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Jan 2015 · 199
Ahhhh!!!!!!
Matt Jan 2015
The treadmill
Is on an incline

I am running uphill
I am not stopping
I am not stopping

This life
It just comes and comes and comes
And comes
Almost 30 now

How far
How fast
Would I run
Could I run

The therapist
She doesn't understand

There are no words
No philosophies
For this life

There is my experience
My earth experience
Nobody told me
It could be like this
Jan 2015 · 321
You Know What I Did?
Matt Jan 2015
I pleasured myself this morning
Self pleasure
I'm good at that

I don't have a partner
But I have my hand

****
This ain't much of a poem
But I'm writin'
And I'm fightin'

Can't stop
Can't stop me
Jan 2015 · 1.2k
I'm Reaching Out
Matt Jan 2015
I'm reaching out to you
My friends
I'm reaching out to you

My hand reaches out to wherever you are
And comes through your computer

Give it a good squeeze!

Yes, yes
We are human beings
We are fighting

I love you
My fellow poets
Matt Jan 2015
Look at me!
Alone in my room writing poems

So ladies, is my profile picture ****?

You know I am a ****** and almost 30 right?

I have been practicing with my fleshlight, haha
I have been practicing
OOhhhh *** and *** and more ***
Americans love ***
And I am a 21st century ******!

I hope a woman finds my writing arousing
And I hope it makes her ***, hehe
Jan 2015 · 518
Philosophy Now On Buddhism
Matt Jan 2015
The situation is inherently transformable
Because reality flows
We can't really drown
We are carried along by the flow

The impermanence idea goes pretty deep
Anatman view is that
External things are ephemeral
The self is not something we can rely on

Western thinkers
Thinking there is a permanent self

Buddhism
Physical body
Feelings change
Perceptions or the label that you put on experiences
Reaction to the things around you
Consciousness fluctuates
Our attention can fluctuate dramatically

The question of permanence and changed
Was wrestled with by Greek philosophers

Personal identity
What is it that makes us us?
Some say it is memory
Some say it is physical continuity as well

What is it that is reborn?
The cycle of rebirth

What is the self?
There isn't a self
But something we can refer to
Something that she did yesterday
The person I am now
Is based on the person I was then
There is a causal chain
Matt Jan 2015
Are you going through a hard time?

Do you feel emptiness and pain
Like me?

It's okay
We are human beings
Here hold my hand

We will not break
We will fight on
We remain unbroken

We are poor
We are tired
We are searching
Searching for meaning
Searching for something

Oh this life
This life
Somebody should have told me
I am learning for myself
Are you seeing like me
Seeing how hard it can be?

I am more
More than just a body
I am not a materialist

We are fighting
We are fighting
We are fighting

I am fighting
I am poor
And as hard as I have studied
As much as I have studied
I still can't find a job

We are fighting
Don't stop fighting
And why do I breath heavy like this?
It must be life that weighs heavy on me

Still Still
I do not want pills
Or Sympathy
Just more hard times
Get up, get up!
We are still here
We are still Fighting
This is earth
We are strong
We will not break
We will not break

I went to college
Then I got a credential
Still no job
Still no job
Almost 30, still no job

These dollars are practically worthless!
Quantitative easing
The Fed
What a miserable institution
Printing more and more
Hyper inflation
Worthless American dollars

Let's be strong
Let's get strong
They cannot break
They will not break the iron will
The iron will
Forged in fires
Of endless hours alone
The emptiness alone alone
There was no one  
No one
Just some hope or something

Something that no one can ****
I am man!!!!!!!
This is earth!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not a super soldier
My body ages
My weak frail human body
Work out
Again and again
Again and again

Are you poor like me
Do you look for love
But you can't find it?
People can be terrible
Forget them

You are still here
Still here and still fighting
You cannot take that away

Say your name!
I am Matt
Almost 30 earth years
Motherf

Come on!!!!!!!
I'm ready for more pain
More emptiness
I'm ready
I am ready
I will not break

Spinning earth spins round and round
Human bodies go up and down
It's a crazy ***
* place

I try to do what is right
To be good
I show love to people
Are you like me?

I am earth man
I am earth man
I will not fear
I do not fear

I keep the times
I keep the times
I am the keeper
Jan 2015 · 538
Are We looking for love?
Matt Jan 2015
Are we looking for love?
I hope to feel love or be loved

Almost 30 years now
On this Earth

I haven't really felt it
Sure there have been people that cared
There are people I love
My friends are important

I once loved a woman
Or thought it was love
Or something intense
Mixed feelings I had
I'm not sure what

But she didn't love me

I am learning
Learning I will never meet anyone

I will work and work endlessly
Nothing will come
Except more times

The emptiness of existence

When I was in preschool
I sat in a chair crying
Crying for mom
I didn't play with others

Now I'm not crying

I will probably never meet
That really good friend or partner

I'll probably always be alone
That's okay
I have the times
I keep the times
Almost 30 now

Strange
Ultimately it seems
As though I am swept away in life
Making decisions but ultimately

It is all predetermined?
Like some matrix program
Program earth
Four seasons in a year

I have myself
There is always the self
Know yourself
And love yourself
2015 now

I am strong
I am strong
I do not need a woman's love or touch

Some men do
I am not like them

All day on the driving range
Hitting golf *****
Alone
Alone again
I am still here alone
Me and myself and I
Alone, Alone, Alone
This is earth my home

I will not retire
I will work until I die
This is my home
Earth is my home
I am a soldier of this life

Just one time
I wanted to feel love
Stupid
Dreams dreams stupid dreams
Fantasies

Embrace the reality
The cruelty of it all

America is crumbling
The middle class dream over
I see hard times
Hard times on the horizon

