Something like a cursed title
Everyone who takes that label in my life-
Either hates me or left me

Well-
Except for one
But she’s not my bestie really
She’s my lover
Does it still count?

Too good to be true
That’s your theme
The theme I didn’t accept
The theme I should’ve stayed with
But instead
You reeled me back in
Let me believe that wasn’t to last
Just to tell me
We were too good to be true

Something feels missing
Right now - it’s you
And in a few hours
Probably all my energy
Then in the morning
I’ll lose the calm of rest

I wish I could stay asleep
My mouth doesn’t hurt when I do
My brain imagines a world without surgery
And my heart puts you in every moment
It’s a nice touch
Just makes me go crazy waking up
Feels like that world is missing

I miss messages!
All the goofy things we’d send
I miss snap
The poetry, the drawings, the funny filters
Now it’s just insta
I don’t even use insta
But you’re worth it
So I use it for you

Yknow what’s missing
The ideal world
I don’t think everyone’s is the same
But I think ours is
And two is much better than one
So I can promise one thing
Whatever’s missing
I’m gonna make sure it isn’t missing forever

You’re not in danger.
You’re not hurt.
You’re just not here.

And still—
my chest folds like a paper map
creased where your name used to lie.
The silence grows teeth at night,
soft ones,
but they bite.

I know you’re somewhere safe.
Maybe smiling.
Maybe lost in a thought I’ll never hear.
And I don’t want to take that from you.
I just want you near.

When you leave,
it’s not disaster.
But the air doesn’t settle right.
I wait—
not because I’m desperate—
but because nothing fits
without your weight.

I tell myself you’ll be back,
that this is just space,
not distance.
But my hands don’t listen.
They reach anyway.
They always do.

There’s no storm.
No sirens.
Just a slow drip of maybe,
of soon.
Of hoping the next time I blink,
it’ll be you
walking back through the room.

He was mid-sentence when a sharp pain cut through his body. His eyes dropped in confusion. A knife was sticking out of his stomach, the blade stained red. For a second, he didn’t understand. His mind tried to catch up, but the pain was too sudden, too real.

“W-what…?” he whispered.

Then the knife twisted.

A cry escaped him as the pain surged. It knocked the air from his lungs, made his knees weak. Breathing hurt. Thinking hurt. And then, just as fast, the knife was pulled out. The pain didn’t stop — it got worse.

He pressed a hand against the wound, trying to hold himself together. When he pulled it away, his palm was soaked in blood.

“Blood…” he said quietly, as if saying it would make it make sense. His head started to spin.

He turned, forcing his eyes to focus. That’s when he saw her. The person who had stabbed him.

Someone he knew. Someone he trusted.

His body gave out and he collapsed. The ground hit harder than he expected, sending a shock through him. Lying there, he struggled to keep his eyes open.

She was human, just like him. That was what stuck with him. Not the pain, not the blood — the fact that she chose to do this.

And he couldn’t figure out why.

He knew he wouldn’t make it. There was no one to help, no one to stop the bleeding. He was alone.

There was no anger in him. Just confusion, sadness… and a kind of quiet fear. Not knowing what he meant to her anymore. Not knowing why this had to happen.

He looked up at her one last time. His voice barely came out, but she heard him.

“Did you just twist me out of your life?”

You exist like a thought I never meant to say out loud-
but now that I have, I can’t imagine silence without you.

You say maybe I’ll find someone else filling-
But I say baby,
If there’s someone else waiting,
My answer is I have a lady.

You’ve expressed your doubts,
And I hear your thoughts,
However you hit all the spots-
My heard had kept hidden in knots.

