Well who doesn't feel lonely somedays?
Oh,
That's right.
Everyone.
Don't you ever think
This popularity contest
Isn't pushing my buttons.
Push the button that says
Accept
And I won't be insecure.
Or,
Push the button that says
Delete,
But it's been pushed so many times
By so many individuals.
To the few
Who are a part of my life
Congratulations.
Looks like you
Have pushed
The Start button.
So we start a friendship,
And begin a family.
The popularity button
Is one that is not pushed.
But it won't last.
It can break my machine.
So why bother?

If I am too much even when I'm not doing
a thing,
there is always a great excuse to not be around
me.
I lay on the couch staring at the ceiling and eyeing the walls.
Wanting someone like you to tear them down and take me to see the world.
I'll see the world even without the one I call  "my sister".
If there is someone to replace me with no baggage or flaws in punk form,
I'll **** it up and support your transition though
it hurts immensely.
You always knew you could do better.
I'll sleep in an empty room and there I can let it all be free and not push myself to be what you
wanted.

I still hug the little stuffed lamb
You gave me when you weren't going
To be back for a while
Even though
I want nothing more
And no love
From
You.

You do something alone
for the first time in your life.

So you have no one else.
so you have no one else.

You're paranoid, shaking, wanting ever so much to leave. Fearing something
tragic will happen and it will be the end of the world.

So you're scared.
So you're scared.

You look at everyone else. You feel so insecure like never before. Seems like they all know what they're doing.

So it seems.
So it seems.

So you begin your task, and you start to panic.

You think you can't.
You think you can't.

You cringe when someone comes to you. You then look them in the eye as you are frightened by their power. You admit that you are paranoid and in a scared stage.

You admit.
You admit.

They see where you are and they understand. And you have no need to be nervous.
Anything can be fixed. It's a leaning experience.
You relax and breathe in and out all the stress and negativity you made in your own head and skull.

Now, you have done this task. Next time you say you have done it before, and when you do it again you will say to yourself,

So you can
So you can.

Searching for your own self and only you be the judge

Pretend it is only you in the world and nobody else matters right now

Accept your looks, your gifts, your talent, and most of all, you

Come clean that it is only a moment before you reach back out and help      others who need you, even if it feels they use you.

Eat well, go outside, laugh, pray, and be happy, but don’t take this time for granted.

Though I may not be with you,
the dress on your date may not be worn by me.
I hope you had fun tonight,
set all your uptight free.
I'm happy for you
it's only better to smile.
Seeing you and your new girl
I now am alright with moving on
it just took me a while.
The time is here I am patient at last.
No anger is driven by looking at the past.
It was a swell time to have you as a possibility.
Just go have fun at the dance with her,
no need to spare
a thought
for me.

Never should I have ignored the
barbaric ediquitt that was represented
at every dinner.
What a fool we were to hold you like
a baby and tell you you were wonderful
as you were.
How dare you take my sympathy and turn
it into your own spider web.
Do you not understand that I have the power
to rip the web apart and make it into dust?
Why won't you ever learn?

This is not the kind of family
That requires lawyers, the jury, and divorce papers in order to split.
How can we become so close then to butting heads and driving ourselves crazy?
It's easier than you think.
Awakened by devastating expressions and words.
We walked away, slammed every door we approached, and we said we're going our separate ways.
Tore me apart everywhere as you could see by the circles and red lines among my eyes.
Didn't think anyone would be gone,
But that
Is life.
If it means I'm not asleep all night to help you or if I sit through another ****** up screenplay,
Know I am happy to do it even if
My problems are what has everyone hurt and frustrates us all.
I love you even if there is nothing you can do.
Understand that from your perspective.
That is how the jury decides right from wrong.
I love when there's no room for everyone to sit when we all come together.
Please don't be the reason for empty space.
My heart is already there.
Just have to push it reasonably to have it full
Again.

