I miss you already
Although you were never really there
You’re not really more gone
Than you’ve ever been
But I used to get glimpses
From the crowd
Now, the silence is so loud
You used to whisper to me
Occasionally
As sparse as it was
I miss it already

I became invisible to you
Like air
Around you every day
While you ignored I was there
You breathed me in
Exhaled me out
Held your breath
To make me doubt
Took me for granted
Left me there planted
It’s the dark corner for me
You’ve got so much other air to breathe
Oh look!  There’s a window!  
And there I go
Off with the breeze

I gave you parts of me
I never showed anybody
For you
I put them in public
For everyone to see
Over and over
I went hard as I could
It did no good
I asked for so little
Maybe a post every couple of days
You continued to have little to say
Sometimes a week
Here and gone away
Silence from you
Every **** day
How many days
Are too many days
When every day
One awaits?
Don’t act like you had too much on your plate
To take a few seconds from your precious day
To find something to say
Avoidance of me
Includes everybody
Who can also see
How little I mean
Maybe it’s pride
Evil pride
That got into me
Caused me to believe
And now can’t help but see
You ain’t even gonna miss me

I ghosted him unwillingly
Because I could no longer stand to see
How little he cared about me
Unfortunately
I don’t feel any more free

I stayed on that path because it lead me where I wanted to go
Feeling around
Too dark to see
I let the path lead me
Feeling, at first, barefoot and free
But then it got cold
And it stayed that way
I walked alone
Cold path
Dark
Lonely too
About halfway through
I realized
No path lead to you
I could walk until my feet were black, ******, and blue
I had no choice but see
There is no path I could take to find you
When you don’t want to find me

I myselfed like I’ve never myselfed before
And the result was
I liked myself more
Not what I was searching for
But I’m gonna keep myselfing
Until my myselfer is sore

You ruined what could have been
Stomped on hope
Already worn thin
But those things I wanted for me
Relied on you to agree
Ruined dreams for one
Are perfect scenes for two
Really only mean
There’s no such thing
As a perfect dream
I cannot blame the bust on you
It’s not your job to make my dreams come true

I wanna be all zen
Acceptance and harmony
But how can that be?
When there’s so much
Fight left in me?

In my mind
I am with you all the time
You are here with me
In this empty room
You be
Inside me
I feel what I cannot see
Us three
You
Me
Who we should be

I did lots of healing chasing after you
It may have been futile
But so healthy for me to do
The greatest love I ever knew
Never knew me, too
It’s probably shallow
But I’m making it deep
Choppy waters
Chaos on the heap
One of us
Won’t take the leap
Don’t make a peep
Pretend you’re asleep
You’ll never see me weep
The sound of my sobs
Don’t ring in your ear
There are no echoes
Of things you won’t hear

Sometimes they come
Negative thoughts
Invading my brain
Seeping into my psyche
Been holding on so tightly
To something that won’t be
He has become a part of me
He walks inside my being
Yet remains completely free
The prisoner is me

In this time of monsters
There he be
Looking so angelically
To me.
He thinks I miss-see
His monsters, they be
Saying to he
All sorts of things about this she
Me
But that’s a fight that I can’t see
Until he lets me
If maybe
One day
He believes

Your soul is so powerful
I feel it from far away
Especially today
Connection, maybe
Between just you and me
Two souls
Keeping each other company
Across different worlds
As powerfully
As two souls can be
You and me
Almost free
When both of us believe
You and me

It’s coming
Or maybe it ain’t
I’m gonna be there
Either way
Here is there
Whenever
Wherever
He says

I hold on
To the sliver of hope
Glinting silver in the sun
The search party
Here it comes
Far away
But not gone
I’ve cleared off the trees of fruit
Eating insects and the occasional root
I should be existing in fear
But I can tell
The search party is near

Chasing goats who act like ghosts
That be me
Doing it
(I think)
Fantastically
I will catch that goat
You’ll see
I’ll be so happy
Even if he disappears on me
It would be a joy to be
In his vicinity
Momentarily

I wanna rattle your bones
I wanna make you wanna come home
I wanna put a lump in your throat
I want your mind drifting to me
Wistfully
I want your attention
I want you on the line
I want you to feel I’m your partner in crime
I want you to want to share your time
I want you to feel addicted to my massages
I want to pop up in your mental collages
I want to climb atop something and sit
Up in a tree, atop all of it
Or rooftop, maybe
You bring the music, please
I’ll bring the ****
Someday
This will be
Wait and see

I’m not in a rush
Please tease me with your slow seduction
Secretly
You and me
Nobody knows to look for to see
Underneath
Or above, maybe
Quietly
Only
You and me

There was no fork in the road, for me
One day, I’m living in the odd society
How can it be?
Some people don’t see?
And so many others agree!
Who are these strangers from my country?

As you can see
There’s urgency
For me
I wish I knew
How it be
For you
Uncertainty
The answer you give to me
I refuse to see
What it means
And somehow, to me
It feels mostly
Healthy

If he was who I thought he was
He’d be different than he is
He never tried to fool me
Or pretend
He’s good and true and real
But it don’t matter because
He’s not who I thought he was
I suppose I’ll never be free
From the tricks I play on me

How many times
Have I tried?
Too many
We both know
Still
I don’t go
Once I even cried
Lucky pennies
Into wells
Wishes blowing out candles
Lotsa poems
Lotsa prayers
Dreams so vivid and clear
When will I accept
You will never be here?

