(n.)*: that body of water in your chest, violent waves slamming against a weathered ribcage, threatening to drown you from the inside

appreciation (n): a bitterness tasted in retrospect

I stared at the sunset, fading, shedding its radiant tears smeared across the sky, purple, blue pastels
And counted the seconds I had left to hold your hand
I see you in everyone else's grief
And I never really stopped to think what "You're dead to me" really feels like
Not malicious, no, just an unmarked tombstone in my head I visit on occasion to pay respects and remember a beautiful mistake

This is performance art of the worst kind,
And the artists are performing against their will,
Trapped in glass boxes, pounding on the walls,
Screaming at ghosts

They mime at passersby for help,
Anything to relieve the pain,
The interminable burden,
Strangers sadly shrug and walk on

And so these ****** souls
Toil away at their craft,
Scribbling nonsense on bits of scrap,
Trying to fill the void

Imagine licking a Tootsie Pop,
And being unsure if the center,
Will taste like *regret

Silence is a language in itself,
It’s poignant, peaceful, deafening, soothing
Silence transcends trite words,
And its meaning is known by the way it settles in your bones
Whether it’s a silence shared by two lovers cradling each other in bed,
Oblivious to anything but their sacred bliss
Or a silence spanning years by lovers turned strangers,
Long entrenched in new lives and new souls

Silence wraps itself around time like ivy on gnarled roots
Intertwining itself with life
As time grows, it can intensify, become tangible like cream
When you are all alone, embrace silence,
Do not fear it,
For it can be your solace or your doom

Starved glutton
Hopeful pessimist
Cognizant ignoramus
Overeducated fool
I am a roiling sea of paradoxes

Dressed to impress
And I must confess
How full of **** I really am

You once told me about a painting you drew,
You told me there was a painting underneath
But when I asked of what,
You wouldn't tell me;
It was too soon.

Everything about you felt like an enigma,
Even though you bared so much of your soul to me,
Your secrets, your fears, your burdens,
And much like that painting,
I felt that I could only scratch the surface of you

You beautiful, mysterious creature,
Enshrouded in secrets,
Wrapped in riddles

I still wonder about that painting,
And what I would have learned
But you were a tome that I'll never finish,
Your pages left to be read by another,
Who would drink in your rich stories
And savor them like a prized wine aged by time and effort

And though I am merely a footnote in your storied history,
I am grateful to be associated with your name,
To have touched your life,
And have been there for you as I have

I miss that which has long ceased to be
I'm sure you're still beautiful
I know you are
But you're not who I fell in love with
Not anymore
Time has done so much
Changed, gnarled, skewed

I wander through graveyards of dead memories
Fondly reminiscing warm hands, soft lips, radiant sunsets, cruise ships

We amass stories, experiences
We adapt and change
What is left of the person you were 3 years ago? 5? 10?

And so again I'm sorry
(I've learned the taste of that word well)
I've no idea who you are today
But I love you, whatever that means
However I can, I love you

Flesh firm ripe
Juices spilling
Carnal fruition

Hello, I miss you
Sometimes I tell strangers about you,
Sometimes you're still all I think about
And sometimes I wonder if all I have left is a really good story

The things you left in the past could have changed your life
The things that wouldn't last, still alive, just barely
A tempestuous undeath unto your frail memory
Just trying to make it through another day

She was an earthquake,
Leaving death in her wake

She was a hurricane,
I swore I'd contain

She was a blizzard,
And I inexplicably miss her

Deep in my chest you carved your name
Fresh blood rushes to fill the ridges, trying
Dragged away by current

a word for beauty
for yours I've never enough:
pulchritudinous

I can't stand ticking clocks;
They remind me of every second that
*you're not here

Her kiss flowed like ruby red wine,
Never have I known a sweeter narcotic,
Nor ever a deadlier poison

We once danced to The Beatles,
Blaring through headphones as makeshift speakers,
Slowly circling on the balcony overlooking the ocean
And lost in each other,
I still remember your black and white polka dot dress,
Your charming fascinator,
And I remember wanting nothing more than to kiss you,
And envelop myself in your essence,
As tendrils of young love wrapped us tighter
Than the empty sheets I grasped this morning.
I guess it’s time to wake up.

I apologize as I dry her eyes
And I know that I'll never be enough for her
Two pieces from different puzzles
And I'm still puzzled how I ever found her
Incongruent, I ******* blew it
And I'm still trying to make sense of it all
I laugh, there's no number to call
And she's gone as I continue to fall

You're the virus
that will live dormant in me
forever

If we silently missed each other, a million worlds apart, would it matter?

If 2 trees fell down 2,981 miles apart and no one was around to hear them, would they make a sound?

On the day that you drove home alone from the airport, did your tears run as silently as mine did on the morning I texted you, "I'm sorry for everything" before deleting your number for good?

She prefers silence to words
Redundant noises vibrating emptily like the buzzing wings of a gnat
Her quiet will shatter you like a bullet through a windowpane

But look at old photographs, see her beam
Look closely and you can see the sadness seeping through her smile
She's seen enough to know what's worth suffering for
And she knew you weren't worth the fight

My life is starting a new chapter
While nostalgia's fingers firmly grasp pages dog-eared from wear, despair
Refusing to lose their place, to let go
Stubbornly bookmarked a time pockmarked with sorrow

Oh foolish persistence!
Look ahead to new endeavor
Love's too clever to predict

(n.):* the kind of bitterness plaguing your tongue no matter how you drown it in liquor

Here I am again at the corner of "What the **** am I doing?" and "I miss you."

We didn't turn out to be a fairy tale,
And instead I'm sleeping with a girl I text, "Come over tonight."
I kiss her with open eyes. It's a moist charade.
She keeps my bed warm though.

I wonder if you're happy
I'm still vague on the term
I just try to keep busy

It's getting harder to write you
But these notebooks won't fill themselves
I trust you will wait

I'm tired of music being about you
Every note sings as images run through my head like a projector I can't shut off
I got to thinking, (I've always been thinking),
But I got to thinking and here goes:
The difference between me and a dog is that I know you'll never come back

You make me nervous,
You see, I'm not good with pretty girls
I feel like I'm disarming a bomb,
That can detonate at any second

Which wire should I cut?
The red or the green?
*The red or the green?