A wildfire of color races across the night sky, somehow managing to be bright and beautifully dull at the same instance.
The earth is tipping, tipping, tipping. Using this racing color show as it’s farewell for another day.
You always loved this moment.
You always loved the moment when the colors sharpened against that steadily increasing backdrop of black. Red, to orange, purple then pink. It was the time that God loved us the most you used to say, to give us such beauty and to learn to appreciate it because it is gone in such a brief moment.
Like you were.
You were my sunset, my beautiful moment that did not last long enough, and unlike you I didn’t appreciate that flash of brilliance.
I do now.
Unlike the sunset, the morphing of hues of colors that seem to blend endlessly into that final cresciendo, I let the black seep in until all the colors had faded away.
I wonder where you are now.
I wonder if you are watching this.
I wonder if you are thinking of me.
I wonder if you appreciated the wildfire, no matter how brief, that was Us.
I wonder....

If I die tomorrow,
would I simply disappear?
Living flesh and memories,
that both grew for years.

Do I have a choice,
about what happens next?
Or are we simply ****** into a game,
with no written rules or text.

Can I choose to stay and watch them grieve,
can I still touch their face?
Even if they can’t see me,
they might feel warmth from my embrace.

Will I be sentenced to torture,
for breaking the rules?
Or perhaps my memories will fade,
unraveling like a spool.

I’ve tried to love all people,
and listen to my heart.
So please let me stay awhile,
because it’s tearing them apart.

The mystery of “after”,
is the cruelest thing to do.
Please let me do something,
one whispered “I love you “.

Heaven may be paradise,
but you pay for luxury,
and leaving behind my loved ones,
is too steep a price for me.

So if it’s all the same to you,
I’ll stay behind with them,
because they need me more than you do,
and to leave them would be a sin.

7AM

My head’s filled with glass,
as the sunlight streams in.
My mouth’s like the desert,
as I groan “never again”.

I fight to sit up,
and my stomach protests.
I swallow back *****,
and it’s almost a success.

I sprint to the bathroom,
and flick on the light,
barely making the toilet,
as the tears blur my sight.

Now I stare in the mirror,
through bloodshot eyes,
splashing water on my face,
as I try not to cry.

Today will be different,
I promise myself.
No drinking today,
the bottle stays on the shelf.

12PM

The aspirin has helped,
along with the food.
Just one beer with lunch,
to lighten the mood.

Besides, says my brain,
you’re more normal this way.
It’ll help you relax,
so just have one, whatcha say?
                    
6PM

The beers took the edge off,
and now I’m more fun.
I’ll just take one shot,
just one, then I’m done.

12AM

The room won’t stop spinning,
and the bottle’s all gone.
My hand is bleeding,
what the hell’s going on?

I stumble off walls,
trying to stay on my feet.
I finally fall into bed,
now, rinse and repeat.

You struggle to stand,
hell you struggle to sit.
You give everything you have,
but it’s the bottom of the pit.

And then comes the point,
when you simply lay back.
You stare at the ceiling,
And you simply lose track.

Of the hours, the days, yourself,
and your loves.
You wish it would just simply end,
and you pray to above.

“God, I am broken,
and I think it went far enough.”
“I know that it’s shameful,
but I simply can’t get up.”

I know you could heal me,
and fix me if you try,
but the damage is done,
so please let me die.

Let my dad remember,
his son before this,
and let my momma remember,
her little boys kiss.

Let my son remember,
the daddy I was,
his best friend and hero,
who towered above.

I’m just tired right now,
of trudging through hell,
and I try to stand up,
but there’s nothing left in the well.

I’m so tired, so tired,
so it’s now in your hands,
either leave me on this floor,
or help me to stand.

If you leave me, then I’ll understand,
I’ll understand that you did what you can.
Just promise me this, and then I’ll give up,
please sure my son turns into a good man.

