I could see fragility in her eyes I had never seen there before
For my friend always smiles, always has counsel for others, always there, even when she is hurt this is different, painful too see
Too try to explain that look in any child’s eyes would be almost impossible
Lost, empty, fearful, distraught
Seeing it in a grown woman’s face was no different.
Week by week I see her face
It counts down in anguish, like a clock
Irony some call our faces clocks!
But I swear it counts down with each view, the sadness weighs the skin, and the eyes try to hide the hurt
Not detracting from her beauty, oh no
At fifty she still has the looks of a woman a decade younger, at least, and the body to complement that, but her voice is her jewel
Listening to her sing has brought laughter and tears to many, but, I digress
I can't help the one who helps everyone else
The one who always does her bit and more and more often for the unappreciative
I just listen
To watch one you love leave this world is agony
To watch a parent, unimaginable, slow and heartbreaking
The fragility in those eyes is love in its entire splendor
The tears for a man who only ever gave, she was one of his greatest gifts
Soon he will leave and leave behind a precious heart
One of the kindest I have ever known
But those eyes I don't think will ever be the same
But look closely for another star will twinkle in them
That light carries on

We miss the differences.
Not because we don't notice,
more because we become too accustomed to them.
We don't notice the nights getting darker till we feel the chill of Autumn.
We notice spring when the low morning sun blinds us, not when flowers bud.
We see our childs first steps, yet fail to notice a grandparents last.
It is as though the important things trade places with the essentials as life overwhelms us, we miss transitions as we age.
We so often don't see when someone who was simply **** becomes beautiful, when we should scream it out loud before love becomes lost.
What we once admired we often despise and yet have no measure of when one emotion became the other, it probably didn't have too, we missed the change.
We loose touch, make new friends, we age but also become younger in so many ways. Lovers hearts, our hearts have the ability to do that, if we notice, yet we seldom do until we loose a friend and the news hits us hard.
For we simply miss the differences.
We just get eroded by lifes daily chores, Work eat sleep repeat.
So step back and look at the differences.
Look at what you have or what it is you need or need to change before it's to late to say it.
But don't miss a moment of it wondering what if? Should I have or I wish I had. Because even if you're wrong, it's right.
Hug your kids, your parents too and show someone how you feel. Even if it's just with a warm smile or just being there. Or something daft
It may be the only smile they see today, or the difference in their life that keeps them going today.
I once bought a welshman a little dragon in an egg. He collected dragons. He was so excited by it, it was like he was a little child for a few minuites. That's how I will remember him. The child like smile. Those are the memories we make.
So be the difference not the differences. No matter how small, to someone it could be all

I pod I phone I couldn't give a toss
Android or Google it makes me so cross
Jumpers with puddings antlers and bells
No ****** turkeys so fights at M and S
Away in a manger?
More like with the fairys!
Mummys half cut with the pre Xmas sherry
Dads bursting out of a suit that's too small
For a couple of kids who deserve **** all!
Santas naughty list is totally ignored
Hundreds are spent to hype it up more
Excess in all and no idea of why
Christmas is lost and the meaning a lie
Gifts for a newborn became a flat screen TV
The Christmas works party
***** or VD
It's Christmas yelled out by Slade and Roy Wood
Danced to by drunkards who hope for some luck
It's over next morning with socks and lynx
Do all women think we're barefoot and stink?
So love to you all and peace on earth
Haven't you heard a ****** gave birth?
Her dad was unknown the father quite odd
Talked like a ****** to some guy called god
She was probably spaced out on Lebanese red
Thought that an angel had been in her bed!
So drink up my friends and remember one thing
It's Christmas tomorrow the birth of the king.
So off to the church and pretend to be good
And full of good cheer
And back to hatred for the rest of the year
Were bombing the ***** out of the Holy Lands
The points been missed
We're all ******.

I had so much I wanted too write.
My head bursting with so much thought, so many words, so much emotion.
I just can't organise the letters to make words that make sense.
Maybe they don't want to be written just yet.

