There was a time when I could fall in love like the breeze teases the trees.
Simple, uncomplicated, fresh free.
But no more.
As I've aged it's as though it has drained from me.
Slowly at first, then with an urgency.
Like blood being drawn by a parasite.
Till one day you realise the emotional exsanguination is complete.
You are bereft, drained, empty.
Loveless.
A day comes where no matter how you try to start a fire.
The is no longer a spark.
Nothing.
You can no longer bear yourself enough to stay with another.
For it would indeed be like feeding on their very soul.
You are laid bare inside and out.
And so
You hide
Away
Directionless.

The journey of the lost.

What you hold dear, others may have no grip on at all.

What you hold dear, to others may not even exist.

What you hold dear, may be all that someone needs to control you.

What you hold dear, is held by you alone.

But what you hold dear..
Sometimes..
You must let go.

Often Imagined
Sometimes yearned for with a longing so deep it Unsettles the whole body
Wanton in display by some, unbridled
Trepidation in that first touch of lips by others
More often an empty display in greeting
Bodies charged to react, yet they may replulse
As chemistry can create, yes it can also destroy.
Moving closer like a precision landing
Eyes wide open until the moment
The touch, then closed
As the peach flesh of the lips collide
What happens next..
Only they will know

Overun, past the max
Taken in to much, tipped the stack
All went well till the last straw
Then there she was on the floor
Work and play got all confused
Then she hit the *****
Didn't go **** up all at once
She looked the part and danced the dance
Then the day it all tipped the balance
Now not her or even near
Her friends don't come near
But a day at a time step by step
She rebuilds the life that she regrets

Notes from
"Walking back from the edge of sanity"

Lie to someone.
Fashion that lie.
Sell it like the truth.
Wrap it like reality.
Once complete, all ends tied,
then you smuggly think they won't see it.
Play on the heart strings.
Then they think...
Hey I just got one over on them.......
As you walked away with that warm feeling, did you hear it?
The laughter..
For they knew
Live the illusion
For the Empire crumbles
Even the rats leave the ship as its very timbers come apart
Soon, not long now

The darkness has always been there
It is natures cold harsh default
Some carry the light and skip through it
Others accept it, they are lost to us.
The choice is your own
Light or Darkness
Choose wisely

The smell of a womans freshly washed hair
When a woman leans back knowing you are there
The scent of perfume on her neck
When she has dressed to go out but has dressed only for you
When she cries and smiles at the same time
Hugs you and melts into you
When you watch her sleep and pray to a god you don't believe in that she wakes tomorrow
When she touches you in a crowd as though you are the only two people in the universe
When all you imagine all day is comimg home to them as much as they do you
Feeling bad because you said something you didn't mean because you both had a bad day
Wishing you were somewhere else
All these little things

You know that little voice?
The one that says be bad
It tells you do all the things
Your mum and dad forbade

Well now your grown its still there
It's gone deeper as it's older
Now it's you who calls the tune
You do just what it told you

So wild night's out with drinks and mates
The voices got you going
Tomorrow when your throwing up
It doesn't sound as funny

Then later on the voice returns
But now it's kind of quiet
It whispers to your never again
I'm between each *****!

Bucket lists are all the rage but life's for living at this stage
Make a list of what matters and why
When you read it try to laugh not cry
What I like and what I want are sometimes only just for fun
What I need is more of the point and why that is, is seldom said
As thoughts career within my head
I want to feel like I belong
Not to a group but to someone
I want to know I make them smile
Even if only for a while
Who needs a list to sort this stuff
Who wants to tick them one by one
All is lost and all is found
So no point in writing anything down

One two three one two three one two three one
Dance steps of life a pattern repeated
Like the tentative steps of love
One two three one
The dance moves we can't practice
Moves you nor I know
One two three
Loose our steps
One two
The dance is over
One

There is a duality between madness and love
One drives the other to its limits all to often
The madness in how and when we fall
The sorrow in how we leave and why
No measure of common sense will help
For it is by its nature an uncommon problem
For one madness, for another their all
As paths cross and emotions rage we loose sight of what was the beginning and what may have been the end
We blend in duality
The love of madness and the madness of love become one
Yet when we part, neither are what their former selves were
Our own madness alone

