I'm so tired
of hurtling towards
an ending written
far too soon.

Oh, yes,
I'm fine,
just a little lonely
with a side of mildly suicidal.

But don't worry,
I'll still be breathing
in the morning.

If I told you what I was feeling right now, you'd have me shipped off to a hospital;
They're just feelings, darling, so please put the phone down.

I just feel so empty
and lost
and numb,
and I want to rip the veins
from my wrists
and watch the blood pool
until I can't watch anything anymore.

But I can't tell you that
because you'll think that
I'm just that crazy
But the thing is that I
would never really do
such a thing,
that's just the illness talking.

Don't listen to my demons,
I try not to.

I'm so tired
of this feeling -
this
emptiness
that plagues my soul.
It seems that it is
impossible for me
to be
satisfied.
There's a hole in me
and nothing can fill it,
but I try to shove
drugged smoke
and uncertain emotions
deeper
and
deeper
into myself
to feel just a little bit better
for just a few minutes.

Why does there seem to be
a sudden chain of sadness
taking lives?

I worry
that depression
will wipe out
the world.

But I will still plant
my bright yellow flowers
because hope can never die
And neither will you, or I -
not today.

Driving conversation,
and smoke in a cup.

Thin gray swirls towards the sky,


I sit and watch the asphalt fly.

Driving conversation,
and smoke in a cup.

Words are buzzing gently,

floating all around me.

Driving conversation,
and smoke in a cup.

We speed towards our destination,

advancing without hesitation.

Driving conversation,
and smoke in a cup.

A quick brush of comfort on his shoulder,

a glance from the man who's older.

Driving conversation,
and smoke in a cup.

She is like duct tape -
once she sticks, she stays,
no matter how rough the weather;

and she is so painful to remove

We all hate life so much,
but we're too scared to die
So we turn ourselves into ghosts instead.

Something is trying to
destroy me
from the inside.

I'm sorry, mother,
I'm sorry that you're afraid
Of losing me to darker things
Of seeing your greatest dismay

I'm sorry, father,
I'm sorry that I drag you down
That I can't pull myself together
That I always seem to drown

I'm sorry, grandmother,
I'm sorry that I fail you
That I am not the golden child
That I am broken through and through

I'm sorry to all I know,
I'm sorry that I cannot fly
I'm sorry that I cannot win
That I cannot touch the sky.

Pictures dance in my head
but my pen refuses to bring them to life
So I spill the words instead.

Every night,
the words sit on my tongue.
Every night,
your kiss seals my lips.
Every night,
I keep my heart silent again.

I am the sun,
and you are the shadow.
You could eclipse me,
but I am not afraid.

We're
mirror-minds,
you and I.

One should never
dive headfirst
if they don't know
what's at
the
bottom.

But I want to dive
straight in
to you.

There's a song
being sung
deep inside you -

I hear it,
and fall under its spell.

I want to dive
into your eyes
and never come up
for air

I am hopelessly
trapped
in your song.

I am not scared.

I am not scared
to drown in you.

You are the paradise ocean,
a safe place.

So crash over me,
let me sink.

Your song will keep me safe.

It all hurts so much,
and I know I'm hurting you,
and I'm sorry for the silence.
There is darkness in me that you don't want to see,
trust me.

I could
fall apart
at any second.

I don't want you to see that,
so I lock myself away.

I'm sorry.

Sadness is seeping into this cheerful facade,
black water into white cloth,
and soon the world will see the truth.

I am ghost.

I am faded,
not really here.

I sit,
I speak,
I play along.

I am faded paint
on a broken doll
with glazed eyes.

I am the raindrops
that throw themselves to the ground
and explode.

I am the spirit
that hovers in the corner
and watches
every
little
thing.

silence.

I am
the dust that
settles
in the corners
you can't see.
I float in the light
and savor my freedom
until the dark
forces me down
again.

I am ghost.

I don't fit here,
I don't fit there,
I don't think I really fit
anywhere.

We could be a time bomb,
but I think I would explode sooner on my own.

These memories are infected;
cut them all away so I can bleed cleanly.

The paint has been scrubbed
from my weary glass eyes.
I see now that which
I simply could not see alone.
He has scrubbed the paint
from my weary glass eyes
and shown me the truth -
I am not gray.
I am black and white,
harsh contrast.
I am
a broken glass heart.
Don't leave me alone,
or the monsters will toss me from my stand
and I will shatter again.