There are places that you can sit and only hear the wind tumbling the sand or the leaves rustling.
They are places of great solace and immeasurable calm.
We each have our own.
When you share such a place you share a part of you, and in doing so exchange a memory.
For that place will never be the same to you.. Or them.

Grow old with me for the best in us is yet to be.
Walk with me, close by my side, not in front or steps behind.
Hold my hand when you feel afraid, I'll embrace you tight until dangers passed.
Watch the lines grow upon my face, watch my hair turn silver grey.
Look for me when you open your eyes, know I'll always be at your side.
But most of all when our time is done, when our days are short and our lives have run.  Know in all I've said and done that for me you were the only one.

Immersed in a dream of what if and how
Lost in reality with no way out
Hanging your hopes higher than your reach
Yet walking alone on your local beach
Day after day you would say sometime soon
Soons days became weeks as your life passed you by
So no more day dreams no more hanging those hopes
Reality now must be your thoughts
Just walk with the dog on that local shore
How many tomorrows left?
Who knows, not sure
If you pass on the beach,
no need to say hi.
I will be just getting on with life

When I woke today I was alone
Couldn't feel your warmth
Couldn't touch your skin with my fingertips
Nor kiss your face with my lips

Couldn't smell your scent as I made the bed
Nor touch your hair as you got dressed
No silhouette to make me smile
No clothes left for me to fold

I couldn't hear your voice at breakfast
Or the sound of your heels in the hall
Couldn't say goodbye and wish you well
Couldn't hug and squeeze you it's living hell

Because I am here and you are not
You've never been and thats our lot
So really nothing's changed from a month ago
So why do I feel like I am not whole?

Tonight again I shall got to sleep
Imagine you as you breathe
Stroke your hair and kiss your neck
Then hold you in a warm embrace

My life has changed in a way thats good
It isn't how I thought It would
A way that others may not get
Is it Love??
Let them guess
***

When you wake today I won't be there
I'll sleep in another part of your world
It's happened that way and always did
For we never knew either exists

As you open up your eyes the day is new,
like a blank canvas that awaits your brush
Pure untouched yours to paint, with all the things that fill your day

You will start your day with things all planned
Meetings, lunch and desert sands
But in all of that know one thing
Tonight you will be alone again

I could write and say what I miss
But as I never have, it's empty words I guess

I could say what I feel and how I'm changed
But feel what? As we have never  met

I could recite loves labours lost or much adoo
Indeed it's nothing as not with you

Or pages of prose by those who wrote
Those whos classics masters taught

But all would seem incomplete
Because it seems..
We were never destined to meet

Like a story in third person read as though in first
That makes a ******'s feelings burst

Or Hemingways "Old man and the sea"
That's really more a testament to me

For leagues away and a different time
In spirit you could be mine

But at night when the day has laboured hard
Both alone
No arms entwined

Different worlds we roam each day
Circumstance that governs why

Long and hard have I wrestled now
With what if's when and how
Is there any point, I doubt

Locked doors no keys
Closed minds,
Can't see
Shaken heads
Tut after tut
Knows nothing
But a know it all
Just media lies
But an expert on all
That's the price
Of being a pawn

I am falling faster than I can measure as the darkness all but consumes me.
I no longer see any light in the loves that held me here.
I only see solace in goodbye.
I awake falling with no grasp of the day, no will to move forward, no purpose.
I think I am done with this fight and simply wish to shed this body.
I know not what tipped my balance, nor when.
I have no wish to talk or discuss solutions or remedy to this darkness.
I simply want to be free from it.
Free, just free from the torture of each wasted day with all its pain and sycophantic malaise.
Had I the substance to go.

