Blackberry
Wilst though ever see how I yearn.
Upon thy beauty
I ponder on miracles endowing  me the ability
To simply behold you.
And I do .
During the off season
I can still glean throughout the year pictures of you in the crystal clear dew.
Or flash frozen from the freezer a gallon or two in case of emergency.
I do declare
Is quite often .


yearn.

Wolfram and Sheelite
Octahedral double terminated crystal golden
Bright
Sometimes used in jewelry.
The other so. Beautifuly black........
Epochs and eons ago these two embarked upon
Unprecedented journeys.
Mystery still the matrix of their origins.
Speculators say they have always been....
Arguing that cosmic dust glittered an scattered about pulled by indescribable
Gravity into the transformation of super nova .
Irony in being cast about came the same .
Then  over countless para secs.
Arrived early in this earth .
She likes
This earth that is.
Some things. More than others .
Take a pumice stone in one a tungsten in the other youl know.
These two beautifull stones set the world on its ear .
The real irony is how
It polutted our world with light .
Yet be so dam heavy

Tell me you are lonely
I'll say Im sorry,
Tell me you are looking
For love
I'll tell you that's the hardest way to find it.
Tell me the things you'll do to get your love ,
Ill tell you you are using the wrong bait!
Tell me one thing you will give up
To get your love and I will tell you 3 reasons you will never be happy

befuddled muddy and half broken
say round about age
maybe 30.
trying to find me or ,
better said,
pulling free
from what i was supposed to be ,
and fading out who i thought i should be .
wanting to just be me.
Hindsight I should have been looking for difficulties.
of which were way more than plenty.
suddenly
a profound
epiphany
in
serendipity ,
out loud
issued a solemn sobering
soliloquy
Dad was right.
this is some ******* right here.
i need to change my ways or start sellin fertilizer!

sweet succulent saffron drenched in honey
In love with
Liberty
))p0000999p

listen up .......
Im folded nicely
not creased
there's a dangerous
difference!
ya feel me?

I obsess with unatural desire
I want to brush up against you
accidentally
and run my fingers through your silkyness
be engulfed in your fragrance
Oh Hinoki Cypress
you are such a beautiful
pleasant tree

the pain grows  
the needle  
tears the skin
one end of the I.V
in my vien
the other end my pen
the blood flows

i drag it across parchment
one last time to re-live.
the pain in a controlled way
through words ,metafives and wit

its gibberish cryptic  
a poor attempt at poetry
i know
i rant as a child
for a short while
i feel a smile
remove the I.V.
put on the masque
and im back in
denial

I gotz no where to go
and every way to get there!

its an undynamic situation
we got stuck in
wondering why
procrastinating
doesnt happen
sooner

i climb
i need to be lost
this cataclysmic loss is.....
its a matter of time
i climb
um i need space
clutched buckled
stuck
mental rickets
i need time
i climb ......
into my.....
im immobilized
super nova event sent my paradigm into
paradox
im not fine
i climb into
my mind
i.... feel like a child
um i feel im on
the out side
looking into
violent schism
***** steepens
i need time
its wet im lost
but not the way i need
im close to the rocks
i climb
in my mind
try to change
this violet hue
im a child
lost and numb from ............
abuse
self afflicting
an the noose tightening
My own personal bruiser
im in my mind
its an imature
jungle Gym
full of rhymes
this paradigm
of mine
the last great escape ..........
scheduled for
demo soon
MY GOD ......
FATHER I WASNT THERE WHEN .......
PLEASE
I STILL NEED YOU
IM LOST WITH OUT ......YOU
look at me no hands
Dad?
Dad!
Dad......
i climb

want not for what you dont have
loose your limitations in
how you give
expect less
say yes
to a simpler more fullfillment

How long has it been ..........
Can you even remember when......
You had joy and
So much fun....
That when you woke the next day.....
There was no way...wash away.
The goofy permasmile ......
Stop and listen
Remember to never forget
The one
essential component
The crucially
Vital element.
After you vamp off everything
Else
The string that make the twine
That makes the ties that bind
At the
epi-center
The common factor that I find pleasing.
And that is you ..
Your self
Yourself and more importantly
Your innerchild
The faintest nuance of you
Floats me into
A lazy sunny day swimming care free in the residual joy you bring .
Your the reason
I hear the birds sing the reason I love ice cream.
You are my blackberry almost as much as "the one you
Will always leave that some one for....."
I whole heartily
Know all of you
You simply are the cause and effect of every
Aspect of the most bestest happiness that could be dreamed.
A million poet
In their prime
In their perfect
Place to write.
Given every vocabulary and dialect
Future past and present
A million years
Then repeat a million times .
Epochs splechlops,
My dear sweet
Love ......love doesn't even hold a candle
To one second
Of one simple essence of you.
To me you are
GRAVITY.
We the world's and I revolve around you.
Without you
There is nothing.

