I didn't know her
In the coming hours and days I will
I will know of her travels her dreams
Her passions, her brother her, sisters
Her mother, her father and her best friend
Her boss her colleagues.
I will meet you all,
In turn

You see I don't know her
Though now I'm her only counsel
An honoury counsel if you will
A go between, an artist in some ways
I will paint her picture
I will paint it without compromise
It will be a "still" life not impressions
I will give it my all
I always do

We met only a few hrs ago
The bright sunlight in your flowing hair
Eyes fixed in a warm gaze
A smile, yes a smile
Perfect teeth and jaw
Lips the envy of any model
I never heard your voice
Just your last lost breath
Gone now

I don't know you
Yet now your laid bare before me
In the bright light it seems irreverent
You clothes gone your body cold
Why so young, why on a beautiful morning
Why at all

To work now
The attendant comments "You alone?" he is here
As the pathologist enters my colleague arrives
All here ready to go, and yet each of us I swear pauses
Is it respect for her or shock
So young

I know now
I mean I know the cause of death
I've scribbled dozens of post mortems
As has my exhibits officer, shes the best
The drink drivers, the druged the racers
The limbless the headless biker
All have a story, a reason when flesh divided
***** by ***** the answer presents
This time no different a ruptured aorta
Yet different

Ok done
My notes go to be transcribed
We wash, dress. Hungry? Yeah ok
The pathologist joins us for breakfast
He jokes about a fry up "it will be the death of us"
We eat on, it's dealing with it I guess
A last supper for them in a way
A black closure

The picture? Oh yes
Death by rapid declaration. Not a pretty one
One side perfection the other bones exposed
None of them will see that.
The attendant is a seamstress a consummate professional
They will see a friend a daughter a colleague
Not what we see or how we answer their questions
So many questions

I now know more
An amazing daughter, fabulous friend
And a lost lover who worked late
Partied early but didn't drink
Emotional after a romantic split
Fatigued tired out with colleagues
Tieing one on to forget. How then?
You drove home In the mornings sunlight
Radio on you went a little fast only forty two
Miles per hour that is.
At thirty you may have survived
But not today

Now goodbye
The coroner's verdict accidental death
Tired, fatigued you simply fell asleep
Drifted and weaved, you couldn't see his Uturn
You never saw anything again
It was your turn, my job is done
No other to blame all the canvas used
The full picture painted
I never knew you, yet think of you often
Some you simply don't forget
The needless
The good
The honest
Sleep now

Pandora lived within her box
Listening to the noise outside
Every time she sneaked a peek
You guessed it, another freak
So she held the lid down very tight
Slept alone every night
Her friends would share a laugh and joke
Thou Pandora had no hopes of love
When one day whilst out the box
She wiggled her toosh and didn't know
Her toosh was seen to wiggle past
A quite delightful site in fact
Off she popped and closed the lid
Nothing more was ever said
One day a stranger, a curious type
Thought the lid was far to tight
He opened it up to peek inside
Pandora startled with surprise!
Hot and bothered red in fact
That he had dared to even try
The cold that she had made her world
Was melting and she was quite perturbed
So once again she closed the lid
Warm inside she couldn't think
A tingle here a giggle there
Pandora now was really scared
Now Pandora isn't locked away
She just made the choice to be that way
With good reason to with all the freaks!
The choice is hers to stay or leave

Panic stained all that I touched
Viral in some ways making it sick
Midas touched and gold followed
I touched and only pain
The destruction of worth
Nothing golden only deep darkness
Touch no more

The sun came up today
A different sun to yesterday
It felt warm and strong
Warmth through my flesh to my bones
Like a summer sun at noon
Yet it's spring and snow abounds
Last night I stared at stars amidst frost
Twinkling bright like messengers
Evening now approaches
Yet I still feel the sun
In all  its parallels

Sunglasses indoors, she leaves her hat on. Jacket to short and jeans to tight.
Holes in the knees and heels to high
Dressed to ****, not noticed she has died
Life and soul of the party circuit
Invited for laughs she's always worth it
Now years gone by she has missed her boat
Too much champers and Charlie his mate
Nostrils like caverns and eyes like **** holes
Where did she go, nobody knows

Todays the day to change a life
Go outside and feel alive
Don't let a fool hold you back
Or waste anymore of your life
Go and do something for you alone
Don't be beholden to another's tune
When they listen to the song another sings
Don't wait until they call your name
When they call
Be far away

All we want we see in the future
All we have is the present
All we need is to understand our past
All we can be is ourselves