The mind is as a garden
Bare at first until seeded with thought
You may seed it with dreams and wishes
Some may last a lifetime as an oak
Others annual or a summers bloom
Beautiful but for a short time
Some thoughts lie dormant as a seed does
Then far from their planting spring to life
Why?
Because they could only grow when the time and conditions were right
So clear your mind of all that harms it
As a gardener clears weeds
Remember not to disturb the bulbs beneath
For when the time is right
They will grow
Life will change
The future will be in bloom

Oh tell me please what are its words
Is it a lexicon all its own
A hidden text for a dusty professor
Or is it in the letters of Antoinette

The language of love is none of them
A look, a glance and so it begins
A brush of skin a glimpse of thigh
Many oh many triggers catch the eye

For her it could be the way he smiles
Or how he treats others in her sight
His scent could be the catalyst  
That elevate him on her list

Flowers, texts and night calls
comunication seats it all
You make the bond and all is well
But wait! now it goes to hell

For familiarity  breeds content
It also makes a lover forget
Forget to hug her every night
Or kiss her neck when out of sight

The things we used to do each day
Seem slowly now to fade away
You wake one day and wonder who
Is this man who lives with you

Now you see with different eyes
Is she the one that once was mine
One or other starts to stray
Loves language lost
No words to say

The moon woke up the sun and told her his night was done.
The sun she said to her love, rest now my love your weary head.
All day she shone her very best and all the world loved her there.
Then as the night began to fall she gave the sunset her very all.
The moon he woke in such delight, and looked upon her all the night.
As she slept her light it shone, reflecting off her love the moon.
Night after night after night.

I wanna be a mystery shopper
Go from store to stop
Buying stuff I'll never need
Just to keep a score
KY jelly and other things for laughs
Ask the staff for windeeze
Then let out a squeaky ****
Well someone has to do it
It might as well me
Then score them on the walmart scale
From zero to ten

She flits through my mind all day, making me smile.
She fills my dreams at night like no other could.
Her face chokes my breath, a part of me yearns her embrace the touch of her hand the scent of her body.
But she is a naughty fairy and leaves no track,
no trace,
no trail

Who do I write for a lover lost? or lover  found?
Or a passer bye? Now that's profound
Write for a wage or write for supper
It's just words from one to another
So to clear the air and set things straight
I WRITE FOR ME! Make no mistake
A naughty poet, that's not me
You must see more than I've wrote down
You twist the verse to suit your cause
But If my words stir in you a thought or feeling to think or do
Then a happy poet I shall be and hope it makes you full of glee
But if you twist my words and think your subject of their verse
Go and have a quiet word !!!
You missed the point your off the page and having your own little rage
If I wrote personally to one dear soul in private so you got it wrong.

What if one day you realise you have felt every emotion you think you can ever feel?
High low
Love loss
Pain fear
Joy sorrow
Then
Emptiness
When that day comes
What next?

Be still and listen to the night
The faint sounds of the breeze
The distant pulse of the highway
Sounds are all there, yet you must focus
Listen, absorb
Sounds that if you concentrate on you can see a picture
So listen and see

I had the strangest dream last night.
I had died.
There I was cold as ice sat watching those gather at my graveside
Odd as I wanted cremation. But I digress.
Why was I cold?
Do the dead feel the cold?
So there I am in some half existance watching people turn up and suddenly a voice next to me says:
"Didn't expect you so soon"
There next to me was my grandmother.
As the people arrived she asked who they were and who did I expect to be there.
She even told me who I should have married. A bit late now but to be fair you said that when we were alive.
Then as the service started she got up and walked away.
"Are we not going in?" I asked.
She smiled and said no, those words aren't for you, they are for them.
Anything you should have heard they should have said already.
Anything you didn't say you can't now.
I then ask where do we go now?
She smiled and said "We? I'm going back to heaven. I think you're going somewhere else"
I woke up to the dogs paw trying to wake me to let him out to ***. Stood in my ****** behind the front door thinking why did I eat a ham and cheese sandwich before I went to bed.
I blame the cheese.

One in a cast of millions
One that was a little more
One that held the info
One that knocked at the door
One that wasn't wasted
One that wasn't killed
One that wasn't spat
One that wasn't swallowed
One tonsils didn't pass
One that had a future
One boy or a girl
One who was the strongest
One who made the grade
One spermatazoa
One is all it takes

Come on you will be late. - Stop the voices
Hurry to the car - They will remember this
Don't forget your lunch - They never noticed me
We will finish the decorations tonight - I'll be a martyr
Must do some shopping - Locked and loaded
Groceries first - NOW while schools full
Hope she likes this - I hear them talking to me
Where are all the cops going - You said do it but I'm dead
What's happened -***
No no no no - ***
Our babies gone - ***

The thoughts of many nations now sit as one for so many children now are gone.
Brave souls who tried to stop him have also left an indelible mark.
WAKE UP proud land the war is done you don't need your streets awash with guns.
You don't need to see more innocents die.
You need today to turn the tide.

