I still get chills and waves of pain
When she writes and speaks your name.
But looking back,
Reading your words
And listening to recording you made,
I reminisce and smile,
Looking through pictures
Of our happy life together,
And don't feel afraid.
You loved me more than you ever had anyone else.
Forever in my heart,
And forever in my dreams,
I pray for angles to protect you,
Through the tears and screams.
You're all alone now,
Unable to find peace,
But know in your heart,
I will always be yours.
The day you promised,
We could name our first son Oliver.
The day you reminded me,
My initials would stay the same after we married.
The day you first told me,
How much I meant.
The day you proved,
Our love was cement.
I keep you in my thoughts and dreams,
And maybe one day,
It won't end up as bad as it seems.

Love,
Mrs. VR *******br>

Mark,
You are a cute *** *******.
Unlike any guy I've ever had the slightest bit of interest in, I don't freak the **** out when I see you or when I talk to you.
You're kind and gentle and goofy and I don't see anything wrong with you.
You would think that having a lot of problems of my own would make me feel the need to invalidate yours but in actuality, when something is wrong, I will do whatever I can to help you. Even if it means dealing with not talking to you for a while. Yes, it does make me sad and yes, I do hate it. But it's what I need to do.
I'll never feel safer in my entire life when I'm in your arms.
This is the most complicated situation that I've ever had to deal with. But I love it.
I don't care if my stepdad doesn't like you and doesn't want us o see each other.
I don't care if my mom hate me taking pictures with you. She doesn't understand what it's like.
No one does.
I don't care if we can't necessarily be out in public too much because of the situation.
I don't care if I'm being threatened or people hate me.
The people who really care about me are there to protect me. And they will debunk any rumors that anyone tries to spread.
No one is going to believe that I had *** with you.
I've never been that kind of girl.
Even when I had my little thing with Sean and he started to talk about it, I laughed and ignored it.
I've never been in a relationship before and I'm not about to get all caught up in my first one.
I'm better than that.
I don't look down on people who do.
It's just not in my personality and I have too much self respect to let myself fall into that.
Plus, you're already in enough trouble.
You're not dumb enough to purposefully get into more.
Anyways, as I was saying.
It's only going to be difficult for a little while.
But if we can survive through this, I don't see why our relationship would turn to **** anytime soon after I graduate.
I'm one of those kinds of people who loves to plan ahead and fantasize about my life after high school.
I can't take everything by the day.
I find it extremely hard to live in the moment because moments don't last forever.
And the faster they go by, the sooner I'm living my life how I want to live it.
The only time that my heart makes me live in the moment, is when I'm with you, because there are so few. And a lot of that is my fault. I should have been more careful. I should have deleted messages more often and made sure to get rid of any evidence.
I'm sorry. If I could go back and change what I messed up on, I would.
I want nothing more than to restart this whole entire year.
I ****** up so much and I can't blame anyone but myself for how ****** things are.
I guess I just have to deal with it.
But what ***** is that because of me and my irresponsibility, you have to suffer.
I'm so sorry.
Every night I go to sleep afraid that the next morning you're going to wake up and realize that you don't need me.
That's the thing I'm most afraid of.
It's happened so many times and I don't want to have to suffer through another heartbreak.
I can't not have you in my life.
Contrary to what everyone thinks, you're the best thing in my life.
All you did was love me and let me love you and that wasn't wrong.

I don't feel here anymore.
It's as if as the seconds go by,
I'm disappearing.
Dissolving
into nothing.
And there isn't anything
I can do
to stop it.
I'm slipping
farther and
farther
away
from life,
and closer
and closer
to oblivion.

**I'm in too much pain to fight a war that isn't worth it.

There is not a sign on my back saying "kick me".
Therefore there is no invitation to do so.
What about that is so hard to understand?
The world will probably never know.
We let others play their games and
Maybe when they've grown up,
The might feel the same pain they put us through.

One year.
It's been
one year
without you
down here;
One year
full of
sadness and grieving
and tears.
One year of
questions, disbelief
and acceptance.
One year,
and I've learned
to count my blessings.
One year -
I pray that wherever
the afterlife takes us,
well I hope
that's where you are
and I hope
you're happy there,
because we
sure as hell miss you
Here.
One year.