She's probably as pure as a daisy
I can't wait to show her my thorns

There's no poetic way
To say everything is ****
Some grim realities
Can't be glued
To the wings of butterflies

A boy once told me
You can't expect the one who hurt you
to be the same one who fixes you
And ****
Did I not want that to be the truth

Laying there
Leaving morals behind
Rolling in hues of grey
Heating up shades of red
Tension builds
But so does the emptiness
The faux passion is daunting
With the heaviest prospect being-
Betrayal of the heart
Weeping of the mind
Along side
The overall deterioration

These whiskey feelings
I give myself
Straight from the bottle
Are often sweeter
Than you ever were

When you left me
You took more than just my being
You stole my appetite

But when he's near
Each time he draws closer
He brings forth an animalistic hunger from deep within me

I should stop worrying
About where I am in life
Relative to everyone else

I forget that I alone
Am floating at the center
Of my universe

In a few hours
The sun will come up
He will be gone
And will any of it
Even matter?

When my heart belongs to you:
I'm free

Science says that we are mostly water
If that were true then I should be able to melt away
To slip though all of the little cracks
And drift in a direction from it all

But here I still sit
Wishing that if I was not water
That I could be invisible
Even science has no evidence of that ever happening

I'm constantly backed into the corner of society
Friendless and not all there
Riddled with the things that make psychologists giggle
Just someone else's side project

Death always comes in the form of loss
Destruction travels by flames

I wrote your destruction
Often times in my blood
But now the malice has ended
And I want to transcribe
Our ascension
Even with all this new found passion
The words have never been more distant

Just hold my hand
as we cross this bridge
A gap between youth and aging
No where near dying
But deathly afraid of growing old

Just hold my hand
We don't have to do it alone
I've got you
And you've always had me

Nothing is better than a cold drink
in a hot shower
Or that's what you used to tell me
Now the idea empties me
Like all the bottles which touched your lips
Does your drink still taste the same?

When do I get to look in the mirror
and fall in love with the girl I see?

Warm and gentle- like the dew on crisp grass
He looked at me with a smile
As he ran his finger through my hair- and I dared to ask
What are you looking at?
I laughed through my words
Quiet and swift
"Nothing more than the most beautiful sunrise"
Where? There are no windows in this room
He just laughed and threw the blanket over our heads
Like a storm cloud snuffing out all the light
But still he insisted, pushing the hair from my face
Steady and strong like a soothing breeze
"You're my sunrise- the most perfect one God has ever blessed man with"
Sigh
"But selfishly I'll admit that I am the only one to cherish this mornings grace"

You kiss with infected lips
With the expectation of being healed
Failing to realize
the sickness you spread

I'd delete your number
If only my fingers knew how
Just to forget your name
Only if my heart would let you go

The light of you haunts me
I just pray to be free

Once again
Love prevails
And you are the proof of my victory

Learning to take a bullet with grace
Is the most painful experience
Life can teach

I stare at these blank pages
Wanting to spill my soul
Knowing **** well
That's there's nothing left to empty

Only fools say:
"I should have known better"
Because a wise person
Would have never made such mistakes

Slithering between his sheets
will only lead to venom
coursing through damaged veins
leading into a run-down system
into a long abandoned heart
Of which
he took the last piece

She parented and loved
Only through yelling
I grew up assuming
It was the only way people communicated

Would you kiss
all my petals
In the summer sun
without fear of the bees?

I didn't want to get to that point
Where I wake up and realize
I didn't become content
I became silent

You said you fell out
Even as I was still falling in
But now staring down into the chasm
As you stand next to me still
I feel the void
Calling to you
Pulling you further from me

I'm willing to risk it all
For a man
Not willing to risk anything
For me

Is it truly possible
That I could move on so quick?

Hearing this song makes me think of you, ya know
I can still see your smiling face
Holding on so tightly to that beautiful guitar
I wished for nothing more than to be held
As gracefully as you caressed it
If I had stings, I knew you would be the one to play me
Unleashing all my beautiful sounds
You were going to make my soul sing colors

But now its finished
The solo has ended, so like all artists of your talent
You smashed the lovely curves into the harsh ground beneath you
I still play these cords in my shattered heart
I harden my lungs as I belt the words
And push the air stained with your passion out of my lungs
This song that kills me still, which plays in your healing voice
Will be the poison teaching me to survive

The hours with you immobilized my values
Something in the way you looked
-mostly at me
A longing in your glorious emeralds
Not just for touch
but maybe something more

As the sun rose over the clock
The image of my lips on yours
grew increasingly distant
Night is were we thrived
Day drove us apart
- in a way my heart couldn't handle
But I wished it could

The hole you left
is vast
but shallow.

If you break my heart again
I'll smoke as many
Cigarettes as need
Until I can feel something
Take the breath from my lungs

The liquor kicks in
so much faster
when it rises though my veins
with the morning sun

Slowly,
Day by day
I'm learning how to do everything all over again
Without you

Now that you're gone
I just want to be sober
-for the first time in a long time
You had me so ****** up
Time seemed to warp
-and now
I just want to experience life
For all it should have been

We dated for four years
And I'm still not even sure
I know their birthday

I'd kiss your name
On all the flowers
So the Earth could sing
In Color

Yours will come for you
In the middle of the night
Dead asleep
It'll grip your chest like a heart attack
Just a breath away from salvation
That will never arrive
Or inflate your lungs
Your mind will race with thoughts of death
And me
In the moments that separate fact from fiction
Your mind will decide the choice you made
Wrapped in the lies you told
Dammed you to a life of wondering
If I still think of you the way you wish I do

I've been hiding forever
But no one has ever come to seek me out
That's not how the game is supposed to be played

Remember all those times
You told me I was the one
Then it turned out
I wasn't the only one
But even now I guess
At least I'm not the lonely one

I'm starving for someone
To fill the bed with because
I'm cold and empty

You played so much with smoke and mirrors
I didn't even notice the smoke coming from the fire you set under me

The answers you seek
Are hardly as simple
As the questions you repeat

Every inch of my skin
Becomes explored by your fingers
Completely and utterly naked
But you build me up
I'm **** but not vulnerable
I'm **** but not disrespectable
You treat me like the fair maiden
I never knew I could be

Hand me the script baby,
And I'll do the rest

Honestly,
I hope she makes you happy
Because truly,
He makes me feel so alive

I hope your next one
Deals to you
This same hand
You delt me

You may not see my pain now
But you'll feel my suffering later
At the hand of the one
You'll never see it coming from

These creeping thoughts of You
Are all too tiring
My eyes still wander
Thought the gallery of my mind
Imagines distorted by the thin grime
Of sentimentality and nostalgia

But the You to me
Was never truly to you that You are
The You to me was only the version of You
I stowed away in my visions
And held almost forgotten in my heart

For when I gaze upon You now
My eyes beg to shut
For reality doesn't align with
The mirages of my memories
Words You speak
Mimic Your tone
But fail to reach my understanding
Your helpless screams of
Swirling dread and fear of your end

I can't keep visiting You
For You are in the past
The You that lives on now
Is a timeless captive who may never grow
Or change
Abandoned to fade
And share the same doom as those fated memories of You

And I cannot look for You
In my future
Because the You are to me now
Perhaps the true You to you
Is stuck in a space
Left behind My in time
Still waking to fight the tireless battles
Of Your war torn mind
Capsizing over the paralysis of each decision
A despair that is not mine to carry

I didn't need you
To tell me
To have fun tonight
But even so
I did