Perfect to me..
is you.
I murmur words into your ear..
Hoping I was quiet enough for you to hear..
The riot in my heart.
The constant blushing
Love words and
soft kisses.

this is the seventh year
i have laid awake
in the small hours of the morning,
seized with insomnia,
reliving the night you died,
knowing that a part of me
will always blame myself--
no matter what my therapist says.

this is the sixth year
i have known
i'll sleep eventually.

this is the fifth year
i can't find the right words anymore.

this is the fourth year
i was able to celebrate you
instead of merely mourn you.

this is the third year
i have had a teaching job
and had to call in sick
because i can't fall asleep until 4am
when all i can do is stare,
bleary-eyed, into the snow and stars
and ask myself why the hell
i ever went to sleep that night.

this is the second year
i've realized your voice
is fading from my mind,
and it scares me.

this is the first year
i've realized that it gets better
but no easier.

Intricate souls.
Up, down, all around.
Your personality changes.
Zig zag, another way.
It's so confusing.
You're making me crazy.
Just ******* leave.
Seriously.

The stars are ours tonight.
There's not a worry left in my mind.
I'm going crazy.
Can't wait to be with you.
Underneath the stars and moon.

Some people decide to die.
It's apart of life.
Suicide is the answer.
So why are you waiting?
Death is calling.