Storm clouds gather and the sun fades
Darkness envelops like hands over the eyes
The images harder to see, hazed unclear
Storm clouds, storm clouds

Speed equals distance divided by time
So the mathematician says
On paper that may be right
Reality isn't so
For when a lovers far away
Time it moves so slow

The miles seem longer still
When you drive away from them
You drive a little faster
To try and shorten them

The faster you go the more you think
The more you think the more the burning
The miles decay the time passes by
The speed a measure only of delay
It doesn't stop your yearning

So you see on paper it works just fine
For trains and planes or cars
It doesn't seem to work though for the human heart
For love has no relativity to space and time
It's all encompassing emotions exist inside the mind

Some people are in your life for a reason
Some people are the reason you live
Some are the reason you can live
Some are the only reason for living
Know who is there for what reason
Do not try to reason with or about the others
For their love, their lives and their reasoning is not your concern

There was a moment in my day.
The day of rebirth.
The darkness will fade and the light will shine brighter each day from today.
It was coincidentally a friends birthday and without plans aforethought I ended up meeting her and her boyfriend, whom I introduced as fate would have it.
They had been there an hour before me and wine had flowed well.
Then the strangest of things occured.
For I was with strangers.
In that moment I saw something I had not seen for a long time.
I saw hope.
I saw two souls I had known over two decades, yet who only met a month ago.
I saw a difference.
A growth.
A comfort in each others character.
Peace as it were.
It was as though I was an observer, stealing a peek into their lives to a place I had never seen in eithers.
Today of all days.
We all laughed.
We drank and we simply existed in a strange way separated from all around us.
But all I could think of where the words of Alan Watts who defines the pagan path though not intentionally in his narrative, asking who we are.
Challenging all we were imprinted with from birth.
For a couple of hours I saw that question answered with crystal clarity.
I watched it unfold.
I saw who they were.
All that remains is finding
"Who am I?"

Goodnite fellow travelers

Ponder this
Our world is populated by have and have nots
Kindness and cruelty
Love and hate
Somewhere in it there should be balance
Karma
Ying and Yang
Call it what you will
Simple
The choice is yours
Rise to the bait
React in anger?
Or simply stop and think
That is what separates us
Thinking
Or should I say the lack of it

Locked doors no keys
Closed minds,
Can't see
Shaken heads
Tut after tut
Knows nothing
But a know it all
Just media lies
But an expert on all
That's the price
Of being a pawn

I seldom comment when asked of love and what it means to one or another and how perceptions change. Yet, I find myself after the events of the day, and the savage treatment of another to put my thoughts forward.
  Do people change and we or they don't exist or do we discover things that change us. We have an amazing image in our heads of what we want in a partner. Now that may sound shallow but we do. The older we get the more the image changes. Red flags cause that to change on certain behaviours, lies, traits. It is our self defence mechanisms. So inevitably the less we will compromise. Why? Because we changed too. How we were treated changes what we will no longer accept. Our core image of that ideal person changes too. So when you do meet someone it's initally based upon looks then personality, then interactions. If you get one red flag you may compromise. But more and you look for the exit. When young love is blind. It's also deaf dumb and stupid. With age we get wisdom. Out there, there are millions of us. All trying to find something. Some a start. Some an upgrade. Some an end. But in all of that you can only be yourself or it will **** you inside.  Never live a lie to keep someone elses dream alive.
Maybe I should shut up now. Good luck x

A second in the arms of a lover can last minutes
Days become weeks when not together
A lifetime can be a millennia
Without them an eternity

The first time I asked myself what I was doing, was the first time I stopped lying to myself.
The second time was harsher a blow because I had not learnt from my first question.
The question was asked time and again until I stopped asking it.
I was then lost.
For no matter how many times I asked now, the answer had no relevance.
I was no longer there.
I could not rememer me.

My heart dropped listening to the words
Clear, crisp, concise they roll from an educated tongue
Every word bigotry in all it's splendour
How did such a well educated and nurtured soul become such a pariah
Then the realisation
We missed a generation
The horrors of war in the two world wars ingrained in many love, not hurt nor hatred
They taught their children how to love and tolerance of others, not to hate a colour
Now it seems that quality has gone and to hate has become the norm
To ridicule and marginalise fashionable?
All that was learnt from those deaths now forgotten
If a teenager uses such words, what hope for those who come next?
No good for sure

X

The Christmas view from the foxhole.