I am a warrior of this earth
Of this life battle
Battle on
Battle on
I do not fear

Once I cared for someone
She did not care for me
It was then I learned
Don't trust people
They will only hurt you
People will only hurt you

I have a few friends

I'll probably never meet that good friend

When's Jesus coming back?
Who knows

Transhumanism, Posthumanism
That stuff is ******* up

In my heart I still believe in Jesus
The one who overcomes

Alone Alone
At the gym alone
At the driving range alone

Driving alone
I love the times

Life is not sweet
Our dollars are not worth much anymore

When the hard times come
When the terrible times come

I will be ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready I will not falter
I will not fail

My grandfather was a solder in WWII in North Africa

America you are doomed
The American dollar finished
There is no economic recovery

Prepare Americans prepare
The government will not be there for you
Hard times coming
Matt Jan 2015
This earth is overpopulated
More babies keep coming
And coming

I just talked to a pregnant woman today
I think we will run out of natural resources one day
Jan 2015 · 221
Hard Times
Matt Jan 2015
My oh my

This rock ball
Keeps spinning around the sun

Remember
Ultimately I don't think the therapists care
At all about me

They just want my money
That goes into their account

The world
Is a terrible place

More questions
More pain

More emptiness
More loneliness

Rely on yourself
Believe in yourself

The world is a terrible place

The value of the dollar descends
Not a good time
To be having kids
Not a good time at all

But people keep having them
Just think of their kids future
As a debt slave

We are tired
I am tired
Of this life
That brings such pain

And where am I going now
To the gym again
Soon
I won't even be able to afford belonging there

There are no jobs in California you know
Even for people with an education like me

All I know is that I'm strong
A hundred years alone
I'm strong

I don't need your love
Your sympathy or concern

People that are always smiling
******* annoy me
Well I'm glad you are so ******* happy

Are you putting on a show?
You think you are better than me
Because you have more money
And that fake smile on your face

I have a heart full of emptiness
A heart beating strong

And when things go wrong
Go terribly wrong
I won't cry and scream
And panic like all these stupid *****

Rely on myself
Believe in myself
The end of the Age

Nobody Cares
So stop crying
I guess I'll ask Jesus to help
He's quite some guy
He knows what a **** hole this place is

The end of America
The end of our nation
It's happening

It's coming
Get ready
Get ready for hard times
For mean times

Battlefield earth
Motherf**!
Jan 2015 · 313
Never Cease To Be Amazed
Matt Jan 2015
My My look at the show
Life's a show

And every time I drive up my street there seems to be a young mom
With her stroller

These babies just keeping popping up out of nowhere
My heavens!

My eyes are filled with wonder
What a show indeed
Jan 2015 · 2.1k
Did you have a "Nice Day"?
Matt Jan 2015
I was just asked if I had a "nice day "again

I'm not surprised

This is someone who doesn't know
The answer
To a five letter word in a Crossword puzzle
When the clue was Confederate

Union!
You should know that
You are so dumb!
Dumb as a box of rocks

Never underestimate the ignorance of the American people

People like you
Who never worked
Who never used their mind
Get Alzheimer's

And if you do
It will be
Your own fault!
Jan 2015 · 3.6k
The emptiness
Matt Jan 2015
Changing Names and Changing Faces
Changing Times and Changing Places

The emptiness remains the same

The Sunna Sutta,
Part of the Pali canon,
Relates that the monk Ananda,
Buddha's attendant asked,

"It is said that the world is empty, the world is empty, lord.
In what respects is it said that the world is empty?"  
The Buddha replied, "Insofar as it is empty of a self
Or of anything pertaining to a self: Thus it is said,
Ananda, that the world is empty.

Form is emptiness
Emptiness is form
Emptiness is not separate from form,
Form is not separate from emptiness
Whatever is form is emptiness,
Whatever is emptiness is form

One time to the next time
That is all it is
Try to be a good person
Be kind to others
Show others the love that Jesus showed

I just want a good friend is all
That would be nice
Someone to share my life with
Jan 2015 · 200
Still No Job
Matt Jan 2015
Work to Pay Bills

No job
Still no job

A BA degree
And another 16 months of education
Still no job

The middle class is dwindling
Shrinking

How long will I go without finding a job?

I hate living in this home
Matt Jan 2015
I was hitting ***** on the range
Hitting it quite well too
Behind, down, and out

My mantra for good shots

Get behind the ball
Stay down through the shot
And follow out toward the target

There was a light rain falling on the range
I paid my green fees
The pretty blonde lady
Happened to be working in the pro shop
I noticed she had sparkles on her nails
And she was happily crunching on some type of granola bar
What a kind and wonderful lady

There were not many people on the course
I played two *****
Which I am prone to do

I shot a 4 over 40 on the first ball
That is my best score for that course

Golf is a beautiful game
It's tough and hard
It's not fair
There are bad lies

Behind, down and out
I was hitting the ball solid

This is a game I truly love
Just you
And your swing
It is a sacred game

If you play the game
You know what I mean

Such a beautiful feeling
A purely struck shot

The gap wedge from the trap on #6 to about 7 feet
That was a great shot
Out of that heavy wet sand

The long drive on #7
The solid gap wedge from 110 yards
To 9 feet above the hole

On the way home
I yelled out of the car window in triumph
A good ground
Just might be
One of the most fulfilling activities
On earth
Matt Jan 2015
There is nothing worse than a big know it all
With their Masters or Doctorate degree
Some individuals can be so prideful

Intellectual snobbery
Is annoying

Sorry to say
You don't know it all!
Matt Jan 2015
This Is Your Captain Speaking
So stop whatever you are doing
And pay atttention

First of all I see from our instruments
That we have a couple of hitchhikers on board our ship
Hello wherever you are