Difference between
We
Stand face to face
At 30 foot pace
Our shadows
Bump heads

This world this life
The stupidity happening
Doesn't Jive
Every generation has
These growing pains
The strains from tearing away in order
To breathe
To one it's painfull
Loosing control
It seems to the
Other half liberating to finally be
Free to chase their own destiny.
And all the cultures of the world.
Some antiquated .
Some are bizzare maybe to you
Thats a beautifull point of view... Some are glorious and are jermain to the
Pompatus of love and pertain to nuturing each other in a respectfull way the fact that we all strife to be a little different
Actually makes us the same ..
So many things to deal with and only so many days .
I say **** tyrant fear mongers and liars perverts.....
Well perverted
Deviates and murderers haters biggetries is a learned festering disease ....and to those upper crest pulling these painfull puppet strings,
Using race
To perpatrate
And create a continuous animosity I say a million written horiable tortuotus deaths sprinkled with wishes that you feel every painful thing that family and children all over the world felt and especially the victims pain shared with you over and over and over until you swim in the lake of fire .
Which is the Hell of Hell's
As it swells the soul burns continually and every fear intensifies.
Every addiction
You will withdrawal with skull shedding sorrow full of shame ravaged and ***** with serrated knifes and in you your tears and snot the vomiting stench of decaying corpses and the visions of the ones you wronged and all ya all's memories. Are
Wiped from our minds there is absolutely no way for any one to escape hide or ever have rest or respite .no one to hear you .no time ever to look to for the end .......for you it  never will .no possible way out  .
Never
Ever
Evere
Until nope  
There is no hope and no way ever.
But hey at least now you know
And also I cool with that ..
I mean well I dont wish that on anybody .
So I don't.
It's not me .
Its you.
And you got it coming.
I'm just saying
Maybe we need to look at the roots of this
.what I mean is this.
The way we teach is like subliminal messaging and
Sorta like a feathery leading the witness thing
The way it is presented is absolutely capitulating.
And that's what we'll do untill
We actually  do something
.my loves my strengths my friend neighboors and country men
It's time to unite every color everyone
End this perpetuated way of teaching
And let's start healing a reaching for the stars .....a utopia where we all are treated as equals without condensation
Because we are ..and isn't really time for a change
This money driven lottoreia society is a diarrhea of dead end dreams
We **** for what a some paper we can trade for things
**** all those things

No!...
Wait ...
Wait......what.....
Exactly are you
Asking?
I don't feel
Really all that comfortable
With this level
Retoricol
Inquisiting
I  Mean ok ,
Is it, or like ,
Um a lifetime
Thing?
Or the degree or are we talking like
Integrity ,
Ethical,moral,
Egotistical hypolerbies
Or embellishments
The maveric quenching boundary stretching candy crusted
Sweetened cute little uplifting 77 to 99 percent
Accents,
Those little tools used to help you achieve certain
VIP stats with certain ladies....
Meant in the most sincerest
Ways.
Or self inflative manipulative
Pain inflicting ,
Purposefully
Conjured up lies?
Or you mean
This question
?
Should I call Saul?
Um cause uh ,
Honestly
Well I.........
Would like to say no....
Then again .........
Hmmmm
Nono......
I'm trying to grammatically
Articulate my verbage with perfect syntax
To maximize impact in response to your
Intrusive inquisition,
I mean rally
Is this court
Sanctioned?
Wooool?
If I say yes
The I'ma  look
Like a liar,
If I say no ....
Then that would make me a liar....
So do I want to....l...o...o...
....
(((Ring)))))
((((Ring))))
Yaloe dis is Saul
If you want to talk shop...don't leave a message at the
Beeeeeeeeeep
.......................
Im not recording this and (wel not for il-leagle purposes )
And I got caller id so what's up kid.
Go ahead ......you've already paid your 10,000.00
Retainer so relax take your time
We're at your base level 500.oo
Dollars an hour.

