Pull the trigger,
Do it,
Set in motion this cascade of events

Lock and load,
**** the hammer,
This firing pin demands action

BOOM!

Muzzle flash,
Smoke,
A bullet case innocently falls

Tear through bone and flesh,
A maelstrom of destruction,
Who will be your next target?

A skeleton structurally unsound
Every bone vibrating with
The echoes of *goodbye

I'll never see you,
And I think I know how the sun must feel about the moon

You live on in my head,
Like a tumor I cannot excise.
Or refuse to.
I can't tell anymore.

Funny how nobody ever truly leaves,
They become ghosts,
Animated by regret, goodwill, love, jealousy, pettiness
Muffled by distractions, dates, girlfriends, ***.

Please, just let me be.

I am a fool,
Designed to crave forbidden fruit,
Made to flagellate myself,
Over and over,
Until my skin tears,
And rivulets of blood seep down my back,
I am a victim of my own folly,
A prisoner in my self imposed prison,
Praying for another day,
Where I can taste the sun on my skin

I carry an ocean of regret and longing,
Things I never got to say,
Before you went away,
But these streams of poetry
Slowly drain waters roiling,
While thoughts of you are gently boiling,
And time ticks by with every exhalation,
But this love has no expiration

I remember every single kiss we shared,
From the boat below deck at 1 am, to the shore beneath the stars

I remember every embrace,
And how warm you felt

I remember every handhold,
How you complained that your fingers were shorter than mine

I remember our phone calls till 2 am,
About nothing and everything

I remember every argument,
How obstinate I was, how sad you were

I remember you dragging me out to a beautiful lake,
Just to break my heart

I remember feeling a cold emptiness take me,
As shock set in

I remember you driving me to the airport,
And Taylor Swift coming on the radio

We are never, ever, getting back together
You're a ******* prophet, Taylor

I remember holding you one last time at the airport,
My arms felt like melting wax

I remember you calling me drunk on your birthday,
Telling me about the guy at the bar who stuck his tongue down your throat

I remember you calling me sober the next day,
Repeating the same ******* story

I remember you asking me to come over that same night,
And me telling you that I wish I could

I remember writing you letters,
Pleading, desperate, insane

I remember you ignoring it all,
Silence still a harrowing novelty at the time

I remember the 2 years that followed,
And how far I've come, how far I haven't

I remember you falling asleep in my arms,
And how I've never been so happy

I remember you,
And sometimes I wish I didn't

After we're gone
  The clocks will keep ticking
     Keeping time for no one
         Tick
             Tock
  Hearts will keep beating
     Aching for faded lovers
         Lub
             Dub

After we're gone
   Which clock will be the last
        to finally stop?

Drown me in your embrace
Make me forget everything before you came along
Make me an addict for your flesh
Make me feel like you're the only place I belong

Gasp and catch your breath
Hold charred remains of bridges
It's all really gone

carving an incisive
incision into the core of
my most potent vulnerabilities

(n.)*: the act of inevitably setting flame to every new city you build, because starting over is easier than maintaining

(n.)*: a generalized ache, radiating, pounding, reminding you of everything that's been missing for so long

I miss your letters,
Once sent with regularity
On tiny cards bright green, orange, pink, blue

Every few days, I'd check the mail with a grin
And find your iconic cards,
Sometimes they'd even come two at a time

You'll never know what your letters meant,
Or how they'd make my day
As I ripped each open to devour

I kept every one of the blessed things,
They littered my desk, my bedside
Like tiny pockets of love

And then in one fell swoop,
They were ceremoniously discarded,
Along with every other memento
That scalded my skin, my mind,
And my bloodstained heart

I'd check the mailbox for months after,
Praying I'd find a tiny colored envelope,
Praying for medicine for my ailing spirit,
But none ever came.

I've never sent anyone else a letter since,
Your letters will remain but another hallmark
Of your unbelievable kindness and love,
The kind I'm sure I never deserved

She's a funeral you go to every day
Every day you work on your speech
and get the words to come out
just a little better
than the day before
And every day only one thing stays the same:
*You miss her

I poured a double
Try to forget you a while
I'll be back again

I carry an ocean of regret and longing,
Things I never got to say,
Before you went away,
But these streams of poetry
Slowly drain waters roiling,
While thoughts of you are gently boiling,
And time ticks by with every exhalation,
But this love has no expiration,
And I have no explanation,
And no expectation,
And this awful want knows no reason,
Growing no less with each passing season,
Like a virulent plague spreading,
And a dire end most dreading

Red wine courses through my veins
Another glass poured as the bottle drains
And my lips in time have ruby stains
I think of you and my heart, it pains

When I met you, my butterflies kicked like elephants,
Nausea the defining factor in our fledgling relationship

