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Thats me

it's just a bitter pill to swallow
one that should fix my mind
one that should make me happy
one that should make me kind

it's just 150 MLs of drugs
to put you to sleep
we've prescribed these pills
so that none of your problems leak

it's just a pill case that's bursting at the seams
no problem, no sweat
these pills are supposed to make me see nothing but smiley faces
but i still feel nothing but dread

if the prescription doesn't work
should we up the dose
or should we stop
because my mental health is a budding rose
making me want to drop

the pills have stopped working
well, i guess they never did
but i don't want to concern the doctors
so it's always something i've hid

pretend i'm doing okay
say that i feel fine
they write it down in their little note pad
i hope they don't know that i'm lying
i hope they don't know that i'm crying
i hope they don't know that i'm dying
every second i'm alive

if they could read my thoughts
would they send me to the hospital for the second time?
because if they do
i'll stay silent...
like a mime

no words
just like last time
running out of rhymes
so i guess i won't speak
poetry is how i talk

Waiting for the worst
Because in 8 days
They will come
The family
The elders
I think people need to stop saying
"Respect your elders."
Because why should i respect them
If they don't respect me

Respect is earned
Not demanded
So maybe
You should stop calling me she
Or transphobic comments
And start treating me like the grandson i am

Grandpa addicted to cannabis
Grandma addicted to alchohol
Their garage reaks if sadness
I think the reason they do this to themselves
Is because they might hate me for who i am
But I think they hate themselves more

A for ***
because that's what you were to me
B for *****
because that's what you are
C for crap
because that's your opinions
D for ****
because that's what you act like
E for eternity
because that's how long your words will repeat in my head
F for *******
because those are the words i held back for so long
G for game
because that's all i was to you
H for hell
because that's what you put me through
I for incinerate
because that's what you did to my self-worth
J for joke
because that's all our friendship ever was
K for ****
because that's what you made me want to do to myself
L for loser
because that's how you always saw me
M for mortician
because that's what you'll need by the time I'm done with you
N for no
because that's what i said but you kept insisting we should be friends
O for onion
because you act like one, always making me cry
P for promises
because you never really could keep them, could you?
Q for question
because i have a ****-load of those for you
R for real
because i wonder if you even know that i am
S for sacrifices
because i made so many for you
T for torch
because i was in the dark but you hid yours
U for ugly
because that's what you kept on calling me
V for vaccine
because you make me sick
W for war
because that's what's going on in my brain thanks to you
X for x-ray
because i want to dig deep into your mind to find out why you did this to me
Y for you
because that's what i blame everything for
Z for zip
because zip your mouth, you cannot be talking about pain

a whole alphabet about you. i feel like we need more letters
because there definitely is more to be said