I just want to make it totally clear
That you are not at all welcome

I worked hard to get where I am today
And I didn't become the captain of a Vogon ship
Simply to turn it into a taxi service
For a lot of degenerate freeloaders
Jan 2015 · 387
The Keeper
Matt Jan 2015
I am a keeper
There are others like me

Always observing

I went on a relaxing drive that evening
I saw the man in the second floor of his expensive home

This memory so clear

Some are tuned in to the television

I am tuned in to Earth

I will often drive my car
Observing, listening
A man on his rocking chair
In his living room
An old woman makes her way through the kitchen
A woman pulls up to her home

These are all scenes
Memories in my mind
And they are mine
I keep the times

Mother earth
Ancient mother

This planet is a great mystery
This life is like a waking dream

I walk alone

The seeker
The keeper
For what I am seeking I do not know
I do not think it can be found on Earth

The keeper of the times

Reach out to me
Squeeze my hand
Yes, its nice to be touched sometimes

Or perhaps a friendly hug

This life is quite lonely
Nobody told me
I am learning that for myself

The therapist
I doubt she understands
She is kind
But I doubt she understands

Perhaps I will go on a walk
Up that street
To the Iron Gates
Of The Monastery

Wandering, wandering
More times
I am keeping the times

Observing, watching, listening
There is a great beauty
In this way

And I am so tired
It must be life that makes me eternally tired
On and on I walk
Thousands of miles

I would only ask for a bit of bread perhaps
Or a cup of water

I am a kind hearted soul
I will compliment you

Yes there is not enough time
Only time for love
Love overcomes all

All my friends are successful
And they have their money
And their career

My friend seemed annoyed when I called him
As if I was bothering him
It's okay
It's no problem

I am not rich
I do not have a girlfriend
I do not have many friends

But I have the times
I have learned to enjoy the times
This is all I have right now

I enjoy the big picture
That is why I go on my drives
That is why I go on my walks

Strange, how I can only be in one place at one time
Taking pictures with my mind

I am an earth body
I have a sense for things
A sense for the situation
I am watching
Yes I am watching

Earth is a strange and mysterious place
Can you hear my hiking sticks hitting the pavement on the street?
The times, the times, I love the times
Here I come
I am the keeper
This is just a humble and simple effort.  I am not an accomplished poet or a talented writer.    I feel honored to have been invited to a group with such accomplished poets.
Jan 2015 · 306
It's Raining
Matt Jan 2015
In the home of the Rose Parade
It's raining
With this economy

I could be living in this home
For a very long time
Ah well

I did have a lovely time
Hitting gap wedges and four irons
At the golf course
I ripped a four iron down the right hand side
The flock of birds flew away as the ball went by

Quite beautiful
That driving range
There is the tree in the middle of the range
I always aim at

There were the two men
I always see
One was trying to help the other learn how to chip

He wanted a little Armenian candy he said
Good friendly folks
Down at the driving range

The beautiful blonde there
Who works in the range
Would be nice to spend a romantic evening with her

I wonder if she saw how pure I was hitting the ball
Only a couple of mis hits
I hit everything so good

A shame she doesn't know
How intense the oral pleasure would be
If she spent a romantic evening with me

I looked into the pro shop
From the outside

She gives golf lessons
And drives some fancy BMW

I could spend hours
Just hitting *****
Just me
And my swing

On and on
Into eternity
Yes
On and on
Hitting *****
Just me
My clubs
The earth
The *****

I will play that game in heaven one day
Jan 2015 · 597
Enlightenment Podcast
Matt Jan 2015
A voice says, "Welcome to the Enlightenment podcast.
I'm Dr. so and so"

Your name would have been sufficient sir
Was it really necessary to proclaim your title

Although I think it is great you have a doctorate degree

You did offer some very sound advice
We should open ourselves up
To the possibility of infinite connectedness

It's love
Show love to others
Let the love flow

Gosh my life is so isolating
I wish I had some more friends to hang out with

Maybe one day
Jan 2015 · 171
All You Need Is Love
Matt Jan 2015
Any time
Any place
It can be expressed in any language
You can feel it at any age

Love overcomes
Love heals
My love goes out to my followers

Well, thank you
Thank you very much
I am honored that you enjoyed my writing
All you need is love
Jan 2015 · 280
How Much Does She Care
Matt Jan 2015
You know I wonder
How much the therapist cares about me

I don't think she cares for me
As much as I care for her

I think she just sees me
As a paycheck

That's the problem with it
I went there looking for a friend

But you can't have friendship when
There is money involved

It's not true friendship

And I think I will stop being revealing about myself

I'll just use the time
To share my poems

I wish I had a close companion
Someone to talk about my problems with

But I don't
Maybe one day

I have close friends but I
Don't talk about my problems with them

Loneliness is the fundamental problem
Of this life for me

Yep, definitely loneliness
Jan 2015 · 302
A Thousand Years Alone
Matt Jan 2015
I'm very tough
I guess life just made me that way

Like a towering pillar of strength
An unbroken wall

I do not require love
Or sympathy

I figure I will never meet anyone
A woman will never love me
And that's fine

I am strong
I once did 150 pullups in one day

Left Alone for A thousand years
Never hugged or cared for

Nobody cares
Believe in yourself
Rely on yourself

The world is a terrible cruel place

I still can't achieve what I want to achieve

I'll just keep trying

Tougher than everyone
My spirit is strong

I'll just keep standing

I will remain pure
I will remain a ******
Never having *** with a woman

Besides better not to love someone that much
That way I won't get hurt

A towering pillar of strength
Unbroken and strong

I don't need to be touched
Or loved

Yes, I can spend a thousand years alone
Jan 2015 · 330
Another Earth Day
Matt Jan 2015
Hit some ***** at the driving range
Watched some of Bourne Identity
Trying to sync an Ipod