I Christmas
I pod I phone I couldn't give a toss
Android or Google it makes me so cross
Jumpers with puddings antlers and bells
No ****** turkeys so fights at M and S
Away in a manger?
More like with the fairies!
Mummys half cut with the pre Xmas sherry
Dads bursting out of a suit that's too small.
For a couple of kids who deserve **** all!
Santas naughty list is totally ignored.
Hundreds are spent to hype it up more
Excess in all and no idea of why,
Christmas is lost and the meaning a lie.
Gifts for a newborn became a flat screen TV.
The Christmas works party
***** or VD?
It's Christmas yelled out by Slade and Roy Wood.
Danced to by drunkards who hope for some luck.
It's over next morning with socks and lynx.
Do all women think we're barefoot and stink?
So love to you all and peace on earth.
Haven't you heard a ****** gave birth?
Her dad was unknown the father quite odd.
Talked like a ****** to some guy called god
She was probably spaced out on Lebanese red.
Thought that an angel had been in her bed!
So drink up my friends and remember one thing
It's Christmas tomorrow the birth of the king.
So off to the church and pretend to be good and sing.
And full of good cheer at least for a day.
And back to hatred for the rest of the year.
We're bombing the ***** out of the Holy Lands.
The points been missed
We're all drunk and ******.

The last English King to ride into battle
Would give all for a horse to lead into madness
A curved spine and a ******* he still lead his men
No English King since has had backbone for it
A young prince now a nation's last hope
The rest just an expensive joke
Plantagenat King the last of a kind
Died in battle no horse to ride
A paupers grave the best he could get
Stuffed naked and tied ramed in the ground
No headstone to show a King was beneath
Just ticket machines from NCP

For a time she made me feel so much more than I ever was. No matter what I did she was always there, always behind me. I felt like I could take on the world and be home in time for tea, then bed we made love like we were one, as though the universe itself embraced us. Then one day it didn't. I know not which day as I had noticed no change. I was asleep at the wheel. The relationship left the road. It was a fatality

There are some dark dark places in my soul
Feel free to roam around once inside
View the scars left by others
The voids not yet filled
And lest we forget the wells of darkness
Take a light with you to find your way
You will need it, for I have no map

Phoenician to  Aramaic 950 BC the start of modern writting for others to see
Then Hebrew to  Moabite then Phrygian as well around 800 BC
The written word was now afoot, oh Ammonite as well

Then a split as often comes between one arab and another
Old North Arabian and Old South Arabian argue with each other
So moving west Etruscan came at 700 BC
Then Umbrian and North Picene you heard of them today?

As Lepontic and Tartessian tried to talk to others
Now we start to get a grip and influence the modern
From Lydian to Carian,  Thracian to Venetic
All around the 6th century BC people started jotting

Old Persian came and went Latins still around
Then South Picene and Messapian to Gaulish
Language now ruled the world and all the ways we wrote it

Mixe–Zoque some say isnt really true
But Oscan and Iberian followed on through
So Meroitic,  Faliscan at 300 BC came next
Then Volscian and Middle Indo-Aryan or Prakrit the Ashoka calls it
Then one thats still around Tamil you might know it

Christianity was on its way as Galatian was used
Pahlavi and Celtiberian al cald pre antiquity
Lets move on till after Christ and language moves full on

Bactrian and Proto-Norse in northen europe common
Cham and Mayan, Gothic and Ge'ez and accepted Arabic
Christs been dead 300 yrs and language starts to flourish

Primitive Irish now exists and an odd one called Ekoi
Try to remember though its still only the 4th century

Georgian now is used in a  church in Bethlehem
A bible is written  in Armenian
Kannada in Halmidi
West Germanic to that becomes  Old High German
English now for the first time starts to rear its head

Old English to Korean  Tocharian to  Old Irish
In parts of southern England they even speak Cornish  
Centuries before Pol *** there is now Cambodian
Others speaking Udi, Telugu and Tibetan
Now language is getting modern

Old Malay in the far east to Welsh in my back yard
It wasnt long before the world was writting many forms
Mandarin and English now are common place
A miriad of people and language in their states

So venture forth to foreign lands and visit as a guest
Take a pen and paper to help you on your quest
If you can cross your legs or draw a beer you really cant go wrong
Remember you dont speak their tongue its you not them thats dumb!!!