They may have turned a moment into their
own big show,
how obnoxious it was as you smash your guitar
and there are pieces of wood all over the floor.
Though you may have been savoring yourself the
past week of how much of a burden you once had
is gone.
See where they are and know where they are from.
Going home may be harder for them than it is for you.
Meeting new people may break them as it gives you a
better life when you welcome them.
As obnoxious and selfish as they can be,
maybe the moment was about them
because they really
needed it.
Giving up the spotlight is probably the best thing
you did all day.
And it wasn’t for you so it’s a great thing you
didn’t fight.

Give me an Orr.
Just something I can use,
To get away from my troubles.
I'll strengthen my arms,
To push the boat
And let my past be behind me
As I'm overruled
By current.

Give me a saddle.
And I'll need a horse.
To gallop me away
From the bugs who don't know
When to stop,
And the dogs who don't know
When to not come in.

Though the mail comes in,
I open my letter sitting at a wood
Table.
It is from a friend, who wants to know
How
I'm
Doing.
So they care about me.

Oh,
How could I ever leave?
I know I'm needed
And I need you.
I am not going to
Take you away from the world we love.
Through your love,
I'll stay.
I would rather go
On a boat and horse ride
With the people in my life.

And you'll need me
To pull you iut of the water when you drown.
And whenever you're up on the horse,
And you fall,
I'll be there to
Pick you up
Again.

Don’t be frightened,
my eyes are just red for only
a moment.
Don’t be concerned,
anyone can feel this way.
Don’t follow me,
I can handle this on my own
you better not dare take my
hand.
Don’t critique me,
I am here for the same reason.
Don’t say I’m different.
That is not how I define myself.
Close the dictionary immediately after
reading.
Drill the words in your head and let them
out fast enough
to understand
you don’t know everything.
Don’t guess,
I hold the answer.
Don’t judge,
it is all poor.
Don’t backstab me,
I already survived that abuse.
Don’t bully me,
it will not make me any less different.
Sticks and stones are not the reason
I have broken bones,
names are not the reason I am strong.
My adrenaline pours onto the concrete,
blood all around my wrists and ankles.
Your power does not provide any upbringing
in your life.
It is not names that don’t hurt me it is
Your attitude.
Keep it up,
I’m not going anywhere.
Now stop it.

Love lasts,
Never labels of what we call.
Times change,
But staying friends is best of all.
Still here, still care about each other.
With a person like you,
I will never find another.

I would do anything to be walking around and dancing in the streetlight.
I hate to be in and everyone else is outside painting cars and opening 12 packs.
I can’t get up and I have eyeliner on my face from my daily think and cry.
Depression,
You keep me away from everything and everyone.
My life is empty though my heart not so much.
It is full,
of guilt.
When you die,
there better be a chance they let me back in with them.
I will get drunk and paint a picture of what I used to look like on the car of the person who let me down.
I’ll not think of what makes me sad and I will leave my bed to night.
Depression makes me want to sit and do nothing.
Well there is no time for that,
is there?

I'm not a mess,
Just full of stress.
Make it stop
turning me
Into a person
I am
Not.
Unusual behavior,
Can't hold the breakdown
Any later.

I lived a lie with you for so long the only way
I could express any truth would be
to humiliate myself.
Every day you would search and search until
you found the perfect reason to admonish me.
It was all because of who I
was.

Excuse me, Miss Princess,
I do not believe you are perfect.
Nobody grows by seeing everyone in
their low brow appearance.
How I told you looked beautiful though
you couldn’t bear to see your own self
in your own skin.

Though the advantages I take and
use to stand my guard will never
be anything you will ever work up to
nor will you accept yourself.
Don’t shame, just work.

Never let anyone’s appearance infuriate you.
Just call yourself beautiful.
I won’t do it again,
you’re just taking every hand reached down for you
to grab for granted.
Thus,
you suffer.
That is all
you ever
wanted
for me.

I need you to stay.
One of us should not be the
breaking point.
I've had surrounding folks before,
but none of them were the right ones.
It's you,
and me,
Us,
We,
Love,
Drama,
Over.
The floor boards are cracking every time
you leave.
I don't want to throw away the candy wrappers.
Next time leave the wine here.
Never think we won't do this again.
I'll only suggest.