Eternally exhausted
Life the terrible burden
Some guy named Jesus
Gives a **** about me

Cool beans Jesus
I guess I'll keep praying

I try to be good
And do what is right

Breathing kind of heavy
Tired

And all I will ever get
Is endless toil

So tiring this life
I really don't like living here

Of course young Americans
Can't find good jobs

Our country is ruined
Trillions of dollars in debt

At least I had a good eggplant for dinner
It's the small things in life
That make it enjoyable I suppose
Jan 2015 · 372
I Remain Pure
Matt Jan 2015
While other couples have soiled themselves
Engaging in hot and lustful *******

I have remained pure
I have not had ****** *******

I think I will remain this way
There should be men like me

Willing to remain pure
I will not soil
Or debase myself
By engaging in *** with a woman

These well-hung studs
Think they are God's gift to women

But I laugh
I laugh because they use their life force
Every time they engage in ***
They give up a part of themselves

I remain a towering pillar of strength
I will not give up myself

Each time they ******* inside of a woman
A small portion of them dies

The woman becomes stronger
Taking the life giving seed

I will not let a woman do this to me
I will remain an unbreakable wall
A towering pillar
Soild and unbreakable

He must think he is very much a man
And be so **** proud
******* his wife
Pumping her hard and deep

Little does he know
He is slowly being sapped of his life force

Truly pathetic

I remain with my eyes open
The watchman
The massive stone wall
Eyes always looking
I am a great observer

He looks so tired after having ***
She truly has drained all of his energy

Not me
I remain strong
and I will remain a ******
I will remain pure through time!
Jan 2015 · 178
Better To Be Alone
Matt Jan 2015
I'll probably never meet a woman
I'll live alone
Oh well
Expect nothing, nothing comes
Emptiness of existence
Better to be alone
To rely on myself
Jan 2015 · 311
The Ultimate Attainment
Matt Jan 2015
The Ultimate Attainment
The past is already past.
Don't try to regain it.
The present does not stay.
Don't try to touch it.
From moment to moment.
The future has not come;
Don't think about it
Beforehand.
Whatever comes to the eye,
Leave it be.
There are no commandments
To be kept;
There's no filth to be cleansed.
With empty mind really
Penetrated, the dharmas
Have no life.
When you can be like this,
You've completed
The ultimate attainment.
P'ang Yün
Jan 2015 · 209
Being As Is
Matt Jan 2015
Being as Is
Food and clothes sustain
Body and life;
I advise you to learn
Being as is.
When it's time,
I move my hermitage and go,
And there's nothing
To be left behind.
P'ang Yün
Jan 2015 · 206
Mind At Peace
Matt Jan 2015
When the mind is at peace,
the world too is at peace.
Nothing real, nothing absent.
Not holding on to reality,
not getting stuck in the void,
you are neither holy or wise, just
an ordinary fellow who has completed his work.
P'ang Yün
Jan 2015 · 454
Without Name and Form
Matt Jan 2015
Well versed in the Buddha way,
I go the non-Way
Without abandoning my
Ordinary person's affairs.
The conditioned and
Name-and-form,
All are flowers in the sky.
Nameless and formless,
I leave birth-and-death.
P'ang Yün
Matt Jan 2015
In my daily life there are no other chores than Those that happen to fall into my hands.
Nothing I choose, nothing reject.
Nowhere is there ado, nowhere a slip.
I have no other emblems of my glory than
The mountains and hills without a spot of dust.
My magical power and spiritual exercise consists in
Carrying water and gathering firewood.
P'ang Chü-shih (The Golden Age of Zen 94, 304 n.5)
"Ma-tsu's outstanding lay disciple, Pang Yün" (The Golden Age of Zen 94)
Jan 2015 · 207
Welcome to 2015
Matt Jan 2015
Welcome to 2015
Another day in the earth simulation

I hope everyone has a better year
Let's support each other
And love each other

I hope there is golf in the afterlife
I could hit ***** for hours
I want to play the game for eternity

It must be because you have to rely on yourself
To play the game
There is no one
To help you
A cruel terrible game

Just like life
Jan 2015 · 264
Small Worthless D***
Matt Jan 2015
I stand in front of the mirror

I have a problem with the creator
Thanks alot for this small sad d
Hideous

I hate to be negative
But oh well
I'll always be alone

That's fine
I don't need anyone

I'll always be alone
I don't care

Small sad c

Women ignore me

I don't care
Rely on myself
Believe in myself

The woman I like married some well-hung latin stud

Earth is a terrible place
I could live a thousand years
Completely alone

I am a towering pillar of strength
Jan 2015 · 289
Ugh
Matt Jan 2015
Ugh
They repeat the same thing
At the same time
They are old and obnoxious

I hate this ******* house
I hate these ******* people

I like to be alone
I don't need love
Or to be loved

I don't need anyone
Life brings emptiness

Shunyata
Nothing leads to Nothing
Meaningless absurdities

I am tired of this ****
**** this stupid home

I am going to ******* screeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaam!!!!!!!!