A tenement full of unintelligent
On the cusp of
Belligerent.
Random with anything in common is coincidentally dismissed .
This is a basic definition of .....what is
Named   ( the 12 )  The Jury.
Great ...!
Twelve people .....
12
People who it appears,
have seen a comfortable life which has held a consistently more pleasant theme than mine....... And it appears,
most have  enjoyed.....
a slightly better decision making process ,
And possibly had more of a chance to understand the difference between responding and reacting.....
Never the less I digress
And will say none of these people ....
Would look my way more than once........out of fear ......
They may  make eye contact
And I may consider this a challenge
Or opportunity....
And although my current seat is slightly higher   it's obvious they won't see me if not looking down.....
Because we walk on two different sides of the tracks.  
Knowing not one person not even one who knows me ......all they see is what they see of me....
Having no clue of my character.  
Only rumours offered up as facts
Not to mention are more occupied
With there own things .......
Some are just trying to hurry it up .....
Plus they weren't there.......
And really do you care?

WAIT.....!
Uhhh EHHHM......
Supper whispery
(((((((Tublecain))))))))......    
"Ok at this point my client requests a minute to confer with the reader ."
On what grounds ......?
"Excuse me your honor one second......
( Uh huh ummm. ***)
Your honor my client says .....
Two things
No 1
He wishes to express to the future reader what he's ......
(Sawwwalllow) ummm
What he is  ""feeling"" right now !."
And the second !??!
Iiiiiiiii uhhhm will telllllll you after hes finished?
I object you
OVERRULLED.
I WILL SAY THIS .........
THIS HAD BETTER BE GOOD
Councilor!
Yes sir
"MY client has convinced me .
It will be"
Ok son the floors your's.....
For a  minute.
Ok here we go.......
This really doesn't do justice
Yet I feel this analogy will leave you with sorta bland essence of .....
My current situation.....
So have you ever traversed a glacier?
And  stopped for a quick bite .....
And you spilled like three cans of sardines in your lap .......
Picked em up ate them anyway .
And quickly headed back on your way......far ahead you see what looks like polar bear ...
And thought well this was a nice hike .....think I'll head back to the truck.    Do da Doo don want to overdue it......and I'm feeling like
I need a good burn ....heck with walkin.    
Started to run and then between you and your truck. A pack of ........
OH FUUUUUUUUN!!  .
just then you fall down a crevasse
And when you wake
Wedged left to right.....in front a cave and behind the same .......
With one big difference....
In the front really very pretty wth all the light play and ice and everything...except for ....an Alpha male hungry wolf .....
With his pack pushing him so he's growling.
And since his muzzle is pressed tightly with a slight upward turn under your " decision maker"
You can really feel the meaning .....
:Translating:
Back off me , were gonna eat.
But this smell of fishiness and fear is just .....intoxicating  .........
STFup............and behind like I said the same except .......for ....... instead of the dawgs.    A polar bear pushing his nose in. My be.......
Since my pants ripped ......  
Feels like he is trying to smell the front side.............then one of them takes a lick ......
Ok so you've never experienced that ?
I find that a little odd but .....
Use. Your imagination...k.....
Let's just say that faintly ..
An epiphany starts to emerge
And then you say ....
I get it ..
Fight or flight .....
Huh! So that's what that means....
Well today right now I'm felling that
Only intensified......
.
Usually for me
Individual voices blend untill eventually become clamor.
This was the opposite .
And slowly feeling ....
as if....
with the temperature rising.
..blood vessels contracting ...

Skin tightening.....
Pupils dilating.  Heart racing...
Gravity and fear of physical harm
Dissipating.........along with every thought in the world save one
Escaping ... running naked wild And free........ scenarios with quantum variations in rapid succession .
As they each reach an undesirable end...
My  brilliant psyche calculating and piecing  plausible fragment from each one ......
They play through again
I'm beginning to see............
Oh F..k what!!      

I said answer the question or I'll hold you in contempt!
The attention
Turning towards me.
Thoughts racing ,distant
Catatonic glazed over gaze as I'm flipping files
My head snaps to exactly horizontal my lower jaw left behind is catching up at a snails pace ......
As I suddenly realize ....
I'm no longer 100 %
I don't "want to say anything till
to figure out what anyone could have known  of  something Ive done....
And profusely sweating  
And a forceful lucidity peaks like an acid bath
The whole room is looking at me....this is it..my eyes crossed for a second I felt really weak and queasy ..
The question hung like a frozen specter in front of me..
......
..
And just then
The viiiiicooodiin
Kicked iiiiyyiiinnmmmm
An Iiiiik aaaaaalmost
Sneezed......