Dinner is done table cleared guests are gone the sink is filled

Off she trots marrigolds on, hands in studs he watches on

Stood in heels she rocks and sways, a long time since she looked that way


He stares and smiles as he catches her gaze an inviting look to come her way

Hands on hips he kisses her neck as she pushes back their body's engage

She lifts her skirt and leans across inviting him to come on in

Two as one they now engage
The dishs simply have to wait.....

There are places that you can sit and only hear the wind tumbling the sand or the leaves rustling.
They are places of great solace and immeasurable calm.
We each have our own.
When you share such a place you share a part of you, and in doing so exchange a memory.
For that place will never be the same to you.. Or them.

Take me to a wild place
A place no others gone
A place Ive never been
A place only you know
A place to escape
A place for lovers souls
A place to hold
A place to embrace
A place to feel your touch
A place to make love
A place to call our own
A place of safety
A place emotions roam
A place to grow together
A place to settle down
A place to raise a child
A place to find the future
A place to store the past
A place where memories linger
A place where fear has passed
A place in no country
A place they can never see
A wild place to grow old in
The place
In your heart

Not a specific or pre defined the random man is much maligned
Not fitting the mould or a towing the line the random man has his own mind
Now the mind may be a little mixed up like pop in a bottle all shuck up
He may have days he can't face the world, knowing his voice can't be heard
Days his flesh burns to the touch and his heart is lost in an empty husk
So the random man simply bimbles on unnoticed by all, glimpsed by some
A trace of him left here or there, but no one has his life to share
The random man be he you or me, exists in all of lifes journey
Some day he may even cross your path, but you won't notice till he has passed

Entangled entwined in a war of unkindness, where both sides are blinded by rage and by madness, were love once danced and emotions engulfed them, as she said she loved him and he said it back, as their lips locked forever to never come back, while fingers wrapped them in a moment of madness, now it's all gone and all that's left sadness, as they stare at the papers faceless solicitors wrote, of the times that they once had before all they did argued, and all that was said as they drifted apart and hated instead.

Deep within are the chared remnants of a once burning emotion
Almost elemental in structure
The flames that burned as bright as a star's corona halo
Yet faded in despair to dark emotionless remains
For many that light will burn as bright as a thousand suns
And burn for their eternity
For others all that is left are the ashes of a love
Now gone, a past
Yet understand emotions are not static
For they wax and wain as the day does
They transform as ice melts or steam rises
Fear anger love hate jealousy are but facets all of the same
Only time and place shows their current state
What is cold to you is the warmth another feels
So don't judge a love of things by your understanding
Simply understand yourself

Sometimes vulnerability comes through in a person's character as strength or determination to succeed.
All to often it becomes the portrayal of weaknesses and past failures.
Yet in a minority it shapes them, it gives life to their dreams and ideas.
It's easy to sit back and say it's "destiny" but are we the victims or the stewards of it?

They say if a writter falls in love with you they will forever show it in their words.
What if you fall into the heart of a writter?
Do you tumble falling from word to word as the lexicon of their being shrouds you?
Or do you become like two stars colliding?

For what one admires and respects in the events that lead a soul to a point in time and space, is all we have of them.
A signature of sorts,
their comets tail in the universe.

From that point all that we do entwines in each others script.
I had never thought of life as a script, written daily with characters passing in and out of the storyline.
But it seems true!

If you look at it that way it is simple.
The question is...
Will a character be given a leading roll next to the star.
Or simply a walk in part for a few episodes.
Who knows
Only
The writter.

Watching her I'm tempted to explore
As she moves back and forth, down on all fours.
I can see how the master had *** with the maid, as she rhythmically moves and her buttocks sway.
Imagine her skirt lifted up, revealing her briefs and stocking tops.
Pulling them down and stroking her **** oh how I want to slide into it.
Her pushing back as I slide deeper still, as we ***** each other just for the thrill.
But those days are gone and she's not the maid,  she's laying a floor, not getting laid.
But I wonder sometimes when she is alone has she imagined thoughts of her own.
Dressed in nylons with killer heels, being taken for pleasure by little old me?

