there’s a ghost in my glitter filled room
that reminds me of you
and says, “you are my only muse”

night is the hour of peace
but once the clock strikes at midnight
the ghost comes out to take me to hell

loving you was never a crime
but when i’m trying to move on
your memories still lingering around this time

Dear readers,
i now recite a tale, a poem,

aviothic wishes, made from the glass
to hang in the hall, where peoples dance
if i rephrase it, i'm a mirroball
i carry the weight of my emotions and thoughts

the moon dancing around blue earth,
a mirroball in the space
shinning bright till the eclipse hit it
i'm fine till the mirroball breaks

i know i'm in pain but i'll still smile
shine like a star that never turns dark
you know,
the star has a work to do,
because down there somebody is looking for
something to look at
to calm their inner storm & be at rest

on my desk
lays a plan grand
to escape from my town
and live in the valley

waking up to the sound of birds chirping
ending my day with a walk in the evening
at night, sipping tea by the fire
to falling asleep in the arms of my lover

i’ll watch, “trees shedding a part of them in fall”
i’ll watch, fog cover my ground”
i’ll watch, “rain pouring down”
i’ll watch, “green take over again”
and
i’ll watch my inner child heal

words from them won’t hurt anymore
looks from them won’t scare anymore
scars from them will stitch up this time
and they won’t be there anymore

i’m still at the same place
sitting by the same old lamp
where we penned
a tale, a poem, a song for the ages
while listening to same old music

in void of your voice
and the letters you used to fly
from your place
i’m wishing on every star
for a force to come by and tell me
is it over now or is it an illusion?

my mind is my graveyard
a death place of my happiness
that keeps stabbing daggers
by bringing back memories

i looked up your name
not once, twice or thrice
but thousands of time with my each cry
i see you’re doing good
by locking me in a cage
and throwing away in the sea with the key
leaving me to drown and die

no one ever taught him how to be a grown up
all he is now a puppet, controlled by dangerous thoughts
that tells him to run towards hill and jump into the valley

freedom is far beyond his reach
he believe his older version was too strong
he had dreams, wishes and knew how to cling with hope

but now everything is rusted
he breathe poisonous air
from his dreams in flames

hope is a devil disguised as a beauty
no one ever told him how scary it gets
he doesn't wish to grow up

standing on a cliff, waving at the ship
drought hit eyes, a sorrow ending
happiness in goodbye, never destined
lessons learned, pages turned
a new chapter waiting for his return
five steps back and five steps forward
amorous story and remergence

my world surrounded by gray clouds
a moment’s happiness is all i seek
my heart covered in magoa
a affectionate touch is all I need
i want his life
not jealous but rather envious
judged by the divine power
my latibule lies in his world

in quiet of the nights
his demons comes out
and begin to rule over his mind
attacks are made
wounds re-open
and bleeding doesn’t stop
as he confront his demons
with his head high but knees on the ground

memories, promises
failed dreams, enemies
and 19 years of life
flash before his yes
everything start to pull his nerve
with screams so loud, a cursed man’s curse
his house is his grave
and there are cries in his silence
begging for help and lord’s forgiveness

the clock pointing to midnight
the walls are coming closer and closer
i’m going mad
my biggest fears begins to rule over my mind

scared of my own thoughts
scared of voices that tells me to die
i would put my hands on ears
and close my eyes

the paper says “i’m depressed”
stuck between haunting midnights
a fight between life and death
have no clue where i shall seek shelter

he locked the door of his room
closing all entrances, even the windows
to stop the monster in his dreams
roaming in hall from coming in,

he locked the door of his room
placed a chair and sat under the table
the sound of footsteps was getting loud
he just sat there talking to his toys

he locked the door of his room
he just stared at the pendulum bob
writing apologies on unsent letters
waiting for the footsteps to pass

he hid himself in the closet
whenever he heard the footsteps in the hall
and when that man was in the room
he would stare through the open cracks

he knew it at the age when others were in playgrounds
the fear of a man who called himself his father
but nothing like one and only a tyrant
a monster who bullied his own kids

verses dipped in gray ink
his blue sky failed to turn pink
color changed faster than light
love in gray his soul screams
moon obscured by the fog
he dreamed of anastolic dreams

tattoos are hard to get off
his mind made him a slave
refused to burn in that fire
he decided to stay at same place
wishing on that wishful star
he burned his pride and let his tears rain

picked like a flower in the storm
by tyrant monsters like it's a fun game
hurt his pride, and took his crown
his days never saw daylight
in that dark haze brought by the storm
search for a beacon came to an end

live as an alien in his own town
in void of someone,  he couldn't lift up his quill
blood moon and screams in his head
pain and bruises stuck under his skin
parted ways when times were rough
his quietude and joy's eclipse