Transparent eyes
An empty heart
Cold inside
No warmth at all
No feelings of joy
Mourns not loss or love
Just nothing now
It's all gone

Listening to the stories they wallow in past glories with no grasp of the now
Always first to speak and last to listen
Never existed just pull up your socks
Fake to gain attention
Always been odd that one
Where did they go
Never said goodbye
Selfish

Held so tight like a child
String wrapped around fingers
A last anchor in the abys
Then let go
No change of position
Just loss
Deep marks cut into fingers
All thats left
Faded minuites later
Then
Nothing
No memory

I want a big clock
Hung  upon my wall
Like the kind in train stations
With arms feet long

I want to hear each tick
And every tock
One at a time
Counting the moments
As life passes by

I know one day
Maybe to soon
The clock will stop
For me alone

Who knows why
It ticks as it does
How many seconds
Each of us have

You get to use them
With who, is your call
But once each has gone
It's gone for good

So watch the hands
Sweep the face
Tick after tock
Till we leave this place

The darkness has always been there
It is natures cold harsh default
Some carry the light and skip through it
Others accept it, they are lost to us.
The choice is your own
Light or Darkness
Choose wisely

Notes from
"Walking back from the edge of sanity"

Lie to someone.
Fashion that lie.
Sell it like the truth.
Wrap it like reality.
Once complete, all ends tied,
then you smuggly think they won't see it.
Play on the heart strings.
Then they think...
Hey I just got one over on them.......
As you walked away with that warm feeling, did you hear it?
The laughter..
For they knew
Live the illusion
For the Empire crumbles
Even the rats leave the ship as its very timbers come apart
Soon, not long now

I walked into the lounge
I wore almost nothing
Fishnets and heels
But HALO was pumping

Next night I  was naked
The candles scented the air
But grand theft auto
Kept him in his chair

I tried it all
Favourite food and beer
But he was a soldier
In an internet dream

One day he came home
I was not there!
I was with another
And game on, oh yes!

So Xbox or play station
Nintendo or pc
When I say it's bedtime
You best listen to me!

He can't please them all
But he really tries
The late and the great at 10.55
We started at 8 where were you then
Fit you in? Joking again

But he gets to sing his favourites first
From 8 to 830 when no one is there
Then later when drunk the wallflowers appear
Hi Mr DJ give us a kiss

If seen once, seen thousands of times
Too many shots and a glint in their eye
Hungry for the man with the voice and the Mic

But disappointed again they are
For when the nights done, off he will run
Till next time he shouts those beckoning words
"Its  Kareoke "...to be fair.

Overun, past the max
Taken in to much, tipped the stack
All went well till the last straw
Then there she was on the floor
Work and play got all confused
Then she hit the *****
Didn't go **** up all at once
She looked the part and danced the dance
Then the day it all tipped the balance
Now not her or even near
Her friends don't come near
But a day at a time step by step
She rebuilds the life that she regrets

Waltzing with fire
watching the priest,
drop to his knees
and a boy screams with fear

All I see in the press today
Waltzing with fire till he goes to jail

A fear of all
he prays to a god,
for if he is caught
he won't have a job

All I see in the press today
Waltzing with fire Rolf Harris again

Oh the tide rolls in
with crashing waves,
the Daily Express always says
"Prepare for the worst!"
or
The torys are great

All I see in the press today
Waltzing with fire their expenses claims

Well someones dog
**** outside my gate!
Made the page
Not Nepal's earthquake

All I see in the press today
Waltzing with fire Everest a grave

What to do
when it's all gone wrong?
Oh I'm Traped in the vesel
that I got at birth,
as age contorts
and changes its shape

All I see in the press today
Waltzing with fire another *** change

Oh mistakes a plenty
and then somemore
as I made decisions
like a needy *****
Try and keep up
we march today!
Just where are we going
I couldn't say

All I see in the press today
Waltzing with fire labour lost again

Direction lost
and the maps on fire,
my souls ignited
by another's fire
Another who warms
at a different grate,
no wonder people run away

All i see in the press today
Waltzing with fire a teacher caught again

So waltz with fire
and quench the coals that burn
for loving only makes you cold
Cold in spirit, cold in bed
and distorts all up inside my head

