God it felt good today
To rip you off like a bandage
And toss you aside for good

I saw this image in a dream once
Sure enough
You weren't there either

I wish you would have stolen my liver
So this next bottle would **** me

He isn't your prince
When he stands
on the wrong side
Of the dungeon bars

Are the waves
crashing so hard this morning
to help drown out the heaviness
of my heart?
Or rather,
to wash away my thoughts?

You throw me down
Onto the bed
Just to watch me giggle
And count the stars in my eyes

He's sweeter than you
All he does is want to spoil me
And I'm drowning
All I've ever wanted
And I'm suffocating

It's not fair
That you moved on
And be came everything i knew you could
In spite of me

I can't mend this broken heart.
So then,
who is going to?

I'd rip the petals
From every flower
Just to hear the roses scream

I was so close to finding happiness in you
Then I realized happiness isn't a person

He let me sing
Songs on end
For moments that felt as if they would never end
Through my belting
and maybe a few tears
He understood my suffering
And in his silence
I knew he had a plan to me

Your eyes are so good
You can see all the pieces

Your hands are so strong
They can pick them all up

It takes a spider
About a day to make its web.
So then,
How long did it take you,
To construct your web of lies?

I'm sorry I'm a scratched CD
And you keep getting stuck
On the worst parts
of my song

Do only my worst mistakes
Make up my future?

Searching for a love
that will guide my hands
and calm my spirit

Love so pure
it ignites my soul
and challenges preconceived notions

Pure and intoxicating
distilled to be set alight
and never burn out

Close the pack baby*
He whispers to my weakness
*Lighters are only used
To burn the past
Or escape the darkness
With me you've already done both

I wish you were the one
Sitting across from me in that chair
Time spent with you
Is far more precious than anything
Even in the tiny space
We would have between us
Is so much energy
It moves the galaxies

This sunset will be your demise
I'll drown you in the reds
I'm going to hang you in the yellow
You'll suffocate with the purples
Both the blue of the sky
and of the waters
Will carry your soul safely on

Why does the bottle
taste sweeter in the morning?

I was starving when I met you
Ready to devour every last morsel
of admiration and affection
Tossed in my direction
No crum too little

But I've had my fill
I've gorged on lust
Grown boated on tasteless compliments
Become lethargic with pleasantries

I've relished dining off your silver platter
Served only for me
With satiety attained I'll leave this place
Until the hunger strikes again

When did you make me
So small
And yourself
So ******* better than me?

I love myself
Because I learned to love my imperfections
Like you never could

Cheers!
We can do this, baby girl.

Your new girl looks like me
But my new man
Looks nothing like
the sad reflection
of my past

As I lay down to sleep
All I want to dream of is
You

I count each day
Waiting
Until we hit that magic age
That brings you back to me
And we laugh
About the time spent apart
The torments faced alone
Silent achievements celebrated in solitude  

Fast forward to a time
When we've healed from the wounds
We inflicted on each other
In tender moments
Of misguided passion

I'll meet you in the space
Where sorrow and anger have no hold
And time has created the distance needed
To fade the agony of memory
And bring only joyful remembrance

If every bee
Was limited to one flower
We wouldn't have pollination

You gave me a penguin to help me fly
I laughed at the irony behind it
Sternly, you told me believing was all flying took
The penguin wasn't to show me how
But how not to let fear stop me

My body loved you
Like my heart never could

Look
I get it
And I wish you well
But truly I wish
We could have both been well

You fight for everything so hard
Except me

You are who you are
And there's no changing a soul

You sit over there
And state
Almost like you love me

Something in your eyes
My demise
Almost like you hate me

Ahhh baby,
Don't cry as the snow falls
You're just a winter flower
Waiting to bloom in the spring

I was going to quit
To be with you
But now I use this vice
To drown you out

A year after
Our five years
I sit in tears
Planning a future forward
Starting over from the point
Where you stayed behind

But I'm successful in ways
We never imagined
In multitudes
You'll never reap again

To humble beginnings,
Spectacular ends,
The journey that connects the two,
And everything after...

There should be no tears shed
In paradise

Do you read my words here
That I wrote for you
And only you?


And in those moments
Do you think of me
And only me?

Is everything you love about me
Something you'll hate later?

I shouldn't be alone
In a place as Beautiful
As this

It's just another day
Under the Sun
Which is a good problem

You've even made me hate
the words God graciously gave me
So all I have left to scream
Void of all grace and beauty:
*******.

I wish I could be there for you
Every time you need a tune of loss
So I could sing you the song of victory

I can feel it building up inside me
Like a raging storm the waves abuse my heart
I can feel the floods behind my eyes
Wanting to add to the chaos
But in all this madness
The only thing I know how to do is smile
Trying to make the light shine through the cracks

I am never going to find in you
What I need to be searching for
Within myself

The weight is dropping faster than I can
Pretend to shovel the tasteless waste down my throat
At first there was the fear
If this persists one day I will dwindle to nothing
Followed by the panic and the binging
Must. Consume. Calories.
Three bites in and that should be enough
But the pants continue to fall
And the shirts simply hang from the clavicle
Eventually I'll fix this mess of a body
Only after I fade to nothing

Speak as you wish
But I'll believe as I may