I was at the point of breaking
for far too long.
I patched up and allowed no
cracking or shattering for all
to see my good side.
I am now broken and in
pieces getting bigger and
lower in the heart.
So much I don’t want to do
and so many things I can’t
think about anymore since
I’ve been gone.
I came off too strong and too
soon I came off to you.
At least everyone is happy,
though I see the twinkle in
your eye.
It tells me you remember me.
As long as you remember just
one good thing about me,
I’m fine with everyone having
fun without me.
I don’t want to come back, but
for this phase to end.
It’s killing me,
it’s a child’s murderer,
a mother’s death,
a father’s abuse,
a daughter’s ****,
a son’s suicide,
an elder’s coma,
a change that effects
so many once one is
gone.
Never did I want to say
goodbye but just how I
felt about the
differences between you
and me.
There was nothing and always
the  suicidal thoughts,
but I stayed to see and find if
you would love me for me
only.

I knelt to a tile floor,
of a busy mall,
I was working at a table,
I looked down and saw your head with
long black hair fall.
You put your head in my lap
you broke down and cried,
I remember you rejected me
but this is how I replied.
You had tears down your face
I held you in my arms,
I called you ‘Superman’,
you cried and later felt
my warmth.

My eyes opened wide,
the sun was out,
I was alone in my bed and my room was quiet,
It was just a dream, I felt a tear and a pout.
I was reminded that in reality you are gone and away,
I dreamed you were crying, and the dream said you would
stay.

You don’t have to, it’s fine, just live your life
how you need.
I will always remember your timeline,
and how I did wonder if you would come to me
with greed.
I called you ‘Superman’ in my dream,
though that must be the one thing that was real.
You have come so far,
that name I call you is truth no steal.

You may be gone but I still have immense respect for
you and your life.
You have come so far, you are a ‘Superman’,
continue with your dignity and drive.
I consoled you as you cried in a dream
I pray will someday prove my clairvoyance
and therefore come
alive.

Feeling your face pressed to my shoulder and hearing you breathe as you teared,
I held you close, you held me too,
never did I want to let go of the moment,
or a perfect love like you.
You know my story, my secrets, my struggles.
You know I try, I fight, I continue when I don't win.
I know your story, your secrets, your struggles.
You try so hard, you fight til the end, what I learn from you makes me a better person.
Neither of us are perfect,
but we agree we are for one another.
Even when times are hard and the worst thought comes to mind,
I rest in your arms, you hold me close and tight,
and I think of how long I want to live with you
by my side.
I surrender the thoughts,
and hold on to
you.
I love you.<3

I can’t carry you on my back anymore.

I don’t see why you sleep on my couch when you want
to leave so badly you could cry.

I never understood why I became your burden of hell.

I see no reason for you to feel bad.

Just build some self-esteem,

walk in the woods,

pack a granola bar and water,

and look back at your tracks.

I may not be with you but I know it’s what you
want and cannot have.

It’s your life,
and I am not the one who takes things
away from you.

You let it be no part of you and you strip it from
me.

Take a hike,
smell the air,
get mud on your shoes,
and track it all over the floor
of your own home.

Your eyes
Meet up with mine.
A smile on your face
As I read to you.
We speak so differently,
We went through so much the same.
Since the biggest misunderstanding
Between you and me,
I never heard from you
A whole week.
I thought
I lost you
For good.
Another day,
All at once,
We greeted.
Promise,
We will talk again.
So deep,
For such short time.
So honest,
For so new to each other.
So much better,
For us to be friends.
So do I want
To have these conversations again.
We talk like friends,
We act like unafraid individuals,
We believe
In our own.
We are not afraid
Of ourselves or each others
Story.

Tea lights will soon be strung,
Though romance is done
Our friendship has officially
Begun.

We two brightest bulbs in the bunch,
Know the limits now,
So we don't take a painful punch.

So we see,
So we hang,
So I remember your arm around me
And you remember how beautiful I
Sang.

Soon we go back,
And this is right.
Can't wait for you to come in
And see the strung up tea lights.

Each individual
Beaming little light
Will remind me of how
We decided
And and we two are very bright.

What I deal with may not be right for you,
surprising how fast this relationship flew.
By and by,
I said too much,
I couldn't lie.