I can't blame anyone, not even the one you love
I'm sure you both have stories to fill pages with—
about how you met and fell for each other
I do not have the right to claim you,
so the question of hate seems outrageous
My nights are haunted by the dead and the living
You are a beacon I always waited for

my face in the ground
and a collar across my neck
i tried to stand up, little by little
but i fell on my knees again

from crying on the thought of you
to struggling for breathe over and over
my face buried in the cold sand
i can't recall your dreamy face

it still happens now and then
but i tell my heart to stop crying
and mind to hatch some plans
you were never mine in the first place

even while writing,
my body cold and pale
my tragedy is i can't recall your face
but my idea of you will never fade

you’re so majestic, I don’t deserve you
you’re so grand, I don’t deserve you
your heart is nothing but pure
and I fear my gray one will infect yours too
my love can cross border’s but yours can cross universes
i hope the sun smiles at the brightest for you
you’re kind, I don’t deserve you
you’re the muse I don’t want to hurt, I don’t deserve you

clouds cried in pain
and turned purple-pink
ataraxia is on the rise
the savior has arrived
to turn the blood moon
back to gray

was it all an illusion, a dream?
i opened my eyes
they are nowhere to be found
certainly a beautiful place to visit
to take away my pain
even if its just in a dream

in the serene countryside,
he found himself on a cliff
caught in chains of blood
pushed to the edge by his father will
who wished he never existed

too depressed to scream it out
even the nature can't help him out
alive but hushed into a confinement
only to live scared of  new dawn

in denial
but pacing while room is on fire
motion capture fail to paint his emotions
"I'm fine"- a product of his illusion

litany of reasons but pain stuck under his skin
too afraid to pen about, too afraid to scream it out
demons are his rulers, will demons be the winners?
help! he is drowning he can't put out this fire

Some days, I want to be left alone,
while on others, I want someone to hold my hand.
Either I walk out of the woods alone,
or I need a light to guide me through this pain.

My ghosts feed upon my thoughts,
even when I assure myself I'll be just fine.
My sighs never forget their true self,
and my heart continues to beat like a drum.

In a pitch-dark room, I sit, broken and unaware.
The future seems too harsh to live in,
and my present doesn't even care.
Either way, I long for the light that can save me.

messages sent and unsent
confessions told and untold
heartbroken- and hearts we both broke

your memories linger around like a ghost
I still see your shadows at my door
scores settled and unsettled, you don't matter anymore

pierce through my heart or stab my back
the tattoos have already been scrubbed off
now you don't beat my drums anymore

dear gentle reader’s, go out and have fun
the summer is here, go visit a bookstore
feel the zephyr as it touches your face
when sun is up high and
swan’s playful game in the lake
sit by the lake with poetry in one hand
watch ladybug climb up your hand
lay down your head on the green grass
watch the paintings that tree shadow paints
forget your tiring efforts, make new memories

All that you'll leave behind for me are your memories
The legacy of a story that was ill-fated from the beginning
You have somebody else, but my heart still screams your name in silence
Who will I think of when I’m being feasted upon by my ghosts?
Your memories will soon join them—and eat me alive.
I don’t want to be in love again, where the one I love will **** me

my muse
my unspoken words
our antithetical stories
your charm
your goodbye before the dawn

i traced the lines of our fate
never aligned
the red string woven around
which seems too weak
your presence lingers around me
like a shadow

rain poured down before
before we became alive
before i let it out
before i could hold on
before you screamed it out
i watched you being washed away from my shore

i watch the rain
blurring edges of my side of the world
as i wait for it to cleanse my wounds
as i wait for it to blur my memory
as i wait to let go

adrenaline rush through his veins
beat like a drum races on a highway
shadow dissolved in dark corner of his room
his thoughts has consumed his refuge

lost in the battle against his own fate
lying on the ground, wounded but can’t say
his cry for help never goes out of tower
held captive in cell of his brain

Who is to blame here when we both stopped picking up calls?
Is it because the lines that connected us have rusted?
Or is it because we both outgrew each other?

My love for you never ran out, even when I was drowning.
You just stopped sending invitations,
and I stopped writing to you.

