Spiraling
Silver spoons
Have lost there shine
Relapsing innocents
Flew thee cope  
Then came
The Intense retribution
In coming
Avalanche
Left with a
Splintered periscope
And tainted blood
Violently flowing
Creepy non scintillating
Deja vu setting in
Pivoting transitions
Retreating to calmer waters
May I find a path
To a
Unparalleled universe
When thee unknown
No longer scares you
Heavy critique falling by the wayside
Crumbling decades
The bad company
That kept me companion
No response do not resuscitate
I’m perfectly fine with that
Goodbyes are
Easy when
No one is alert
One more time
Around the track
Then I’m jumping ship
Future outcomes
The unpredictability of these
Uncertain times
Have taken the wind outta my sails
How  I’ve dreamed of something
More ideal
That I could never have here
May the shockwaves
Of this soiled place
Wash me away in the wind
Be felt with me
No longer in it

The startled of frozen,
like a soul's been tasered
a bridge apart to flee,
No wild to be comforted
in homeless of the sheltered,
Mumbling back streets,
of fallacy of the demons.
Anger of a sign "no exit."
Trying but each day's wasted
in my father's shameful eyes,
I have nothing left to say,
flicking pebbles before it rains,
haphazard movement of trains,
I just wish to jump in front of in.


(Jay Jelly)

Swinging from
My pendulum
Pressure cooker
Held my breath
It almost buried me
Wiping sweat
From my brow
Deceived by the notions
The lacking of understanding
What’s two feet in front of me
Miscellaneous calculations
Backfired

(RGH)

The start of misery,
a child's woken ears
to hairy situation
of startled fears.
I'll barely consciously
barely able to weep
in ****** of history.

I whispered my secrets
to darkness of demons,
became my possession
and my repressions
Anger was silence,
and peace was a fleet,
bobbing up in the bay,
and I vision it to this day.

(Jay Jelly)

Bottoms up
Even the chaos
Can speak
A striking
Resemblance shows face
Quieter clusters similar
Cut the
Umbilical cord
Like an umbrella
Drowned out at sea
Music box
Priceless inheritance
Yet the gold is rusting
Reprinting making anew
The fraudulent tones
Fading harmony
Fallen star
Not far behind
The distance between
You can’t fathom
Losing my reality
Swinging from
My pendulum
Pressure cooker
I held my breath to long
It almost buried me
Wiping sweat
From my brow
Deceived by the notions
The lacking of understanding
What’s two feet in front of me
Miscellaneous acquaintances
Mis calculations
Add up
Backfired in a positive light
Patiently awaiting a revival
A duet piece between Jay Jelly and myself.

Way past pleasantries
Incoming dissension
Hold your applause
Zero gravity
Let me down slowly
A smoking gun
Is that my true fate
Far from a truce
Is it really necessary
At this point
Chemical reactions
Malfunctions are far to common
In my spaces
Refraining my next move
Could be my last
Paper lanterns burning in the distance
Empty chairs
Become very ordinary
Anticipating where
My pain will hit me the most
Misdirected
Unfortunately
It’s my own to bare
Why the hell can’t it ease up
Even a little
Serenity oh how I
Wish you’d sweep me up
And wrap me in your tender arms  
Where exactly
Can I find that kind for comfort here
I’ve all but given up on
Because I can’t tune out
Control the noise levels that
Run lividly through me
Because maybe in this life
I just don’t deserve it
And I’ve just accepted that fact
That maybe
I’ve just had bad luck
Along the way
When others should have been
Paying attention
Instead they ran the other direction
And
I’ve been confiscated by
My own impersonator for an ample period

Continuum
Reality never added up
Walking a tightrope
Underneath the layers piled up
Pulling the covers
Over my head nonstop
As life was
Viciously attacking me from all sides
Frozen being
This world passed me by
Like a train wreck
Waiting to happen
Beggar
You slowly sunk your
Teeth into my soul
Life hasn’t always
Painted thee prettiest of pictures
The pain on
My hands was not
Of my design
Buried
In the trenches
Life murdered
My dreams one by one
What was left after that
Made each breath
That much harder to find
Seeing thee things I did
Only flawed me that much more
Why did it have to be me
Always caught in the crossfire
A passer by I was
Living life through a fractured lens
Like a kaleidoscope
Where dreams came to die
Life was never easy on the eyes
Pleasant
Far from anything
I would have come up with on my own
If only there was a better story to tell
Believe you me I would have
Certainly done so beforehand

Confiding
In your belief
Senses revived
You raised me up
To a different plain
Awaiting eternity
Prefect motions
A pathway higher
You need no
Introduction
Epitome of all
You took
The shackles off
And no longer does the darkness
Reign over me
Prisoner of war released
The ultimate imprint
Stamp of approval
Even when I feel
Like I’ve done nothing to deserve it
The sum of all
Personas the vast majority of
All we see
Nothing greater
A divine providence
You retrieved a
Lost traveler
The things
I suffered through
Early on
Don’t compare to
Your unlimited sacrifice
Deep rooted
My struggles groomed
Who I have become today
Coming to the realization
Your behind anything
I could ever comprehend
A soloist who taught me
What it feels to be alive again
My one shining star hallelujah

