The shadow of a beautiful form
After years of weird
The welcome norm
Inexplicably unique
As normal can be
Few people get it
Not you, and not me
Relaxed and routine
And a feeling of free
But when is right
Ever meant to be?

It’s not his fault

I don’t say
Today
What I almost say
Used to be a day
I would’ve

Watch me disappear
Before your eyes
Been hanging ‘round here
Begging for replies
Too many times
Unanswered
Pushed aside
Stayed too long
****!
I’m gone

Some days I feel defeated
Energy depleted
Ungreeted
Unhalfway meeted
Walking down this endless street
Blisters all over my feet
You pass by, occasionally
You look, but you don’t see
Ignoring how hungry I be
It’s not your fault that I don’t eat
There’s a buffet in front of me
But I only want your meat
I’ll starve, rather than eat
Anything but your treat
Wasting away, so skinny
Self-imposed defeat

The yucky part of me
Thinking I’m due some clarity
It isn’t true
But your refusal to give it
Is the yucky part of you
At least that’s how it looks
From my point of view
But all of that is only
Cause I don’t want to see
What you have shown to me
Via blatant apathy
The yucky part of you
Only exists because I refuse
That clarity
You’ve already given to me
I’m too yucky to see it
Willingly
I probably
Owe you an apology
But instead of giving it
I do not give up
My yucky ways
I’m stuck on yucky
You see
And you seem to be
Stuck with me

I have a good life
If you’re paying attention you see
I don’t need anything you could give to me
Materially
I suspect, though
I could gain a lot from you
Spiritually
At least as much as
You could gain from me
Maybe we’ll see
Maybe we’ll see

Look at all these men around
There’s one on the porch
Putting the mail in the box
He’s actually kind of a fox
There’s another mowing his lawn
Low pants showing the top of his moon in the morn
Here a man
There a man
Everywhere a man
Millions in this state, it’s true
So why oh why oh why oh
Why oh why oh why oh
Can’t I want any one of them
Other than you?
So **** set on on the imaginary view
When only the best will do

I tell my truth to deaf ears
And this I knowingly do
Often
It’s true
Dear ears and deaf ears
Both need to hear
Truth
It’s always of some use
Truth is still truth
Even if it’s mute

Every time I think of you
I send good vibes your way
Purposefully
A bunch of times each day
It is my silent gift
You may not even get
But some
You receive
I’ll bet

These are priceless things
I bring

Let me order your chaos
And disrupt your still
Let me be your evil queen
Poison apples
Of red and green
Death so serene
It will feel like a dream
I say all that
But it’s no horror scene
I’m not as dangerous
As I seem

It’s not easy to let go of you
A piece of my soul
Is going, too

I hope I have been a blessing to you
But I could have been a burden, too
Maybe a little of both
I must’ve said something that made you
Choke
But you still got air
And you ain’t broke
I hope you’re better off somehow
Since I been coming around
You’re the silent type
Don’t show any clues
But what you keep in your hand
Screams silently
As loud as a silent scream can be
Everyone hears it
Except me

It’s not really love
It never was
It’s just an overblown crush
Shook in the can
Opened in front of that man
Spewing sticky sweet
“I’m your biggest fan”
And as he gets showered
With bubbles and gush
He doesn’t react much
The boy turns away
Like anyone would
Thinking “this crush spewing ***** is up to no good.”
If it was love
It wouldn’t be messy
But it might not have been as sweet
Love has nothing to prove
Nothing to move
Love is already there
I’ve gotta accept
I’ve been a fool
Claiming feelings that don’t compare
Attached to a man
Who I don’t even know
Foolish girl
To make a ghost
The center of my world
Imaginary position
Of great importance
Without even an interview
All that being said
It still feels just as true

Why I gotta be
Left with regrets
Over things that are never gonna happen
Yet
Someday, some glorious day
It’ll happen
I bet
And this is how I pretend
I don’t have regrets

I have nothing left to show you
My soul came through
I know you knew
You watched it grew
You saw it skew
Slip in the mud
Go for a loop
Some days I gave you a beaut  
There was a lot of ugly, too
I know you knew
I did all I could do
I know you knew