To be honest- you complete me,
So much all I think of saying is true,
So here’s something I can guarantee-
I love you

Hey
Where’d you go
I know where I went
Crazy

I’m scarred
From head to toe
But not with circles or lines
No, my mind wouldn’t let me do that
No matter how hard I try
Blade against the skin-
My body trembles
I keep trying to do something
But all of me says no
Let the pain linger on its own

It doesn’t mean I don’t wish I could
My methods don’t really help
What does a fist covered in blood do-
Knuckles begging for a wall to cool off in
I don’t even have anger
I just like the way it stings and burns
And how I can look at myself and see pain
Not just feel it

The voices are everywhere
Yet only audible to me
It’s like the world just stopped spinning
Leaving me slowly drifting off the ground

Nobody to talk to
Nothing to open up about
No private notes to share
Just waiting for days to pass by

I wonder what I live for
And I think I know the answer
But does it matter
She’s not here for 120 hours

My heart threw a tantrum
Wailing through anxiety for days
Until it got tired
Until it missed the love

I used to long for the warmth
Now it seems I can’t escape from it
And it’s not that I want to
It wasn’t used to switching back for a moment

But I think it’s cooled down
I’ll manage the rest on my own
It’s my turn to deal with pain
Simple as that

My writing has changed
It changes with you

When you’re here
When you’re not
When you’re close
When you’re far

What it doesn’t do
Is forget about you
How could it
You’re all I think about

Every morning
Before I spit out the blood
I wonder how you’re doing
I message to see if you’re up
You always are
And I’m here to talk to
About any issues

And every night
No matter the depression score
Tell me everything
Because I couldn’t stand to not know
Well-
I couldn’t stand to not help

You matter
We matter
Don’t leave me
Don’t lie
Be honest
That’s how I can help best

I thought this year was horrible
But the more I think about it
I wish I could go back
Not to change my decisions
But to relive it one more time
Knowing things will change
But accepting the beauty of it

I don’t miss her
But sometimes I want a good argument
Sometimes I want the doorbell to ring
Some days I wish I wasn’t in bed alone
And it’s my choice what to do about it
Doesn’t mean I didn’t like it

I miss my friends
And not because I want to hang out
We don’t endlessly call anymore
We don’t make fun of random people
I don’t have my support pals

I miss the musical chaos
Of going to pit every day
Marching band terrors
Learning the jazz band soli
Auditioning for districts
I miss district jazz the most
I loved being with people who knew-
What they were doing-
And what they wanted to do
I miss district band
Resting on her shoulder
Playing classically
The moments were surreal

I want life to be normal
But I don’t want it to change
I wish it could all work out
Like it was

I think I’ve always wanted security
My anxiety eats at anything uncertain
So I ask a million questions
Hoping the answers calm me

But I don’t think the chaos is avoidable
Maybe my nights of crying are deserved
It’s for the lore
Intended to make me who I will be

I’m so broken
Don’t even kid yourself
I can take a hello and make it like a goodbye
Everything in my head is wrong

I’ve always wondered why many others live
Why they don’t slowly die- like me
But I think I realize now
It’s how I was built

I’m a bundle of scraps
Fused falsely to form a half being
My parts strong in the worst ways
I can never escape the torment of uncertainty

I wish I could just hurt myself
Save me the pain I build in my whole body
The thoughts that won’t quit
Why do I make little things everything

I have cool traits
So see me as great
But they’re all baits
To lure me to a good fate

I’m too tired
To process
I’m just gonna keep doing this

I do blame you
Like actually
In my mind

I’m writing my thoughts right now

So you wondered what my overthinking was

It’s like this

Except you made it under representing
Of how I should be thinking
Because you couldn’t be good

Thanks for that

I miss you-
But you just went to sleep

I miss you-
But you were here 4 minutes ago

I miss you-
But we were just day dreaming the future

I miss you-
But I feel your words like a delicate touch

I miss you-
But I know I still love you

I miss you-
But I can’t wait for tomorrow, for you

I miss you,
But you’ll wake up to this message

I miss you,
But even so,
When the sun rises,
While kids dread their final exams,
We’ll be here,
Soaking in our own rays of sun,
Like a hot tub of love,
For just the two of us to bathe in,
Washing us clean of our time apart

I miss you now,
I’ll miss you tomorrow night,
But I won’t miss you forever-
How could I,
Soon enough we’ll be together everywhere,
Unable to be split apart,
Unwilling to leave

