Someone

Someone Aug 2015

Feelings

Some nights I can't think about those things.

The things that make me sad.

They could be something small like how there is an unhappy baby somewhere right now wanting it's mom to hold it.

Or it could be something personal like when I think about how I will lose my mom one day.

It could be a sound, like someone crying.

It could be a thought like how someone somewhere is thinking about ending their life when they have so much to live for.

It could be something like how a dog or cat or other animal is being hurt or neglected right now, when they do nothing wrong and all they want is love.

It could be something like seeing a scene in a movie that makes me think deeply about life.

It could be thinking about how happy someone is about something you will probably never get to experience or have.

It could be my own thoughts like when I think about how stupid I am for thinking about all these things right now.

I feel them all at once.

And I cry.

And I can't seem to stop long enough to think about the happy things.

I just feel to deeply.

Until I fall asleep into darkness and I have dreams of all these things and it's like a bad movie playing

Over
And over
And over
And over
Again
And again
And again
And again
In my stupid head.

...

Someone Aug 2015

I'm a cryer.

I'm the cryer that
Cries
And cries
And cries
Until I become exhausted
And I fall asleep
And hope I don't wake up
So that I don't have to feel that way
Ever again.

Aug 2015

Nicole Dawn

Not Enough

Dear Mother,
I'm sorry I'm not enough
I'm sorry I'm not smart enough
Not pretty enough
Not talented enough
I'm sorry I'm not graceful
I'm sorry I'm sensitive
I'm sorry I'm not
The daughter you wanted

Dear Father,
I'm sorry I'm not enough
I'm sorry I'm not a boy
Not a basketball star
Not top of the class
Not strong enough
I'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry I'm not a genius
I'm sorry I'm not
The child you wanted

Dear Sister,
I'm sorry I'm sad sometimes
I'm sorry I'm not the ideal big sister
Not very pretty
Not silly enough
Not open enough
I'm sorry you got stuck with me
I'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry I'm not
The sister you wanted

Dear Neighbor,
I'm sorry I'm annoying
I'm sorry I'm not social enough
Not doing what you're doing
Not easily excited
Not happy enough
I'm sorry I'm the only one your age
I'm sorry I'm not athletic enough
I'm sorry I'm not
The neighbor you wanted

Dear Family,
You don't care
But I'm sorry
I'm not enough

Dear Friends,
You don't exist
But I'm sorry
I will never be enough

Dear world,
I'm sorry
I wasn't enough

So I'm leaving
*Goodbye

Not committing suicide, it's just on my mind at the moment
I'm sorry for real though... I wish I didn't exist so people could just live their lives and not have to deal with me. I know I'm not worth it. I know I'm not enough

#tired #sorry

Someone Aug 2015

Let it go.

Honestly, I wish you were dead.

I wish someone would pound your face to a ****** pulp and leave you there to slowly die.
I wish you would drown while swimming in the ocean.
I wish you would fall off a cliff and not survive.
I wish you would choke on your food and the ambulance not come in time.
I wish your car would crash into a tree and then light on fire and you die burning.
I wish I could suffocate you.
I wish you pain.

Maybe that makes me a *******, but you made me go to hell and back and I hate you.

I know that none of these things will probably ever happen to you.
I also know that even if something did happen to you, it wouldn't make anything you did hurt any less.

So I'm trying to let it go.

Someone Aug 2015

This vessel.

This vessel is broken.
This vessel is achy.
This vessel is hurting.
This vessel is rotting from the inside out.
This vessel is braving harsh waves.

This vessel isn't the prettiest.
This vessel isn't the smoothest ride.
This vessel wants to be better.
This vessel wants to be accepted for what it is.

This vessel will try to take the hits as much as it can.
This vessel will try to keep itself going.

This vessel won't give up.

Someone Jul 2015

"But his feelings are hurt."

"You really need to be nice to him because you hurt his feelings."

Funny how no one cares about how I felt.

How I felt when he hit me.
When he pulled my hair.
When he grabbed my eyes and tried to push them inside my head.
Screaming horrible things at me.
When he did all of this while I was driving.

He could of killed us both.

But no, you're right.
I may have hurt his pour little feelings.
So lets ******* worry about that.

All I did was defend myself.

Maybe when I'm finally bleeding on the floor from all his damage, or dead in a horrible car accident, someone will wonder how I was feeling.

"But his feelings are hurt."

Like I give a **** anymore...