Undistractable
One of the rarest times
Since I can't remember when.
Shocked
Unable to select the emotional response
To benefit.
Then again
Being jaded
It feels good to experience a true
Emotion

Heavy laden glimpses of gloom,
Dollops of the dystopian dynasty.
My vigor saw no boundary
Persona mid bloom
A dark  thought did my way come........
A very subtle one..........
At first
Neutral
I scarce·ly noticed it touched me.....
This conundrum......
Picking off thoughts
Gained momentum
I scoffed
Let this thought not shade me
It did
........I didn't see......
A vacuum full of gravity
And so I went through greivious
lengths to forget
and yet still
I sit sullen
and still
And still I brood......
There can never
Be
Anything
Not
Wrought
With
Vanity

Walk slow
Soul pains my spirit waning
.....
The vivid imagery,
..Visiting..
Broken
Dreams brings
Woe's
To
...Me...
Although
Truth be told
Without
These painful
Things....
Would ever I truly touch euphoria and such bliss ...
Without first plummeting head long into the abyss.....
Have no way to stop .... In full knowledge...
No resolve left . .with . .
5 digging.
And
10
Burri-ing ..
"My grave"
That is.....
.....
And halted
Eyes closed
One painfully swollen ******
Irritated pink pulsating pinky fingernail holding me half torn off
With lemon vinegar a salt on it .....
Then to hear the words .
I love you...
.........
I cry on a regular basis.
.....
From sadness to bliss .
Even the randomness and whatever this is ...
Im jazzed to be hear with ya'll

You meet you mingle
Some walk on by
Some you loose some gain
You look at some
Some you peruse
Others conjure contemplation
And still others rub you the wrong way
And although lately it seems fewer. And fewer
There are still a few who rub you the right way
Then there is the one in a million
Which is the craziest thing to me
Each one of us is" that"
to
at the very least
Someone and never knowing it.
That magic elusive "one" causing delusion
The ambrosial conclusion to the unanswerable
Desires cajoled from my sole.
Turning lucidity into liquid
Melting away what i see into a solution
Infusing whatever surrounding you
Into an inviting colorful obscured
Chem trail .......
Oh so I...........
Trail on behind
Feeling like i wanna touch you
Maybe i do
And  although  i feel you
You dont ...........
And so I try
Harder i fail. ...
Maybe you arent real......
Oh I cry trying to be the one you need.
I get caught in you magic
Oh how i cry because  the biological clocks  turning
Im the tragic maverick blazing a short trail to your next
Restraining order
Im burning my best years in vain
Theoretically i guess ..........
Well sorta then again i suppose ill never know
Languishing in madness saturated in sadness
Holding on to something thats gone
Or even worse seductively ****** into the abyss
Gasping for air grasping for what was never there
In a pit of despair.
Oh and i feel so hollow in letting go anything concerning me
yearning
Oh why cant you see
I just want to hear you say my name the pain
Takes me to the edge of insanity
You poor thing im learning
  you have no feelings
Oh my tears rain down like a tsunami
Hailing rocks sulfer and fire
Im hanging precariously one finger from a mountain top
Of broken dreams. Ive been trying to fix
Everyone is calling for me
And no one hears me
I scream because friends who can still see me
Try and try to steer me away from you
Being pulled out of youre magic is causing my life to bleed.
I say leave me
I would rather die than to give up trying to reach her .and so i go on dieing as a cumbersome phantom
Still loving nothing but you
my feet never touching the ground.
Oh I see now im closer .
I am one of the colors flowing behind you
And im a little happier living in the residue of you!

Emotions
....
These un-understood
Motivations
....
Distractions
Eliciting reactions
Augment ,distort,and affect
How we act
Infact they reflect in the way we prefer to be viewed
Controlling  everything
we say or do
although individualisticly
speaking
were an eclectic mix of  individuals who are lost in
Circumspect
Playing this game of trying  to be different
still makes us the same
Its so ritualistic
when we detect that one aspect

We .....elect to select what we collect
And reject what we dont expect we will use
Then refuse to accept the fact
that
wich we covet but neglect
We willl loose

Ohhhhhh
It's
Yuuuuuuhhhh
......
MmmmmM
Yes I see
You
And when I do
Every thing in the world becomes
Instantly
Irrelevant
Anti-negotiations
Step in
Fear,
Logic,
Reason
Gone.
Consequences?
***
Seriously?
HAH
TRIGGER
Ayite
Can we get
A
Perspective check
Please?
Well let's see
Consequences
I receive
Accrued from
What I do to you?
I could give a **** less.
And what you get as a result
Of what you did willingly
To me
You deserve.....

You bring me to the point of
Primeval!
Even gravity
Doesn't want anything to do with me
You've caused me to be insatiable
And unstable.
You took pleasure in
The pain you inflicted upon me.
My
Persona
Retracts from the surface
For fear of being involved in something it won't be able to un-see!




I should have known

....
You'r
Presence
Invokes
A sinister
Cadence.
Within .
Pushes me to play the
game .
No-one wins.
My skull
Groans
Morbidly.
Chest cavity
Cracking.
Inside my
blood like lava

My heart pounds  
Like Thor's hammer breaking out of
Valhalla
Each blow
Spikes my hackle
And it flicks the sweat into a mist.
My jaws clenched
Fist's tighten till skin splits
The rythym





Nemesis   .      ..
*****.. please ... ..
Let me see you come close to me
you ........
Fever bringer
You bitterme ...
And yet sweet is the obsession......
Lost time . .  
Where am I ?
Im so close ...
My rage enslaves me with cravings
Compounding
In a dystopian
Delirium.
The knell.
The pyre.
The requiem.
... The end ...
And then.....?
What shall become of me?
Now that I'm not who I was...
And I don't want to be
What I've been ...
Too long single minded
The emotion which was my motivation
Washed all the colors from the others.....

Only the even keeled
Realy ever know what is apropriate to feel
The social barometer ,...
If you will, fashioned
Into a dark mirror
So to speak.
Only the sane
.......Will......
Check
Theyre
Sanity
And
Have the tools
And the standards
And
I think .
I do .
I respond
I compare too
I observe
I mimic
I
Love
Atleast I do
Yet it seems
There is something
Amiss
I
Cry and feel
Empty
Alone
Again
Ther must be .
Something
I cant see
Somethings
Wrong
With
Me
Thats what one of
Me
Said
And
I
Feel bad .
Because
The other ones
Laughed
Outloud
At
.....me.....
I
Said
Me
Sad

Gripped in the bleak empty
loneliness....
I will stand alone if need be
And enlighten... without the influence of duress
Confess that it is with considerable ease one shall test  stamina and unwavering resolve.
Push the proverbial envelope at break away speed.
Un daunted like a hellhound .
Unbound and down for the hunt
People will go all out bent on being a rebel without a cause...........
.......
without knowledge.... alot of times
.........
And very few times find at the end.....
A cliche or an epiphany
Im not sayin im smarter than they ........
Im just sain they're dumber than
Me

I have so longed to be
In love so strong
One where i know
I can  be me
Where i can speak freely
Say whats right
and stand
firm on it
And i can fully do wrong and not be
Completely
Left lonely

This blood
Wich flows
.....From me.....
The very essence of me
You want
Me to trade with you
For bacteria laden
Parchment
With fine fillagree
Only
I can't have a full trade
Because
Someone says
They want some for allowing
Us to exchange
This way...
And then if I want to trade with someone else
They want some of that to?
Then if I die
They want all of it?
I don't know if I'm really comfortable
With that
Isn't that considered pimpin
Me out?