It an endangered beast the artist
For many have no place, no use
No time for words, sculpture or paint
The hurry up life of money, work, money, work
Then it stops, they have it all, nothing
Only then they see its value
To pay and display for others to see
Its late, to late by then
The artist is gone
Extinct
No longer to roam freely in the minds of the young

People of Facebook
(The Boxing day lament)

People loving people, be they here or gone.
People missing people, as they never came home.
People moving on, they had enough or said goodbye.
People determined to change, they can't take anymore lies.
People recovering be it from illness or ale.
People who look after them, for love or for pay.
People who are lost, yet seem to have it all.
People with nothing, yet shared all they could.
People who moan here, as no one listens at home.
People frustrated, people adrift.
People in love, but no way to fix it.
People who aren't yet as no one is near them.
People divorced playing Christmas child chess.
People alone in a house full of people.
People just happy, they lasted the year.
People worried it's the last Christmas they'll see.
People who shout "Bah humbug" but don't mean it at all.
People who holiday to avoid it all, the memories and troubles that the season recalls.
People who just take the dog for a walk.
People with faith who praise Jesus's name.
People who ask is he a character in a game?
People who are pagan enjoying light nights again.
People oh people this is all that there is, no practice no replay no second chance at it.
So try to see people as they really are and I hope you find happiness wherever you are.

Love to all you lovely people and I hope you get what you desire x

Odd how faces from a past defined by others now define you
Odd they see things, you in a light more bright more in focus
Cast aside from the chains of conformity the perfectness of delusion
The false image of what is expected
So onward to tomorrow and it's dawn

Odd how faces from a past defined by others now define you
Odd they see things, you in a light more bright more in focus
Cast aside from the chains of conformity the perfectness of delusion
The false image of what is expected
So onward to tomorrow and it's dawn

I thought I knew of life
Exhilaration, fear, fright, love
I thought I knew my mind
Dreams, wants, needs
I thought I had the answers
Future, past, present
I thought
I was wrong
Then I knew
I was wrong
I knew nothing

Today I chatted with Philip
I'm not comfortable with his visit
Philip although being small
Has really ruined my day
No matter what I've tried to do
He's been in the way and made me blue
He will I suspect grow each day
Till he or I go away
I'm not sure who will give in first
So plan for the worst and expect the best
You see Philip is a real snide
The way he hides inside
Me or you it's gonna be
And I'm gonna fight *****.

I have been blamed for rain and blamed for snow
Told I was wrong for doing as I am told
Why is it so hot, oh why is it so cold!
Don't touch me, but I need someone to hold
It's raining again, it isn't my fault
Your hairs gone frizzy and ruined the night out
Shall we just get a cart or a glass box on wheels?
So you can be perfect in all seasons reveals
Throw down the mirror and the perfect facade
You think that people can't see inside?
Angry and twisted a corkscrew heart
So blame everyone for all of your woes
See how that works when you are alone

Remember at school ?
Sat in a row?
For a team to pick you to go
You silently prayed you would never be last
Knowing you can't play was bad enough.

Years pass by then the dates begin
The one you like always with him.
Not just him
It's HIM again !
The one who left you on the bench

Time moves on more years pass
You meet again they are married now
The perfect pair or so it seems
He still shares who is in your dreams

A few years more you cross again
He's on his *** and life has changed
The perfect pair no longer together
The love you thought would be forever

But now its odd he's all alone
She flew the coup his lover gone

People change as values do
As time erodes both me and you

She wanted more or was it him?
Communication imploded in

So now you share a different bench
No now picks who ends up friends
You raise a glass to drown the past
Pick me!
Pick me!
An echo now

So now full circle years past
Still they know you not
You write for you not lovers lost
You write to record the thoughts you have
The good the bad the sad the mad
You write in hope it's understood

Now others read the words you write
From far away day and night
Pick me, pick me it matters no more
For those who read already know.