******* too old man
You obnoxious old man
I went up there to visit you

And you made a rude comment to me
Well
*******
I won't be visiting again
Jan 2015 · 620
Would Be Nice To Be A Woman
Matt Jan 2015
I talked to a woman
She was blonde and very fit
How I imagine my body to be
If I was a woman

I showed her a picture
Of a woman I always dreamed about looking like

I told her I was very wet
And loved her body

I told her I was ******* myself
And I was
Moaning like a woman would
I was ******* my ***
Slowly in circles

As I ****** my inadequate *****
I just don't like it
It is too small at 5 and 1/2 inches

Yes I am a *****
It feels good to slowly massage my *** with ****

She described how she would lick my ******
I thought about having a ****, and having it licked

I asked her to finger me
She described how she would finger my ***

It's all so hard
Those big powerful men
With their great bodies
And big thick *****
Women love them
Beautiful women love them
And they love to be ****** by them
Hours on end
In every imaginable position
Their ******* get pounded
And they scream and ***
Again and again
Those big heavy *****
Slapping against them

I know you know what I am talking about
No wonder you are so happy

Why couldn't I have been like them
If I was going to have a *****
Why did it have to be inferior to theirs?

God is mean to me
I know it is bad to say that
But he is
I feel like my small *****
Is closer to having a ******

I want to rub my *****
Like this woman was

She sent me a pic of her ******* that were soaked
I was so loving and caring toward her
I really turned her on

She showed me a picture
Of how she squirted so much
At least two feet by one foot
Of the towel was soaked

I always dreamed of being a squirter
Able to *** so hard like her
I think of a well-hung man
******* my ***** nice and deep

My loving strong husband
Thrusting his huge **** into me
Making me *** again and again
Screaming, yesss, harder,
**** me harder!

It must feel so great to experience such satisfying *** as a woman
To have multiple *******
I envy you

Women experience more pleasure than I can
Another example of how God has been mean to me
Dec 2014 · 415
Sensodyne
Matt Dec 2014
Strengthens Enamel
Removes acid from wine and fruits
Helps prevent tartar build up

Please Please Please
Stay away from those whitening toothpastes!
They contain chemicals that harm your teeth

Thank you
Have a pleasant and enjoyable evening
Dec 2014 · 385
My Night
Matt Dec 2014
On my way down the street
Saw Unbroken ad on bus
Survival, Resilience, Redemption
Yea that's me
Have to survive this cruel place called earth
Must be resilient for many difficult things will happen
Must believe in Jesus to help redeem me

Went to Macy's
To use my gift card
Bought the gold toe socks
And some red earth colored dockers

Poor cashier
Was dealing with a nightmare transaction
They wanted that 25 dollars
Credited to their account
Well, turns out they had used the wrong card
To make the initial purchase
Charge showed up on the wrong card
Or something like that
The guy had to call the manager
Cashier handled it well
Lady said something like,
"So what your saying is you won't give us back our twenty-five dollars"
Ugh relax lady, remember it was your boyfriend or hubby
Or whoever the heck he was
Who initially purchased it with the wrong card
This lead to all the problems
So be more careful next time, okay?
And do not snap please.

Nice asian lady
Handled my transaction
Simple transaction
I bought with gift card
She was pretty
Patient too
I liked her
I dreamed of holding her at night
Usually dreams don't come true in this life
It seems

Then went to hiking store
Overheard the guy explaining
There are sleeping bags made for me
And bags made for women
Evolutionarily speaking
He explained how men's body heat
Is more spread out at their extremities
With women he says it is more in their core
Too many problems with evolution
It's not the be all and end all
Like he thinks it is

Was going to buy some different energy bars and snacks
Put them back
Cashier was kind of annoying
Bleh
Overly cheery
He was a good guy
Just didn't want deal with overly cheery guy
Maybe he will start long conversation
Don't need those snacks anyway
Overpriced

Life is sad
Life is lonely these days

At least I am going on a hike
With a friend tomorrow
Dec 2014 · 832
Another Shitty Day
Matt Dec 2014
Stuffed my body with food
Still empty
Still empty

Endless emptiness
Endless loneliness
Endless tragedy

Oh Earth
What a **** hole indeed

And it will really get fun
When things go bad
When the economy collapses

Who knows
Maybe a third World War

Let the hard times come
Let hunger come
And war
And hate
And pain
And loss
And more pain
And I will just keep going and going

Life is pain
The suffering is endless
Without pain
I would feel nothing at all

Women don't like me
My ***** is small
I don't give a ****
I hope I'm always alone

Care for yourself
Self-reliance
It's a **** hole
Earth
One big **** hole
Welcome!
Dec 2014 · 474
LRDG
Matt Dec 2014
Long Range Desert Group
Small patrols cover thousands of miles
Gathering intelligence on enemy movements

"Ghost Patrols"
Drive the truck and camouflage it
Watch the road

*** and lime to ward off the scurvy
***, water, powdered lime
Let the air blow over it
And you have a cool *** and lime drink

Sun compass
LRDG brought back
A steady flow of important information
Dec 2014 · 260
Just Another Day
Matt Dec 2014
Just Another Day
Full of emptiness and loneliness
Watching documentaries
Alone Alone Alone
Would be nice if I had more friends
Go to the gym

30 in a few months
At least there is golf
Dec 2014 · 395
Earth Sucks
Matt Dec 2014
So what is so ******* great about this place anyway?
It's just some type of simulation
4 seasons in a year
Go to work
Pay your taxes
Exercise
Enjoy some leisure activities
Age and die

At least I have the afterlife to look forward to
And it better be fun
I want to play golf there
Dec 2014 · 827
Lonely, Lonely
Matt Dec 2014
No job
No money
Friends busy

Watching youtube videos on WWII
Chatting in chatrooms

**** never changes
Life doesn't care
The wheel in the sky keeps on turning

My ***** is still smallish/average size
At least I live in a nice home
And have good food here.
Dec 2014 · 395
Why Do I Bother?
Matt Dec 2014
Why do I bother

I go on this chat site
Everyone has a profile
With their interests, etc.