One day
You’re gonna come my way
And that is what I have to say
To keep doubtful demons at bay
They like to play
Rainy games
Rusty chains
Exhausted brains
Unstaked claims
But demons and angels play the same
Too much spare time
Fuzzy frames

I want to taste your sweat
I want to lick clean your ***** places
You’d like that, I’ll bet
I want to untie the knots in your muscles
I want to light the fire under your hustle
I want to make you laugh down in your belly
I want to dance until our legs are jelly
I want to honor you as my muse
I want to feel put to good use
I want your partner to accept a truce
I want you to take a break from the flute
Go down into your roots
Ya Boi likely wants that too
I want to be invisible
To everyone here, but you
I want to be your muse
And for you
To put me to good use

All these little pieces of me
Form a whole
Eventually
What you see
If you piece it together
Maybe
Has nothing to do with me

I am the potter spinning yarn
I’m the cop trying to direct traffic with a broken arm
I’m the stone cutter without a blade
The mafia wannabe, who never got made
I am the Rockette without any kick
I am the lab rat who just won’t get sick
I am the movie that goes on way too long
And on and on
On and on
C’mon Boo, just one more song
I am the prowler audacious
Perpetually
Heading in blindly
Yet apparently
You are blind to me
Because you want to be
And I remain
What you refuse to see
Your choice to not be
You know you
Better than me
The kickless Rockette
Flops around the set
Lamely
Because she stubbornly believes
There are no kicks
Where she’s s’posed to be

You are all of what Disney didn’t show me
On who a prince could be

The desert does not care how thirsty I be
The sun shines on me
Remotely
But I still be
Kissed warmly
By his beautiful heat
Even if I’m thirsty
I stand beneath he
Sweating freely
Hoarse voice
Still speaks

I hope you love
The loveliest one
I hope you smile from ear to ear
Knowing she is near
Despite what you probably believe
It would make me happy
If you showed your happiness to me
Whoever you in love with be
I’d love to see
You happy
With anybody
Even if she’s not me

I wish someone would come along
And I’d be like “Andre who?”
You probably wish that for me too

Sometimes I come here with nothing to say
And try to say nothing
Eloquently

Something will come
Maybe
A new string of words
I didn’t already say
A genius thing
That brings you towards my way
And I come back
All the time
Trying to get to that day
Even if it takes till never
Apparently

In my wildest of dreams
You would acknowledge me
Today, especially
It could possibly be
It’s still early

I happen to be
A good witch
Bogged down by all that stupid morality
So I can’t make you fall for me
But oh how I wish
A bad witch
I could be
But then again
A forced connection
Isn’t for me
If I ever wind up meeting you
As charmed as it will probably be
I’ll have to find a way to
To make it happen
Magiclessly
It’s a ******, you see
Can use my gifts
To benefit anyone
But me

I’m in this moment now
And I don’t know you
Something I’ll continuously have to accept
But not my whole life through
It isn’t painful
Though not without ache
I’ll move past it, someday
I am destined for a different fate
I’m happy and blessed
Either way
Thank you
For being
Someone to aspire to

I tried writing you a birthday poem
(This is draft 22)
I put lots of heart and soul in
But none of them will do
I wish I had more skill
Better vocabulary
You deserve a masterpiece
To honor you perfectly
But instead
You get a poem from me
Happy birthday, Mister
I hope it’s filled with love
Overflowed with joy
And blessings from above
I wish for you perfect contentment
As sublime as you can be
I hope you find something you’ve been searching for
And it is completely free
I wish for you a day
Filled with blessings all along the way
Peace within your soul
Capture of some long-held goal
Knowledge of something
You’ve always wanted to know
Highest high achieved drug free
At least one moment where you say
FINALLY!  
I hope you hear a voice
You’ve been missing for a while
I hope the one you love the most
Gives you the biggest smile
I hope you stay up just late enough
To celebrate your favorite stuff
And when you’re ready to
You drift into a perfect sleep
And your favorite dream
Spends the night with you
I hope you have
Your happiest birthday
Boo

