I am not as beautiful
As my ice cold heart,
Which glimmers each time
We experience pain.
But I will not waver
Because they say I belong in a fortress
To hide this outer shell
And this soul that crawls within me.

I would dream of endless nightmares
In which I obtain the beauty like
My callous heart
But then I would realize I would
Loose those who are special.
And don't care if I am a goddess
Or human.

With the one pen and pencil
I can draw my way to a better life
Or rewrite my whole destiny
I can go on adventures
Or have a steamy romance
I can let go
I can be free.
Even though my
Freedom is short lived
I can create myself
Into a better human

Do you ever have those
Dreadful moments
Where you thought
To blow up the world
Because nothing is going your way.
You curse the air you breathe
But the words come out in
Nimble squawks.
You try to bottle up
Every feeling you ever had
Because you know
If there was any slightest
Examination of your mind
You would be sent to jail
Or the psychiatric ward.
Anger the demon
That feeds off of every word
You said in past years
Is the reason behind many of these
Complex emotions.
We may try to stop it.
But eventually
It will consume us and hurt
Those who are near

My body aches
From the back breaking pain
That you enforced on me
Every sad day.
I want to open my quivering
Lips
To tell you,
No Scream at you
"That this is not the end"
"I will get you back."
You caused me so much
That my eyes are forever dull.
I want to tell you
I hate you.
But it seems that my
Lips will remain shut
Because now I am looking
At your barren grave
Hoping that you are where you
Belong.
Now that you are out
Forever gone from
My life,
I will become the
Depiction of false happiness.
However I will always remember
All your sins and
The scars that are buried deep
In my recovering skin.
Hoping that I can be a story of survival.

As a child
I was left to be free
I was able to walk
To talk
To do anything that
The imagination
Though was real.
But as I grew older
I was told everything
That I once knew was wrong
And that happiness had to be earned
And that imagination
Is only for those who are unwise.
I had to make a metamorphosis
To conform into adulthood
And all the creativity and happiness
That was rampant
In my younger years was
****** from me.