The wheels on the bus go round and round
Just saying
No big deal
I mean it's a bus right
I guess they all do it
The round and round thing that is
Hey don't get funny with me
Kids sing it
Bust their *** why don't you
***** you I'll walk

That can't be you !
It's not your name
Oh Ruby it is
I'm just the same
I use a different name to write
So don't tell anyone you know my name
So shhh and pretend and play the game
I write just to have some fun
Like Eva with her trumpet ***
So happy birthday for haloween
Save me some cake
And don't be mean
Or Eva may do a trump again!!

Never fall in love with an equestrian girl
Because she always dreaming of something between her thighs and it aint you!

Never love a woman with more than 2 cats, because she's already half way to the asylum and you don't want that!

Never buy a car, one owner, from new from a woman who can't show you where the oil goes too.

Never argue with a woman. You think you're discussing, she thinks shes telling you and you won't win that.

Never go to bed angry. You don't need to. Because she will always remind you first thing you wake in any case.

Never date an old friend. Because she will remember everything even if you don't

Never fall for a foreigner in a far away land. Because you're just an option
One of many they have

Run faster than you can and you may stumble
Run slower and you may not catch up
Stop dead, open your eyes
You will not have to run

Running where?
From or to?
pleasure or necessity?
competing or for fun?
essential or pleasure?
release of constraint?
Just running

Oh I'm running with scissors
Hell they're not even mine
I got no paper to cut
And I trip all the time

I've been rocking my chair
Back and forth on two legs
Trying to balance
And waiting for it to break

Climbing up trees
Scramble to hold on
Shaking with fear
afraid of the fall


On the highway playing chicken
******* the cars
Well A cat has nine lives
I got just one

I'm running barefoot with you
Along a ***** beach
Cut after cut
Now our feet bleed

Faster and faster
Here comes the bend
Hear the tyres
Squeeling again
Again again again
Again again again

All of the things
That I shouldn't have done
Now I'm to old
My mad days are gone

Running with Scissors

Oh I'm running with scissors
Hell they're not even mine
I got no paper to cut
And I trip all the time

I've been rocking my chair
Back and forth on two legs
Trying to balance
And waiting for it to break

Climbing up trees
Scramble to hold on
Shaking with fear
afraid of the fall


On the highway playing chicken
******* the cars
Well A cat has nine lives
I got just one

I'm running barefoot with you
Along a ***** beach
Cut after cut
Now our feet bleed

Faster and faster
Here comes the bend
Hear the tyres
Squeeling again
Again again again
Again again again

All of the things
That I shouldn't have done
Now I'm to old
My mad days are gone

Find a reason or an excuse to avoid
What you feel and how it burns inside
How it effects you they can't understand
To far, to intense,  to much on your plate
They beg you to let them help, yet you escape
When really it's you, no other to blame
You made a mistake couldn't handle their gaze
Oh hide emotion because of your past
Open to nobody for fear of the out
Once knowing your weakness you no longer could face
Knowing they knew your inner most pain
For another's affection was to much to take
Then because you can't cope you push them away
Then scold yourself as you let them go
Then sleep at night thinking are they alone
Oh hushabye fool oh lament the loss
Only you could have told them you felt to much
More emotion than you could ever have known
The love they showed you was nothing you'd known
The end came silent you could no longer talk
You simply couldn't take in it's all
Now a memory, and what of the cost?
You can't repair what you, alone lost

Santa went around the world,  didn't see colour or anything else. He didn't see war, pain or hurt or political angst or anything else.
For faith and faithless alike their children slept, anxious and longing for his sleigh to pass.
Exist or not they didn't care they held a moment a dream in the air.
St nick or santa or Mr Claus was all that they had in between wars.
So tomorrow when you and your children awake
Hold them as though it is their last day

Hung upon every word
Clinging to every vowel
Each consonant a thrill
A big word simply tingling
Speak of the universe
He became the centre
The fixation of her purpose
He could have looked like Quasimodo
It wouldn't have mattered she wanted his brain
The intelligence aroused her
It filled the intellectual void
Being seen with brains made her weak
Weak with desire, hunting, stalling her prey
The next to consume
He oblivious to her twisted needs
Believing she loved him
She loved only his mind
The rest, the *** the games ?
All a part of the need
Her symptomatic sapiophilic ritual
She's out there now
Listening...
Waiting.....
For her next mark

Sometimes what you want, isn't good for you.
What you desire is a dream.
What you need escapes reality.
All what you are left with is imagination.

