Just occurred to me
I’m not home
But I feel at peace
Because you know where I am
And how I am
I don’t have a message to respond to
I can rest

Tears won’t come
No matter how hard I try
The last time I could was in March
Since then I haven’t felt alone
Even when I am

I guess it’s what I get
The quiet peace of a falling world
Crumbled dreams
Fantasies destroyed

Hey.
I think this is my last message on this document.
You were definitely right.
I knew I should’ve listened.
I’m sorry I didn’t.
But I guess it worked in your favor, right?
She got the help you were frustrated over.
I’m back to eternal loneliness.
Although,
I’m sorry to disappoint that I’m no longer obsessed with you.
I know you really feed off that.
I just wanted to live.
I really still do.
I want to have my life as I want it to be.
But it seems like I get half of it.
I get a heart that can feel my music,
But a heart forbidden to feel others,
Except for the one it can’t have.
Anyway,
Enjoy your freakishly skinny life.
Adios 👋
(🎱)

Just a theory
If I couldn’t look you in the eye
Was it because of your beauty
Or my fear of the pain to come
If it was
It was worth every gut wrenching moment

The last time I played this game
I was alone
Missing her
Trying to find something to fill the gap
The emptiness of an absence of love

Now
I’ve dated someone
Yet I still miss her
And I don’t fill the gap
I’ve just got a whole heart I can’t use
It’s not mine anymore

I guess that’s why I write here
Because I can’t rhyme
I can’t make a poem
Why would I even try

I get to use my heart
It’s the only time I can
And the rest of the time
It beats like a clock
Ticking down
Begging me to strike

I want to

Gasping for air
I stare into my ceiling light
My arms glued to the carpet
I don’t remember going down
Just standing up up from bed
I forgot what this was like

My heart is thumping
In its slow double pulse
Like how it would
When I would think of you
Read your words
See your face
Hear your name

And then it came back
I read your poem
I stood up arrogantly
Wishing the world was different
Except for one thing
And then I was down

I wonder what’s worse
Being down here
Or the circumstances that **** me

It’s real
It always will be
But it will never be