I crossed the street
I saw you
But no
You are miles away
But I was sure
I was wrong
My mind plays games
Is this what age does to a man?
Memories become now
The mind plays games
The heart always looses

I once believed a woman in seamed stockings could make me do anything.
Once a woman in them made me do many things.
Now I have nothing.

They watched, they always do.
Tearing you apart without a word.
Looks at first, then the whispers
Is that the reason why?
He isn't with his wife.
Has he gone to the other side.
Has his taste changed so much?
Oh the rumours hurt so much.
No his taste it hasn't changed
He just wants someone who feels the same.
Until that day be it near or far
Keep your noses out my yard.

Sunglasses indoors, she leaves her hat on. Jacket to short and jeans to tight.
Holes in the knees and heels to high
Dressed to ****, not noticed she has died
Life and soul of the party circuit
Invited for laughs she's always worth it
Now years gone by she has missed her boat
Too much champers and Charlie his mate
Nostrils like caverns and eyes like **** holes
Where did she go, nobody knows

There is only the truth
It's in the dark
Your truth.
Not that fashioned by others
Not the stories told
Not the lies and false hoods
Not the bitter tears
Nor the laughter hiding pain
It's there
The truth
If you can bear to look
Into the darkness

The first time I asked myself what I was doing, was the first time I stopped lying to myself.
The second time was harsher a blow because I had not learnt from my first question.
The question was asked time and again until I stopped asking it.
I was then lost.
For no matter how many times I asked now, the answer had no relevance.
I was no longer there.
I could not rememer me.

The one in a million
over and over he tells her
no sign of letting go

I hear you say he can't help it
You're to clumsy by far
It's not a good day today
It never is tomorrow

It was your fault
He couldn't help it
You provoke him

Your face is a magnet
Attracts only his fists
Time and again
Scars where he hits

He used to be perfect
Remember his kiss
Exciting in bed
Rough but exciting
You were new to it

Pleasure became pain
Pain became often
When you said no
Then came the shouting

Along came the cops
The neighbours had called
Not seen you for days
You opened the door

No complaint to be made
You fell in the bath
Funny things baths
As you seemed to have bunced

Well time it passed
So came the day
When you fell in the bath
But you stayed that way

The coroner called
As well as the cops
A new coat of plastic
Cold on the slab

Ten years he got
Now the times spent
He's free to continue
All over again

Who will be next
The one in a million
The next to be clumey
And fall again

So if you read this
If you're the one
Please please report them
BEFORE YOU ARE GONE

In youth they swooned when she entered a room, she had her choice of men.
She commanded them without a word and they always did her bidding.
But not all would woo, bow and scrape.
A few ignored her and her ways.
For that alone she was intrigued why they favoured others, and not she.
So one by one she picked them off to prove she could have just what she wants.
A plan she had and then the rub... Her best friends man, he was one.
A sanctioned **** it came to be and then that night she did the deed.
A foolish game for all to play as it ended all from that day.
The trust for all had now been lost and what in all was the cost?
To simply prove she could have it all, then loose the same before the dawn.

Three notes define the entrance and none the exit.
A message sent to you and only you alone. Do you open it now or leave it to later.
If it was important would they not have called?
A modern dilema we all bought into.
We became slaves to our own devices.
So do the three notes define us or command us?
Is it now to late to save us from
ourselves?

I quite fancied Prague or Paris or Rome in an apartment to call our own. Days of laughter and nights of embrace then cuddled in slumber our hearts in place.
But nothing lasts forever as Brian Ferry said and all I had was music always in my head.
So I sang for my supper my breakfast to, watching the smiles of those I amused.
Love had escaped me it simple passed me by and crank after crank entered and left my life.
But this may be different a something else,
One nuit in Paris may happen again.

So many things tear me apart
Like an executioner with his last blow
When the Tempests clouds tear apart.... screaming with the betrayal....  
clarity...
No nay never
But like the sunlight...
Dances, trips in...
But to no measure
Then suddenly without the  hue of all,
is all reality
unparalleled by none
And her beauty was born....
But for who

When you are young you don't ask
the beautiful ones for fear of rejection.
So seldom would you ever end up with the right one.
Your soul mate.
When you are older you are so scared of making a mistake you either won't date, or date once and run,
or end up after few dates in bed and find out it's so not who or what you thought.
As we age we build a facade like make up I guess.
He wanted heels she wanted Bob the builder.
She wanted all she never had.
He wanted peace and all he had imagined.
  Do we ever really say what we mean.