With time, they subsided,
Fluttering from time to time

Suddenly, a cold gust,
A foreboding omen of changing seasons

My butterflies had all died,
Killed by grief and the thought of a cold, lonely winter ahead

(n.)*: the length of silence elapsed after quietly saying, *"Please don't leave"

Midnight concerns strangle
Like some new fangled torture
Shut up, not one more peep
Just close your eyes and sleep

**** there's a lot on my mind
These memories are most unkind
Time is no friend of mine
To this fate I am consigned

Vital signs inviting death
Take my last breath
I want to be free
Take this life from me
Thoughts of you in my head
Just leave me for dead
Watching this time accrue
I'm sorry, I love you

Every word I write about you,
Drives you deeper and deeper into the earth

Your blood spills on these pages,
Stained crimson for all to witness

A grotesque reminder,
Of all the seeping wounds so long ago

Love struck me upside the head once before,
Leaving me bleeding in an alleyway

It took my wallet, my keys, my heart,
My sanity, my trust, it tore me apart

And now it returns to the scene of the crime,
Maybe back to finish me off for good

A femme fatale clad in stilettos,
Heel poised to pierce hearts

Maybe I'm asking for it,
A glutton for pain

I've been sick so long,
Just give me my medicine

A derelict house stands,
Bereft of purpose,
A cold gust blows,
As faded shutters clap
 
Plaster cracks,
And wood rots,
Pipes freeze,
Burst and rust

The wind persists,
Making the house moan,
As though mourning
The death of hope

The house shudders and falls,
Its poor bones giving in,
(Or giving up,)
And somewhere a bell solemnly knells

Go on and love your ghosts,
And imagine them requiting it

Spend your days pining,
For a corpse long buried

Waste away the hours,
While they love another

Awaken from your delusional stupor,
Find a beating heart and love anew

Do you know about the silence?
The silence that becomes deafening at night,
When you're trying to cling to the warm embrace of sleep?

Listen!

You can hear it from over 3,000 miles away,
It's the mutual silence perpetuated by two parties,
Wracked with guilt and pride.

It's the silence of damaged egos,
The silence of perceived slights,
And all despite burning thoughts of each other,

It creeps up in your ear,
When you're cradling your lover,
It hisses like a snake and breeds doubt

It's the silence that screams,
And leaves your ears ringing for ages,
Leaving you begging, "PLEASE STOP!"

It subsides,
You fill the absence with white noise,
Relationships, infatuations

But it can always find you,
Slithering into the crevices of your thoughts,
When you take a moment to breathe

She's in love,
So drenched in her bliss
And here you are clinging on,
With Tegan and Sara in the background

Life's not fair, maybe,
Maybe it didn't go as you liked,
Maybe you're drinking,
Maybe this is what you get.

And maybe you'll hold onto this hurt,
Maybe you won't abandon hope,
Maybe you won't ***** this flame,
Maybe you'll just quietly ache

Man has suffered worse than this,
Even if it's difficult to imagine,
Love is an agonizing fire,
It never stops burning

Beer still flows,
Wine still numbs,
Memories won't disappear,
What's another day?

What's another song?
What's another heart pang?
The heart's a surprising agony engine,
Capable of rekindling pain from ashes

And I'll keep entertaining new women,
Because new is still something,
It's no replacement,
But at least I'm occupied

At least there's potential,
At least love can be reborn,
At least I need not die,
At least I may live again

Love is an illness for which we have no cure
We watch time compound it
We allow new lovers to bury it
But how do you forget how it felt to set your heart on fire with love's first kiss?
And how do you forget the inferno blazing in your innards when you lost everything?

There is this curious naïveté that falling in love anew will be your salvation
But how do you ever tread as carelessly ever again?
How do you venture into brambles unknown without apprehensive prudence infecting your every step?

There is no erasing what your hands and words have wrought
And there is no relief from any song daring to utter "love"

Love is your cross to bear
Your burden to carry
Your reminder that somewhere is a human being who means absolutely everything
Whose happiness is more important than yours
Who only deserves the best

My stomach's in knots,
Thanks to a pretty blonde girl,
I'm enveloped in nerves,
And I hope I don't hurl

Hollow melancholy, years dripping by like venomous honey
Mourning, lamenting histories written,
Silences screaming louder than petty words
Insinuations driven home with the subtlety of hammer and nail

I feel as if I'm in suspended animation,
Floating in a memory laden soup
Trapped between two worlds,
And I simply must awake

You kissed her on the cheek and still remember the way her eyes crinkled as she smiled
Maybe you did it because you just didn't know what to say
Maybe it was the last time you'd get to

It's the kind of kiss you still think about years later
A neural pathway dedicated to that snippet of time, firing, firing
Devastating and vivid
A chance to live it again and again

I wanna kiss the parts of you even you've forgotten
So when I say it you know it's true:
*I honestly adore every inch of you