I tell you it a lot, I know
But I love you so much
Girl it’s like an instinct
Your words leave me vulnerable
But it isn’t bad
And only for you-
Only for you would this be okay
Because I know deep in my heart-
Love is ours

I have a lot of time
We have a lot of time
Maybe not the way I desire
But I’d rather be here
And help you
Having you here to support me
While nobody else does

I’d rather this
Than the pain of being without
Because alone is one thing-
Without you is torture
Why split up two people-
So right for one another

So I sit
Stationary
Here for anything
Here for nothing
Whatever you want
I’m ready to give

I don’t care what people think
What they would think
What can happen
I just don’t want us to be split up
Or to be hurt by being split again

I can’t even care anymore
About anything
I just wish the pain to be gone
But I know it’ll never go
Just *****
That you had to be worth it like that
But not for a good reason

Forget
Because I’m not worth it
Because everyone is telling you to
Because if you do I won’t have to look into your eyes and wish it was different
I’m sick
I can’t get these thoughts out of my head
I’m so lost
It’s just dumb at this point
The fact I was so obsessed
And am
But will never be heard

And obviously you heard me
But what’s the point
What can ya do when your whole world says no
My world said yes
I wish that was enough

I can’t promise painless
I won’t fight reality
I’m not perfect
But I can try my **** best for you

So send the battles my way
I’ll do my best to help
Maybe I won’t be much
But I can hope to be enough

I live life on the edge
No wonder everything about me is spontaneous
Yet there’s always one constant-
You

Whether I like you-
Or love you
Worry about you-
Or care for you
I’m here
That’s not changing

I can’t stop writing
I don’t care about getting a zero in this ****** class
I couldn’t care less about English
Because I can’t care about myself anymore

I only wish for one thing
An easy way out
Thank you!!
For making my life hell again

You could’ve left it at the spring and summer blues
You didn’t need to make the fall heartbreak terminal
And DEFINITELY not now
You didn’t need to take my heart a year later
**** April
Is that like a lucky month for you
You gotta break Sean’s heart in April right??

But it’s okay
I really don’t care
I just hope you enjoy it
Every cut
Every moment you think of me
I ask one thing okay
Remember who did this
And I’m going through it
More than you could fathom
Don’t feel sorry
It’s on you
You can’t help it
I suffer for you
Isn’t that enough

It’s so fair
For you
Because you just let life decide for you
Everyone else I mean
And maybe one day they won’t be life and you'll be alone
Then we’ll finally be twinning
Because that’s where I belong
Because of you
And I wonder if that means you do too
Sean the loner
Cool
Thanks for the title
Master manipulator
(Who can’t make a single decision to not hurt anyone)

Eliza... if you're thinking of ending it, I'm not gonna push you-but I am going to be honest. I want you to stay. I want you with me. And if some part of you wants that too
-if this thing between us feels as real to you as it does to me-then maybe it's worth choosing. I see you completely, and I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to be sure about everything right now, just about how you feel in this moment. And if that's me-
I'm here.

Just occurred to me
I’m not home
But I feel at peace
Because you know where I am
And how I am
I don’t have a message to respond to
I can rest

Tears won’t come
No matter how hard I try
The last time I could was in March
Since then I haven’t felt alone
Even when I am

I guess it’s what I get
The quiet peace of a falling world
Crumbled dreams
Fantasies destroyed

Nobody could get me
How it’s worth it to plant my feet
But really I just follow my heart
It’s a very clear path

Your voice,
it drips like sunlight over my skin-
not burning, just warm,
like a kiss that starts in the heart
and spills outward.

You say my name,
and it’s like fingers brushing the back of my neck,
gentle, like you always are when you mean it.
Every syllable
a promise without pressure,
a tether made of silk and intention.

We talk until the day folds in on itself,
hours dripping slow like honey,
and I want more-
of your thoughts, your hands,
your breath softening the air between us
as we sit close
in the hush of the car,
windows fogged by the gravity
of just being near you.