Flesh of my flesh
Not of this world
Halo in thee clouds
A remedy
Dawn of a new day
Carry me
Over thee ground
That’s broken
What goes up
Must come down
Everlasting light
The world
Knows no bounds
Forever lost in time
It must have
Been inside my head
An illusion
That kept me down
Buried me beneath
My lost sad self
Cleaning your pallet
Trying to heal
Believing in a power
So great you can’t even fathom
Yet there he is
Over and over a constant energy
Erasing yesterday’s
Sorrows
Separating
Good and evil
Hand in hand
One must fall
I’ll take thee ladder
Looking through
Your eyes
Your everything
I need along thee path
Defying gravity
Don’t let me lose sight of
What’s important
But most of all you

Untold stories
Display case is empty
Masquerading
Wicked schemes
I hit the redial button
A dad who fled
Rivals we became
Closing time
Before the door even opened
Your voice
Is like a ghost
Yet it haunts the deepest depths
Of my soul
Past transgressions
There was zero excuse
For the stunt you pulled
Left me puzzled
What exactly could I have done wrong Forgiveness for abandoning
A young infant boy
I just can’t get myself to come
To grips with that fact
You pawned
Me before you got
A chance to know your own son
Like I was just a name
On a piece or paper
How did that work out for me
You drove off
A stranger in the mist
Like a bat out of hell
Guess you didn’t wanna be
Caged down
Raise a family you never wanted
And went chasing after what
The mysteries of you
Like a mugshot
Unknown they will never be answered
I’ve thought of you
My whole life far to often
And I could never pawn someone
I gave birth too like you did

Prophesy
A sign from above
Idle hands
Unlocked
Sustainability granted
A carpenter
Builds me a new frame
Of mind
I’ll praise you
Till my last breath
The unfortunate times
I’ll just have to live with
The cost already paid
Healing up the best I can
Unforeseen history
I’m no longer tied too
Quite the transformation
The impact you’ve had on my being
Your dedication
To healing me when I was
At my lowest
Never wavering from your
Prominent position
The promises held dear
They ******* away
Humming bird fluttering
Like a guardian angel
Flying outside my window
Vibrant energy is contagious
Origins all your own
Responsible for my well fare
The hoax was always up
Just took me a while to figure it out

Cease and desist
Giving way to
Fact or fiction
Dangling your
Dangerous falsehoods
In my face
Puppet
Without a master
Strings cut
Re forecasting
What I yearn for
Covet could never be
Attained in such a venue
Praying aloud
Are my words
Be transmitted properly
Saving face
Seamless waters
They trickle
Supreme being
Never let me down
Life had other ideas
In store
Sanctity I need it
Like a covering of unlimited protection
Shout it aloud
To the masses
The accumulations hamper
Are only
Part of life’s true distractions
If you can stay lost in translation
Till the sun comes up
And the skies don’t swallow you
I am what I do
Not what others say
Bare bones retrieved
Cosmic revelations
Yet to be revealed
Seized by the machines of this matrix
Asking for my happy pill
To alleviate my being

Noise pollution
Crowded spaces
What kind of spell
Have I fallen under
Casting into my whole being
You have
How many things
Have to feel me up with remorse
No vacancy
Would be my greatest
Request
My thoughts have
Always overstayed there welcome
Bogged me down
Tree of life
Soiled
Ying to my Yang
A habitual creature I am
Back and forth I go
I’m more nocturnal
Thee night has always
Appealed to me more
While thee day walkers roam
I toss and turn
Trying to find a stop
I can get off at
This overcrowded train ride
Has been an endless one
An unwelcome highway
Static electricity shocks my nerves
Too the core
If there’s an off
Switch I can’t seem
Too locate it
When my body’s to
Worn out to fight  
My mind fires on all cylinders
Will my shooting
Stars ever truly align fully
Will my insomnia ever let me rest
As my warped mind
Fails to deescalate the situations
Comfortably for a minute alone

Red tape
Noisily penetrating
Where’s my quiet
Swan song
As dry bones rattle
A hint
Of understanding
Flew by the door
Framed by
Chewing manifestations
A un mesmerizing
Agonizing wrath
Unplug the lights
Tunnel visions exceedingly bad
Wild fires
Blazing a trail to nowhere
Catch and release
Kinetic energy’s subsiding
Saving every
Second of the day
Meant for someone else
A celebrations in order
Who would have thought
Kinder plateaus will now shine through  
Stranded on a beaten path
No longer still frame
A firmer clasp
Hold onto
The best parts of me
Remember what you want
And disregard the rest
Declining squalls no longer staying between the lines
As the colors of this world fade to gray

