she was too innocent to understand anything
too small to differ between love and pain
so she learned to express what she felt

she would lock herself in room with her dolls
and take out crayons and began to draw
a mother, a child and a man with big hands

sacrificed on the name of joke
became laughing stock of the group
my friends reflection in the mirror
appears rather dull than bright

rust entered in the open wounds
scars that cover my whole body
friend is a word to use with care
growing ivy does not make them rose

in a corner of my mind
the shattered me sits in utter silence
unable to carry and fly with wind’s pace
the weight on my chest drags me down to same place

even the pills can’t help me calm down
the screams get louder with harrowing memories
the daggers in my chest are hard to remove
every task i face, a mountain hard to move

death accompanied her and me
but i was the one brought back from the sleep
only to sit discomposed in utter silence
stream leaked from my eyes,
like river from a cold glacier
hundreds of wolves eyes,
staring at mine
the leak is old but strong
i cry now and then
as flood of memories
sweeps into my head

anxiety wrapped around my neck
and hands struggling to free myself
lying on my bed close to the edge
i was struggling to keep my breathe

in the velvet sheets,
where cries turned into moans
and with a single kiss,
i was brought back from the hell

swing of a pendulum speaks to me
in its back and forth motion
it prophesied to be prepared
storm will make landfall again

Walking back home, I take my time
To feel that summer evening
The birds returning to their nests
The sun is glowing red
And the night is one step ahead
The sun’s beautiful reflection in the pond
And the cold breeze that hit me and down to my soul
I stand there in peace and hear the voices of crickets
The serenity I feel in the euphonious tracks of nature
Walking back home, I take my time to
Feel that summer evening

those eyes of yours keep hurting me
the same eyes that once made me blush
and comforted me in darkest of my hours
they tell me that you're not mine

those eyes of yours keep tearing me apart
they tell me you're a fantasy i will never get to live
love now seem like a fictional concept
i must write you with my own pen

we had a lot to say, sadly we still do
could've said that in the moment when the world was below our feet
but the fear, the caged beast inside us needed our heart as a feast
so we chose never to say but enjoy the very moment
yet our eyes whispered and held the secret meetings
the tides turned and suddenly goodbye came to say hi

I saw the signs,
but I was in denial
I comforted myself, saying,
"You would never do that,"
as I continued to address my ghosts
But the weight was too much to carry

I saw you disappear at the horizon,
like the stars slowly fading into daylight

I knew I wasn’t right for you,
but all I wanted was simple affection
My heart is too fragile
and continues to face heartbreak
in the adversity of time

I promised myself I would not, I shall not, write about you
But it is my pen that never stopped missing you

is it ethical
if he says he hates his family?
they did him wrong but then the world will say-
"god help this child possessed by the spirit
he's the one in the wrong".

he tries to find a reason to love them,
because he is in debt for raising the man he is now
but then again, they reminds him-
his existence is wrong.

he is not saying he hate his family
if so, then they hate him too
the reason for this is far beyond
this poet's understanding

they also loves him,
giving him a crown of jewels
but imposing something upon him
that was never his to begin with-
to carry the weight of stones they bore.

and the arguments, the words thrown at his prime
it is hard for him to breathe sometimes
he's locked in a dungeon he can't escape

sound of burning fire crackers reminds me of a day
light from burning fire crackers reminds me of a day
when you were her, joining the group with joy
i watched you from the sideline when your face light up pink
the smile that never faded till you were here
but the feeling engraved within me tells me to cry
i meet you in my dreams and always try to tell you
“i love you mother, you were so blue”

on a ship wandering on seas
a sea of peoples seeking for peace
i asked them,
“if the ship went down, which flower should they use at my funeral?”
he said lotus
but I said lavender
she said peony
but I said sunflower
out of the crowd someone screamed out,
“use a bouquet”
i asked ‘why?’
he rephrased it and said,
“idiot they all mean recovering and peace”

Blue were my days and nights
when you would check on me,
with late-night conversations
and your playful words about meetings
Is it the days that I miss, or
is it you whom I long for?
This affair was forsaken from the beginning

midnight and,
far from my town's bright light
in darkness of sky i find solace
in darkness of sky i seek freedom
i look at the glittery trail of stars
the satellites moving as if stars are racing
the Pleiades looking like a small ursa major
i lay my head on the grass
before fog comes to obscure my view
before its grayness takes all over me
i look at the stars, spot constellations
wishing if i could fly through them
wishing if i could go and visit a planet
wishing if a planet that can carry the weight
the weight of my emotions,
the weight that pulls me down on the ground
there's a freedom in the night sky
meant for dreamers, meant for believers
i want to dream, i want to believe
that i will be fine
midnight, and i run away from the town
to seek freedom in the starry night

standing on altar
they said “greatest lovers united”
bejeweled in ‘shiny stones’
later to be thrown back
at me in courtroom

my obscured vision of love
i’m stripped off your ‘lover’ title
how did we get here? My love
from singing together at our wedding
to you playing at my funeral

trying to put back the bricks
that you once threw at me?