God, Eliza,
I see us in years we haven’t lived-
your laugh decorating a kitchen,
your feet on my dashboard,
your eyes asking nothing
but still saying everything.

Love is not loud with you,
it’s skin-on-skin in words and time,
in the way your touch exists
even when we’re not touching.

And maybe-
maybe one day I’ll kiss you
like I’ve kissed you a thousand times
in dreams I never wake from.
And it’ll feel like this:
not fireworks,
but a soft ignition.
Not a storm,
but a home.

She gets me completely,
where other people don’t,
where I thought people never could
She sees my energy and matches or raises it,
she’s here for me forever,
she doesn’t fail to help when I need it-
even without asking
And she tries her **** best to be “good enough”
as if she isn’t already so perfect-
So perfect that I don’t think I deserve her.

I was venting
In all honesty
I have no one to talk to
I’m alone yet again
It’s fine
I knew it was hard, and believe what you want, I’m just hurt that every time I open up it gets thrown in my face
It’s not your fault obviously
You could’ve done something, but it wouldn’t be worth the risk
Forget me
I’m just a lost cause
In every reality
Except the one I wish was true

******* in knots
Spewing nausea in an endless stream
Keeping my head in the dark
That’s my stomach for you

I can’t stand tennis without keeling over
Couldn’t finish half a meal
My mom thinks I need a job
What would I know, I’m in the dark

Maybe I should try therapy- again
Let someone tell me my life as it is
Then at least I won’t be alone 23.8 hours a day
I think that’d be nice

I miss having people to cope with
Now it’s just one or the other- or none
Everyone is growing distant-
Like my ex best friends

But how would I know
I’m in the dark
Waiting for something to shine down-
To take me out of the dark

A concept I never thought real,
One I believed I’d never know,
Something I longed to have.

And now that I do,
I’m learning everyday,
What makes it true.

The ever longing feeling when we’re apart,
The butterflies I get being next to you,
How everything fades out when I see you,
That sensation when our eyes lock.

True love isn’t lust,
It isn’t being crazy obsessed,
It isn’t even caring too much.

True love is choosing a person,
Even when you think you shouldn’t,
And returning to it,
No matter what stands in the way.

I live a life with true love each day,
Thinking about them more than I do myself,
But most importantly,
Standing ready to return at a moment’s notice.

There’s a lot of space between us
Even so
I wished you’d hear the engine spattering
My foot lifting off the clutch slightly too quick

There’s a lot of space between us
Yet you’re still on my mind
Good, bad, longing thoughts-
I can’t seem to shake off

There’s a lot of space between us
But you’re still filling my heart
Making the world bright and purple
Lifting me up inside

That space between us
It echoes in my soul
Pounding through my chest
Trembling across my fingers

The space between us
Isn’t a lovely thing
But somehow-
It’s still pure

Murderer
Murderer
Murderer
A word I can’t get out of my head
A murderer is moving back into my house

Could he just disappear again
Jail, apartment, the street
I really don’t have a preference
Just find a place for the lunatic

Obviously I don’t sympathize
But I used to have his anger
It took me years to contain mine
Yet he feels good even yelling at his kids

We didn’t have the same experience
He lost his mother
A person he lived with for two extra years
Someone he could never support-
Not with money nor words
I lost a grandmother I couldn’t seem to stop caring about
Not in the five years she came to live with us
Yet she hated me
A grandchild who did nothing but care
I wanted to know her and learn her stories
But she pushed me aside like I was too much
Well
I’m depressed, close to failing grades
I have one dream and I don’t know where it ends
Am I bad enough for you now?

I’m self centered for ignoring your feelings
I’m selfish for only seeing my pain
I’m self deprecating for believing the worst
I’m stupid for not telling you how I felt

I thought you were happy
I felt like I was some unwanted safe space
I believed everything real you preferred
I ignored everything you had told me

And you said it again
Yet I took the wrong intent
Now I feel dumb and sorry
I made it harder for you to break the silence

I’m reworking my thoughts
I’m reorganizing my feelings
I hope you can forgive me
I won’t make that mistake again