Freedom from myself
Saved by grace  
Enslaved in my head
This all feels so wrong
Waiting for the end to take me
Gazing upward
Who am I to say
Times up
Demoralizing horrors
Self hatred
Demons zeroed in
Hell came
In a hand basket
Today came and went
And I decided I’d rather
Not see tomorrow
Living in this body
My mind is just not doing me
Any good
I’ve been living on borrowed time
And now I wanna hand
In my voucher
I’m just so tired
And the fight in me is gone
I want peace and quiet
Nothing else
Face facts I should have
Been gone a long long time ago
Nothing has been more apparent
The here and now doesn’t mean much
Probably never has
Have I ever truly enjoyed life
I think I’ll take that
To thee grave with me
Mourning there after

Solar eclipse
In plain sight
Read ‘em and weep
I own
Up to all of it
Despite my best efforts
Those demons
And Convictions
Plied on top of each other
Scattered sins that burned me
Psychosomatic
Red rivers avenge
Truth be told
Body and mind
Incoherent
A deadman’s trigger
Incomplete
Never truly aligned
Seventeen thousand
Five hundred fifty nine days
Of life
Have felt like ten lifetimes to long
Tarnished goods
Windows are stained
Smudged down to the finest detail
Self assurance is shattered
Red skies flaunt
Where did my black butterfly go
To heavy to hold
The melting pieces of me
Cloak and dagger
My souls been
Wrapped up in cobwebs
Cocooned for more then enough time
Blow out the flame
On my candle  
And watch it flicker into thin air
And let me not be stained and shattered
At someone else’s expense any further

Once the misery
Starts I can’t find
The off switch
A child’s deaf ears
Are woken
To the hairiest of situations
The startled fears
That dare to dream
I’m barely conscious walking alone
Am I able to weep
Inside my bloodiest miseries
I whispered secrets
To my darkest demons
In the shadows
They eventually became me
My sacred possessions
And repressions
Became my silence in anger
The fleeting peace
A bobbing boy
And I still envision it all to this day

Start to finish
Flying in
Sequence
Garden of Eden
Biting thee apple
Curtain call
Blue skies
Blossom
Lock in step
Out from
Underneath
It’s time to merge elsewhere
Tomorrow is not promised
Today there are
No guarantees either
Approaching my exit ramp
Pitter patter permeating
Through my bones
A sign of
Things to come
My quiet boredom
May it glisten on repeat
For all eternity
Leave the loud noises behind
As this hyperbaric
Chamber holds
Me still my wheels are turning
I’m ready for my departure
I pray to the man
Upstairs that he will
Catch me if I fall
And wake up in the pearly white
Gates sooner rather then later
Godspeed young man
May all your wishes come true
In the afterlife
It can’t be any worse then it was down here

Home wrecker
Alleviate
The allergic symptoms up
Spun in your
Spider web
Had you been
Waiting long for me
You swung the door
Open wide
Little did you know what you
Were inviting in
Did we love each other
For all the wrong reasons
Out of convenience
As our loneliness ate us away
Romeo and Juliet
We were not
Your kiss was
Like the poisonous
Thoughts in my mind
That stung me till I was paralyzed
On thee wrong paths
Yet somehow we crossed each other
Off the list  
The wrong
Kind of attention soon followed
Bad blood slowly became
Then the bottle drew us together
The only way we could coexist
In the end
For all the wrong reasons
Sewn at the seem
Longer then we should have been
Are shelf life had all but expired
Yet we continued on
Then the floor fell out from underneath us

COMPARTMENTALIZING
Aimlessly catapulting
Mug shot
Tug of war
Capitulating
Dark signs
Gazing bright lights
Gaining momentum
Like a game of charades
An angel without wings
Masquerading
On a ferris wheel straight to hell
The ******
That life threw in
My direction
Like a molotov cocktail  
Watered down sorrows
A lonelier soul
Build me a barrier
To keep the sharks at bay
Holy water tides
Shield me in your grips
My vesper amelioration
Please listen to
My desperate pleas
My calls for you
Triumph and pain
Conquered at last
Melodramatic passages
My upper echelon
Oh how I could savor it
My shrine became
Deconstructed slowly but surly
Discomforting recollections
I could pick
Your savageness out of a lineup
Daedric the face of a demon
Who inhabited my spaces
And violated me
My psychological warfare
Damaged me to a slow *******
Conflicting thoughts
Deconstructed me
I’m in a maze for life
Of unrecognizable things
Like a bad trip
Around the globe
Separating illusions
From actual facts
Is truly the issue at hand
Compartmentalizing way more
The one should have too
Saturated in a unhealthy environment
I always have been

Hovering above
If one things
For certain
The wind beneath
My sails
Has kept me afloat
Galaxy of beauty
A beacon of light
Reign down
On me some more
Plant your seed in me permanently
Shadows dissolving
Aching
From point
A to point B
Not anymore
A shifting state
High Jack Heaven
And drop it in my lap
Leave hell alone
A token splendor
Magic carpet ride
My eternal ascension
One day
This is only temporary
It will not house you forever
Unlock the possibilities
You’ll never leave me
Never forsake me
Your soul will be revived
I promise
Words kept inside
That never made it to the light
Because I never really
Knew how to express myself clearly
I felt a little bit off
But you always knew  
What I was feeling
Yet not once you held that against me
My pentagrams light up
Thee night sky’s
As I climb skyscrapers
To get to you
Till the dawn of a new day comes
Home one day I will be housed
And protected from this wicked world
And all the evil that comes with it