It's not a person or what she sees that makes a twitch between her knees.
A gentle rub a closet pressure can make her lips rub together
Once she's off a little moist then a thought is uppermost
Where oh where today can mystery man get me laid
In the park or on the stairs
With or without my underwear
From behind to start or end
Imagination is her friend
Of to the loo she must pop
To finish off her sacred spot.
Returns to desk with inner warmth as shes just strumed and now is calm.

There is nothing more heinous or gravid a crime than the death of the human soul and spirit killed by another, save for it being killed and the body left to roam this earth. ..

Layer upon layer upon layer
Oh but the thinest of veneers
Each one a story, a painting
Covering the entire subject
Each allowing sight of what came before
But not clear
Each new layer distorts the one before
Yet they become homogenized
Merging to form the whole yet some features,
Not all more evident remain
And with it's flaws our shell is formed
A memory of our pasts
An armour with kinks
The shell of a man

Life boils down to ****.
We take **** we give ****
We see ****, we ignore ****
We cause **** we fix ****
We love **** we hate ****
We want **** we need ****
We want to lose ****, find ****
We know ****
But in all this ****
Don't be ****

Once upon a yesterday all the trees stood still.
No wind blew between their leaves only silence filled the air.  
No birds sang, no grass grew, on here or the otherside.
It was simply green and motionless, as though frozen in time.
Clocks stopped, no traffics roar, no planes flew overhead.
It was as if time itself had left the earth as well.
There was a sound he strained to hear, was it one or two?
The sound of their beating hearts as her eyes looked at you.
For in that moment time stood still and all around them wained.
The world they had come to know was fading away.
No longer could they live as they had done before.
For once upon a yesterday had now become today, all their thoughts and dreams had gone, as they had now met.
Yesterday now gone, today is at its close and all we yearn is tomorrow, will it be mine and yours?

Sir can I help you?
Id like a suit
What size are you
A 30 waist a 40 jacket
The salesman smiles
He's seen your podge
Of to the till wit a 34 waist
A 42 jacket and a red face
At least your gut isnt hanging out
Join the Gym and sort it out!

There have always been silences
You never hear them begin
How can you?
In the morning,
coming home,
at dinner.
He's tired, she's stressed
It creeps in.
It grows
Then one day an explosion
The silences are gone
Rage replaced them
Anger and spite fill its spaces
The silences?
They simply left,
With me

It is the simple things I guess I miss
The early morning dry lipped kiss

The scrunched up face and panda eyes
"Good morning" with a croaky voice

But more than that it's hours before
Talking in her sleep once more

Laughing with her eyes tight shut
I hope it's me she's dreaming of

Then shes calm and sleeping sound, I listen to her breathing sound

Frightened just in case it stops
My blood runs cold at the thought of that

Then waking up before she does
Then like spoons I snuggle up

Her arm wraps tight and pulls me close
I never want to let her go

Then the battle once we wake do we kiss and then be late?

For a kiss would lead me to her soul
Then making love entwined we roll

It's days like that
The simple things
Being in love
More than anything

We kiss goodbye to work we go
Waiting for their text to come

Miss you
Love you
Love you more!
I don't recall my life before

She's home first
She looks so tired
I sneak up and hug her from behind
Move her hair and kiss her neck

Nothing smells like her hairs scent
Her neck tastes like the fruit of love
I love the way her ears twitch now
She pushes back to claim her man

She turns her head and smiles at me
I love you spoken with a grin
I held the world, I held it all
The universe within my arms

The little things, the simple things
That someone else now gets to see
It really was the best of times
I was mistaken you were mine

So now I miss those simple things
I don't want a 40 minuite fling
Get out and date and fill your boots!!
I'm sorry that isn't love

I want someone to close their door and feel butterflies that I have gone
I want to play upon their mind dreaming of, our next time

So when asked to write of simple things
I ask are they really everything?
Only you can answer that!
So don't waste a minute of your life.