Persistence wasn't the right tool,
I won't label either of us the fool.
Time,
carries on,
in some cases, it's wrong.

Though I showed I couldn't really let you go,
there is one thing I need you to know.
I learned so much from you,
I use your lessons today, it's true.

Absence from me may have been best,
for now on I don't bleed through my chest.
My heart is beating fine.
It's ok if you don't want to be mine.

Forget all the bad pictures I frequently drew,
I want you to know that I was happy
at the time to have you.
My trust followed through in you.

Your care may not have lasted long,
I'll think of you even if you are gone.
There was a time it was true.
It may be over,
but I still want to say
Thank You.

Threatened and hurt I felt
if someone ever had to go.
Older and wiser I became
and then I was able to know:
your time is a gift,
it is from you to me.
calandars get fuller everyday
but yours is yours to see.
Forget credit cards and
Jack Daniels in shotglasses,
think about the paid hours we need
and to pass those classes.
We are adults
but our freedom isn’t free.
No matter how long we hung out,
thank you
for spending that time
with me.

Please go away,
I beg of you please,
I pick up the phone,
I get on my knees.
I take off my clothes,
I cut off my hair,
the **** in you
has the victim in me
aware.

We think we are king and queen
when we feel the concern.
Other people’s mistakes are
what let our insecurities burn.
Here I am naked and
with hair I despise.
Did you forget your sympathy
when you saw the anger in my eyes?

The anger within,
can only begin,
with the fear
of going out
of ones
way.

The amount of control
you pretend to have
over me
gives me no reason
to stay.
But I will sit here until
you give me my clothes back,
you take away these scissors,
and you let your kindness
relapse.

Go back to the kind one
I know you can be.
But it’s too late,
I’m traumatized
by this memory.
I’ll think, I’ll cry,
don’t even let yourself
have another try.
It’s only a loss
when you look at yourself as
the Boss.

I'll remember how we made
Eye contact at the start of the year.
We walked toward one another and
Introduced ourselves pretending
We had no problems at all.

We met more friends through everyone else,
Found a table with plenty of seats,
And that became our routine of
Eating dinner as if every meal was
Thanksgiving.
Now there is no turkey, no mashed potatoes,
And I have no need to bring anything to the table.

I miss the beginning so much I would do anything
To bring back the happiness and laughter.
Heart to heart conversation were the norm
Now they don't want to be heard.
We learned later that
We all
Have problems of our own.

The end of the beginning is the stir of
Reality,
The beginning of the end is the stir of
Uncertainty.
I was sure you were my friends.
We'll see about
That.

I notice how hard you've been trying to be better than me.
You glare at me and smile when you're with a man.
You snake eye me when I'm walking by.
I left you for a reason.
Protection is first, your man is second.
If you want to hear me shout out my jealousy for you having a man while I don't.
There is no
jealousy.
See how I'm the one in
control?

Scratched up feelings
caused by my obsessiveness.
My unawareness of never
backing off
has broken the old lamp.
This room was a disaster to
begin with.
Everything fell out of place
due to what you said last night.
If my writing scared you,
my emotions were nothing you could handle,
and you were so overall uncomfortable,
thus not
my problem,
now only still a mess.
You are not one for me,
I'm leaving this old room in my head.
Old house,
with bills overflowing the counter.
I had hoped you would cry to understand I care.
Now I am only your worst nightmare since you close your eyes,
and I am in your head.
I am still writing now,
these poems are my babies.
I will always create and tend to my writings.
I just wanted you to see,
now you can't.
The room is dark
since you broke the lamp
that lit our friendship.
And I won't be one to fix it.
I will get a burn again.

Walk slowly down the street
on the cold hard concrete,
with houses along the side,
and cars out for a drive.
Fire Hydrants that sit,
and mail boxes that stand.
And so many plants
put in this world by hand.
Nothing beats the beautiful.
The poise stance, the soft pink,
and the puff of the flower.
The Cherry Blossom.
Catching the attention and
arises positive thinking by the
neighborhood crowd.
The tree is rare
but the wandering strangers attention is allowed.
To eye,
the Cherry Blossom.

Flip through every
friendship
like a Comic Book.

I
will never know
how I
became
the villain.