IT'S BETTER TO LIVE YOUR OWN DESTINY IMPERFECTLY,
THAN TO LIVE AN IMITATION OF SOMEBODY ELSE'S LIFE WITH PERFECTION
-THE BHAGAVAD GITA

Fraying
Paper heart cuts
A penny for my thoughts
The sinking feelings
In the back of my head
Swell
Has the quicksand won
Falling short
The hourglass has fallen
Fly on the wall
Shocked
Talking to god
Black butterfly sputters
Stuck in a cocoon
Trying to disguise
The hurting
Defuse the situation
At all cost
Mourning
When the sun
Won’t rise on your street
Advertisements cold and wretched
Far from fake news
From shore to shore
It continues to print tirelessly
Realistically
What exactly
Am I looking at
Head in my hands
All this blasphemy
Nazareth
Paint a prettier scenery
Produce much better results
Someone call a hearse
Inner circle
Who’s pulling the strings
Holy wars
I’m all ears
Dark ballads
Never missed
There mark
They mocked and prodded
Any chance they got
No vacancy sign
Guess it wasn’t bright enough to see
Clearly
Yet you all lived
In my head rent free
Like a bad neighborhood since birth
And I want what I’m owed
Plus back pay
A billboard that should be
Burned to scrap donated elsewhere
Idyll as I am
I’ll take a one way ticket to a new euphoria

FORFEIT
My talisman
Didn’t show itself
Wasn’t effective enough
Ball and chain
Invalid and rough
Too close for comfort
To little too late
I knew better
But it didn’t seem
To bother them
Pardon me
If I just cant get passed it
How could I
Ever ignore that which
Can’t be forgotten
Forgiven at any extent
Because I’m certainly
Not as powerful as you
Speak to me
In tongues and
Stop the distorted screams
That fill my air
Obstinate I’m to stubborn
To know any better
You could never
Sew up the mistakes
That were on display
I was just a young boy
On display a man far from
A different anatomy
Why was I not so fortunate
My DNA was noxious  
Miscarriage why did you
Bring me here  
What if my head
Was empty
Separated from my body
Who or what could hold
Me back down then
Guide me into a different frequency
A world that’s a bit calmer
And forfeit any record of me having been here

Delicate release
All at once
Evaporated
Lingering swells
Envisioning
A sweet ceaseless
Devotion to you
Bottle me up
And throw away
My time capsule
Motionless at sea
Uncharted waters reign
Arsonist
Of my life you’ve done enough harm
Time to blow the flames out
Enough
Of the gallows
That have housed me indefinitely
No more will they
Path of the divine
Show me a better byway
To hell with all this constant
Static and destructive energy  
Pull up the anchor
Put all the criticisms of myself aside
And release me from my sinking ship
Rid me of my decayed baggage
And harmful thoughts
Emotionless indifferences are
Finally settled for good
Let me drift swiftly into your arms
Of forever serenity

Bottoms up
Even the chaos
Can speak
A striking
Resemblance shows face
Quieter clusters similar
Cut the
Umbilical cord
Like an umbrella
Drowned out at sea
Music box
Priceless inheritance
Yet the gold is rusting
Reprinting making anew
The fraudulent tones
Fading harmony
Fallen star
Not far behind
The distance between
You can’t fathom
Losing my reality
Swinging from
My pendulum
Pressure cooker
I held my breath to long
It almost buried me
Wiping sweat
From my brow
Deceived by the notions
The lacking of understanding
What’s two feet in front of me
Miscellaneous acquaintances
Mis calculations
Add up
Backfired in a positive light
Patiently awaiting a revival

Untamed
Born I died
Checkmate
Lock and key
Lack luster
Picket signs
No longer on strike
A proper entity  
Hell in a hand basket
Passed down
Ideally mine
Life rewritten
My Neon grave
Future tripping never
Achieved anything
Salivating
Constellations
Apples to oranges dissident
That which I inherited
Coercion backfired
If I could play god
Even conceive the thought
Entertain the power
To act out on my own
Create my own life
How selfish of me
Hypothetically
Traveling back I would have written
A magnificent story
My perfect scenario
Wrapped up neatly in swine
If I’d had a say
I would have laid
Out a much better path
Heck I’d probably have been gone a
Long long time ago
I’ve always over conceptualized
The life I never had
My own death mattered more to me
Rather then run a sprint
And find the finish line to my marathon

Unrighteousness
Inlayed
Woven into me
I had to put the misery
Out to pasture
Target practice almost buried me
The blood sweat
And tears became entwined
Null in void  
Like the fiddler
On my roof banished
Beyond liberating
As the prisons crumbled
Fortresses and barriers fared
No better collapsed
Could no longer hold
Me at there own request
Consume elsewhere
Find a new enemy
Identifying a better reality
Taking a bite of
The right fruit for once
Endless chapters
Non fiction roared
Like the sad fables of yesterdays
They might still be screaming
But I’m not listening
Not my kind of scripture
I didn’t have
Enough tools on my belt
To cope properly
Until he shined down on my sadness
Eventually I started easing towards
Something more graceful