All I see in the press today
Waltzing with fire Mr speakers wife again

So what was that all about,
I say that daily and often shout!!
Wish I knew I would share the plot,
but like my soul...It all is lost

All I see in the press today
Waltzing with fire the popes lost his faith

Oh I'm running with scissors
Hell they're not even mine
I got no paper to cut
And I trip all the time

I've been rocking my chair
Back and forth on two legs
Trying to balance
And waiting for it to break

Climbing up trees
Scramble to hold on
Shaking with fear
afraid of the fall


On the highway playing chicken
******* the cars
Well A cat has nine lives
I got just one

I'm running barefoot with you
Along a ***** beach
Cut after cut
Now our feet bleed

Faster and faster
Here comes the bend
Hear the tyres
Squeeling again
Again again again
Again again again

All of the things
That I shouldn't have done
Now I'm to old
My mad days are gone

There are some dark dark places in my soul
Feel free to roam around once inside
View the scars left by others
The voids not yet filled
And lest we forget the wells of darkness
Take a light with you to find your way
You will need it, for I have no map

Painted moons and  rainbow sky
Unicorns and butterflies
A princess for him
A prince for her
But continents divided them
Her friend said go on give it a try
But time zones confuse a goodnight
Hard to hold a vacant slot
When you're asleep and they are not
So love doesn't see a postal code
Flesh and blood sadly does
So once again fate plays a part
In keeping lovers
Far
Apart

He saw her
Not knowing her depth
Fascinated by her face
Oblivious to her wilds
He begged to meet her
An image he had
Was it reality
Oh but reality was so much more
But was he ready for it
Love beyond physicality
A passion that he had never known
And may..
Never understand

I looked inside my dark places
I walked miles by day
Further at night, in my mind
I saw faces of others
Twisted by lifes trials
Tear reddened cheeks
Broken smiles
I had seen enough for any lifetime
Each day repeated
Like water dripping on a prisoner
Serving no purpose other than to becon insanity
But it was already here
Madness all around

I spoke to a friend today
She asked how was life in my world
Topics a many were discussed and disected
Failures and love and feeling dejected
Does it all come down to to just one thing?
A few inches of flesh and some physical thing
It's a lottery finding the one who fits
And not just in the place where the G spot sits
Goldilocks only had a choice of three ?
For us it's many and a lottery
Small , tall round or plump
Does it all come down to delivering *****

Rhiana has nothing on her
She's seen more brollies than any girl
From those that fit in your bag
To the weapons used by old hangs!

Every style you could ever want
To keep the rain off of your bonce
Be they flowers, black or hello kitty
They turn to her when the weather's ******

Now her day it flies when the weathers crap
But in her evenings, something lacks..
She seeks a man with a wooly face
To hold her hand and walk in the rain
Under her umbrella with that special fella x

Over the rainbow or somewhere else
A play upon words for my personal thoughts.
Was Kubla Khans ******* a work or a fact? It took Coleridge decades to work that out.
If Kipling thought "When" would it be lesser a work? If would be nothing, there's satire there.
If Poe wrote of seagulls and the Raven was missed, would a dream be a nightmare in his words instead?
So had Yeats not the heavens embroided cloths but instead the curtains from his grandma's cottage, would he have laid them down under her feet? Or wrapped them around her to keep her sweet.
Is there nothing in words that hasn't been said?
Who knows now, who cares I guess.

Bill was great! He was her all.
I say was, as he kept loosing control of his **** and *****.
When Bill was out of her sight
Little Bill was quite wild!
When out with her all Bill did
Was look at others, the flirting ***.
Bill was nothing but a ****
She was too in love to see
Now she calls him ***** the player
As he hunts her friends and tries to lay them.
Lesson learned and not soon enough
Bill was just a f#####g c##t!