I try to engage women
And ask about their lives
They don't seem to care that much
Or want to have a conversation

I would go out and try to meet someone
But I have no money

Despite all my education
I can't find a decent job in California

So I sit at home in front of my computer
At 9:52 pm
Alone again

I guess I will watch Youtube videos
On world war II
Youtube is always there for me

Life is so sad
Some kind of tradgedy
I am a really good person

I have barely any friends
I guess I will go to the gym in a while
Run a few miles
Dec 2014 · 2.6k
I Hope To Meet My Mistress
Matt Dec 2014
When oh when will I meet my mistress?
I hope she has a lovely apartment or small home
She will wear her lovely black boots and designer jeans
And perhaps a **** blouse too

In the winter evening
We will have a nice fire

I will lie across her lap in only my *******
It will be so comforting to receive a firm spanking from her
It will be a loving spanking
Just firm enough to show she is in charge
But not too firm to make me cry

She pulls down my pink satin *******
Whap! Whap!
First 10 spanks with her hand
And then the next 10 with her wooden hairbrush
She used the hairbrush because
She thought I could have done a better job
Cleaning our kitchen floor

I have never been so happy to serve my mistress
I have prepared a lovely dinner prepared for her
After we eat
I will give her oral pleasure for as long as she desires
What a beautiful evening indeed
Dec 2014 · 308
Where Has My Mistress Gone?
Matt Dec 2014
We talked for hours
She is so sweet and intelligent
She has such a beautiful singing voice

I thought she would at least tell me
That she wouldn't be online for sometime

I understand if she is busy
But it doesn't take much effort
Just to log on to Skype and tell me you are busy

We had such intimate discussions
She even watched me as I had one
Of the most powerful ******* I have ever had

I trusted you and we had talked for quite a length of time
I wanted to be your loving and devoted servant

I thought that you could have been the one
I hope that you come back online again
Just to tell me what it going on

It's not fair to do this to me
I really like you

I used to look forward to speaking to you each day
And I was always so respectful
Addressing you as ma'm

I thought you cherished me very much
Well I hope you still do

Please message your Maddeline
It upsets me because I was intimate with you
I listened to you pleasure yourself

And you watched and listened to me too
You called me Maddie
And said I was such a good girl

You made me feel happy
Now you left me
And as I write I feel like crying

Why am I always alone
Why can't I find a mistress?

I don't understand!
I have so many good qualities
I am loving and kind
Respectful and athletic

I stay in good shape
I am intelligent and love history and philosophy

I miss the days with Janeane
When I cleaned her kitchen
And we had salmon and green beans
She was my friend
I wish sometimes she would message me every once in a while
Just to see how I am

Well I understand she has moved on
But I messaged her online lately just to see how she was
It would be nice if she responded
I understand if she is busy
Dec 2014 · 321
Our Black & Decker 18V
Matt Dec 2014
Our 18V Black & Decker Vacuum
Just keeps on Going
Lightweight and powerful

Just empty the filter
I hit the filter to remove the dust
Now the filter is like new again

Just keep this vacuum charged
Works well for car seats and floors
And carpets and corners of my room too

Just keeps going and going
A marvel of modern technology
Dec 2014 · 332
Life
Matt Dec 2014
Ulttimately it seems as though
I am swept away by life

Changing dates and changing faces
Changing names and places

There Is A Good Path For Me
That I can see

Eat well, exercise
Show love to others
Do my job
And do my duty

But ultimately this life is some kind of tragedy

I guess what bothers me the most is the loneliness
I wish I had more good friends

Ah well,
It's all fleeting
All passing
Best just to accept things the way they are

Only here for a time
Show love to others

I hope to meet my mistress one day
Where are you mistress?
Your loving and devoted servant is here
I would like to meet you one day

This evening I went for a drive
I bought a cigar
They had renovated the store
Seems change is the only constant

I have a friend who is always good
And has always been that way
He shows love to everyone
I try to emulate him
To be like him

I figure he is about as good as any human being can be
Dec 2014 · 1.7k
The Eve of St. Agnes
Matt Dec 2014
The Eve of St. Agnes


I.

  ST. AGNES’ Eve—Ah, bitter chill it was!
  The owl, for all his feathers, was a-cold;
  The hare limp’d trembling through the frozen grass,
  And silent was the flock in woolly fold:
  Numb were the Beadsman’s fingers, while he told         5
  His rosary, and while his frosted breath,
  Like pious incense from a censer old,
  Seem’d taking flight for heaven, without a death,
Past the sweet ******’s picture, while his prayer he saith.

II.

  His prayer he saith, this patient, holy man;         10
  Then takes his lamp, and riseth from his knees,
  And back returneth, meagre, barefoot, wan,
  Along the chapel aisle by slow degrees:
  The sculptur’d dead, on each side, seem to freeze,
  Emprison’d in black, purgatorial rails:         15
  Knights, ladies, praying in dumb orat’ries,
  He passeth by; and his weak spirit fails
To think how they may ache in icy hoods and mails.

III.

  Northward he turneth through a little door,
  And scarce three steps, ere Music’s golden tongue         20
  Flatter’d to tears this aged man and poor;
  But no—already had his deathbell rung;
  The joys of all his life were said and sung:
  His was harsh penance on St. Agnes’ Eve:
  Another way he went, and soon among         25
  Rough ashes sat he for his soul’s reprieve,
And all night kept awake, for sinners’ sake to grieve.

IV.

  That ancient Beadsman heard the prelude soft;
  And so it chanc’d, for many a door was wide,
  From hurry to and fro. Soon, up aloft,         30
  The silver, snarling trumpets ’gan to chide:
  The level chambers, ready with their pride,
  Were glowing to receive a thousand guests:
  The carved angels, ever eager-eyed,
  Star’d, where upon their heads the cornice rests,         35
With hair blown back, and wings put cross-wise on their *******.

