I hyperventilate when I walk into a store or restaurant alone because I feel like I look like that fat lonely girl who got stood up.

I get lonely at midnight and panic that no one truly likes me and that I have never actually had a best friend.

I feel like a burden to anyone who is my friend and spend all my money on gifts for them to reaffirm that I am not a waste of space in their lives.

I always feel like I am being watched and that people are judging me every moment of the day.

I never tell someone how I really feel because I am afraid that when I am not happy, no one will like me, therefore no one has seen the real me and its entirety.

I feel weak when I cry and hide myself away from people so that no one will know I have an unhappy emotion.

I give 110% into making people in my life happier than I am because I am afraid they will leave me and it drains me so much that I feel numb when I am alone.

I never tell people of my past because I don't want pity from them or for them to worry and I find it exausting to reaffirm that I am not sad, even though I am.

I never tell my friends that I have depression and severe anxiety because in the past people have disregarded it and not taken me seriously.

I put up this wall for myself that makes me on red alert 24/7 and its like I am always running and never allowed to walk.

I feel like I am always sleeping with my eyes wide open and I wish that I could wake up.

Hello.

I have depression.
Some days are really hard, and other days are a bit easier for me to control how I am feeling.
This does not mean than I will make everything sad in my life all the time and I will be a buzzkill in a friend group.
This does not mean than I think about hurting myself every moment of the day.

I have anxiety.
Some situations are harder for me to be in and it takes extra effort for me to motivate myself not to be scared of irrational things sometimes.
This does not mean that I never leave my home.
This does not mean that I have no friends because I am afraid of what people think.

I have ocd.
Mine is a form where I like things a certain way and attach feelings to things that do not matter sometimes.
This does not mean that I am a "neat freak".
This does not mean that I am a "hoarder".

I am going to counseling for these.
I enjoy talking to a professional that will be confidential about my problems.
This does not mean that I am not strong because I seeked out help.
It does not mean that I am a psychotic maniac.

I don't like taking medication for my symptoms.
I personally don't remember to take them all the time and I am in a place where I can control my feelings and thoughts moderately each day.
This does not mean that other people who take medication are worse or better than me.
This does not mean that I am not really trying to get better.

Every situation is tailored to an individual, and Everyone is fighting their own battles how they feel they can.

Why can't you just leave me alone and let me feel safe for once in my life?

Today I sat in my car.
Holding back the tears.
Why did I want to cry?
Why didn't I know why I wanted to cry?
Why didn't I just do it?
Why was I holding back?
No one was around.
I was alone in my car.
With the radio blaring.
Just letting the noise run right through me.
Like vacant noise.

I was diagnosed officially with depression and general anxiety disorder last year.

I saw three girls say on social media say today that they were "depressed" because their mom forgot to buy them their favorite cereal.
Because their new iphone wasn't the color that they wanted.
Because their toenails color didn't match their fingernails color.

I take pills so that I don't have a bad movie playing over and over and over again in my head all day. I don't like taking them, but if I don't, I'm afraid of what will happen.

Sometimes I become so sad that all I can do is lay on the bed and stare at the wall, thinking nothing, because I feel like I am in a dark hole that is impossible for me to get myself out of.

I'm afraid all the time of the inevitable doom that I feel.

You're mocking me.
You will never understand.
This is not something that you should make into a trending hashtag on social media and then use to not talk about the real problems we face, but to talk about petty problems in your lives.

I am suffering, and all you can think about is how "depressed" you are that your parent(s) won't buy you that new pair of boots.

I don't understand...