There is no pill
For
Draining will
After using every bit of skill
Still
Uphill
To some distant peak
I may or may not ever reach
And that’s me thinking optimistically
The logical part of me
Can clearly see
I am looking foolishly
Begging for attention from somebody
Who clearly isn’t interested in me
And this I need to force myself to see
So I can search for something I can achieve

You are the sunlight reflected upon moving water
Only an instant, you’re there
You are the moment the last leaf is falling
Leaving the tree completely bare
You are the tippity top block
Placed upon the pyramid
By a very proud little kid
You are the conveniently placed
Extra roll
Right on the back of the toilet bowl
You are the softest, greenest grass
In a jungle of concrete
You are the one I think about
When I’m falling off to sleep

I have to force myself to see
If now you are not ready for me
You’re never going to be

Silence can be harsh or gentle
And sometimes very loud

It hurts to be missing out on you
It hurts me that you’re missing out on me
Too
I did all I could do
I’m happy that it doesn’t hurt you
I wish for you
A new sun that’s blue
To bring joy and joy and joy to you

I would scream for you
I would hush up, too
I wish I knew
What to do
When being true
Is of no use

I have no grief over what never was
Or what I wished to be
There surely is something wonderful
Still in store for me

Poetry
Can be
A way to recreate
Reality
Or at least
***** about it
Incessantly

It’s not your responsibility
To get rid of me
I attached like a tick
******* from your Force  
Maybe making you sick
It could be better
But it could be worse
One thing is plainly clear
You don’t want to let me near
It is your right to do
And probably smart, too
And that’s the lie I will tell you
Whether or not I believe it’s true
That nothing’s the right thing to do

Whatever it wasn’t meant to be
Must be accepted by me
But I don’t want to be free
The door is wide open
And you encourage me to flee
I remain chained to thee
Whether or not you agree
I imprison you
Unwillingly
Within the bars of this poetry
A piece of you belongs to me
And I don’t know if I should
Be sorry

It’s not a process
I’m going through
Letting go of you
It’s more like a quest
To find the will to settle for less
An admission
To myself that I am the less
Isn’t easy to find
I guess

Is it easy to ignore
Or do you almost
Forget
It’s something you don’t want to know
Yet?
Or maybe never
Whatever, whether
I couldn’t have tried any better
Though it was unsuccessful
It was my pleasure

I wish I could know
What you know
Before it becomes what you knew
But wishing is the only thing
A helpless romantic can do

They can’t misquote what I don’t say
But I’m still gonna say it, anyway

I wish you didn’t
Look so beautiful
I wish your eyes didn’t speak to me
I wish the language didn’t
Sing so beautifully
I wish I could hear another’s song
And it sound as so supreme
I wish I could meet you
And you aren’t like you seem
I don’t want to care
I can’t make myself not
But that’s a lie I tell myself
To justify putting real life on the shelf
Sitting far off
Collecting dust
Never ever gets wound up

It ain’t what it used to be
It’s never been what it could
Hinged upon what almost would
It’s still good
Though

Mostly good

You’re probably right
That we’re not “right”
I’m not exactly the faithful type
I’ve been not good to a good man  
Now he’s a beloved friend
I’ve done *****
To every one of them
But they’d probably choose
To love me like that again
Maybe change a few
Moments
But I’d probably choose
To love them again
Too
I believe that’s a promise I can make to you
Mutual respect
Whether or not we see it through
It could last a week
What I see
And what I learn
It would be worth
The burn
If it ever got hot
And a true love ain’t what we got
What it be is still worthy
Even if it be not

If we spent time
Intimately
You and me
I’m gonna annoy you sometimes
And you’re gonna bug me
You know you’re not perfect
But do you know I know you’re not perfect?
It’s likely you believe
You’d have to live up to too much with me
I know I wouldn’t want somebody
Unable  to perceive
All the ****** up parts of me
Idolization turned disease
Maybe
I only know that it feels healthy to me
When my soul has dreams
I hope, to you
Healthy is how it seems
Too

I thought
“I wanna always trend at the top”
But if every one
Liked every thing
What worth would it be
If no matter what dumb thing I say
Everyone agreed?