Top of the world baby .
Looked at the courtroom and the balif
And said STFKUP!
And we all burst into laughter.

Let's roll ......

I'm not a unic
I am unique

Sleek ,cunning ,

With a stuning
Spectrum of
Conundrum

Hiding in the plain view of
Obscurity
Know one?
No one
sees the real me
I lie
In
Sanity lies the real me
Lying in sanity
No on sees


Oh the insanity
I've gleaned
It seems like light light-years
Away from.
Being chased
I wanna be
Chaste again
I feel I need a friend
And a *** fiend
To hold me and f... ..
Know 0ne?
No one knows
They owe me
No one knows
The real me

Pontificating on the muse
I felt like a dumb dumb
So I
8
1  
put on my monocale
So I didn't feel
Like I
looked like one

Only you can
Measure the level of success,
The cost
Drive,
&
restraints.
The Quintacential
Pivital
Role each person
Plays.
The uncountable
Factors and reason behind
Each of these.
And within this
Quotient is the fact that you too
Indeed have obligation affluence to shape the people whom soround you.
Keep in mind
The way you treat them will reflect on the way you will be treated too.

Role
Each individual,plays

I am struggling
With the right words to say

thee
wrongest
Things to you
And these fantasies  of
That's all I can recall.
Then I woke up here with a head ache
Naked covered in olive oil.
And this halfa Alfa fury outfit.
Tell me please what happened!?
Well after you told me of ***** deeds fantasies
**** movie moves and
What can only be called debauchery
I stepped back
Out of your reach .....
And looked at you completely
Different
Demanded that you handed me your keys and cell phone .
Put these cuffs on
And follow me.
Which you did
I said wait there  
You obeyed
I came back
With a pitcher of gatorade said the police are on the way.
You said ok .
I then told you that you are a perverted old man and although handsome
I am twenty five years younger how could you even think  that you could do all those things to me
Some of which are il-leagle
Then I glared into your eyes .
Grabbed you by the throat and said .....
You better try
Showed you my badge
Said your under arrest
You better do you worst and
And you were and you did twice
And I did 13 times
Ive been obsessed with you since I can't remember when
I hate you....
Oh **** I forgot
You probably
Don't remember that's our code
For I love you
And I do
And our safety word if things get too  intense to handle
Is
" DONT STOP"

Level horizons
As in yard
Landscape
Is my therapy
It's actually easy find the lowest measure the highest from this
And shoot for what is between the two.my favorite thing to do
.unless someone helps
And they don't have a clue what you're doing Or what to do

Makes me wonder what life would be like the more primitive we get like not so many distractions
Expectations
Disappointments
Regrets
Commitments
Punishments

Ohhhhhhhh.......
I do daclair ,
the enchanting one thayer,
yes you the one
reading me!
My huckleberry
it means the world to me
thank you for taking the time to read
you make me real

and Thankfully
my dear
I do give a damm

I walked in....to the party
And everything
Right .........left
And I said
"Whats left ?
Right?
Que the canned laughter......
Annnnnnnnddrop....
The curtain falls
And im drowning in silence

Exit stage left
Rieeeeet?

0 degrees outside
She ......
All hot and bothered.....
Awkwardly
Comes trippin in.
Her arms overly full of words stacked.
Given me that look of,
WHAT?

want ,
Rejection? disbelief !
Youre an *******,
And well ?
Arent you gonna help me?
Stumbles and stops .
Throws hands
Folds her arms
Turns sideways.
Thrusts her head back and looks the
Opposite way.
Blows a contemptuous
Burst of air out of flared nostrils.
And and says
With a snotty tone . ...
I dont know why i have to say it.
K
Ya knaw what
Im Sorry ....
But
Blah blah blablaw......and thats my fault how?
Im not doin this
.this is your fault!

...
"Uhm ...
Was that an apology ?".....is what i said in my head ..
What i said out loud was
"What .....
Ohhhhh
Hah!
O......I......C
Heh hehheh.
You want me to
Apologise?
R u serial right here..........
O........k.......
I can definitely do that.....
O...k.....
im sorry .. .
But i cant appologise for that..
There ......
Better now?"