You will wonder what happened to me
When you see
It ain’t like it used to be

I go to you, in my mind,
When my soul is quiet
And then, oddly
My soul needs to sing to thee
It’s gotta be tough to be someone’s dream
When I sing to you it must sound like a
Scream

I come here
Carrying my jug of water
Sacrifice to thirsty gods
Put my prayers into the flow
Hope you know
Hope you know

I earned it
I believe
But I respect your right not to give it to me

At what point is
Giving up the
Thing to do?
Are we past it?
And you knew?

Maybe my feelings for you aren’t
“No matter what.”
The only no matter whats I got
Grew inside my body
Or came from theirs
I got plenty of no matter whats
My feelings for you are
“As good as it gets”
There’s only one as good as it gets
You’re the one
For me
I think
I want to know
But I’m too far to see

Every wish I make
Once, I was looking at a star, and it shot right out of the sky
I wished for us to meet
I shoulda put a time limit
Every candle I light
I hope with all my might
Blowing dandelions
Most assuredly trying
Would it help if I was crying?
I still believe
In something I have no cause to see
You and me
But there you be
Mesmerizing beauty
Irresistible
Force of presence
Becoming
Almost tame
I wish for you to be wild again

You ‘bout to lose your bragging rights
Don’t tell me you’re cool
When you’re too scared to fight
A hugely depressing sight
The King of Cool
Bowing to the fool
The crown on your head is losing it’s jewels
You stay silent
But you knew
You knew

It’s not not true
Everything I say to you
But it’s not real, either
I know the difference
Between fake and real
But I also know
How I feel
It is my truth
Everything I say to you
Believe it if you want to
You’ve got your own truth

It’s not fair
The burden I put upon you
I show up
Expecting an answer
You don’t owe
Your answer is silence
Which I ignore
Make excuses
Pretend
Maybe I can say the right thing
One day
A thousand “one days”
Pass
Become past
And it be
Our history
The loneliest “our”
Because it’s only me

One of us is disrespecting the other
It might be me
I ignore your clear signs
Because that’s not how I want them to read
Instead of cutting me loose
You ignore me
Which is a clear sign
I can’t bring myself to see

I know you see me here
Braving the rain
Wearing the stain
Pretending I am not in pain
You refrain
There’s no need to explain

When you feel alone
Please chill with my poems
Love specifically to you
Maybe not tried,
But surely true
I know you must feel it, too
These poems are true
And filled with love for you
They sit at the ready
To fill your time
Kiss your mind
In a tie that binds
Throughout as long as they exist
The writings of the poetess
They await your loneliness
Softly beckoning
“Sit with us.”

The secret I keep
Is I truly believe
My poetry
Is the key
To wherever
I want to be
Watch me get there
You’ll see

Busy doing nothing
At nothing, you are the best
You are becoming
Legendary at nothingness
You couldn’t do less
Yet still be so much
You say very little
People still make a fuss
Why bother
When you don’t have to
I suppose
You don’t even say no
You take nothing as far as it can go
Ask that girl, Krista
She’ll tell you so

I just gotta say
If you’re tryna win somebody’s heart
Don’t do it this way!
Don’t even start
Because it never ends
Day after day after day
(After day!
Infinitely )
Very few people on Earth
As dedicated as me
At displaying their stupidity
But that is who I be
And what I see
Between you and me

There he sits
In my brain
Removing all my shame
There he sits
In my guts
Wishing to be full on us
There he sits
On my ****
Teasing it

I sit now
Trying to find some zen
To send
He has his own
He need not depend
Upon the zen I send
He may not even feel
He is surrounded by a mighty wall of steel

I refuse to let myself feel powerless
In all of this
You are not out of my reach
This I must believe
It might take a miracle to be
But if it did
That miracle would be me

It’s a dull ache
But not drastically bad
Missing something I never had
Self-inflicted
Delusion of pain
Caused by a thought in my brain
Hurt over something that doesn’t exist
What kind of madness is this?!

I want to rattle his bones
Make him feel hungry again
I want to highlight his undertones
Remind him of the himself he used to know
I want to massage his muscles
Work out the cricks
I want to give him lots of licks
Put his skin
All up in
My throat
He can wear my **** body
Like a coat
I want his scent left behind
On my sensitive spots
Share all the passion
That we gots
I wanna hear him gasp
Feel him tremble
Put the perky in his step
If I had at least an hour
I could do it, I bet

Times when my mind
Is my enemy
I tell myself I’ll never
Accomplish one dream
And so it does seem
Times when my mind
Needs space to sigh
Before it tells me
“Give one more try”
Been “one moring” it
So many times
As soon as it’s said
My mind knows it’s a lie

Standing here knocking
At this locked door
I know somebody’s inside
I want him to come into the sun
I tried so hard; I tried
The occupant’s sitting in AC
Gourmet eats
Life orderly and neat
Nobody wants to answer
For the hurricane at the door
Claiming to be sunny
He’s surely fell for that line before

I am his
Which sometimes feels so unkind
He is not mine

He doesn’t want for anything
***, love, affection
He chooses when he goes without
And when he goes with
It’s prime
Ayest grade for one so fine
He doesn’t want for anything
He doesn’t want to be mine

I come here to celebrate
By offering
My soul
Up for inspection
Others will see
How similar souls be

I hope you’re so in love
You feel the butterflies
Fearlessly
I hope she’s so much better than me
I hope she is your place of peace
I want you to be happy
I wish it was with me
Even if I cannot share it
I still wish it to be

I wish mostly for my kids
That they be all they can be
But you live inside the wishes
That I only make for me