Our love was as pure as the kisses you burned into my body,
your name engraved within the depths of my heart.
But we ran out of luck and lost it all

lurking in the shadow
to hunt her down
to put all the blame on her
there’s a man dressed as clown

was it that “her clothes too short”?
was it that “she was too easy”?
reasons circled around
there’s a man dressed as clown

clown is unapologetic
clown is a predator
clown is a hypocrite
there’s a man dressed as clown

hold this hand that longs for your touch
it is you that i want, is it too much?
make a melody using the drums that you beat,
for us to dance under lightning-met-night in secrecy

i want you to bleed my lips
and heal them with a perfect kiss
as a reminder for me to keep living
and then mark me with your bliss

memories blending with the melodies
melodies i hear that bleed memories
memories that are covered in gray
melodies make me relive the pain
wind up in the circle with nowhere to escape
nostalgia is a sin to commit, melodies are my bane
memories holds a grip on me, don't associate song with your pain
cadence is a song that nature hums
after goodbyes, never meant to happen
live or die, the world moves on
i'm too weary to play this tortured game

drops full of anger, guilt and betrayal pouring down
from my eyes like rain in a sleepless night
soaked in blood and it’s stains on my gray shirt
two daggers stabbed at the same spot
their existence in my words and work
but for them I’m just a mirage,
a pseudo reflection of life in a dead desert
a hand to pull them out of it, a toy to be pushed into it
a ecosystem flourishing in peace but burnt down by fire one night
my quill, my papers untouched for a time,
lived in an illusion, a lie, that unforgivable sin

a golden daylight that you are
pierced through my grayest of the dark
calmed the waves carrying the storm-
that were wrecking my heart

in the darkest of my hours,
when night bleed memories
the thought of you feels like
an emergency aid in the war

a calmest of the people i know
with little to no smile on face
yet you feast upon my demons
and set me free from my chains

your name on my lips
once tasted like beautiful poetry
your name on my lips
now tastes like cigarettes
echoes of your laughter,
echoes of your screams—
they tell me to smile,
they tell me to cry
something that started under moonlight
ended beneath dark clouds

Oh! Behemoth tyrant set her free

From the cage of her plight she’s trapped in,

Fields of coal cannot end the hunger

And rivers of oil cannot quench the parched,

Seas full of the perished and soil lacking air

lungs smoking gun and ash from fire,

he, who must pay the price for the greed

and the crime will bring his demise,

one shall not questions its power

its force will submerge you under water

our inimical truths
our baleful words
have torn us apart
i stood for myself
you stood for yourself
i gave you signs
you gave me signs
but fate had other plans
now dark heart is all we have
with all its chambers full of detest
if I come to your door
you won’t open
if you come to my door
i won’t open
so we lost our love
to the hands of our fears
never to come back
never to be same

the last words of farewell
were sharper than a knife
the last words of farewell
damaged more than a cannon fight
all my fears conquered that war
leaving me to drift on the sea
with no sign of shore
thus began the night,
never to come to an end
crying in veil
and my pain reached new heights

he hates his family
They all had restricted his freedom
That’s how he ended up like this
With no one to call or visit-
and share his deepest thoughts with a friend

I won’t say anything or
raise questions on someone's intentions
because that's who this poet is
i made my finest decision to be alone
over the dramatic chaos life brings when I'm happy

wake me up when it’s all over
“when the ink of my pen stops bleeding
when there is no trace of their memories”
wake me up when the nightmare is over

november’s sadness will take me down
burn the bridges to the next run
lunar eclipse and pacing under the sun
gray will return in it’s darkest shade

(James)
bid farewell to this town but
search for closure brought me back again
i thought you would wait
was love a joke to you?
"how could you move on?", i asks myself
my sighs louder than the wolves howl at night
seventeen is just a age, i regrets my mistakes
you were my essence, soundtrack to my life
now i see you dancing with him at the ball
the lament in me for our lost love never faded
i always believed you would come back to me

(Betty)
the train didn't stopped and reached oblivion
your ambivalent decision led to our demise
throwing back words at me
saying there were no signs
while i carried the weight
and you had your perfect summer love
an absentee, a cicada your whole life,
now at thirty, you ask me
"how could you? how could you move on?"
i gave you chances after chances
while i was dying from the inside
the pain your betrayal brought me
memories still haunts me at night
i tried talking to darkness
but she felt bored hearing
my missing and crying
after you absquatulated me

to be someone’s muse- a feeling unknown!
an honor so grand but beyond my hope,
the vastness of the sea before my eyes
its secrets can’t be hold in a rhyme,
midnight’s darkness- a friend before
now a foe, never haunted me before
a rose by other name can be “forget-me-not”
sorrows, sorrows and prayers always knock at my door,
cemetery is the home for the spirits
cemetery is the home for the memories,
i long for the “good old days”
when summer never left me alone,
now in my winter’s barren land
a glittery hope is what i pray for!

