I will search you again
in the mudslide of truth. The
endless thirst makes the earth run.

When you recite my
poems, a black hole opens the-
mouth to **** them in. I let the stars weep.

A deep darkness descends
to test the power of buried light
in the grave of white lies.

The gun shots are heard
one two three four
at first until people realize
what is happening
and start to run
while toppling over themselves
as they try to find a safe spot
but the gun shots keep coming
five six seven eight shots
and the space is
too wide
too open
too empty
only full of bodies running
or bodies already down
nine ten eleven twelve shots
the music from the stage stops
and the festival is turned upside down
and vision blurs
senses dissipate
except for one
the sense of hearing
thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen shots
ring
buzzing
blaring
in the ears
of those watering the grass with their blood
and those still trying to find a way
to avoid being shot
seventeen eighteen nineteen twenty shots
accompanied by screams
loud screeching screams
that will haunt the survivors in their dreams
and in their time awake
but yet still the overwhelming
amount of screams cannot overpower
the sound of bullets
cutting through the air
and piercing into flesh
twenty-one twenty-two twenty-three twenty-four shots
there is nowhere to go
there is nowhere to run
just massive amounts of people
all huddled in one large chaotic group
enjoying music one minute
and knocking people over
to get as far away
from the shooter the next
through the tripping
and the running
and the panting
and the screaming
are the arrival of two colors
red and blue red and blue red and blue
and sirens sirens sirens
twenty-five twenty-six twenty-seven twenty-eight shots
and then none

My chest
Spiraling out of control,
Surrounding my heart
with this nasty feeling
A feeling I though long forgotten.

And I stand here,
Physically standing,
Mentally laying
down in a fetal position,
Trying to withstand
This abusive parent
I call my mind.

Cold sweat
rolls down my face,
Like a river to
his way to the sea,
Embarking on a journey
He already embarked before.

And just like dejavú,
It keeps happening over and over again.

It happened again
I tried to count to ten
But this time it just didn’t work

And now I’m in bed
With these thoughts in my head
About how you must think I’m a ****

How do I explain
How I’m in so much pain
When you’re hurting too

I should just go to sleep
But all I can think
Is what do I say to you?

I try to pretend
But I’m crying to my friends
On the phone to them every night

And through the tears I yell
While I’m asking ‘What the hell
Must I do to set this right?

How do I explain
How I’m in so much pain
When you’re hurting too

I should just go to sleep
But all I can think
Is what do I say to you?’

They say give it time
But I can’t control it
And now I’m just repeating
I’m sorry, I love you
I’m sorry, I love you
I’m sorry, I love you
I love you

Maybe now I realise
I need to respect your disguise
Or else I will lose you

And so I’ll go to sleep
Instead of trying to think
About what I should say to you

i used to say
that even if i wasn't okay right now,
i would be eventually

now that's getting more and more questionable