realization struck you
when I’m gone
your efforts will go waste
but dear you succeeded in saving your face
your tears of regret won’t dry any sooner
my love wasn’t an illusion
you will share my tears
but I wish you well
and someone who will share those tears

there’s a ghost in my glitter filled room
that reminds me of you
and says, “you are my only muse”

night is the hour of peace
but once the clock strikes at midnight
the ghost comes out to take me to hell

loving you was never a crime
but when i’m trying to move on
your memories still lingering around this time

Dear readers,
i now recite a tale, a poem,

aviothic wishes, made from the glass
to hang in the hall, where peoples dance
if i rephrase it, i'm a mirroball
i carry the weight of my emotions and thoughts

the moon dancing around blue earth,
a mirroball in the space
shinning bright till the eclipse hit it
i'm fine till the mirroball breaks

i know i'm in pain but i'll still smile
shine like a star that never turns dark
you know,
the star has a work to do,
because down there somebody is looking for
something to look at
to calm their inner storm & be at rest

on my desk
lays a plan grand
to escape from my town
and live in the valley

waking up to the sound of birds chirping
ending my day with a walk in the evening
at night, sipping tea by the fire
to falling asleep in the arms of my lover

i’ll watch, “trees shedding a part of them in fall”
i’ll watch, fog cover my ground”
i’ll watch, “rain pouring down”
i’ll watch, “green take over again”
and
i’ll watch my inner child heal

words from them won’t hurt anymore
looks from them won’t scare anymore
scars from them will stitch up this time
and they won’t be there anymore

i’m still at the same place
sitting by the same old lamp
where we penned
a tale, a poem, a song for the ages
while listening to same old music

in void of your voice
and the letters you used to fly
from your place
i’m wishing on every star
for a force to come by and tell me
is it over now or is it an illusion?

my mind is my graveyard
a death place of my happiness
that keeps stabbing daggers
by bringing back memories

i looked up your name
not once, twice or thrice
but thousands of time with my each cry
i see you’re doing good
by locking me in a cage
and throwing away in the sea with the key
leaving me to drown and die

sitting by the grave of our love affair
lavender fields are now left barren
echoes of your voice lingers in the hall
and words i penned start to haunt

3 years gone by in blink of an eye
winter nights and fog touching the ground
blurred my periphery, left no space for closure
can someone tell me for how long should i mourn?

no one ever taught him how to be a grown up
all he is now a puppet, controlled by dangerous thoughts
that tells him to run towards hill and jump into the valley

freedom is far beyond his reach
he believe his older version was too strong
he had dreams, wishes and knew how to cling with hope

but now everything is rusted
he breathe poisonous air
from his dreams in flames

hope is a devil disguised as a beauty
no one ever told him how scary it gets
he doesn't wish to grow up

standing on a cliff, waving at the ship
drought hit eyes, a sorrow ending
happiness in goodbye, never destined
lessons learned, pages turned
a new chapter waiting for his return
five steps back and five steps forward
amorous story and remergence

my world surrounded by gray clouds
a moment’s happiness is all i seek
my heart covered in magoa
a affectionate touch is all I need
i want his life
not jealous but rather envious
judged by the divine power
my latibule lies in his world

in quiet of the nights
his demons comes out
and begin to rule over his mind
attacks are made
wounds re-open
and bleeding doesn’t stop
as he confront his demons
with his head high but knees on the ground

memories, promises
failed dreams, enemies
and 19 years of life
flash before his yes
everything start to pull his nerve
with screams so loud, a cursed man’s curse
his house is his grave
and there are cries in his silence
begging for help and lord’s forgiveness

the clock pointing to midnight
the walls are coming closer and closer
i’m going mad
my biggest fears begins to rule over my mind

scared of my own thoughts
scared of voices that tells me to die
i would put my hands on ears
and close my eyes

the paper says “i’m depressed”
stuck between haunting midnights
a fight between life and death
have no clue where i shall seek shelter