He saw her
Not knowing her depth
Fascinated by her face
Oblivious to her wilds
He begged to meet her
An image he had
Was it reality
Oh but reality was so much more
But was he ready for it
Love beyond physicality
A passion that he had never known
And may..
Never understand

That's ok to say mate.
I know the feeling well.
Sadly those we love seem not to love us.
Sometimes think they have no idea of what indeed a relationship really is.
Just a flag of convenience for emotional pirates.
Like knickers up a flagpole

My toes are ugly
Well I think they are
They look so strange
Down there on the floor
As though added on as an after thought
Now imagine if we had none at all
Fetishists would suffer quite a lot
No way to get themselves off
Athletes foot would be a thing of the past
And I'd never be nibbled by dogs or cats
As it is there here to stay
Just ugly toes
Down there
Ok

Over the rainbow or somewhere else
A play upon words for my personal thoughts.
Was Kubla Khans ******* a work or a fact? It took Coleridge decades to work that out.
If Kipling thought "When" would it be lesser a work? If would be nothing, there's satire there.
If Poe wrote of seagulls and the Raven was missed, would a dream be a nightmare in his words instead?
So had Yeats not the heavens embroided cloths but instead the curtains from his grandma's cottage, would he have laid them down under her feet? Or wrapped them around her to keep her sweet.
Is there nothing in words that hasn't been said?
Who knows now, who cares I guess.

I am often lost within my thoughts
Unable to find their origin or end
Offended by their presence
Panicked by their absence
Comforted in part
Fearfully entwined to them
But they are mine
No others

A Poem by Me  POF

I read "No photo of me, so no reply!" Like starting a fight with her opening line.
So I removed mine! I'm rebel at heart, but I do have them if you choose to enquire.
But are photos all that define us now?
I am willing to take a chance they are not.
But I do have photos and you're welcome to see, when your ready, if you're chatting to me.
But the photos are not of me holding a dog or my two daughters to bolster my cause. To show you I am a wonderful dad or that the gym is clearly my second home.
There are no photos of me a decade ago in Summer shorts that my ex chose!
If you understand what I am trying to say, it's because all profiles seem to read the same.
The five in a photo and the blond is me!
Do the other four even know they're on here?
You like to stay in and you like to go out. Do you need a photo to prove that?
You like food, and love to cook and dine out here's my dinner just look at that!
Then there's the best and one I like most
"No players please" I have had enough.
Oh ladies please!! Men are like shoes, have you ever bought the first pair you chose?
And the runner up tickles me so, own teeth and hair, and must be tall. A taller woman in heels is great. It's not my ego thats in the way.
So am I cynical or speaking the truth? Have you seen yourself in the words above?
I didn't write to offend at all, but maybe one of you gets the point.
Should men give a list of do's and don'ts?
As women do, like designing a doll.
Should we list make up and spandex as miss selling and cheat, and list only women above 5ft 3.  I hope my words made you laugh. If not cheery bye and good look on POF.

When they came for the unions you did nothing.
When they came for our pensions you did nothing.
When they came for the disabled and benefits, again you did nothing.
When they banned the crucifix, you stood by.
Now Islam comes you suddenly decide to give a ****.
You suddenly found one to give to the wrong cause.

Half a pound of christening rice
Half a pound of incense
Don't leave me alone with anyone's kids
Pop goes the priesthood

It's ok they'll never tell
The bishop he's been at it as well
But now the press are going to tell!
Pop goes the priesthood

No! we're all in the dock
For where we stuck are private parts
The Pope has had to take the wrap
Pop goes the priesthood!!

The UN doesn't like Kim Jong Uns  posture
I was more aghast at his hair sweetie
So 1950s

We are all a work in progress.
For some never completed.
For others prefabricated to make do.
If I saw you today would you know me tomorrow?
Or pass me by in the street?
Indignant to my existence
We are all just pieces in another's self build.
Remnants of what's been demolished before.
So when you see someone incomplete are you the missing block?
Or the reason they had to rebuild.
Prefabricated
layers of dreams held together by little, often nothing.
The dreams that formed reality are nothing of substance only the rivets of our hearts.

Waltzing with fire
watching the priest,
drop to his knees
and a boy screams with fear

All I see in the press today
Waltzing with fire till he goes to jail

A fear of all
he prays to a god,
for if he is caught
he won't have a job

All I see in the press today
Waltzing with fire Rolf Harris again

Oh the tide rolls in
with crashing waves,
the Daily Express always says
"Prepare for the worst!"
or
The torys are great

All I see in the press today
Waltzing with fire their expenses claims

Well someones dog
**** outside my gate!
Made the page
Not Nepal's earthquake

All I see in the press today
Waltzing with fire Everest a grave

What to do
when it's all gone wrong?
Oh I'm Traped in the vesel
that I got at birth,
as age contorts
and changes its shape

All I see in the press today
Waltzing with fire another *** change

Oh mistakes a plenty
and then somemore
as I made decisions
like a needy *****
Try and keep up
we march today!
Just where are we going
I couldn't say

All I see in the press today
Waltzing with fire labour lost again

Direction lost
and the maps on fire,
my souls ignited
by another's fire
Another who warms
at a different grate,
no wonder people run away

