Something about you,
makes my heart flutter.
I don't know why,
and I don't know how,
I managed to fall.
But I did.
And now,
I can't stop thinking about you.
Your goofy smile,
your sandy hair,
your stupid jokes,
and your banter with me.
These things built up
the foundation
of a crush.
But graduation is in less than two months.
Then,
you may be gone forever.

Piece by piece,
I gather myself up.
I'm shattered.
But the shards of my heart
are too sharp for putting back together.
But I'll recover when hell freezes over
and the dead come home.
I'm lost, afraid
ying to escape these walls.
Trapped
somewhere I know nothing of
and as if it's that simple to leave,
why don't I?
Alyssa?
Jordan?
Molly?
Emilie?
Tyler?
Sean?
Jesse?
Mark?
No..
I have to survive through this war I've been fighting.
Depression never quits.
And neither
will
I.

Recently, my awake feels faker than my dreams.
I can't help but scream.
It's killing me,
this pain I feel.
I'm trying to distract myself from what I perceive as real.
It's impossible to heal.
This cycle I'm in tears me to shreds.
Honestly, I'd be better off dead,
so I just stay in bed.
Pretending that the pain is gone
and you're still there singing me that stupid song.
It's been too long.
The heart can only take so much before it shatters.
Not that it really matters,
the pieces are too scattered.
The shards are too sharp to put back together and I don't know why.
I'd honestly rather die.
Waking up makes me want to cry.
Dreams are too much for my heart to take
because seeing your face feels fake.
But it was a decision my soul had to make,
to forget you
and all my tears fall like dew
when I think of all we had been through.
It hurts.
Maybe I'll find you again on my search,
and for what it's worth,

**I loved you.

My lifeline is a boy who doesn't exist.
A made up dream thought up by a kid.
His dark hair the hills of soil for my flowers.
His gaze the river I could float in for hours.
His enchanting eyes the moon that shines in the dark.
His pink lips the shade of my Bleeding Hearts.
His freckles the ladybugs that land in the garden.
His smile the reflection of the sun on the pond.
His heart beat the rhythm of my feet as I run.
His voice the call of a summers day.
His back the tree I use to reach for the skies.
His hands the branches I use to climb.
His arms the fortress surrounding my fragility.
His chest the pillow where I weep.
His legs the wings that steer me home.
His mind the temple where I roam.
His heart the bed where I rest.
His "I love you" the one that knows me best.
My lifeline is a boy who doesn't exist.
A made up dream I thought up,*
*that's it.

Sweeping all the dust and waste.
Before; before you go.
Leave it clean and spotless.
Before;before you go.

What was it before it was new?
You clean all away,
so you cannot answer.

Close the door and lock it shut.
Just as; just as you leave.
Pocket the ice cold key.
Just as;just as you leave.

What did you keep behind the door?
You don't reply.
Because you've no need to any more.