Did I really
say those things
in my word bubble?

I
try to see past
the dots
on the illustration.
The squares
present the scene
of the day.

The more comics
I collect,
the more chances
I get
at becoming
the Hero.

Believe me,
I'll protect you.
See the Hero
at the end of the
bonus collection.

That's me.
See how I
change.

Some won't live a lie,
then they won't say what
makes them not willing
To learn.
Living in a glass house
and throwing stones
hippocracy is the way
For some to let go and
Never be pushed around
Again.
Why would you
Look at one the way
The one looked at you?
Speak down to one
Just so they can see the
Superhero in your eyes.
You love to hear yourself talk
you smirk while you listen.
You're not listening at all.
So the controlling one,
You prove your frustration
And desperate need.
The more you force,
The less you're respected
And loved.
How will you ever learn
What is important in
Life?

So the response to my confessions
are how losers spoke to me
ten years ago?
I admit a mistake
and the head cases
look up but talk down.
Suppose it is not worth it anymore
to say what we need?
Don't bother making me look bad.
It is my job to be naive.
So Im done with them all now and forever.
And this conversation
is over.

Im on the verge to drop off the face of the earth.
I understand I have gone from fun to overwhelming,
From laughing to crying,
Strong to obese,
Living life and writing my next steps to
Sitting alone in a dark room writing my suicidal note.
I have ****** up everything I wanted
I have destroyed my reputation.
Maybe you'll look at me from the corner of your eye.
I'm not going to hurt, I'm not putting you to shame.
These pills I take these appointments I make
I can't tell you everything and explain all that is private.
I'm not going to persist in not going to insist.
These poems I write my teeth I bite
Make good people run away.
Come back!
Don't go.
Just listen.
Please don't leave me here.
I'd tell you in detail.
But even
I don't
Always know.
If I ever catch you at the corner of my eye.
My heart may stop my mouth may drop.
I'll hope you will understand that was then this is now.
We don't know if it will still be right.
Don't think of yourself as doing service or tolerating.
Think of yourself as the greatest.
Reaching out means so much.
The conversations we have I love to make you laugh.
At the corner of your eye,
See I don't only change I improve.
Not for your benefit, but for the love and a good relationship.
At the corner of my eye, I see you looking at me from yours.
No tears, no smile, just happy you see I'm on the face of the earth my complete choice.
I don't need you I just know you.
Very swell indeed to remember happy times I got to share and I get to recall.
They motivate me to keep calm and to stay on the face of the earth.
Things get better **** doesn't last forever.
At the corner of my eye,
I see a beautiful place that even has a spot for me.

It takes a brave being to
walk a bridge and get over it.
They still think as they pace the wood.
Don't jump off.
Let go of the burden not your life.
Things will get better.
Decency isn't too rare.
Letting go is never too late.
We all do it sometime in our lives
relative to the necessities of work and
exercise.
Ignore the iron gates at the sides of the bridge.
They hold us in like our imagination.
Just walk forward,
and be steps away from the bothersome
encounters of the past.
Don't look back.

What a fool I was all those years.
I should have followed my heart and faced my fears.
Paranoid of being alone with no one to help me along,
I followed your footsteps.
Mine are now gone.
I should have followed my heart and let you all be.
I never should have approached you.
You were never right for me.
Take back the invitations and hugs how they came so rare.
How stupid of me to persist and show that I care!
Now I'm gone and your lives are empty with sigh.
Don't bother to persuade me the friendship was never a living lie.
I'm the one smiling with friends so close.
I learned from your rolling eyes to be careful before giving the rose.
I saw the petals in a mess on the tile floor.
I will never beg to accept like I did before.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I am happy I no longer hang out with all of you.
So come what may,
The roses die anyway.