And outside those thin beautiful walls
The stupidity continues.
All from a misconstrued
Cellphone message...
Neither would listen
Neither would give in
They would rather let love die
Why ...
Cant anyone love each other
Enough
To understand
We cant hold our partners
To higher standards
Than we hold ourselves to
No we need the opposite
And thats what we dont do
And the reason we complain about our day to day
To the only one who will listen
Is weve already
Smoked off all the ears anyone else who would pretended to have given a damm.
So turning the one lover u have left into a captured phycological abducted and held hostage
Torture victim

Oh no ......  
I feel .....
Something......
like a
Nautious memory
Meyes burnt,
Saliva bitterd
Pooled into the
Middle of my
Mouth
Turnt to stone
Covered in dry sand....
And.   ...
I....
Now know
In trying to
Swallow
Along with all
The pains re surfacing
Making it almost impossible.......
I......
Realize.....the
Painjure.  I have been
Living in.....
The stone couldnt go through my chest cavity
The trump rang loudly
My heart cornered pounding deploying a chemical defense.
The stone grew
Barbs.
And claws
Began digging
Through the ugly scars
And every barb
Retract and those that didnt
Dug it and pulled hard.....
singleminded
Its soul purpose
Render me defensless
Making me face
Those things
I dont want to see.
The weaponry my heart sent to vanquish the
Painful enemy invading me
Reinged victorious.
Turnt the stone to salt water
And was immediately out cast .
Through ducts itn the corner of my blood shot eyes.
And giant hot shimmering crystal clear drops rained from there with snot and slober
I looked up and screamed and rent my shirt and my face slammed into my breast plate.
Like the never seen cliche of an  ostrich
Involuntary function.
Still not any better remnants liquidated
Bitter invader.
Weakened me
Allied with gravity
And buckled my knees
Sobbing
Blubbering
Asking
Un-understandable
Mutterings
Like off note guitar strings
And late night belligerent lyrics Eddie Vettar on a rant
Sea shatees.
Followed with a few sniveling
Convulsive whimperings.
Stand up jut my
Chin up
Dry my eyes sever the dangling mucous and blow my nose mop the floor
Gain some composure.
I actually feel better than before....
But lets not forget im a man
Lets not visit that memory any more ....
Dont wanna be
An attention
***** or seem
Needy..
No Sar

Saturday above the alpine line
I bought some time
....
And then gifted it to. ......me
It was all i could do to get me to talk to me.........
My inner self
During the last
I's melt down
Saying to me
"I dont know who you are
Anymore"
So now on this empirical sunny
August afternoon..
Im feeling...
A mellancholly sanguine......
Feeling.....
Like askin a crush out for the first time and desperately craving a yes
And you get a definite maybe.....
Hey its definately not a no.....
Ill take it.

Your eyes cancel every sound
Like were alone
Kissing in the snow
When you speak.... black velvet is what i hear.
Im so........
I dont know
Entranced I guess........
Youre passionate
About every thing im into
And so knowledgeable
Even before I met you
Youre incredible
You even use
The same words I do .....
I cant stop smiling .......youre perfect.......
I ........think
I feel a tear ....
Am I actually crying right here........youre
So perfect
I dont know what to do
***.  
..i dont know what to do

Im crying ?
*** ....
Wait .....
W....a...i......t
Please I promise not to cry on our second date


At least ill try

Instantly ..........
I became a fool
And I knew
A billion people
Now for me
There is only you

Forlorn .. Sad end....crestfallen
So ******* mad .....    
I should have called ..an um
I .......m so sorry
My gosh its been such a fun ride .... I wish Id stayed by your side ......
Like when. ......
I was a child
You always called me wort....
Or pumpkin ......
Or Ya Son.
Oh my God
I miss you ....
Ive never really ever felt this dumb.
My last true north...  
This will be the last season
Theres no reason to move forth
Please Dad ..........  
You have to hear me .....
You mean the world to me ...
You are a legend .
A stronger man
A ladies man
A charmer
Charlatan
Pain in the ***
More than anything
My last and best friend
And moreso thee
Best Father ......to me
I can never go fishing
Hiking
Rock hounding
.......
Anywhere or do anything
Or go on living
Without you......
Where did. .......the.........
What am I
*** happened .........
To me
Last thing i said to you
.....I Love you DAD..
Ill see you soon.

I cant thank you enough
I miss you so much....
Its odd.......
Its seems quieter. ...
All expectations
Fear and laughter gone
I dont want to move on
I just want to sit here and
Reminisce in silence
I dont want ta miss another memory ...........
Or......
Exist.......
The pain
Will
Dissapear.