in one dream this poet saw a horrific scene
where i was sitting on top of the house
and yet water had reached that high
submerging everything in its way

in the same dream,
i saw a child getting washed away
while his mother screaming for help, ready to jump
to rescue but is held back by others

this poet tried to jump
but my hands were tied in a chain
as i helplessly watched with tears in my eyes
i saw the child drown to the river bed

she screamed into the camera
and became a voice of millions
someone called her a child of wealth
while someone called her fury fake

it all came from the mouth of an ill man
who would sit on his porch, almost at the death door
for how long should a fool ignore, the capitalism and greed?
he lost his shame when he started talking about her body

can a woman do something without being sexualized?
she sailed through the ocean to confess her anger
maybe the world needs more angry women
since a men can only talk about ***

when the floodwater rises, so does his fists
when the drought hits, his anger reaches peak
he needs someone weak to prove he is still a man
thus hiding violence under cover of crisis

he locked the door of his room
closing all entrances, even the windows
to stop the monster in his dreams
roaming in hall from coming in,

he locked the door of his room
placed a chair and sat under the table
the sound of footsteps was getting loud
he just sat there talking to his toys

he locked the door of his room
he just stared at the pendulum bob
writing apologies on unsent letters
waiting for the footsteps to pass

he hid himself in the closet
whenever he heard the footsteps in the hall
and when that man was in the room
he would stare through the open cracks

he knew it at the age when others were in playgrounds
the fear of a man who called himself his father
but nothing like one and only a tyrant
a monster who bullied his own kids

verses dipped in gray ink
his blue sky failed to turn pink
color changed faster than light
love in gray his soul screams
moon obscured by the fog
he dreamed of anastolic dreams

tattoos are hard to get off
his mind made him a slave
refused to burn in that fire
he decided to stay at same place
wishing on that wishful star
he burned his pride and let his tears rain

picked like a flower in the storm
by tyrant monsters like it's a fun game
hurt his pride, and took his crown
his days never saw daylight
in that dark haze brought by the storm
search for a beacon came to an end

live as an alien in his own town
in void of someone,  he couldn't lift up his quill
blood moon and screams in his head
pain and bruises stuck under his skin
parted ways when times were rough
his quietude and joy's eclipse

the man set his own house on fire
and looked at the animals who are running away
he screamed at the trees for not taking the toll
even though ht was the one who started the fire
he blamed the clouds that won't rain
for bringing his house down to ashes

the man set his own house on fire
allowed the invasion of aliens
that destroyed him and all his principles
thinking it won't cause him the harm
forgetting a scorpion will bite your hand
even if you feed him

I can't blame anyone, not even the one you love
I'm sure you both have stories to fill pages with—
about how you met and fell for each other
I do not have the right to claim you,
so the question of hate seems outrageous
My nights are haunted by the dead and the living
You are a beacon I always waited for

my face in the ground
and a collar across my neck
i tried to stand up, little by little
but i fell on my knees again

from crying on the thought of you
to struggling for breathe over and over
my face buried in the cold sand
i can't recall your dreamy face

it still happens now and then
but i tell my heart to stop crying
and mind to hatch some plans
you were never mine in the first place

even while writing,
my body cold and pale
my tragedy is i can't recall your face
but my idea of you will never fade

you’re so majestic, I don’t deserve you
you’re so grand, I don’t deserve you
your heart is nothing but pure
and I fear my gray one will infect yours too
my love can cross border’s but yours can cross universes
i hope the sun smiles at the brightest for you
you’re kind, I don’t deserve you
you’re the muse I don’t want to hurt, I don’t deserve you

from a place of sadness and heartbreak
i write this as i say

"now i always disappear on people,
you see this has been a great escape
others first performed this one on me
when i almost lost my sanity"

i slowly disappeared from my friends life
so the call lines finally end up rusting
before any betrayal comes my way
this is my new greatest way to love, live and escape

clouds cried in pain
and turned purple-pink
ataraxia is on the rise
the savior has arrived
to turn the blood moon
back to gray

was it all an illusion, a dream?
i opened my eyes
they are nowhere to be found
certainly a beautiful place to visit
to take away my pain
even if its just in a dream

in the serene countryside,
he found himself on a cliff
caught in chains of blood
pushed to the edge by his father will
who wished he never existed

too depressed to scream it out
even the nature can't help him out
alive but hushed into a confinement
only to live scared of  new dawn

in denial
but pacing while room is on fire
motion capture fail to paint his emotions
"I'm fine"- a product of his illusion

litany of reasons but pain stuck under his skin
too afraid to pen about, too afraid to scream it out
demons are his rulers, will demons be the winners?
help! he is drowning he can't put out this fire

Some days, I want to be left alone,
while on others, I want someone to hold my hand.
Either I walk out of the woods alone,
or I need a light to guide me through this pain.