For so long I watched people fall into darkness.
Like the stars that shone so bright in my life.
Put out by others darkness the beauty removed, the light extinguished.
I was one of those stars, gone.
I couldn't shine as so many dark clouds hung over me.
We are all the same.
All we are is the dust from stars, nothing more... or are we.
I wallowed in darkness of depression like a weather front obscured me.
Dark clouds others left.
But sometimes I would see a star shine in the night sky I just had to wait for the clouds to clear.
I would hang onto its light like my very life depended upon it.
The wind simply blew them...away.
That was it!!
They hadn't stopped shining, nor had I.
We just couldn't be seen for all the dark clouds in life.
It was like a eureka moment.
What if each day I did one act to clear someones clouds.
Try and blow them away a little bit.
Do that and someone sees them shine.
Ask nothing in return save this..
When you can however small, blow someone elses clouds away if you can.
So I began.
Sometimes it was something big to move a cloud.
More often just something they couldn't do themselves but massive to them.
I mean we are just the stuff of stardust, just energy so why not use it?
Could it be that simple?
One cloud at a time pushing them out of the way.
Little clouds mostly and occassional big cloud and the odd storm.
But.. it worked.
Putting the stars back in the sky one deed at a time.
Here's the point.
My life is full of stars again.
People who shine because helping them clear their clouds gave me back that.
Try it
Just one little thing to remember..
If you help one star shine
you brighten your own sky..
Their clouds may be your clouds too!
You may not get it right every time.
One day at a time
One cloud at a time
But try x

The moon woke up the sun and told her his night was done.
The sun she said to her love, rest now my love your weary head.
All day she shone her very best and all the world loved her there.
Then as the night began to fall she gave the sunset her very all.
The moon he woke in such delight, and looked upon her all the night.
As she slept her light it shone, reflecting off her love the moon.
Night after night after night.

The light glistening in his eyes as the salty tears ran from them
In that instant there was no more mask, just the face of a man
A man lost in the trials of life and without any compass or destination
A man like any other.

I have none
I mean why bother?
For all that you imagine is a nothing of reality
The dreams and plans made, often illusionary and yet, the only substance that carries us through the day
Only to be disappointed again as the night takes its place
We buy into this picket fence reality with the promise of a better life
Follow the rules
Who's rules
They simply don't exist

Is love always lost when you find it?
When you fall in love, why doesn't it hurt like falling out?
The sun doesn't rise, we fall !
Ever heard the dawn break?
Neither have I.
When night fell, did it trip or was it pushed?
Do the stars know when we can't see them?
Do the clouds feel the cold?
Do birds sing in tune?
If love is blind is it deaf dumb and stupid as well?
Does any of it matter when you are alone?
Can anyone really tell...

I have seen love
I have felt its tremulous
I have lost love
I have felt its void
I have yearned for love
I have known its command
I have envied love
I have been left cold
I have needed love
I have been left wanting
I have no love
I walked away
I alone

We are all a work in progress.
For some never completed.
For others prefabricated to make do.
If I saw you today would you know me tomorrow?
Or pass me by in the street?
Indignant to my existence
We are all just pieces in another's self build.
Remnants of what's been demolished before.
So when you see someone incomplete are you the missing block?
Or the reason they had to rebuild.
Prefabricated
layers of dreams held together by little, often nothing.
The dreams that formed reality are nothing of substance only the rivets of our hearts.

He's a timeshare dad, you know the kind. Sees his kids when the wife decides. Blamed for all the things gone wrong in her life.
Even long after, when you are gone. Spoken of but never to. What are they supposed to do? Pay the bills and have no say because they chose another's hay.
A myth exists that they don't care!
For half the week that they aren't there.
So next time you see a weekend dad
Look at the smile he holds so proud, simply doing the best that he can.
Hoping the kids understand
For later when he takes them home it's emptiness like you've never know.
Till next week he's cold and alone.
A timeshare dad he has become.

I can't love.
I can write of it.
I imagine it.
I dream of it.
I cannot do it.
It wasn't taken
It did not leave
I expelled it
I did it myself
I
alone

Broken glass and tightrope walks
Whispers in my own home
Trying to keep out of the way
Fear an explosion each and every day

The way things ended up
Have no resemblances of love
Living a lie is like being dead
Who said zombies don't exist

So if this is you and you see yourself
Living alone with someone else
Existing isn't a life
As each day you die more inside

Take the reigns and make a stand!
Cut the rope and smash the ice
Go outside and scream so loud
Let the world know your back

Find the you, you lost or hid
I promise you, you can, you will
Live and love and don't exist
Be the you that we all missed.

I want to be locked in a closet next to you and feel your breath on my cheek.
I want you to wake and look for me and know today will be okay.
When you look at a view, turn to share it with me.
Tell me all you have to say, then fall asleep with me each day.
Look at your phone and laugh out loud, when you read the nonsense that I've sent.
Pinch my *** as I walk past, declaring it yours and making it known that other women can find their own.
Fall asleep and dream away for you I can wait another day.