Sacrificing
My well being
Roll of the dice
Stoic to a degree
A heavy price
Was paid
Misplaced pictures
Passing time
Never put my mind at ease
My youth
And all between
Wildfires wiped
Me out
Waking up
Became such a heavy burden
For thee
Longest time
I was far from okay
Yet no one knew
Just how badly I was hurting
Inside but me
Holding on for dear life
You held me together
The pain
Piled up tell it overflowed
Guess it had to go
Somewhere after
The dam finally burst
The nap sack I carried
Around outweighed anything
You could ever imagine
Or ever want to experience
First hand
But eventually the past
Washed away into another tributary
And my life raft took me a shore
To better days I wouldn’t trade for anything

Unlocking the hurt
How much
Can one truly take
Nobody’s god
Ever saved you from yourself
Pennies for a dime
Glaring needs
Current state of things
Never judge
A book by it’s cover
Can’t seem
To find a melody
Beauty’s in thee
Eye of the beholder
We hide behind are masks
In plain site to feel important
To fit in to what
Create a world that’s fake
So we can escape the true realities
Of life
And not expose are selfs
To the harder sadder truths
What really matters
The things we hate thee most
Become us
Like a game of cat and mouse
Who really wins in the end
Life seems like giant game of charades
Where everyone can feel
Like a winner when they really aren’t

Opposites attract
Chokehold undone
I’ve scaled
Mountains
And seen the bottom
Of barrels
Patience lacking in abundance
Instant gratification
Only harmed
My ego
Frustrations came a roaring
Held me back
Stoic to a degree
I’m still here
Aren’t I
Sensitive to thee touch
I’ve always worn
My pain on my sleeves
I’ve cried I’ve bled
My scars they show regardless
If you stair deeply
Into my hazel eyes
You could see right inside
The depths I’ve treaded water in
Stubborn like a piece
Of metal
I rarely shine
Bend but you can’t
Completely break
I’m not made of glass
Yet I’ve had to be
Put back together many times
To this day still being
Crafted by the chisel above
Hopefully one day
A glowing reflection a spitting
Image of you
One could only hope

Combustion
Adversary’s plentiful
My ruptured fantasy
Unlimited
Protection the enemy
Is out to severe me
Your majesty
I’ve seen your
Handy work first hand
Decaying fossils
Put my puzzle
Back together in
Some working order
Give me
Shelter from
The exertion that ******
Overreaching
Quick to react
The sum
Of all parts is magnetic
Off thee charts
Feeling a bit off
My aim must
Have led me astray
Win lose or draw
Life can really
Do a number on a soul
Tally up the score
And you come up empty
Guidance system
Malfunctions again
A seismic shock
Sends you spiraling
Chain reactions only counter act  
Your balance
One rarely recovers from
Certain circumstances in life
Sometimes we don’t
Realize what we have
Until it’s gone forever
Better left
Untouched
Overrun with grief
The hardest goodbyes
Will shake you
To thee core
Majesty
Grant me complete asylum from
The antagonistic events of this realm

Held up by a crutch
Counting down thee days
Of my demise
My third eyes dwelling  
Over four decades
Of thoughts and memories
That never fade
Piled up
As they continue to evolve
And escalate to unhealthy levels
What’s real is make believe
A better alternative
Rubik’s cubes
Slowly plucking
Away at my sanity
I lay awake
All times of night
Never knowing which
Way I’ll go as the roller coaster
Takes over
The chemicals
In my body
Feel more like poison
Far from comforting
They paralyze me in my tracks  
Where is the real healing at
My mind
Often miss fires
Short circuits
I feel so depressed and blue
Ready to rip my hair out
The happy thoughts
And pleasures last a moment
If I’m lucky
Are quickly replaced
As the bullets fly like no tomorrow
Emotions that run me ramped
Leave me in shambles
Nine times outta ten
Tainted goods I become
A happy go lucky state exterminated
Dopamine trip no where in sight

A QUICK WORD
I’ve read some MOVING
WORDS
IN REACTION TO MY POETRY…
I don’t seek FAME…
Just to know that ONE POEM…
Could make another persons…
Wheels TURN A BIT IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME… THANKS TO YOU ALL…

Lethargic movements
Synthetic
Untapped sources
Attention spans
Spinning like
A top
Rising temperatures
Expanding
My unresolved theory
Breaking the riddle wide open
Thistle and twine
The broken branches
That stoke the fire
An extravagant
Grace period in dire need
Of total annihilation
Holding firm in pattern
Endowment
The tears run
In fazes and the treads
Worn thin
The smiles you can’t
Always fake hide behind
In the rubble
Enough similes to
Go around the block
They poke and ****
Like simmering coals
Cold as ice
Far from temporary
Can feel
Like an internal clock
That won’t stop grinding gears
Stain like graffiti  
Feel like the hot summer sun
Burning your character
To a crisp
In the miscellaneous
Shelf’s of your head lie books
Collecting dust
To the outside world
That were never warranted