the pages of my diary hold the memories-
memories of you being cold and warm,
memories of that mysterious smirk,
and the day you deserted me

i unfurled the white flag
and surrendered on my knees
you started this war
and kept on stabbing me

this war is our love affair
illicit from the moment it began
yet, i believed in you and 'this love'
still questioning, whether i regret you or not

i drew out my glittery pens
and turned them into swords
ready for the war
against their words and my thoughts

i pen down my feelings
in stories and prose
my ink like cannonballs
aimed at their high forts

not every pen can be turned into sword
not every sword can save you in the war
sometimes wish to be free from living is high
whether its eclipsed or blood moon night.

in your eyes, there’s a plea
as if they’re in search of something warm and sweet
the look that you gave me sparked something
something very dangerous that needs to be handled with care and free
free of insecurities for it to bloom
bloom in the best shade of blue

my plea is to forever hold you dearly and close
never letting go of your hand and let it freeze
in november’s cold when it’s snowing outside the window
i’ll build something with snow and let you laugh at me
my plea is to forever hold you close
and peace will never leave our door

fire raining down from the sky
and my planet turned to hell
with no sign of life but only cries
of his, her and their memories at midnight

strange streams leaking from my eyes
i wonder, “will i even survive?”
poetry i write from every dying
pieces of memories and fragments of my life

loudest was the music from her parties
loudest was her audacity
to come in a town
and challenge the town’s rules
stole neighbor’s dog
and sent a clear message

her degraded reputation
and unnoticed kindness
got her a tag of mad woman
never scared of bringing change
Now a role model
For women in her age

let's meet tonight in cemetery
to perform our sacred ritual where
i hold you close and we dance in the dark
there is a sword in my back
and a glass of wine in your hand
to fill it with my blood

let's meet tonight in cemetery
to perform our sacred ritual where
you betray me for one last time
as you're kissing me and pushing the knife
deeper and deeper into my heart
and sky echoes with my cries

i am a sad amorist
who seeks to understand the love songs of the bird
the stories, the notes they sing that are open
but less understood at the same time
a deluge of emotions that leaks a stream from my eyes

i am a sad amorist
who seeks to look for the storm in the silence of a river
the tranquility that seems to exist but not at heart                                                           
obliviousness of the age, my dreams torn apart

stars had aligned, my savior finally arrived
visions of you clung to my eyes,
months of anticipation and stolen stares
i still haven’t figured out your must-be-lovely name

walking under that purple flowers tree
on the mattress nature laid for us to be
with full of flowers and butterflies flying by
it is the fate’s will to be, to make you mine

invisible strings and the touch of your hand
sparked something in me that floods my eyes
the wind in my world always flows towards you
a sign of arrival, of beacon i imagined

ere this day, my world covered in gray clouds
but now finally turned purple-pink,
the golden daylight pierced through the haze
for once i'll let this sin feeling bloom, that was born in the dark

my dead silent heart
and covered in magoa
longing for something beautiful
that can lethe my pain
and set me free

a savior is all I seek
who can cast the right spell
who can revive a soul dead
who can fulfill promises
who can stop the rain red

Sorry will only pierce another spear in your heart
Forgiveness is all I seek to drown again in your eyes
17, yet torn apart by this lover affair
Wish your friend’s words were her another lie
Slept by her side, never lost your sight
Rusted your summer, visited you in dreams
I feared of him taking you away
I took the wrong step
That led me where I stand
At your porch
At your party
Seeking for forgiveness
Waiting for you
To curse out your anger
Or kiss me again

I’m just a side character in my own story
The heart of someone I know beats for someone else
I’m watching it all unfold from the sidelines
I knew the risk I was taking, I keep telling my heart—
But the weight of my tears feels too heavy to carry
So I let them rain again for you tonight
You have beautifully haunted my life
I thought I was finally going to make you mine

Silence of the night, an invitation to the poet
To discuss the cause, the solitude it screams
Someone is sleeping, someone is weeping
The silence of the night, what could the reason be?

Someone is sleeping, what a happy life
Someone is weeping, a torturous goodbye
For someone to call it night, one needs happiness
A night without happiness, a never ending day of crying in veil