Shake your head as many times as you want,
say no once and call yourself estranged.
Walk alone and see the light,
take it for granted as they took you.
This is how miserable people think and what
ignoramuses do.
Making room and setting limits is all about
protection.
It took til now to be alright with independent strides and freedom highways.
Tailgates light the way and green highway signs tell me it's never too late and I can go
anywhere.
Even if nobody comes with me,
I keep them in mind.
If I pull over to look at directions and panic while praying for the lord above to guide me,
the gas tank is half empty half full.
Within the half amount of gas I have on my freedom ride, there are happy memories within my mixed feelings of letting you go.
I say to myself,
"What would they have done?"
The time I knew you is the time I needed you.
I don't need you but I still have plenty of room for you in my car and someday my life.
You come in anytime,
Let's go, and let ourselves
Go.

I dreamed last night I was visiting a house
of people around my age in the city overlooking
the highway.
We were laughing, drinking, and running around
as if nothing wrong could happen.
I cried in the dream because I wanted to stay forever.
I woke up with a broken heart and little excitement.
I love who I am around but my habits are nothing of
the common interest.
I will propose so many great things but it is humor that is
taken.
The places I want to travel with you and the beer I want to
drink with you may be just me all alone when accomplished.
Apologies have been given and received, though
I am now with people who I am comfortable and care about.
I was before, though I can’t make them stay.
I am pretty ragged and funny while my mouth speaks of
obscenity.
You know my mind has some rough spots and I try to remain calm.
If I change what I can and own my bad behavior,
will you stay?
I’ve learned about mysterious worlds and buildings of a
character.
You guys know all the words to my favorite songs.
You know my stories of victimization and trauma how
your responses meant so much after sharing what was
hard.
We may not take place in a city at night in one house together,
though when I meet you at our designated places such as
our dinner time or meetings,
I feel at home with a family
of love.

So now I must write.
I know I will win the fight.
Punching out emotion
blocking out bad thoughts.
Tell my paranoia to step off.
I am continuing to strive the things I love.
Comedy and poetry is my passion.
Nothing can cause me to start crashing.
I stand up,
never look down.
At anyone who cares
I am not a clown.
So I remove my big red boxing gloves from my tired hands.
I take a breath and lay down in my twin bed at night.
So tired from working all these things out,
I know I am winning this fight.
It can happen, I will make it.
The victory belt will reside in my room
and there be in my sight.
Everything will be
just fine.
It's gonna be alright.
Just gotta win the fight.
1
2
3
Ding!
Here I go
take over the ring.
Nobody against me
is ever going to own me!
Punch!
Bam!
Pow!
The referee hold up my arm.
I won!
So it's all on me now.
I can do this
be a leader.
Influence every fan of mine
whether a fan or
reader.
I'm not just a fighter,
I'm a believer.

Face overcome with blemishes,
arms ruled with scars.
Criticized for holding
teddy bears
and lounging alone at bars.
This insecurity
has a story.
Something behind this fragile door.
Stop yourself before offering help
she wants
no
     more.
She is fragile
she is afraid.
She knows her mental illness
is nothing that she can trade.
Let her be.
She is fragile like glass.
She cries as it shatters
then she is better, alas!

We blame,
we rant,
we cry,
we don't let others tell us we can't.
We obsess,
we say,
we vent,
we are so desperate to get our way.
Moving on happens,
but not overnight.
We think it will happen, but we learn,
we cannot put other people's problems out of sight.
We must go to those who are paid to care.
Friends say they can't deal with it.
It is never unfair.
The frontal lobe develops as we mature and grow.
So teenagers, hold your blame,
and don't regret saying no.
People are condescending,
people are pushing limits.
People have their moments,
we cannot break their habits.
The frontal lobe replays memories,
it's like a T.V.
But the world moves forward.
We must let our desires and sayings be.
Our frontal lobe,
directs our choices, and who we listen to.
But we never pick the voices.
The world gives us the freedom of speech.
Even though it annoys,
we have the right to preach.
We all have memories,
we all say things we don't mean.
We need time to blow off steam.
Some frontal lobes help their people read.
The world has so much to say and write.
Some frontal lobes remind us of our unwilling past.
Then we pick a fight.
But the world allows us to conflict and disagree.
We learn that actions speak louder than words.
We don't ever fight physically.
We come together,
we make an agreement,
we shake hands,
we end the tragic moment.
Our frontal lobe may remind us too much,
and play like an old record spinning without control
until someone makes it stop.
We can choose to let go,
but we cannot blame the world.