He can't please them all
But he really tries
The late and the great at 10.55
We started at 8 where were you then
Fit you in? Joking again

But he gets to sing his favourites first
From 8 to 830 when no one is there
Then later when drunk the wallflowers appear
Hi Mr DJ give us a kiss

If seen once, seen thousands of times
Too many shots and a glint in their eye
Hungry for the man with the voice and the Mic

But disappointed again they are
For when the nights done, off he will run
Till next time he shouts those beckoning words
"Its  Kareoke "...to be fair.

When the lights go out and the day fades, when all you have is your thoughts and dreams.
Who do you dream of and imagine they're there?
Do they even know you care?
But now it's dark and your eyes are heavy.
The sand mans calling so  don't  be late.
Wake tomorrow and seize the day.
Because life's all that you alone make it x

Can you hear the sound of a little girls thoughts?
They won't be like yours
The simplicity of life the innocence of play
After ballet can we go to the stables pleeeeasse?
Do we feed the hoses? Or pick apples today
What's on my sandwiches,  what flavour crisps?
Do you know why the ***** cat has a limp?
We've run out of carrots the giggles are loud
Time to go home now, daddy I'm tired
Just as the horses went for a ride
All playing together with no cares in the world
I wonder what goes on in those little heads

So now on a Saturday I get to be dad
If I'm lucky see you for a little while
Without "thats wrong or not now or don't do that"
Sometimes I even get to hold you tight
Then we all part and my daughter chats on
About the fun she had with her friends who have gone
Can they sleep over or play in the park
Can we go to their house she never stops
Then the day fades and they all go home
Then I'm left to my thoughts alone.

Floating in a world of change its hard to see what's real or vague.
Hard to know what truth looks like in all the faces seen at night.
In dresses short and heels so high you see an image not the light.
It's a competition to compete like birds that Coo and **** all compare.
Soils the image that you see a true portrait of the real.
A work in progress unfinished raw that needs to be formed a little more.

We tried to be better with each new cause.
But while we tried to save the whale, we polluted its home.
We tried to save the tiger but its home was used for lumber.
The orangutans deminished for Palm oil and crops.
Now the globe is warming and the oceans rise.
They're full of plastic and everything is dying.
So now we have only ourselves to blame for plastics, Monsanto and wild hurricanes.
The next great cause will be because of effect.
No one to save mankind, as he killed everything else.

I thought I'd seen a ghost
It was a mirror, and cruel
That can't be me I've grown so old
How did I change so fast?
Or was it slow and unnoticed
Answers a lot of questions
Raises to many more.

Not now the voices say
I wish to god they would go away
Talk don't shout!
If you were real I'd throw you out
But no! Now you witter on
No peace for me to fall asleep
Don't speak like that or I'll **** you
No I'll **** me
Sorted

It begins
A feeling or a sense
Something that is different
Separate from the rest
A glance a sneer
A hidden joke
Now its one or two
The only one not laughing?
It is always you
It doesn't take many
The focus of three or four
A nickname like fatty
Or geek or *****
The teacher's they don't notice
Its just foolish play
Tell that to the child
That cries to sleep each day
Try to join their group
It just makes it worse
They now have you closer
To play their evil games
They feed upon your pain
Your grades are poor you can't explain
The teachers say your lazy
The bullying has altered you
You think you have gone crazy
The day you leave the day for you
Life can start afresh
School was like a prison
No more will you now take

***** up
or over?
Up or down?
Am I filling a gap to entertain a clown?
Am I here on demand for when it suits?
A pretty face for corporate dos.
Don't speak your mind that's not your place and apologise for their mistakes!
Slavery so I believed was no longer real.
Yet here I am in a foreign land trafficked by my own hand.
Chained by a ring and a promise of love.
Yet cold as ice and no one to hug.
So now I fill my day with tasks to keep me from fighting back.
But soon when I can break free the world will once again see me.