V.

  At length burst in the argent revelry,
  With plume, tiara, and all rich array,
  Numerous as shadows haunting fairily
  The brain, new stuff d, in youth, with triumphs gay         40
  Of old romance. These let us wish away,
  And turn, sole-thoughted, to one Lady there,
  Whose heart had brooded, all that wintry day,
  On love, and wing’d St. Agnes’ saintly care,
As she had heard old dames full many times declare.         45

VI.

  They told her how, upon St. Agnes’ Eve,
  Young virgins might have visions of delight,
  And soft adorings from their loves receive
  Upon the honey’d middle of the night,
  If ceremonies due they did aright;         50
  As, supperless to bed they must retire,
  And couch supine their beauties, lily white;
  Nor look behind, nor sideways, but require
Of Heaven with upward eyes for all that they desire.

VII.

  Full of this whim was thoughtful Madeline:         55
  The music, yearning like a God in pain,
  She scarcely heard: her maiden eyes divine,
  Fix’d on the floor, saw many a sweeping train
  Pass by—she heeded not at all: in vain
  Came many a tiptoe, amorous cavalier,         60
  And back retir’d; not cool’d by high disdain,
  But she saw not: her heart was otherwhere:
She sigh’d for Agnes’ dreams, the sweetest of the year.

VIII.

  She danc’d along with vague, regardless eyes,
  Anxious her lips, her breathing quick and short:         65
  The hallow’d hour was near at hand: she sighs
  Amid the timbrels, and the throng’d resort
  Of whisperers in anger, or in sport;
  ’Mid looks of love, defiance, hate, and scorn,
  Hoodwink’d with faery fancy; all amort,         70
  Save to St. Agnes and her lambs unshorn,
And all the bliss to be before to-morrow morn.

IX.

  So, purposing each moment to retire,
  She linger’d still. Meantime, across the moors,
  Had come young Porphyro, with heart on fire         75
  For Madeline. Beside the portal doors,
  Buttress’d from moonlight, stands he, and implores
  All saints to give him sight of Madeline,
  But for one moment in the tedious hours,
  That he might gaze and worship all unseen;         80
Perchance speak, kneel, touch, kiss—in sooth such things have been.

X.

  He ventures in: let no buzz’d whisper tell:
  All eyes be muffled, or a hundred swords
  Will storm his heart, Love’s fev’rous citadel:
  For him, those chambers held barbarian hordes,         85
  Hyena foemen, and hot-blooded lords,
  Whose very dogs would execrations howl
  Against his lineage: not one breast affords
  Him any mercy, in that mansion foul,
Save one old beldame, weak in body and in soul.         90

XI.

  Ah, happy chance! the aged creature came,
  Shuffling along with ivory-headed wand,
  To where he stood, hid from the torch’s flame,
  Behind a broad hail-pillar, far beyond
  The sound of merriment and chorus bland:         95
  He startled her; but soon she knew his face,
  And grasp’d his fingers in her palsied hand,
  Saying, “Mercy, Porphyro! hie thee from this place;
“They are all here to-night, the whole blood-thirsty race!

XII.

  “Get hence! get hence! there’s dwarfish Hildebrand;         100
  “He had a fever late, and in the fit
  “He cursed thee and thine, both house and land:
  “Then there ’s that old Lord Maurice, not a whit
  “More tame for his gray hairs—Alas me! flit!
  “Flit like a ghost away.”—“Ah, Gossip dear,         105
  “We’re safe enough; here in this arm-chair sit,
  “And tell me how”—“Good Saints! not here, not here;
“Follow me, child, or else these stones will be thy bier.”

XIII.

  He follow’d through a lowly arched way,
  Brushing the cobwebs with his lofty plume;         110
  And as she mutter’d “Well-a—well-a-day!”
  He found him in a little moonlight room,
  Pale, lattic’d, chill, and silent as a tomb.
  “Now tell me where is Madeline,” said he,
  “O tell me, Angela, by the holy loom         115
  “Which none but secret sisterhood may see,
“When they St. Agnes’ wool are weaving piously.”

XIV.

  “St. Agnes! Ah! it is St. Agnes’ Eve—
  “Yet men will ****** upon holy days:
  “Thou must hold water in a witch’s sieve,         120
  “And be liege-lord of all the Elves and Fays,
  “To venture so: it fills me with amaze
  “To see thee, Porphyro!—St. Agnes’ Eve!
  “God’s help! my lady fair the conjuror plays
  “This very night: good angels her deceive!         125
“But let me laugh awhile, I’ve mickle time to grieve.”

XV.

  Feebly she laugheth in the languid moon,
  While Porphyro upon her face doth look,
  Like puzzled urchin on an aged crone
  Who keepeth clos’d a wond’rous riddle-book,         130
  As spectacled she sits in chimney nook.
  But soon his eyes grew brilliant, when she told
  His lady’s purpose; and he scarce could brook
  Tears, at the thought of those enchantments cold,
And Madeline asleep in lap of legends old.         135

XVI.

  Sudden a thought came like a full-blown rose,
  Flushing his brow, and in his pained heart
  Made purple riot: then doth he propose
  A stratagem, that makes the beldame start:
  “A cruel man and impious thou art:         140
  “Sweet lady, let her pray, and sleep, and dream
  “Alone with her good angels, far apart
  “From wicked men like thee. Go, go!—I deem
“Thou canst not surely be the same that thou didst seem.

XVII.

  “I will not harm her, by all saints I swear,”         145
  Quoth Porphyro: “O may I ne’er find grace
  “When my weak voice shall whisper its last prayer,
  “If one of her soft ringlets I displace,
  “Or look with ruffian passion in her face:
  “Good Angela, believe me by these tears;         150
  “Or I will, even in a moment’s space,
  “Awake, with horrid shout, my foemen’s ears,
“And beard them, though they be more fang’d than wolves and bears.”

