Sometimes I wonder,
Should I wander?
Should I leave this world,
Should I become a ghost of my being?

Then I remember,
I already am a ghost.
My memories and feelings are existing too much
too little.  
I'm living,
not living.

"I'm not a beggar!"
My mother laughs this line
at a lady trying to rip us off
a pure silver choker.

"I'm not a beggar!"
My mother half-jokes,
Wrapping the silver choker in a thick plastic ziploc
after she cut the price down to zero profit

"I'm not a beggar."
My mother's crying now.
Salty tears on her cotton nightgown
as we think of the life we lived before.
A whole life away from the rotting wooden table
we laid a cloth upon
to sell our old wares.

The glitz and glamour
the gala dinners
the pageants
and diamond-encrusted models.

It all came down because of me.

I wanted to go to an international school
I wanted to live on an island
I wanted a castle
I wanted a dog
I wanted everything.

It's my fault.
It's all my fault.
All my fault.

I'm sorry.
I am so, so sorry.

You are my fantasy
I am drawn by your gravity
I love what your presenting
You are never ending

You are so confident
I hear that your competent
I think about you as I dream
You are more then you seem

You can make my heart wither
I want you to kiss and slither
I can't explain why
You make me want to die

You are extraordinary
I want to be tortured in your purgatory
I want to pay for my sin
You make me crawl out of my skin

You are for ever seen
I want to scream
I want you to be with me
You have no place you would rather be

No one is ever free from the things they do
And for me that is very true
Every time I fail
My skin grows a scale

I feel like the really me is no longer shown
I block people out with a wall
I feel so alone
I as deeper I fall

Some people see some thing reptilian
Some people see a villain
But the one person people no longer see
Is inside to me

I build an building my self a shell
That is escaping me from its hell
But running away from all my fears
Makes so no one is letting me near

I can no longer shout
I can no longer run
I must get out
And pick off every scale one by one

Over my life I have tried to pay my toll
I have tried to achieve my goal
I have tried to crack the codes
But I decided to sell my soul
Thats why I have come to the cross roads

As I got here
I felt his presence near
I am already going to hell
So I had nothing to fear
Of giving my soul to sell

He appeared in a flame
But before any thing I had to speak his name
I said it with glee
He said I should be saying it with shame
But still I paid my fee
And to him it was all the same

I felt an emptiness inside
But with a tide it turned to pride
He gave me all I wished
But he told me as soon as I died
It would turn to anguish

I knew this was shameless
But I would soon be famous
A bright shining star
But I knew some thing was amiss
As I was hit by a car

What a ***** cheat
But still I was fairly beat
I became a never ending dish
I was famous for my sweet meat
So at least I still got my wish

I only have my self to confide
I don't look people I the eye
For fear they might see inside
And tell this mask is a lie

I'm down
I'm beaten
From the inside I'm being eaten

I'm tunge tied
I'm twisted
I'm screaming inside
I'm a misfit

Any time I feel loves bite
It reminds me of a parasite
I become its host
But my love wont let me close

I'm down
I'm Beaten
From the inside I'm being eaten

I'm tunge tied
I'm twisted
I'm screaming inside
I'm a misfit

Every night I dream
Of releasing who I am inside
Showing I am more then I seem
And no longer trying to hide

Every one would love me
No one would throw a stone
But then it occurs to me
I can't do it without a back bone

I'm down
I'm Beaten
From the inside I'm being eaten

I'm tunge tied
I'm twisted
I'm screaming inside
I'm a misfit

I look down
And I see
Some one beaten just like me

I look around
I can't believe I have missed it
I'm surrounded by other Misfits

Ignorance is bliss
Thats what some say
But after watching true ignorance
You may feel the other way

This is a true story
It happened while I was young
It was about my puppy
But it didn't take away how much it stung

My family had a dog
Rocky was his name
But one day we got a new puppy named Jamie
And soon they were playing games

Rocky was getting old
My parents said to heaven it would be said
It made my older brother cry
But I didn't know what it really meant

I loved both of my dogs
We had a pretty good bond
But they could speak a language
That only they could respond

When day I came come home
To find rocky wandering around like he was blind
My parents called the vet on the phone
and left me and Jamie behind

That night i had felt some thing
That I had never felt before
I finally understood why people were crying
But Jamie just waited at the door

Ever single day
At the door she would stand
I tried to explain it every way
But she just would not understand

Imaging waiting for a friend
One who would never come back
Never knowing it was the end
And having your heart stay cracked

I think it was all that heart break
And all the fearing
That gave her cancer
Because she wanted the end to be nearing

It was sad to watch
Having her go through so much pain
It felt even sadder
Knowing Rocky went through the same

Soon they came to pet her to Down
My brother held my hand
But in fear Jamie looked around
She did not under stand

It must have bin frighting
What a way to go
To feel your muscles tithing
But still having one thing you needed to know

If only some one could tell her what we all said
You will never ever again see your friend
And soon you will be dead

There is no more to the story
Nothing left I have to say
But I would rather die knowing
Then ever having to die that way

My heart stops

You are so sure of what you say
Why are you making me pay?
When did you stop loving me?
I want to know the day

I'm Sinking

I have never felt so alone
We used to share a home
I want to to know what you were thinking
You wont even answer your phone

I'm Sinking ever deeper

What do I have left
My life is a mess
I pray for the reaper
Or at least a little rest

She is Sinking

He woos me with his Charm
How could any one do him harm
I love what he's thinking
In his arms I am sinking