Charlie Black

May 2018

Jermon

Fallen

Power spurring through her veins
Nearly shattering her fragile figure
No one listens to her complaints
Making her problems all fuel vigour

What she shows is carefully chosen
And that is like the top of an iceberg
And molten water that is now frozen
Like her beating heart that is on the verge

As all eyes are still seeing
She falls to the ground, no longer feeling
For what she had said, no one had heard
And what she heard, no one had said

Her mind had been locked upon itself
And the key to the lock was never delivered
As now no hands clutch it tight
Though what wrong received through fight

24.05.2017 10.45 PM

#schizophrenia

Charlie Black May 2018

Nothing

I sat down
With a pen in hand
And paper in front of me
I wanted to write how I felt
But the paper stayed blank
Empty
I could not have
described it more perfectly

Charlie Black May 2018

I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you wanted
I'm sorry I'm a bad sister
I'm sorry that I'm depressed
And that I cry a lot
I'm sorry that I hide in my room
And don't like to spend time with you
I'm sorry that I play my music to loud
I'm sorry I'm a bad friend
Oh, I don't have any
Nevermind
I'm sorry I'm not the smart one
The funny one or the pretty one
I'm the "why are you even here?"
I'm sorry I'm an embarrassment
I'm sorry for all the lies and fake smiles
But if I told you the truth, I'd be seeking attention
I'm sorry I'm a burden to you
Please forgive me for being human
I'm sorry I exist
Trust me, I wish I wasn't here
I wish I was dead
I'm sorry I'm such a coward
I'm sorry I'm still alive
Alive and not dead
I'm sorry

Charlie Black May 2018

Invisible

You sometimes think
you want to disappear,
but all you want
is to be seen.

But what will happen
Once they know,
Who you really are
And what you do?

It's too late now
I've lost a friend
I'm sorry,
You found out that way.

I guess I'll go back
To what I'm good at,
To being alone
To being invisible.

School *****

Charlie Black May 2018

Yesterday

I looked at myself
In the mirror
Crying,
Trembling,
Barely standing.
A glass of water
In one hand
And so many pills
In the other.
The voices in my head
Louder than ever
Screaming
Words of encouragement
And telling me
Everything wrong
About me,
Like I don't already know.
One pill
Two pill
And a well timed call
From a friend.
I'm here
I'm alive
But I feel dead inside.
"Piece by piece"
He said.
Now
With a fake smile
I walk out the door
To go to school
To pretend that I'm ok
And that
The voices aren't there.

I came the closest I ever have to killing myself yesterday. My parents don't know that, they don't know anything. He's the only one who knows how bad I can get, and now you do.

Charlie Black May 2018

They don't get it, they don't understand.

They don't get it,
They don't understand
That it takes
So much
For a person
To get to the point
Of wanting to hurt themselves.
They don't get it,
They don't understand
How much
You have to
Hate yourself
To have that
Pain...
saving you.
They don't get it,
They don't understand
It's a reaction
To feeling worthless,
To feeling empty,
Numb.
So numb
That hurting yourself
Is the only way
For things to feel real
At least
For a little while...

But I do, bc I've been there, still am, in a way.
Hope you like the poem.

Charlie Black May 2018

I'm fine

Despite the screaming in my head,
The tears in my eyes
"I'm fine..."
Is what I said
"I'll be there in a few minutes..."
Then I put down the phone
And ran into the street
My suicide
"An accident" they'll say
The perfect plan.

The average person lies four times a day,
The most common lie is
"I'm fine"

I nvisible
'
M arred
F ucked
I nsecure
N uerotic
E mpty