All I could hear was my heartbeat deafening in my ear as I lay upon the pillow and held back the tears.
A thousand thoughts all mixed up, not one made any sense and you just sit there staring, at me in my bed.
You're always there, never far and a plague upon my life.
Whenever things are bad you make them worse at night.
Never wanted always here, oh where did you come from. The cursed black dog !
BE GONE! BE GONE! BE GONE!

I dreamt of clouds heavy with rain, whisps of heavy porcelain, suspended on wishes and heavy with tears.
I saw you upon them, darting from one to another carried by the wind, dancing like a wild spirit, untamed, free.
For a moment time was no issue as death had come, and gone.
You paused and gazed down upon me.
The smile held a lifetime of emotions then, goodbye and a tear fell into the now dark clouds and a crash of thunder crossed the sky.
The rain fell harder and harder as it masked the tears on my face.
Masked for no other to see, drenched to the skin, cold in solitude and heavy in heart.
I awoke my hair soaked from fever, only then did I know you had come to say goodbye.

Seems to be empathic and care for others
Makes one person wrong in the eyes of another.
How's that work when neither is your lover? Jealousy perhaps of nothing in fact.
To express approval, yet not for you?
What made you exclusive?
Your egos mood
To be kind to many is no crime.
To be nasty to one is, I think you will find.
No longer will I bother or show support
To those who take comfort in destroying that cause.

I was never all there!
I heard that so often.
He isn't listening, I couldn't hear you with all the noise.
I once heard a teacher describe me, He has an intermittent short circuit.
Thirty years ago I was just classed as uninterested or lazy or simply thick!
Sometimes it threw me back to reset.
I was lost and confused, you hugged me I lashed out.
I remember building a space station at School when others saw a freak.
Sometimes I would just jump to a different program, you call it ADHD now.
It was self defence.
But sometimes on special days it threw me into the future.
People spoke like I was in another time or another universe.
But none of you could see them.
I often asked them "Hello, who am I?"
They just smiled.
I don't know if I'm better or worse or understand more.
I no longer ask.

Once upon a yesterday all the trees stood still.
No wind blew between their leaves only silence filled the air.  
No birds sang, no grass grew, on here or the otherside.
It was simply green and motionless, as though frozen in time.
Clocks stopped, no traffics roar, no planes flew overhead.
It was as if time itself had left the earth as well.
There was a sound he strained to hear, was it one or two?
The sound of their beating hearts as her eyes looked at you.
For in that moment time stood still and all around them wained.
The world they had come to know was fading away.
No longer could they live as they had done before.
For once upon a yesterday had now become today, all their thoughts and dreams had gone, as they had now met.
Yesterday now gone, today is at its close and all we yearn is tomorrow, will it be mine and yours?

I walked and walked as Basil played
bouncing towards the rushing waves.
I don't think he had seen the sea and expected to walk upon its sheen.
Such simple pleasure with his stick, his spirit free as he runs to me.
Three days on he has settled now, no sheep to tempt him to run amock.
His coat as white as the driven snow yet fear sometimes is all he shows.
Travellers long since gone, did this lurcher so much harm.
From Ruthin now to seaside town his luck has changed he's found a home.
His foster mum gave him a chance knowing one day I'd come along.
I wonder does he think in Welsh? As he runs in circles as he plays.
Wales it seems doth rule today as a soul seemed to call out to me!
This time a Gypsy of a different kind triggered something in my mind.
I don't know why or maybe I do was it Karma of spirit? Or a simple truth?
For a day swathed with memories made and smiles abound as night closes in.
Tomorrow it may have been a dream, or dawn may bring better things.
Stranger still I can't explain today I just saw good in things.
Good when for so long I'd known was the pain and cruelty that others cause.
Yet in simple words and very few, and a dogs heart I saw through.
I saw a Something I can't explain and I want it now every day.

Tousled hair,  bare footed, wind in her face and sand between toes she runs to the water, doesn't notice it's cold.
Screams with delight as she splashes the waves, clothes drenched not a care.
Castles built and moats filled, then a photo shoot with a massive grin
These are the days I can never forget, a photo to cherish for ever more.
The day we went to the shore.

My ship is safe in harbour but that's not what it's for.
I never journey from there and see what's out in the world.
I sail around the harbour and see all there is to see.
What stops me going further is fear inside of me.
Fear of an open ocean and the storms that rage out there.
All I need is a pilot to steer me on my course.
So sail your ships around me and protect me out at sea.
Then join me in my harbour and safely berth with me.