All i see in the press today
Waltzing with fire a teacher caught again

So waltz with fire
and quench the coals that burn
for loving only makes you cold
Cold in spirit, cold in bed
and distorts all up inside my head

All I see in the press today
Waltzing with fire Mr speakers wife again

So what was that all about,
I say that daily and often shout!!
Wish I knew I would share the plot,
but like my soul...It all is lost

All I see in the press today
Waltzing with fire the popes lost his faith

Outside the sphere
No longer hidden
Safety switches off
Tentative steps into a lost reality
Remembering times past
Moments lost
Feelings found
Places frequented
Faces remembered
Some remote
Emotions in recovery
Life on pause
Press play

When you say you have been to hell and back whose hell?  Yours  or mine?
The journey there in different lives on different paths and at different times
The hell you have is self created as you never looked at getting free
You never looked at getting out you stayed so comfortable and yet so sad
Tight liped and smiles for all to see though inside broken piece by piece.
I'm So far away from home and I don't know where home is anymore
Screaming from my soul but you can't hear a word

My mimd simply floats on a sea of unused unspoken thoughts

Locked up locked down and some ******* too!
2020 did it all to you.
Hardship and loss fear and withdrawal.
Anger and rants from the quietest we know.
Who would have thought a virus so small and a blonde haired buffoon could have angered us all.
So try and be kind and keep hold of your ****.
I hope to still see you when we're over it.
So for whom the bell tolls?
Well it tolls for us all.
Now 24/7
Not just after 10!

So much repetition in each day
A reverence to pointless tasks for mindless people
We can improve this, modify that and all that's left
Is the remains of what worked
To get ahead you must now show evidence
Evidence you re invented the wheel
Streamlined a task made it longer
You lived up to the red tape challenge!!!
We now need a budget for more red tape
But you got your next step up
I despair at what monster reform has created

You were left there
To hold promises
But you let them go

The ******* contest continues
Blame another for economic failure
Can't be hypocrisy can it?
Starving armies believing propaganda
Unable to see the first world
If only they knew and overthrew
Would be so much less bloodshed

Oblivion at one end
A life dedicated to be medicated
The other
A void of lost thoughts like a black hole
Mad all you can do is watch
Watch as the pills control them
Prozac now flows through their veins
Never the same person again

Picture the scene
Together yet apart
Falling asleep alone
Mind creating a alternate world
A world were he is all
He is the arms that hold you
The lips that kiss you
A duet of pleasure he caresses you
You are transcended
Morning comes he's not there
You go to work, sit at your desk
There he is, he passes you say hi
He raises a smile, sheepish
Not because of the night before
For he was not there
He never was
Well not until you close your eyes
Tonight

I walked the dog the other night as the twilight flickered and I watched the mosquitoes get ever lower in groups in acrobatics and aerobatics below the tree line like starlings swarm but not as pretty and no one likes them in country or city as they breed in pools and hunt at night and bite and infect and cause nothing but strife in their short and heady airborne life and now after admiring their ariel dance one ******* took a vampire stance and sunk it's  mouth into my cheek and left a bite thats red and angry and ******* me off because in twighlight I walked my dog.

For so long I watched people fall into darkness.
Like the stars that shone so bright in my life.
Put out by others darkness the beauty removed, the light extinguished.
I was one of those stars, gone.
I couldn't shine as so many dark clouds hung over me.
We are all the same.
All we are is the dust from stars, nothing more... or are we.
I wallowed in darkness of depression like a weather front obscured me.
Dark clouds others left.
But sometimes I would see a star shine in the night sky I just had to wait for the clouds to clear.
I would hang onto its light like my very life depended upon it.
The wind simply blew them...away.
That was it!!
They hadn't stopped shining, nor had I.
We just couldn't be seen for all the dark clouds in life.
It was like a eureka moment.
What if each day I did one act to clear someones clouds.
Try and blow them away a little bit.
Do that and someone sees them shine.
Ask nothing in return save this..
When you can however small, blow someone elses clouds away if you can.
So I began.
Sometimes it was something big to move a cloud.
More often just something they couldn't do themselves but massive to them.
I mean we are just the stuff of stardust, just energy so why not use it?
Could it be that simple?
One cloud at a time pushing them out of the way.
Little clouds mostly and occassional big cloud and the odd storm.
But.. it worked.
Putting the stars back in the sky one deed at a time.
Here's the point.
My life is full of stars again.
People who shine because helping them clear their clouds gave me back that.
Try it
Just one little thing to remember..
If you help one star shine
you brighten your own sky..
Their clouds may be your clouds too!
You may not get it right every time.
One day at a time
One cloud at a time
But try x

Answers
To
Questions
We
Can't
Ask
Not
Wanting
Answers
To
Questions
We
Have

Schrödingers you are!
Neither one nor the other
You are not having a relationship and having one at the same time!