Thank you

How could you leave me so unexpected?
I was waiting, I was waiting
For you but you just left me
I needed you, I needed you
Yo, I don't know what it's like to be addicted to *****
But I do know what it's like to be a witness it kills
You told me you love me, I'm thinking this isn't real
I think of you when I get a whiff of that cigarette smell, yeah
Welcome to the bottom of hell
They say pain is a prison, let me out of my cell
You say you proud of me, but you don't know me that well
Sit in my room, tears running down my face and I yell
Into my pillowcases, you say you coming to get me
Then call me a minute later just to tell me you not, I'm humiliated
I'm in a room with a parent that I don't barely know
Some lady in the corner watching us, while she taking notes
I don't get it dad, don't you want to watch your baby boy grow?
I guess that ***** is more important, all you have to say is no
But you won't do it will you? You gon' keep drinking 'til the ***** kills you
I know you gone but I can still feel you
Why would you leave me? Why would you leave me here?
How could you leave me here?
How would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
Oh, Hey
I got this picture in my room and it kills me
But I don't need a picture of my dad, I need the real thing
Now a relationship is something we won't ever have
Why do I feel like I lost something that I never had?
You shoulda been there when I graduated
Told me you love me and congratulations
Instead you left me at the window waiting
Where you at dad? I was too young to understand where you at huh?
Yeah, I know that alcohol  got you held captive
I can see it in your eyes, its got your mind captured
Some say it's fun to get the high but I am not laughing
What you don't realise and what you not grasping
That I was nothing but a kid who couldn't understand
I ain't gon' say that I forgive you cause it hasn't happened
I thought that maybe I feel better as time passes
If you really cared for me, then where you at then?
Why would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
How could you leave me here?
How would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
Hey
Our last conversation, you and I sat in the living room
Playing our video games, you started slurring and I broke down in front of you
You started crying, telling me this isn't you
Couple weeks later, guess you were singing a different tune
You Drank that ***** for the last time, didn't you?
It took you from me once, guess It came back to finish you
Crying my eyes out in the studio is difficult
Music is the only place that I can go to speak to you
It took everything inside of me to not scream at your funeral
Sitting in my chair, that person talking was pitiful
I wish you were here dad but every time I picture you
All I feel is pain, I hate the way I remember you
They found you on the floor, I could tell that you felt hollow
Gave everything you had plus your life to those jack bottles
You gave everything you had plus your life to them jack bottles
Don't know if you hear me or not, but if you still watching why
Why would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
How could you leave me here?
How would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
Hey

Where the **** are we going?
Take off the blindfold so that I can see,
ya I know that you said that already,
but we got places to be.

Finally, Jesus now tell me,
what the **** are we doing out here?
And why the hell are you smiling?
The ******* mean that should be clear?

Oh I see, another scare tactic,
let me guess you’re taking control?
You know that this never works,
wait, why the **** did you dig a hole?

What do you mean you’re scared of me?
I’ve always just been here to help.
Oh here we go again about therapy.
******* mean it’s about mental health?

I’m only what you made me, but I like it here,
so I think that I’ll ******* stay.
We both know you don’t have what it takes,
so put the gun down and just walk away.

You keep acting like you don’t know me,
like I’m just a part of the id.
That’s laughable, Brad, you’re an idiot,
I’ve known you since you were a kid.

You act like the drinking was my fault,
but who the **** pulled you out of the gloom?
And what about all those nights you cried,
after grandma died, all alone in your room?

Look, just put the gun down,
and let’s go have a drink.
Nah, you’ll never be done,
thats just what you think.

Fine, go ahead, pull the trigger,
you know I’ll be back in a week.
Bury your issues like always,
but you better bary me ******* deep.

Getting rid of me will solve nothing,
I’ll be with you until you die,
so no goodbyes, I’ll see you later,
but go ahead, give it a try.

*boom

Someone call the Doctor,
because something’s amiss.
The darkness descended,
and there’s just the abyss.

Tell him, that maybe,
a paradox formed.
That up, is now right,
and that demons have swarmed.

Tell him, please tell him,
that we need the blue box.
We need his courage,
to turn back the clock.

I know the moment,
the exact time it went wrong,
but I can’t do it alone,
I’ve done that too long.

If we just had the Doctor,
we could set things to right.
We could change that moment,
and bring back the light.

I know he’s not coming,
and that he’s not real.
It’s just wishful writing,
to push back my fears.

A hero, a savior,
someone who knows all.
Someone who isn’t me,
that could stop the slow fall.

A blue box, a Doctor,
a moment in time.
A villain, so empty,
writing silly rhymes.

A paradox, truly,
that doesn’t make sense.
Can a villain turn hero,
if he shows recompense?

I guess we shall see,
but I won’t hold my breath.
I’ll wait for the Doctor,
or I’ll just wait for Death.