You better not cough or sniff or cry
Don't get sick I'm telling you why
The Tory party is coming to power

They see you when your'e working,
then taxes all your pay
They say it's for austerity and you voted it that way

You can't have any help from them, then when you die your taxed again
Camerons claws are running the town

There is still magic to be done
But not by this magician
Maybe it holds true
For I think some,
Magicians that is,
Are mere illusionists

In youth he courted her as men do
He would bring flowers to her door
Roses on her pillow, petals scattered in affection
What was expected under loves direction
They married and this remained
Over the years kids came it wained
They built a home together
A place of their own
Amazingly he felt alone
The dream wasn't to buy her flowers
But to plant a garden where they could walk
A place to sit in twilight years
Watch the grandkids end the fears

I am often lost within my thoughts
Unable to find their origin or end
Offended by their presence
Panicked by their absence
Comforted in part
Fearfully entwined to them
But they are mine
No others

No lights, half on the shoulder, rain beating down.
I pulled up behind, put my rear lights on.
The plate came back to a local, no markers. I walked up torch in hand.
Inside sat a woman, well dressed with her head in hands on the wheel.
I tapped on the glass.
I thought "Drunk driver".
Then I saw the face through the window, panda eyes and soaked with tears.
I opened the door and asked "Is everything ok?" The tearful reply came
"I've broken down."
There was no smell of alcohol and she was clearly distressed.
I said it's ok I will try and get you going again, what's the problem?
He left me for another woman.
1 A.m. in the morning, the middle of my beat in the middle of nowhere.
What do you do?
What would you have done?
I called my location in and said I was helping a driver.
We sat in my patrol car and I shared my flask of tea.
Luckily she took sugar.
She asked if I had better things to do?
I said no it's my lunch break.
I listened she cried.
I listened for over an hour.
He left her for a younger woman.
She found them together
In her bed
Foolish man in every way in my view
But my view, neither appropriate or necessary.
When she had got herself together I walked her back to her car.
Started it up, heater on and her eyes dried
She asked who I was and I gave my name and collar number.
She smiled and drove away.
About a month later I came on duty and a message was left in my tray.  
A lady called for you.
Left a message.
"Thanks for the tea"
No name left.
(To tell me she was ok)
The details unreadable in my pocket book as soaked in the rain.
Never saw her or heard from her again

We all breakdown from time to time. Sometimes all we need is a little help.

Waltzing with fire
watching the priest,
drop to his knees
and screams with a fear

A fear of all
he prays to a god,
for if he is caught
he won't have a job

Oh the tide rolls in
with crashing waves,
the Daily Express always says
"Prepare for the worst!"
or the
"Torys are great"

Well someones dog
**** outside my gate!
What to do
when it's all gone wrong?

Oh im Traped in the vesel
that I got at birth,
as age contorts
and changes its shape

Oh mistakes a plenty
and then somemore
as I made decisions
like a needy *****

Try and keep up
we march today!
Just where are we going
I couldn't say

Direction lost
and map on fire,
my souls ignited
by another's fire

Another who warms
at a different grate,
no wonder people run away

So waltz with fire
and quench the coals that burn
for loving only makes you cold

Cold in spirit,
cold in bed
and distorts all up inside my head

So what was that all about,
I say that daily and often shout!!
Wish I knew
I would share the plot,

but like my soul...
It all is lost.

There is a duality between madness and love
One drives the other to its limits all to often
The madness in how and when we fall
The sorrow in how we leave and why
No measure of common sense will help
For it is by its nature an uncommon problem
For one madness, for another their all
As paths cross and emotions rage we loose sight of what was the beginning and what may have been the end
We blend in duality
The love of madness and the madness of love become one
Yet when we part, neither are what their former selves were
Our own madness alone

I need a day, just one
Squeezed between Saturday and Sunday if we can
A handful of hours to spend on our own
No others watching just the Sun and the Moon
A time to talk and walk and laugh
A time to see you smile again
A day that we can call our own
A day to see if we belong
Some time to walk barefoot in sand
I wonder would you hold my hand

