ideas and actuality,
Concerning patterns and signifiers.
It ultimately asks: what is there, what is it like?

'Pataphysics is the study of the insignificable and unreality,
Concerning contradictions and exceptions.
It ultimately asks: what is?
∀11 is 0Ω∃
Apr 2016 · 986
Experiential Notation
Genesis/Realis - Introduction, determination and administration [from baseline].

Actualis - Onset, 'curve' [self/set/setting]
in perceptive faculties (redirection for ascension).

Anabasis - Coming up, 'ascent'.

Surrealis - Plateau/Peaking,
Juxtaposition of perceptions; altered state of consciousness
contrasts with the prototypical state-of-consciousness.

Katabasis - Coming down, 'descent'.

Liminalis - Aftereffect, [afterglow/aftershock/afterward],
‘Threshold’ of the experience (readjustment toward baseline).

Telos/Secularis - Conclusion, reflection and return [to baseline].
Judgement and assimilation/integration of the experience
into memory has taken place. Usually requires sleep/rest.
Apr 2016 · 1.6k
"Shulgin Rating Scale"
"MINUS, (-)
n.
On the quantitative potency scale (-, ±, +, ++, +++), there were no effects observed.

PLUS/MINUS, (±)
n.
The level of effectiveness of a drug that indicates a threshold action. If a higher dosage produces a greater response, then the plus/minus (±) was valid. If a higher dosage produces nothing, then this was a false positive.

PLUS ONE, (+)
n.
The drug is quite certainly active. The chronology can be determined with some accuracy, but the nature of the drug's effects are not yet apparent.

PLUS TWO, (++)
n.
Both the chronology and the nature of the action of a drug are unmistakably apparent. But you still have some choice as to whether you will accept the adventure, or rather just continue with your ordinary day's plans (if you are an experienced researcher, that is). The effects can be allowed a predominant role, or they may be repressible and made secondary to other chosen activities.

PLUS THREE, (+++)
n.
Not only are the chronology and the nature of a drug's action quite clear, but ignoring its action is no longer an option. The subject is totally engaged in the experience, for better or worse.

PLUS FOUR, (++++)
n.
A rare and precious transcendental state, which has been called a "peak experience," a "religious experience," "divine transformation," a "state of Samadhi" and many other names in other cultures. It is not connected to the +1, +2, and +3 of the measuring of a drug's intensity. It is a state of bliss, a participation mystique, a connectedness with both the interior and exterior universes, which has come about after the ingestion of a psychedelic drug, but which is not necessarily repeatable with a subsequent ingestion of that same drug. If a drug (or technique or process) were ever to be discovered which would consistently produce a plus four experience in all human beings, it is conceivable that it would signal the ultimate evolution, and perhaps the end, of the human experiment."
-Sasha
From PiHKAL by Alexander T. Shulgin, pp. 963–965
Apr 2016 · 696
Heavy Serenity
Communication is a series
of adaptive language games.

Hail science mage
and urban shaman.
Transhuman Cybran,
Posthuman Aeon.

From which reality do they emerge?
Virtual, surreal, liminal, total; well go on.
Ethos is a frame-of-mind or mindset manifest
between persons, space and time.
Apr 2016 · 3.4k
Cronus And Mnemosyne
Growing old(er)
and stuck in the past,
What is to become of us?
Come sip some Cola (Kristijan
Majic Remix). Lush always cheers
us up whenever it doth get too much.

I should pay tribute to the (video-)games I love,
They mean so much to me; Virtuality's touch.

Relief in  this heavy serenity.
Here are some coordinates
for time rather than space,
Maybe that's where you'll
find me; say 13.799±0.021
multiplied by 109 years.
Say that's accurate!
Who'd scorn our love,
Would they know better?
Mar 2016 · 435
Scripture
There are two tomes I would consider sacred
and by sacred I mean worthy of veneration,
These books should not be mistaken for
being more than paper or strictly true,
With that in mind I will direct you
to PiHKAL:A chemical love story
& TiHKAL:The continuation.

They do not contain commandments on how to live
nor imperatives on what is moral nor why it is.
Rather, they tell the story
of a pair of explorers, a couple of psychonauts;
Two lovers, two friends;
Two lives, intertwined.
I believe in their story, and thank them for letting it be known.

The least I could do is write them a poem.
I do not endorse worship, all things written
were wrought by human, lest we apotheosize.

Let me be clear, I am merely paying tribute
to writings which are endeared to me, a writer.

Why? These books made a difference. Something this author aspires to!
I wish only to preserve their memory, and with it their spirit, which inspired so many; always I endeavour to remember how very human they were.
Mar 2016 · 531
Question Your Heroes
The 2C-x series always remained among Shulgin's favorites
I see much versatility in the 4-**-xxT and 4-AcO-xxT series.

Perhaps his fondness for mescaline shaped this list
or perhaps my reckoning of altered mental processes
placed value on these tryptamines due to the respective differences
in headspace. I am interested in compounds
which lend themselves to semiosis.
Consider your beliefs. I changed mine later.
I would not identify myself as religious, perhaps spiritual but if you were to ask me what of spirits I would reply: psychological projections, merely memory. So perhaps I am sentimental rather than spiritual.
I acknowledge all pantheons and can respect their traditions:
God, Allah, Brahma; their prophets, Gautama Buddha and so on;
But a god is a construct of the mind and the prophets were enlightened men of their time. I would call this belief Henotheistic Constructivism.

I do enjoy some drugs recreationally yet I also find spiritual elements to the use of some substances. Some people encounter these elements when they pray or meditate. I find it in the use of psychedelics. I see little difference in the method used to access this mode of consciousness, whatever you call it: divine, spiritual, mystical, religious, and so on. We are all looking for/towards the same state-of-being.

I do not discriminate between drug abuser and religious fanatic: both search for truth, propelled by belief, finding meaning in their seeking. Both drug use and religious belief should be conducted responsibly.
(I fear the apotheosis of an object/subject/prophet/profit.
I hold nature to be the only entity/concept worthy of divine status.)
Proposition: Emotions can be explained by three categories or  dimensions of sensation/experience:
-Physical/Biological/Neurochemical
-Mental/Psychological/Behavioral
-Subjective/Trigger/Response
Examples: Joy [Love], Sadness [Depression], Fear, Anger and Disgust
(other emotions may be a combination of the above e.g. pride or envy)

*No explanation adequate though certain phenomena can encapsulate the liminal.
The phenomenological reduction [epoché]
is a suspension of judgments about the existence or non-existence of the external world to focus on phenomena themselves.

The eidetic reduction
is an analysis of essence or ideals,
It is performed by cycling through different elements of a mental reproduction for a given phenomenon to define its key characteristics.

The transcendental reduction
is a general examination and dissection of experience derived from the mind which is supplied by the given sensate intuitions, acknowledging its taken for grantedness.
This, the reduction proper, is the realization of and acceptance
that the world as we know it is taken for granted; everything is a signifier.
Signifiers represent patterns, we use them to recognize;
We signify existence, one pattern at a time.

From the philosophy of Edmund Husserl (1859–1938),
German philosopher and founder of phenomenology.
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