I am
a girl
with a black-and-white stained brain.
Harsh contrast.

This is a surprise,
This sudden bloom that has
Poked its head out
From the remains of two messy years
This is a surprise,
But I'm glad to see it.
I just hope I can help it to grow well.

I am weather.
I am unpredictable.
You think
you know
what I'm going to do,
but then I turn around
and surprise you.
I
am sunny for a week straight.
Next week, I'll barrage you with snow.
Sorry.
I could be raining, but I could have the sun still shining
high and bright.
I am
unusual
and
annoying.

No one has the patience for me.

They want sun, sun, sun
all the **** time,
but sometimes I have no choice
except to just
rain
and
rain
and
rain.

I wish I could always be sunny,
always keeping you warm,
but if I stay sunny for
far too long,
I'll burn out.

So I have to rain,
and I have to snow.
And sometimes I never know
when the storm will hit.

I am weather.
Can you survive me?

Let me take you
into my thoughts,
but I'll warn you only once:
This is dangerous territory,
full of bombs and blood.
Your heart might break a little,
your eyes well with tears,
but don't fear -
I won't let the enemy touch you.

Now, let's start at the home base:
Here you see a little me, hungry and alone.
Not a starving child on the side of the road,
but simply a girl craving attention.
A child sits here, playing with her crayons
and dreaming of more magical things.
She's scared, though,
because there are explosions outside,
and bad men banging on her door,
trying to take her away
and break her.

Moving on to the battlefield,
where the light fights with the dark.
Now, I know that seems cliche,
but it's true -
You can see my happiness in white and gold,
struggling to cut down the gruesome beasts on the other side.
Everything I have to live for
is up against everything that tells me to die.
Quick, get away! The creatures have spotted us!

Okay, we're safe for now.
No, really, we're safe...I promise.
This is my happy place.
Another cliche, I know.
Look around:
It's warm and sunny and full of lilac trees,
and there's a library over there, full of my favorite books.
There are quite a few cats strolling around,
free for the petting.
See? Happy place.
We don't have time to enjoy it,
unfortunately.
We're almost at the most important place here.

My heart.
It's very warm in here, I know.
See all those little golden lights?
Those are all the things that I love, and love me back.
They keep me warm and happy,
even when the dark creatures win a battle.
These are the things that give my protectors strength,
so that they don't lose the war.
They give me hope and comfort when I am curled up
deep in the depths of my mind.
I won't take you there, to the dungeon,
for I am the only one able to enter.
Me, and these little gold lights.

So, now you know what's in here,
what hides inside my skull.
I hope this tour didn't frighten you too much,
I hope you won't run away.

You see, I showed you this because
I have been fighting alone,
and I've grown weary.
I need a helping hand,
someone to support me when I lose my will.
So I hope that you'll stay
Don't say anything,
just stay.

Hey, you!

Yeah, you with the eyes you thought were brown
until I gazed in and found that they are hazel.

Remember when
movie buddies
became
more?
When we shared a bed for
the first time
with only the intent to sleep
but then
you rolled over and I rolled over
and magnets formed in
our lips

sweet kiss

You
are
boisterous blonde curls
soft lips
endless laughter
warm hugs
subtle and strong

"The sky is so beautiful tonight!"

**"Yes, she is."

Why am I always
bleeding
from
these cracks in my soul

I have to cover them up
Wipe away the tears and bloodstains
and
hide.

Everything is wrong
Why is it all wrong
Why
are they all looking
at
me
Is something
wrong?
Why am I shivering
inside my bones
my heart won't stop vibrating
what's wrong everything is wrong

Voices are being dumped on my head like
cold water in the early morning
startling me awake and afraid
I feel every
single
gaze

on
my
back

I turn to look
but all faces
are turned away

*look away

I woke up today,
   and my aura had a
      sad silver tint.

I woke up today
   feeling a weight
      where my heart should be.

I woke up today,
   and immediately
      wanted to cry.

I woke up today
   with depression
      nibbling on my bones.

I woke up today,
   but I don't think
      I'm really awake.

I woke up today
   so now I must
    move forward.

Why is it so safe here?