The stars are out up above
You wonder why the sky is up
Wonder why your down
You try to find an answer in everything that's wrong
Try to face the morning and show the world a smile
Deep inside your dying an atom at a time
Inside  you hurt like hell and no one else can see
So why's the sky above us an answer that you seek
The sky is up to hide the stars that watch over you
They shine at night for you to see to try and raise the smile
Your down because you life is hard not because of stars
Don't think you are the only one who stares in disarray
Who looks up to the evening stars and tries to see a way
A way to fix the broken things that fill your waking day
How to make it all ok and feel alive again
I don't have all the answers not even some of them
But tonight I look at stars do you see them as well

I sat drinking wine
The world oblivious to our presence, save for a curious Fox.
He stood watching little red ridding hood and the wolf.
They missed the sunset, yet the moon's rise over the twin towers and laughter seemed far more precious.
They watched a lone star over a village and joked that the three wise men wouldn't turn up there!
I looked in her eyes and saw so much love.
I also saw so much sadness.
It was as though I had known her a lifetime yet met a stranger.
I just wanted to tell her it would all be ok.
I doubt she would have believed me.
Then as though they had done something wrong they  packed up the remnants of a feast and headed for Home
That was a night to remember

I sat drinking wine
The world oblivious to our presence, save for a curious Fox.
He stood watching little red ridding hood and the wolf.
They missed the sunset, yet the moon's rise over the twin towers and laughter seemed far more precious.
They watched a lone star over a village and joked that the three wise men wouldn't turn up there!
Then they packed up the remnants of a feast and headed for Home

A collection of things I'd best not have done, but did them all the same
Ever wondered why you feel this way
A body filled with a billion cells, none knowhing what to do or say
From pillar to post shaken and stired every day
A day in here or a night out there, all the same in many ways
A work in progress, a life incomplete? The sum total of years in deep
So sod the rules and scream out loud, We want more!
To fill our lives
Follow my lead and fly the nest your 18 now and full of zest
So when it's done and they toast my *** I want them to know I had a life
I put the best of me into you and watched it grow each day
Tonight I watched you spread your wings and now you fly away
I taught you well and you will go and leave an empty space
But night or day I'll be there and call me anytime
Because all grown up remember now
Your still my little girl

Is this now the time alone we dwell upon our past
Mull over with the precision of a watchmaker the mistakes we made
The back and forth of thoughts of what might have been
If only we took the leap of faith
If we followed our heart not our head
If we gave ourselves a chance
If we trusted that other
It is that time

Sat watching television
Trying to immerse myself in its banality
Scene by scene, less interested more thoughtful.
Wondering, what someone is doing.
How they feel, are they ok?
I'm the random man who walked into a life.
A life organised but not perfect, is any?
Stability but bereft of happiness in many ways, but not all.
I entered by chance, an act orchestrated by one who would bid me no harm.
Yet greeted by one who bid me well and more.
The collision of souls, an awakening, with an outpouring of sadness.
A train wreck of emotions and needs.
Yet within it a glimmer of hope and a dream.
Or a passing fancy? A passion momento, not a passion momentum driven.
Time will tell.
The same time that passed long ago.
But this time clocks in synchronization.
A link in time, a portal to a possible new life.
Or a what might have been.

He fell in love with a version of her.
Not the woman that existed.
A version he projected.
A version dressed how he wanted her dressed.
Make up as he imagined not how she looked
Hair how he wanted, not her style.
Then when it came to intimacy, he didn't understand that wrapping something as you wished for doesn't make the contents the same.
She resisted.
A whole being created in his head to serve his needs.
The real her?
Trapped in a prison of fear.

I could write and say what I miss
But as I never have, it's empty words I guess

I could say what I feel and how I'm changed
But feel what? As we have never  met

I could recite loves labours lost or much adoo
Indeed it's nothing as not with you

Or pages of prose by those who wrote
Those whos classics masters taught

But all would seem incomplete
Because it seems..
We were never destined to meet

Like a story in third person read as though in first
That makes a ******'s feelings burst

Or Hemingways "Old man and the sea"
That's really more a testament to me

For leagues away and a different time
In spirit you could be mine

But at night when the day has laboured hard
Both alone
No arms entwined

Different worlds we roam each day
Circumstance that governs why

Long and hard have I wrestled now
With what if's when and how
Is there any point, I doubt

Love arrived unannounced tipped me up and spun me round.
Last I saw it had gone away long ago alone I stayed.
Then it came back to my life hidding deep within your eyes.
Of course I'm scared who wouldn't be in case it runs away from me.
Oh insecure we all can be when love takes control of everything
A visitor to our hearts creating madness and random thoughts
Unwelcome guest or wanted more you decide when it calls