I liked this. I no longer give a toss if anyone else does
Anarchy is the new democracy????
You chose that not me.
Oh I like cake too, cheesecake to be clear
I am very fond of animals but not cats
I have a fatal attraction to the wrong type of women at the right time and the right women at the wrong time
The beach, my only saviour
Guinness has tickled my fancy as well
I am not a Tory
The point???
Is there one anymore
Go figure that yourself
But remember
When you poke a bear the bear gets angry It attacks all around not just the stupid hard left activist who poked it
Then who will help you

Tell a beautiful woman she is beautiful
She has heard it so many times before
She passes it off
Like rain drops rolling off of a leaf
Many men will tell her
Few will mean it
Tell a woman why she is beautiful
Tell her what you see in her that no other does
Tell her what she stirs inside of you
Tell her what is special
Tell her what makes her different
Tell her why you are
Tell her slowly and attentively
Tell her when she is low
Tell her when she is hurt
Tell her when she wakes
Tell her when she is sleepy
Because one day
She will be gone
You will have hundreds of things you never told her
Spinning in your thoughts
A million reasons
None will matter then
So
Tell her
NOW
TODAY
For She may never hear your words again

Sometimes what you want, isn't good for you.
What you desire is a dream.
What you need escapes reality.
All what you are left with is imagination.

Just one day
24 hours
He paid his fee
She attended as promised
Dressed as requested
Beyond his dreams
They went out
Small talk was all
Dinner and drinks
He paid for it all
Off to the room
There was not much sleep
She left before breakfast
Nothing was said
A sea of heartache
She left her mark

I am the watcher, the keeper, the one who looks out. The one who catches those who fall down.
I am the kind word when all is harsh, the laughter that warms you when your worlds torn apart.
I am the light in the darkness the hand as you drown.
No one special just there at the time.
I am the one who sees past your drama and pain.
The one who stops you shaking with rage.
I am no one to anyone, but a last resort.
The one who waited, who walked you home.
The one who chose to make things right. To do something for nothing when others would charge.
You have never met me, but many we are.
Those who still care, those who have hearts.
So sleep now and forget how we met.
Just know there are many..
We have no name.

Flames burn where there is no fire, when one loves but lacks desire.
The racing hearts that fire the blood, only to make one night of lust.
When fingers twisted and palms held tight.
When sighs are murmured and souls ignite.
When shouts of pleasure fill a room, Is it love or lusts soulful tune.
When abscent from you do you feel your heart race?
Your heart goes faster as you see their face.
A photograph of one not there.
Does that define how much you care?
When no word from them is spoken, when silence is all you have.
Is that when its over, if it ever began.
So who you think of reading this, is that the face you long to kiss.
Is that the soul that draws to you, becons, calls, oh please be true.
If there again when you awake, that picture in your mind again.
Then did you tell them?
Do they know?
Another day, lost alone.
So seize the day the cold cliche that's yelled as men go into battle
Is no longer what our souls need, this fights more nocturnal.
Embrace the night and hold her tight, If only in your dreams.
For when you wake the daylight brings the dawn of many things.

It's all gone wrong, you've had a few.
Who to text to tell the news!
Only important when you're ******
When you're not I don't exist
On the net for all to see you love him and not me!!
Tomorrow when the juice wears off you've forgotten who you've *******!!
Act like it was all a big mistake, deleting all the comments made.
So next time when you have a tiff don't tell the world at 2am, drunken facebook rants again.
Because you cried wolf so many times, we no longer give a *****.

Dawn begins the day
Light that wakens
Birds that sing
Brings smiles to all
A beautiful thing
What if Dawn was there all day?
Chased the blues and dark away
When evening came Still around
As the birds sang their good night song
But Dawn comes but once a day
Not for long and then goes away
Imagine if she didn't go
Would the day end or simply fade?
Because the Dawn just once stayed
That's not the way it's meant to be, as the day has so many pieces
Noon to night they all pass by
Dawns secrets held for another day
For daybreak
When she smiles again