My ghosts feed upon my thoughts,
even when I assure myself I'll be just fine.
My sighs never forget their true self,
and my heart continues to beat like a drum.

In a pitch-dark room, I sit, broken and unaware.
The future seems too harsh to live in,
and my present doesn't even care.
Either way, I long for the light that can save me.

messages sent and unsent
confessions told and untold
heartbroken- and hearts we both broke

your memories linger around like a ghost
I still see your shadows at my door
scores settled and unsettled, you don't matter anymore

pierce through my heart or stab my back
the tattoos have already been scrubbed off
now you don't beat my drums anymore

this war was started by your cannons aimed at my door
now i'll be the judge, i'm prepared with my *****
to bury us six feet below the ground
i'll make sure you never rise again

i'll be the hunter and you will be my prey
and this time you will run for your life
when i become a monster you always claimed i was
till i leave every lingering memory of us in ruins

dear gentle reader’s, go out and have fun
the summer is here, go visit a bookstore
feel the zephyr as it touches your face
when sun is up high and
swan’s playful game in the lake
sit by the lake with poetry in one hand
watch ladybug climb up your hand
lay down your head on the green grass
watch the paintings that tree shadow paints
forget your tiring efforts, make new memories

All that you'll leave behind for me are your memories
The legacy of a story that was ill-fated from the beginning
You have somebody else, but my heart still screams your name in silence
Who will I think of when I’m being feasted upon by my ghosts?
Your memories will soon join them—and eat me alive.
I don’t want to be in love again, where the one I love will **** me

no real friend would play with your feelings
to have a control over how you feel
misleading remains the biggest cause
why so many never come out alive in this game

no real friend would undermine this bond
unless they never considered it from beginning
to some being craved is the one great thing
no matter even if the cost is a friendship

lies were fed for months in his head
that maybe there could be a thing in between
lies were shattered on the night of big reveal
when other confessed saying, "i knew it"

my muse
my unspoken words
our antithetical stories
your charm
your goodbye before the dawn

i traced the lines of our fate
never aligned
the red string woven around
which seems too weak
your presence lingers around me
like a shadow

rain poured down before
before we became alive
before i let it out
before i could hold on
before you screamed it out
i watched you being washed away from my shore

i watch the rain
blurring edges of my side of the world
as i wait for it to cleanse my wounds
as i wait for it to blur my memory
as i wait to let go

you cannot expect to trust a lion after removing his teeth
you know it can easily **** you with his claws
you cannot expect a traveler who went to a new south
to return to his old south in the same color of flame
he learned new ways of life, forgetting the ones he left behind
he learned to betray to make his way to appeal his kind

there is no one this poet hate more than
those little ******* with power in their hand
who would do nothing but sit back and watch
as the world continues to burn in the fire

there is no one this poet hate more than
those little ******* with hands full of money
who sold their soul to build the empires
that run on the back of the poorest

there is no one this poet hate more than
those little ******* who have everything
but choose the silence as a way to escape
while the planet continues to cry out for help

my body ache and feel so old
my soul torn and winter's cold
i've lived too many lives

they say, "teenage is the best years of life
but carelessness can bring you demise"
lost in the petty things of life
i lost a precious chapter of my life

they say, "care for each other, care for the poor
but care even more about your mother"
forgot to tell her how much i love her
i still cry thinking about her last smile

they say, "love is a game
you should play it with caution and care"
i let the insecurity clouds surround my world
so i lost one more embracing touch

i want to set myself free
to adrift on the vast sea
or fly in the sky like any bird
i've lived too many lives, i'm tired of breathing

adrenaline rush through his veins
beat like a drum races on a highway
shadow dissolved in dark corner of his room
his thoughts has consumed his refuge

lost in the battle against his own fate
lying on the ground, wounded but can’t say
his cry for help never goes out of tower
held captive in cell of his brain

just looking at the stars
my curiosity reaches its high and
tells me to fly through them

i will enter the interstellar space-
a place between the stars
that will send me love for coming trillions of miles apart

the love which is different
from the one that you get on your planet
where bodies are buried everywhere and ashes in the soil

the love which is different
that will never hurt you and
one can dream of it after death

just looking at the stars
makes me want to fly through them
for once i can't wait for everything to end