I'm sorry I listend for so long to a voice that was never ever wrong. Who never could apologise and so I began to truly despise. Your every word, your sideways glance you gave no decent soul a chance. Self appointed, head of your state made by others who you berate. Your heart is dead your blood runs cold and all your friends kiss your back hole they couldn't kiss the one In front as that dried up a long time ago. So am I bitter or just twisted ? NO ! For me it was time to go. Your poison leeches into those who are good and eats away at their moral worth. I'd wish thou well but you have it all, you probably grew a set of ball's. Farewell adios and good bye from me. I'd rather f@@k a thorny tree!

How does the sun know of the moon?
Does winters cold court the summer sun?
Will autumns breeze compare to spring?
Do the falling leaves blow in the breeze?
Does a child see flowers and know a season?
Do the elderly see each season as their last?
Do you see my face and forget your past?
Does a warm embrace comfort you now?
You see I have no answers only questions many
I don't understand life, perhaps I'm not ready
I've cut off my nose to spite my face
So now I'm alone I'm lonely place.

Hugglebuggle snugleboo
Arms around all of you
Entwined embraced and feeling warm
Protecting you from any harm
Legs wrapped up and warm together
Stay in bed like this forever
Hugglebuggle snugleboo
Safe and warm here with you

Listen to the radio
Talk of war and famine
Then they play a cheery tune
From a manufactured band
Then an oldie I remember as a teen
Realise I heard it when I was 16
Life is like a highspeed train
Until it goes a miss
Then it's like a freight train crash
Then it's all a mess
But in reverence to grammar
The announcer makes it all
Sound like the weather
No emotion at all

Oh the excitement I just can't keep it in
Pick up a colleagues phone they shouldn't have left alone
So random text a stranger to share my inner glee
"I've killed your wife ! Cleaned up the blood the bodies in my trunk"
"I'll be round in half an hour to pick you up"
" I'll stop for gas on the way, I'm really running low"
"Bring a ***** and help me dig the hole"
"Remember next week dude you have to do mine"

You park a car on yellow lines you know it's wrong but all the time
Rules are there but not for you,
beneath your place you seem to think
You park emotions on others to
With same flipancey and disregard
I must start reading the Catholic Herald
I missed the date they made you a saint
You speak to others like they are possessions
To fill a gap in your social status
You can't imagine how much it hurts when you destroy people with your words
So now I'll speak little more, you pariah ! Your just a social *****
Tittle tattle rules your day and it replaced your reality
I'll shut up now as negativity has no place
I'm off to see a happier face

The beautiful halfmoon in the sky
The velvet scent of the gardens blooms
Her face caught in the light of candles
Her eyes like amber in their glow
The scent of her skin, the touch of her hands
The things I remember most
Her kiss
None of these compared to her coldness
An arctic frost surrounded her heart
When it thawed a beauty beyond compare
Yet it was not seasonal
It's warmth was random, driven in self worth
It was never mine

It dawned on me today how half of my life had slipped away, on auto fill as the web shapes and takes, as we lose more of our self to an ever growing internet.
To the who's who of no one true, that you will never meet or kiss their cheek, or share a drink at a late night bar, but share an argument from afar...
Keyboard flares sent across the net to someone you have never met, who's hiding behind a Qwerty shield and to them that screen is very real!
Or the stars that shine so bright on the browser that's just full of *****.
When shites tupence an ounce and they're worth sweet FA..
But you had to know what they ate today.
Not worth ***** and it's valued more yet they seem like royalty to the poor
So when it dawned on me earlier today that half my life had passed away..
I held a moments silence then, for the passing off the world that's real and those around us in the flesh..
Because it isn't real it's all a place made of one's and zeros to Infinity that will outlive you and me..
So before the rest of life flies by, unplug your mind from the digital hub.
Put the tablet in the drawer and leave the phone till you make a call.
Then call someone that you miss, and tell them that you love them still.
Tell them of your thoughts today and not what you were fed by the internet...
It dawned on me today, tomorrow will soon be yesterday so make the most of the here and now, when it's gone it's not backed up on a card or drive to bring back up when you desire.
Just in memories, that's all, that's it.
Not this internet of ****.