In this spot of my loneliness

Nothing makes sense, nothing should
feel like this

But here I feel

safe

even though I am here without

you

*maybe that's what I needed
was some time

alone

I'm being dragged down again,
buried again,
smothered again

I need you to save me again

My thoughts are killing me again.

I'm in a cloudy field of cherry blossom trees
Being chased by a bunch of bees
Getting stung should be impossible
in this beautiful place
But I keep getting stung,
and the cherry blossom trees laugh,
And the blossoms weep petals.

I am gray.

I am somehow both messy and organized.

I am both happy and sad.

I am asleep and I am awake.

I am smart and I am stupid.

I am dark and I am light.

I am gray.

Unknown.

It seems that I am never safe
from the darkness inside my head

Every time I let down my guard,
I fall and start to drown

I struggle to pull myself back up
out of the water

It's harder every time to swim
It's harder to find the strength to live

But still I force myself
to return to the bloodstained beach

To where my heart sits waiting for me,
arms open to keep me warm

For I cannot betray my heart,
this which has given me hope

My heart which connects me to a hundred souls who would surely weep

I cannot break free from these souls,
for fear of breaking the souls

I must swim, I must survive,
I will keep my heart, my love alive.

Is it odd that
I have yet to write a poem for you?
A poem full of rose petals, a heavy scent
that traps us in each other's arms

I have not put my heart into words for you,
perhaps because I tell you all the time,
Sprinkling the roses over your head
so you know how I feel

I show you how I feel in every
move I make around you,
in every word I say,
so perhaps that is why

I haven't written a love poem for you
because my feelings are already on display
We dance in a rainfall of rose petals,
drowning in the scent of our love.

Love is an open cage,
the door should always be ajar;
If you lock the other person in,
the bliss will only be brief.
If you leave the door open, so that
they may have
freedom
at any time,
Breathing is easier and a heart will beat long.

We are made of many faces,
how does anyone know
their own true form?

Business face
Friends face
Kids face
Alone face
Stranger face
Too many faces

Every day we go through
our trunks full of
masks
Switching out our faces as needed
Everyone sees someone different
Everyone is someone different
What is anyone's true face?

The face of being alone,
the face of no one looking for faces because there is
no one to show a face to.
The true face is the face that no one sees.

No one knows.

I'm sailing away
I'm sailing away
in my head
I'm sailing away
I wish I was dead
But I
got too much to live for
And I
got too much left to say
But I
got too much to live for
And I
got a lot of years left to stay
But I

I'm sailing away
in my head
I'm sailing away
I'm lost inside my head
And it's stormy here
And I
I could die in here

But I
got too much to live for
And I
got too much left to say
But I
got too much to live for
And I
got too many years to stay

I'm sailing away
in my head
I'm sailing away
I should be dead
I'm sailing away
I'll drown in here
I'm sailing away
But I've got to say

That I
got too much to live for
And I
got too much left to say
But I
got too much to live for
And I
will stay!

Sailing away
I'm so far away
Sailing away
I got a lot to say
Sailing away
And I will stay.

Dear Chester,
This letter, even though you will never see it, is a thank you letter.
When I saw the news today of your death, my world turned upside down. I was shaking, crying, barely able to breathe. I was so shocked to see your name in a headline alongside the words “Dead” and “Suicide”. I didn’t believe I for a while, because I’d also seen the article about your death being a hoax, but then I saw Mike’s tweet, and the news stories on NY Times and Washington Post, and I realized - it was true. My greatest inspiration was gone.
I can’t really pinpoint when you became such an inspiration to me. I started listening to Linkin Park when I was in seventh or eighth grade, after my mom put the Twilight soundtrack on my iPod shuffle and I heard Leave Out All the Rest. LOATR soon became my favorite song, and it still is six years later. I started listening to LP religiously after Living Things came out. I fell in love with the raw emotions of Meteora, and the clean energy of Living Things; the eager buzz of Hybrid Theory and the simple but true sound of Minutes to Midnight. A Thousand Suns completely blew my mind.
As I started to learn more about the band, I also learned more about you. I found out that you had a rough life growing up, struggling with ****** abuse as a kid, and drugs and alcohol as a teen and young adult. Depression tormented you your whole life. But you drew strength from those experiences, and became this amazing badass with a big heart who would do anything for his friends and family. You didn’t stop shows because of a broken arm, or cancel tours because a spider bit you in the ***, and even when you did have to end a tour because of a broken leg, you came right back as soon as you were able to give us the show we’d been waiting for.
You never failed to show your love for your fans, your family, or your fellow band members and musicians, and we all noticed and loved that.
I admired your dedication to the people around you, and how tough you always were, and how you stayed so strong and kept such a big smile on your face. Your amazing singing voice kept me going through the standard teenage angst phase that is high school.