Recycled
Suns setting
Casting crowns
Withering infatuations
Precious views
Blocked by barricades
Victory or defeat
Crimson skies
Gazing upward
Internal combustion
Spills over
Suppressed
By all my fears and transgressions
Tears ran without a spigot  
I couldn’t turn off
Blue and gray
Never made a yellow
Brick road
Imperfections
Never took pity
On my party
Like a barrage of bad moments
A saint I am not
And neither where they
A raging current
Churning tides
The tires fell off before the finish line
Love that forgot
To mention me in a sentence
Careless touch
Your could never cradle
Me properly
A symmetry
Your globe
Is looking less and less
Appealing
The hourglasses in your pupils
Hazy storms
Like fading fires in your eyes
Like the days
You’ve been trapped in
Covered in stone pillars all your own
A faceless man
Who’s starving to be whole

Kiss of destruction
The glass
Was always overflowing
It’s not the
Story I would have written
Time was
Stacked against me
Unlimited anger
And a bitterness
That cut so deeply
Became a deadly combination
How was I too
Put the bottle down for good
Escape thee belligerent
******* inside of me
Not self medicate myself
Into oblivion
Kicking and screaming
At the top of my lungs
To no avail
Fighting against the enemy
Losing track of time
The foggy days piled up
Blackout after Blackout
With nothing to show
The shadows that
Danced on my walls and
In my head never let up
I felt like I was going insane
What would it take
To bottle up the alter ego
That trampled all over me
Most of my life
I had to make a choice
Before my life was sacrificed
By my own hands
Put thee bottle down
And turn it all over to someone else
Who could Handle
Thee things I never could
And give myself a chance to live
A better life

Disturbing my
Fallen dream state became
A wreckage of dire
Consequences it all hits all at once
A heavy fog
Hysterical cerebral influxes
Intensify lead to
Busted minutes
Lost in a spiral of timeless energy
Spaces so unnerving
Shed this horror of a shadow
Beside me
Sew me up and mend
My fallen soul
Mazes of mirrors folding chairs
Breaking
Ring of fire
Let me find my secret garden
Hide me from the darkness that hovers
Eternal distress of flesh and bone
That fought me to the brink
Taught me to hate myself
Wish it wouldn’t have last
More then the first unsettling moment
Defective I never intended to be  
Yet I became none thee less

White noises
Mirrors on
Thee walls
Hindsight’s
Twenty twenty
Illuminate my soul
And let me breathe
Erasing the
Flesh and bone
Levitating my spirit to
A higher ground
Putting a bandage on
Wounds that never healed properly
Only crippled me
Erasing my wavering
Subconsciousness
If only I could
Walk on water
Let alone on my own two feet
The simplest
Things that got
Me through
The toughest years of my life
I used to
Stair right through
My own reflection
Like there was a hole
To nowhere
Straight through my soul
Life would glare repeatedly
Will it ever be found in time
What could ever put it back
Together again
Only you
My shadow guided me
Like an evil twin
Attached at birth
But now I’ve evolved and
Broken free
Been transformed
Into a new being
I no longer hesitate to
To just be me regardless of
My circumstances
Knowing my state of mind
Will never define me as a whole

Serenade
Me in happiness
Where was my shining light
Dancing mightily
The devil was having his way
Pennies in
Heaven eroded
Acid tears flooded
Going through
The motions dejected
Untimely
Thee unwarranted
Abuse
Came in all shapes
And sizes
My home
Was where I made it
Wasn’t much
To brag about
Begging for
My voice to be noticed
The pain to wash ashore
A chance at redemption
Cleaner scenery
Aimlessly wandering
Cut from
A different cloth
My upbringing
Held me like
A pit of despair
I never really felt safe
Any sense of real satisfaction
Had flown out the window
Honestly I was very ungrateful
Because of the path of destruction
That hit me like a train wreck
Bitterness stained my heart and mind
And my still frame mentality
Held me in its grasp
To this day just won’t let me go

Turn
The other cheek
Good intentions
Never reformed
Sun lit
In the backdrops
Phantom applause
Menaces in a bundle
One hit wonder
Pulsating reruns
Turn the thermostat
Off already
Reiterating clauses
Like a ballad
You can’t get outta your mind
Stuck completely
In it’s clutches
In the shallow
Graves that
Chewed me up
Spit back out to the surface
On the hunt for my survival
Eyes rolling
Shenanigans powerful  
A smugness
Without boundaries
You did your homework
Stalked me to the ends of the earth
And did whatever you saw fit
Full transparency
My manuscript
Was written
By a two faced traitor
A stealer of dreams
Stalker of hope
They stole the words
From right out
Underneath me
Finding
Clarity no more smokey gloom
Teleprompter goes dark in due time