The season of the unwanted approaches
The forced meets the prolonged meals
The vapid remarks, the family sparks
Inlaws at odds and at war
To much excess and a festive mess
Impropriety is always the norm
The works do, she touched you
You responded over the top
When it's over it becomes colder
The nuclear family's gone bang
Cases at dawn a taxi at the door
Another unwanted leaves
So before it begins think on the things
That matter and not what's offered
For a life alone no kids no home
Is all the gift you will get
If you're caught in the hall
With your hands on the maul
Say goodbye to it all
And the season of hollow soul

Then what happens
Does the past become more bearable
Do you try to second guess mistakes made
Not wanting to make them again
Do you start believing in a future
Try to shed the bonds of a past
When do you once again trust
What happens then?

You may not Have been their first choice but you may be their last hope
You may think you are an afterthought
But could be their only one
So look at all that you have not all that you may have

Tittle tattle tongues always awash in inquisition
Is it their once meek failings?
Or loves lost labour's that spurn them to seek entanglement in my life?
Hard it must be for them to assume and presume, never knowing yet thriving upon Septic thoughts.
They may see in me something I cannot?
Or see in you something they cannot have, or lost.
For what I see is not their folly or presumption.
It is my fantasy alone and if truth be known more languid in debauchery than they could ever picture or imagine.
For my solace in my words not their deeds.
Although one follows the other, it is not compulsory nor is it always desired.
For the thoughts of slow driving ******* of the spirit is mine alone.
My thought
My words
My imagery
Her responses
Are my imagination
I seldom see these interlopers or speak to them.
I ask not to be judged as a peer, nor accepted as an equal.
I mostly despise their counsel in any way
The saving grace is the inability to read my thoughts or know of my works.
In that I deny them a world of emotion and pleasure they are not worthy of.

You didn't see me as I passed: My *** !
My smile fell flat before you like a missed catch
Oh your busy going about your day I know
Places to go people to see but never me
It was as if I don't exist, oh gosh am I dead!
Then who's the voice inside my head
It matters not I guess until your in your next mess
When you once again plague my door with all your woes
I get it, I'm just a mat for you to wipe your shity feet
I can't wait again for that old treat
But next time when you come to call you'll find no one behind my door.

Watching
Always watching
The presence
The persistence of vision
Always there
But never there
Sentinel
Seeing all
Saying little
Absorbing all
Sentinel
Making sense
Sorting out
Impartial
Devoid
Sentinel

Serendipity Day
A happy accident
Or a fortunate mistake
One day in 365 but it's the day
Because there is only one Day
A day planned by others
Yet the Day didn't know
How can Day know of a day
Or a Day know of the coming night
Isn't that serenity in serendipity
Specifically, so they say:
The accident of finding something good or useful
While not specifically searching for it
Or perhaps when one was no longer searching
The word has been voted for !
In the ten English words hardest to translate
I get that now, for how do you not search to find
How do you loose yourself not looking
Then what do you do when it's found ?
Find what your not looking for
See what was never there?
Oh that will be the Day
A Day like no other day
Serendipity Day

Serendipitys dog is a happy soul for he has no purpose as everyone one knows
Not to confuse him with Shrodingers cat
Who didn't know where the hell he was at.
Alive or dead or here or not, his owner was in for a bit of a shock
But no our dog was different to him for he didn't look for anything
He didn't look for quantum laws or try to explain what came before
For one day he knew he would simply be, in a place where time and space stood still
It may only happen once in his life but our dog knew he'd be alright.
You see probability ruled his life as fate did to, he didn't have much say in that or what to do
For the universe in all it's splendour occasionally made things a little better
Would it be chum or chapie for tea well that would be Serendipity.

A man walks into a bar and says...
Why a bar?
Why not an opticians ?
Why a man for that matter?
Why does he speak?

So an Asian alien of mixed metaphor
Flies into an opticians and begins to sing

Ok ok I get it

A man walks into a bar and says

Anyone seen a weird looking alien?

Tadah!!!!

*** is dangerous!
It can bring out all manner or unfelt emotions
Drive the stolid sane of the species to acts of moral abandonment
Bereft of any sanity
There you have it
No need to thank me
Free info

Cry not at the shadows of yesterday or morn the passing of an opportunity.
Instead look forward to the vision of tomorrow, unsullied by yesterday's mistakes.
Look at what a dawn brings not what the night tried to steal from you.
Speak not of what might have been or where the roads may take you.
Instead trust in what you feel, what you believe and be guided by raw instinct.
Only then will you be at peace with your own heart and open its doors to others.  

Y C Pturd 1987