I remember hearing the words
I remember feeling found
When she spoke of isolation
When she spoke of being alone

I am not the same
And nothing new

I think some of us are still hopeless
by the end of it
They went through a rough patch &
got over it
but not all of us can
I think some of us are born
Knowing that our end
would be the result of our own hands

I repeat the ******'s word like he was meant
to live within me
I say it like an anthem
as if death took form and walked through my door
and gave me words to worship
as some personal salvation
it invades my nightly silence:
"I am young enough to repaint and
old enough to sell"
I make it a multitude of myself

Unworthy of a body
I want to destroy myself

Bind me
Bind me
Bind me

I am no different
Than any child close to death
Even if my bones
Seem to be so feeble
My health is not eternal
There was a time when
We would've been the same

we need more poems
about being *****
straight up
¯_(ツ)_/¯

my body decomposing like
its telling me to die already

you've been relentless
i'm reaching my limit
i've never made such a mess on my face
washing off mascara has never been such a *****
no one knows a thing
no one knows a thing
not one person
if I felt better, I would walk downstairs
I would see what you were up to
I'd be friendly, I'd work with it
I did
but the moment you saw me
you had to tear me down
right back where I came from,
in a matter of seconds
it's amazing how easy we can shut ourselves off
it's amazing how i'm giving you all the signs
and somehow they all slip passed you
you'll slip pass me soon
never thought I'd have to prepare to leave you too
you were the only one
the one I thought knew me the best
out of everyone
you, too?
that's truly it for me then
i'm gone
i'll be here a while longer
but i'm gone
i'll forgive you
but i won't forget

How many letters
Murmur the name of hide and seek
Where the seeker has always been
An undesirable position

Uh oh
That time of day

Time and time and time and
Time again
They guide you
And even they discover
That this isnt the answer
This isnt the answer
Every time
There is only one end

The streetlamps of the highway
Frame the void ahead
The horizon rises
Consuming the sky
The night reaches upwards
As if persuading us to succumb

somehow, even now
after every dreadful year
you never fail to appall me
with your prevalence
in being completely devoid of empathy

I have an optimistic take
on applying string theory
to the afterlife
that there are forms in which
I can give my living body
to oblivion
as a prerequisite
to the potential disintegration
of my string of thought
that it will be reduced
to only a string
and with a voidal imitation
I am already easing my way

if I am not bipolar
then I cannot be saved

i don't care if it's fake
i want to feel it
i don't care if it'll last a month
i want to feel it
i don't care it'll hurt
i need to feel it

an antidote to worsen the symptom
the day, once threatening
the night, now laborious
time passes as a slow & steady tide
but there is no more time for me to wait
there is no more good
there is no more guilt
only the weight,
only the lack
everything is tiring

saying your name
under my breath
over and again

someone once told me
they believed the afterlife was a new earth
some call this hell
but for once
i hoped someone was right

it hurts, real bad
I can only say that to myself
‘less I submit to selection
nature’s way of letting me go
but that’ll hurt worse

Near death experience
Became more frightening
When it wasnt myself

you did it!
the emptiness has gone away!
just kidding

the air is cooler
and the taste is bitter
these last moments of comfort
are my only solace
for what's to come

oh to live a life with journey and
not these
microbial sparks
little waves that seem to spark through
like a cobweb soul
painting geometry i can hardly
understand

The tears on my pillow won't dry
They've gotten cold
I wait for your reply and
bury myself further into the bed
The weather changes
Impermanently

just let me feel for this moment
let me forget for this moment
let me fantasize of something simple

& after tonight,
it’s been made clear
I really need someone

I don't believe
In unconditional love
You don't love
Without expectation
Of something in return
Even if that expectation
Is the feeling it gives you
Rather than their feelings for you
I don't believe
That people will love
Selflessly
That is to say
I know I will never be loved
Because I will never be in a state
To offer

Didn't think id make it this long
Accepted that im done for
Not sure if ill wake up but if I do
What will it mean for me
Accepted that im meaningless
or at least dont want a meaning anymore
I just want to be done for

I think one of these days I might try to rhyme

digitally dirtied
is my poetry
no erase marks
to document the delete button
delete myself amiright

A new kind of loneliness
That is all too familiar
The first kind,
The last kind
Behind the glow
Unspoken to
They don't believe in my self

I should have died
a long time ago

Sometimes it really pays off
To shred your legs
With the tip of a protractor
To grow out your nails
For the purpose
Of sinking them into your skin

I feel wrong in my age
Wrong in that
To be in any other body
Than that when I was ten
Is to stretch and tear and wear me down
I am worn
I feel old
I feel my skin sagging over the muscle
The muscle sagging over the bone
I am the last breath of a murdered corpse
I am the last of my friends
The last of my family
My lack of power
Is shown through shaking fingers
Protruding bones
I am wrong

time is a snow globe
and perception is the flakes

i know
they don’t want me around
i’m working on
keeping quiet

please please please
don't comment on my poetry
with a quote from the bible

love doesn't know time
however death does

How eternal it all seemed

i'll never be able to go through it
without ******* up
it's always me

I used to think of ancient people
as such ominous
all-knowing beings
in their footprints and their art
it was supreme,
it was transcending
they knew things about the universe
that i could never imagine
but theyre the same
as you and i
theyre just the same

fell out of my fingers
i've lost the keys
i can't hear,
and i can't see it
it may never return
i have nothing of my own
and nothing of myself

Can't get rid of the smell of smoke
And the wounds at my side won't calm down

no man is deep
as a woman's womb