Flowing echoes
Watching waiting
Hearsay
In the limelight
Winning lotto
Ticket never bought
I would never sell my soul
To the highest bidder
A fools paradise
Is not mine at all
Expired dreams
Fully aware beam me up
Turn the light
Off behind you
Inflated ego not of my liking
No amount
Of fame would suffice
I’m not for sale
Life’s told me it’s overrated
From my vantage point
Has never really
Peaked my trust interest
My genius won’t
Be recognized till
I’m six feet under
If at all
But I’ll be long gone by then
That is up to them to decide
Although my writing
At times
Stops me in a dead sprint
I’m floored by my ability
I just shake my head in amazement
Just a speck
Of dust in this vast sand
A tinny fish
In a big pond
With a voice that more people
Should be paying attention too
But I’m not going to
Hold my breath
Because I’ve been a black sheep
Most of my life
And that suits me just fine

Constant reminders
My mistaken
Masterpiece stolen
Canvas cracked
Down the middle
In need
Of a pick me up
I’m tired of the stupid
Games I can’t win
Festering
Radio frequencies
Changing tune
On a dime
Taunting
Telepathic waves
Tricked me for the umpteenth time
My assassin
Has me in it’s scope
Climbing
Up the ladder
Looking for my release valve
A guiding rope to help me
Outta here
Lapses in time
Warmer melodies
Take the hurt away
Endless drought
Then the rainstorms arrived
With the stroke of a brush
I slipped and
Fell again
Awoke in a harmonic dream state
Just let me be still
Here and pray in my pew
Reminders like shooting stars
Fireflies in mass
Like the
PTSD that comes in flurries
I can’t tune it out
Constant flashbacks
An array of madness
Mashes me like a bug
That stir the *** black
The unequivocal soundscapes
That I wanna hear outside the quiet
That my minds always been lacking

Twists and turns
Your ideas
From my perspective
Through a different lens
Stalemate
Patterns holding steady
Frozen I startled
Like my soul had been tasered
Bridges apart
How could I possibly flee
Wildly creeping how could
I truly be comforted
Homeless without shelter
From harm
Backstreets mumbling
In confusion
A fallacy of demons
All my own became me
Signs of anger
No exit or follow through
Trying days each wasted
My fathers shameful eyes
Pierced my veil
Left me with nothing
Much to say
Raindrops like flicking
Pebbles in my mind
Skipping uncontrollably
Movements like derailing
Trains haphazards
I continually wish to
Jump in front of

Staring through
Thee looking glass
Timelines
Came and went
Never held me in place
Long enough
Like shooting stars they fluttered
Picking straws
Hoping to get lucky
Insecurities a plenty
Chemical reactions
Backfired to oblivion
A recipient of
Buried treasures
Countless dreams that fizzled
Once upon a time
To places only I
Could travel too
Deep in my soul
They broke my fall
Were my temporary crutch
In my darkest moments
Held me together
Blessings fell short
Probably because of me
Every so often
Something majestic
Would come to fruition
Life would pinch me
To remind me I’m still alive
I have a special place
I hold dear
A vault deep inside me
Where
I hold onto all theses special
Encounters
I can count them all on one hand
Keepsakes that I wish
I still held in my hands to this day
That at the time I wasn’t truly
Ready to handle

Black matter
A sickness over ran me
Alive despite it all
Tunnel vision followed
The blisters had ****** me up
Locked down
Where was I
Lost at sea
I wandered this earth
A fool clueless
As to what I was doing
Wasting away inside
Staring at thee same
Screen got me nowhere
Tripping over my own two feet
There had to be another way
Faithful one master of thee universe
I searched you out
Then you appeared
You spoke to me
Like no one ever had
And yet you where there all along
Forward carrying on
I’d rather break bread with you
Then try and figure this
Out all on my own
Because I know I can’t

They used to
Rain on my parade
Roam freely in mind
Depressurize
My infrared paradise
Erase these corroded halls
Mocking birds
Collide
Projectors relive
Stories that never lined up
To my liking
Two faces
Constant tension
Temporary streams invite
Rivers rage
Against my self worth
Why did you create me
Stimulate
My darkest fears
Put them to bed
Simulate my brightest desires
Let them illuminate
And amaze me
Stop thee hurt that leads
To me feeling dead in my space
Lead me to
Train tracks to follow elsewhere
Sympathize
With me a little more
Don’t let them
Mimic my movements any longer
I want to be just like you
Apart from me anyone else
Show me your truest prophecy
Let me resemble
Anything that won’t mimic me
And leave me feeling deflated
Because I’ve already seen
An ample fiery of warfare within