XVIII.

  “Ah! why wilt thou affright a feeble soul?
  “A poor, weak, palsy-stricken, churchyard thing,         155
  “Whose passing-bell may ere the midnight toll;
  “Whose prayers for thee, each morn and evening,
  “Were never miss’d.”—Thus plaining, doth she bring
  A gentler speech from burning Porphyro;
  So woful, and of such deep sorrowing,         160
  That Angela gives promise she will do
Whatever he shall wish, betide her weal or woe.

XIX.

  Which was, to lead him, in close secrecy,
  Even to Madeline’s chamber, and there hide
  Him in a closet, of such privacy         165
  That he might see her beauty unespied,
  And win perhaps that night a peerless bride,
  While legion’d fairies pac’d the coverlet,
  And pale enchantment held her sleepy-eyed.
  Never on such a night have lovers met,         170
Since Merlin paid his Demon all the monstrous debt.

**.

  “It shall be as thou wishest,” said the Dame:
  “All cates and dainties shall be stored there
  “Quickly on this feast-night: by the tambour frame
  “Her own lute thou wilt see: no time to spare,         175
  “For I am slow and feeble, and scarce dare
  “On such a catering trust my dizzy head.
  “Wait here, my child, with patience; kneel in prayer
  “The while: Ah! thou must needs the lady wed,
“Or may I never leave my grave among the dead.”         180

XXI.

  So saying, she hobbled off with busy fear.
  The lover’s endless minutes slowly pass’d;
  The dame return’d, and whisper’d in his ear
  To follow her; with aged eyes aghast
  From fright of dim espial. Safe at last,         185
  Through many a dusky gallery, they gain
  The maiden’s chamber, silken, hush’d, and chaste;
  Where Porphyro took covert, pleas’d amain.
His poor guide hurried back with agues in her brain.

XXII.

  Her falt’ring hand upon the balustrade,         190
  Old Angela was feeling for the stair,
  When Madeline, St. Agnes’ charmed maid,
  Rose, like a mission’d spirit, unaware:
  With silver taper’s light, and pious care,
  She turn’d, and down the aged gossip led         195
  To a safe level matting. Now prepare,
  Young Porphyro, for gazing on that bed;
She comes, she comes again, like ring-dove fray’d and fled.

XXIII.

  Out went the taper as she hurried in;
  Its little smoke, in pallid moonshine, died:         200
  She clos’d the door, she panted, all akin
  To spirits of the air, and visions wide:
  No uttered syllable, or, woe betide!
  But to her heart, her heart was voluble,
  Paining with eloquence her balmy side;         205
  As though a tongueless nightingale should swell
Her throat in vain, and die, heart-stifled, in her dell.

XXIV.

  A casement high and triple-arch’d there was,
  All garlanded with carven imag’ries
  Of fruits, and flowers, and bunches of knot-grass,         210
  And diamonded with panes of quaint device,
  Innumerable of stains and splendid dyes,
  As are the tiger-moth’s deep-damask’d wings;
  And in the midst, ’**** thousand heraldries,
  And twilight saints, and dim emblazonings,         215
A shielded scutcheon blush’d with blood of queens and kings.

XXV.

  Full on this casement shone the wintry moon,
  And threw warm gules on Madeline’s fair breast,
  As down she knelt for heaven’s grace and boon;
  Rose-bloom fell on her hands, together prest,         220
  And on her silver cross soft amethyst,
  And on her hair a glory, like a saint:
  She seem’d a splendid angel, newly drest,
  Save wings, for heaven:—Porphyro grew faint:
She knelt, so pure a thing, so free from mortal taint.         225

XXVI.

  Anon his heart revives: her vespers done,
  Of all its wreathed pearls her hair she frees;
  Unclasps her warmed jewels one by one;
  Loosens her fragrant boddice; by degrees
  Her rich attire creeps rustling to her knees:         230
  Half-hidden, like a mermaid in sea-****,
  Pensive awhile she dreams awake, and sees,
  In fancy, fair St. Agnes in her bed,
But dares not look behind, or all the charm is fled.

XXVII.

  Soon, trembling in her soft and chilly nest,         235
  In sort of wakeful swoon, perplex’d she lay,
  Until the poppied warmth of sleep oppress’d
  Her soothed limbs, and soul fatigued away;
  Flown, like a thought, until the morrow-day;
  Blissfully haven’d both from joy and pain;         240
  Clasp’d like a missal where swart Paynims pray;
  Blinded alike from sunshine and from rain,
As though a rose should shut, and be a bud again.

XXVIII.

  Stol’n to this paradise, and so entranced,
  Porphyro gazed upon her em
Dec 2014 · 429
Slave Planet
Matt Dec 2014
Shove food in Body
Work
Sleep

Repeat

Earth *****

Where is my mistress?
I want to be humiliated
Matt Dec 2014
Stop Saying Good
You obnoxious people

I am tired of a meaningless pointless word
That has no meaning

It's much more complicated
When asked how they are
They say "good"

When asked how their day was they say "good"

Stop being so repetitive

Please be more creative than that
And turn of the **** television
Or I will turn it off permanently
*Smash!
Dec 2014 · 239
The Show Must Go On!
Matt Dec 2014
More times And times
One hour turning into the next
The planet earth spins round the sun

This is quite a far out game we are playing here?

Human bodies go up and down
This spinning sphere
Orbits round and round the sun

So what's it all about?
Your guess is as good as mine
I guess just love one another
That's what I try to do

I want to meet sweet people
Kind people too
I want a hug
I wish you all happiness and joy
Next page