Nights are lonely with you gone
Not any more lonely I suppose
Than while you were mine
But the empty bed was easier then
At some point I knew to expect you
To eventually curl warmly into me

But it's difficult now
And lonely still  
And cold
Facing the reality
That your absence
Is the only thing I'm promised forever

Be my muse
Even when you're no longer my passion

You spend all of your time
Waiting
for him
But you should spend more time
Living
without him

Every man
Has stood at the precipice of decision and consequence
You are not the only soul to make mistakes
Yet seemingly
You have no qualms crucifying me for mine
All the while you shift the blame of yours

I hope one day you may forgive me
For my unwillingness to fall on your sword
Or grovel for the rotten bits of your affection
For in suffering you are not special
You are simply another lost screech into the chasm
Where we all eventually meet again

What in Hell
Or Earth
Did I do
To deserve you?

If you don't like
The words I say to you

You're not going to love
The ones I write about you

I'm growing tired
of sending you words
you'll never read
emotions- I don't feel

I really should stop sending them
I don't do this for me
or you

But the way we behave
breaks grandmother's heart
and I know this stamp is the closest
I'll ever be to you again

I can't believe you had the audacity
To lurch into bed next to me
Each night
Knowing the whole time
The end of the week would bring
The end of us at your command
Dooming me to this house of shadows

In the frosty fields of night
They thought they hid their sins

Buried
Low beneath the ice
Buried deep below the snow

In the waking silence
I found my breath

My lungs ripped and pulled —
gasp — after gasp —
Pleading only to choke

Dirt!
Solid, filling, heavy
Killing

Filling my chest by lung
Crushing my hope in pressure

My hands work frantic
as buckets, rakes, and hatchets
Beseeching the Earth to open

A prayer seems lost
in this desolate darkness
of endless soil

As fear and panic subside
acceptance and frostbite
cascade over me like an endless sea

One last sigh-
I relinquish all to the Mother
Whose frozen embrace will keep me still

Maybe sins are better left buried

I have to show up
As who I am

I can't show up
As someone else

And expect to be loved
For me

You gotta jump in
Both feet first
Because if one foot is behind the other
A part of you is stuck in the past

How could he do that to me
If he said he loved me
I've never known
A fate so cruel
Issued down by the hand
That held my heart

"I hope work wasn't too bad for you. I've been going through a lot and I'd like to explain things when you get home."

You simply don't comprehend
The mountains I would have moved
The rivers I would have parted
Chaos I could have calmed
Or created
The tides I'd shift
Or the cards I'd fold
But I guess none of that matters now
Or ever
If it even did at all

It's getting harder and harder
To wake up without you

In those early seconds of morning
The burning rage ignites my soul
And burns me out to a spiteful pit long
Before the sun reaches the peak of the sky

The resentment you buried
Deep in my heart
Boils in the daylight hours
And scolds me long into the night

Melatonin chokes out my consciousness with mercy
Suffocating my misery
If only for a short moment
Until I'm plunged into the depths of my nightmares

My body thrashing about this bed til morning
But each and every sunrise  
Makes it harder and harder
To realize you left me here alone
Bearing no responsibility or resentment of your own

The best revenge is kindness
Delivered with sincerity
And grace

The storm will always come
You must be ready to weather it
When it arrives

We do now
What we do best

We let it go
And welcome what comes next

I see our forever
twinkling in his eyes