Condemnation
Are we way past the point
Of no return
The insanity
That floods and paints
Thee streets in it’s ugly colors
Is laughable
Soldiers unite and follow
Your so called leaders
To who knows where
Unhinged and let the
Wreaking havoc explode
Appetite
For destruction
Turn the tv up a little louder
And let the fake news run wild
As there lies spew out there guts
Innocent for a minute
Just let the greed
Seep into your pores
And the hunger for power
Is like an addiction
Where’s your crown now
Boom goes the dynamite
Far to many are guilty
Yet they still run freely
How is there no consequences
Rule of law is dead
Power is the ultimate king
As all the madness
Comes knocking
In today’s chaotic world
It all blows up in your face
Take the click bait
And watch the inferno
Run you up a wall
Block out the outside noise
And run and hide if you can
Before the inferno barricades
You in it’s path
Make an alliance to no one  
Close your windows
And think for yourself
Let them insert the hatred
In someone else’s veins
Let the skies bleed red
On them all
And don’t fall for there trap
The realities of there
World should never match up
With your own opinion

Broken records
A vault in heaven
Unlock me
Velvet sky
Ultraviolet
Final time around
Smallest of
Increments
I never glowed
In thee dark
Frozen visionary
Rush of
Blood to the head
Stained glass
No longer resonates in you
Haunting scars
At the end of
The world
My guiding rope fell
The simplest
Things I found a bit
Of comfort in
Who would have thought
Banish the stagnant air
That chokes my inner being
Reeling gray matter
You’ve never been
A gentle creature to me
I’ve seen
All I need too see
I know what I’ve always felt like
The time
Nor place really
Doesn’t matter
Just know it will come
To be true
Turn my darkness into fluorescents
Of guardian angels dancing
Surrounding me in there protection
Taking me in
Transparent skies align
Illuminate my soul into
My true fate
Where my body goes to a sand pile
And my soul is revived
Reflective moments
I don’t want them anymore
Like riding out a lightning storm
Without the rain showers
Drowning you slowly but surely
Opaque not for another day
Not walking around with blinders on
Openly accepting what
Was promised to a believer in you lord

Daylight ends
Caught between
A rock and a hard place
To close for comfort
Save yourself
Wicked evolution
The dark of me
Never my choice
Hell welcomed
Me with open arms  
And poured vials
Of lifeless feelings into my soul
Depression soon followed
Cold and down
On my luck
The stains that never fade
That which doesn’t
**** you only makes
You stronger
Feed the wolf some more
Add fuel to the fire
The animal within continually hovers
Lying to myself
Wallowing in
My self hatred
Coma blues became all I knew
Screaming loudly
That sinking
Feeling in the pit of my stomach
That wouldn’t budge
Walls that housed my consciousness
As I walked
With blinders on
Stuck in my tunnel of nothingness
Guess it was just easier
To sulk in my sadness
It became an addiction
To just give in and give up
Then to stand tall and fight
The endless halls
That shed my skin
And wore me down
Only made me fearless
As I carved a new path
Against
That which I thought I was powerless against me

Replicated
Never duplicated
Leaning forward
Tumbling
Twelve steps backwards
Backhand blues
Struck me again
Omitting me
From me
Etched in
Braille yet
Somehow I understand
My own language
The crowded streets
Forged in my head
I wish I could unplug them
Yet they are the reason
I create with such flawlessness
Shivers in the
Tiniest crevasses
I’ve come to grips
With my psyche
And the abilities to express
Myself differently
The plethora of ideas
That run at mach speed
Fire on all cylinders
I just try my
Best too keep them all at bay
Yet it can’t seem too
And create something anew
Stuck in a daze
My happiest place
The juices never stop flowing
Like a finger
Pulling the pin from
A hand grenade explosion
Writing seems to be
My only true coping mechanism
In every situation
It all feels so relatable
Despite the hectic frustrations
That run me over at times
You will never see another me
I’m far from imitation
It’s only me trying to find
My true meaning in life
Yet maybe I already have

Blessings that
Never came gift wrapped
Screeching sounds
Syllables overlap
Often superimposed
My being
Create and replace
Resolve a face without
Meaning
Switching places would
Have been all so grand
Petrified forests
I ran through
The thorns on my sides still sting
My tumultuous depths
Only widened thee longer I ran
In place
Tears filled
The air I breathed
My hero
Is someone I’ve never
Met let alone seen
With my own eyes
Luxuries taken
For granted
Selfish desires only
Led me into addiction
Self medicating astray
Sitting alone on my perch
If perfection
Was a currency
I’d be broke
Life hasn’t always
Painted the prettiest of pictures
Just give me my
Spoken word and a playlist
Of my choice
And sky’s the limit
What might come out
Because these are the
Only real truths I have
These are not made up stories
Sugar coated
With pixie dust
About how the grass is
Always greener on the other side
Because my dilemmas have
Always told me different story

Misaligned
Alter me
Imitate
What could be
Farther from thee truth
An anonymous
Gift
What could be better
A bestowed presence
At last
Take a deep breath in
Exhale finally at the end
Of thee rainbow
Permanently gone all frustrations
You ever had
Silence takes hold
Like a calm you can’t imagine
Weapon and the wound
Put down released
What I yearn for is
A soft quiet embrace with you
Break me free
From all this chaos
That makes my soul shiver
As my mind quivers
An uninviting melody replays
What I require is silence
And a peaceful tone
That’s eluded me here my entire life
A quiet mind with every fiber of my being
Is all I ask for