For a long time, a huge dream of mine has been to see Linkin Park live, to see you and Mike and Brad and Phoenix and Rob and Joe on stage, playing all of my favorite songs. An even bigger but less likely dream was to actually meet you, hug you, and say, “Thank you.”
It breaks my heart to realize that now, that will never happen. You’re gone. Your beautiful voice can now only be heard in recordings, your grin now only seen in videos and photographs.
I still can’t fully believe that you’re gone.
And even though your death was one that seems to leave no hope, you still are and always will be an inspiration to me.

Thank you, Chester.
I know that you will never see this, but thank you.

Rock on forever,
  Sky

I'm heartbroken over the news of Chester Bennington's suicide. He's been my inspiration for years. You will be missed, Chazzy Chaz. <3

I got lost today.
I got lost in a place that I
should never get lost in,
but somehow I just keep taking the wrong turns.
I got lost today,
got lost in my own head,
not sure where to look
and not sure what to say when
I could ask for help.
I keep getting lost,
and when I come back home
and tell my friends and family,
"I'm sorry, I got lost again,"
they throw fits and ask me why I don't
try to find a way to fix it.
Do you think I don't?
But maps are annoying, and a GPS is just so expensive,
and I could just buy a compass
but I'll lose it by next week anyway!
So I guess I'll just keep getting lost,
keep taking those wrong turns
until I can finally know
where I'm supposed to go.
I just hope that somebody will know
where to look for me
if someday I don't find my way home.

Hello, Love,
Who did you see today?
Has society been treating you well?
You always look beautiful to me.
I don't care if you're uniting two boys, two girls, or one of each,
because you look beautiful everywhere.
I hope you're never lonely,
even though lonely love does have a certain beauty to it.
You're beautiful, Love,
I keep saying it,
and it's just so true.

Who sat there?
I see
a girl with sad eyes that no one sees
In the kitchen, there is a chair
that no one ever uses
at a table set for five,
why?
I see
tears leaking into the wood that no one sees
Upstairs, a door not opened
Contents are need-to-know only,
why?
I see
the monster used to dance with her here, where no one could see
In the room across the hall,
the broken mother cries at night
with a cracked frame in her hand.
Why?
I see
*in the bathroom are bloodstains that she wishes she didn't see.

Hello, old friend,

I really hoped

I wouldn't see you again,

But you're here now, so

I suppose you may as well sit

Coffee? Tea? You got me addicted to both, see

This one has cocoa, to keep me in a good mood

Because I won't go to a doctor, you see

You make other people pop pills like candy

But I don't want to do that so I drink this tea instead.

Ha.

I'm learning how to fight you, see?

Or at least I think I do,

until you come knocking again,

and surprise me with a new present.

I used to love presents,

but yours just make my head hurt.

Oh, I'm sorry, but I'll have to ask you to leave;

I'm making dinner tonight, you see,

and I don't want that knife to be a danger.

You know where the door is,

goodbye,

Please, don't come back soon.

No, no,
I'm falling again
No, no,
It's dark again
No, no,
It's worse now than ever before
No, no,
It's so hard to breathe.

I just can't fly
Without being weighed down again
By the gray fog -
It blinds me and chokes me and leaves me
Useless, tumbling headfirst
I just can't figure out
Where I'm going anymore.
I see color, briefly, so briefly,
Then everything dims again
Nighttime, darkness.
So I have to wait, tears staining my skin,
Until the sun makes itself known to me again.

And then the
rain falls again
And the fog
rises in my head
And I am weighed down,
soaked in the rain
And the gray
creeps across my skin
And I look at myself
and weep for my missing colors.

Ah,
the words
were trapped
in my
mind
for far too long
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting to be
released
somehow
Somehow
Release the words, please
Ah,
I write again
*It's been too long.