What do you do with love someone will not take?

Where do you place it ?

How should you feel ?

Everyone has their own heart and it is not their fault their does not love yours.

How can I become more of myself?
What can I give?
Have I given enough ?
Whose eyes should I borrow ?
And what shoes should I walk in ?

Judgement does not keep company with truth;
Have I cleared my mind?
Have I opened it wide enough ?
What perspectives need to be placed down?

It does not feel great to be last on the list
nor does it feel great to be ignored
or to be forgotten
to not receive an apology
or any form of communication

it does not feel soothing
or healthy, nor loving and not even  friendly to be treated in such manner

it feels like punishment
for being a flawed human being that regardless of mistakes deserves to be appreciated, valued and not taken for granted

You can it take it, that loving heap of words
or a love I held dear
you can carry it away in your hands
just take care of it
be gentle
water it with light and love
I will no longer cry late at night
it is the bird in your arms
that you hold onto
I do not need to know why
take care of that bird, love it deeply in this lifetime so that it’s wingspan expands and it soars during the day or dark of night
you can take this love I held dear
just be kind to it
don’t bicker over useless things
use your time to love
love the love I held dear

I feel this ball of energy entering me
something has come
it has already arrived within me
announced itself
but I cannot yet see it here
in the materials world
but it is deep and makes my heart race

May whatever comes your way dear
make ya' smile
may whatever view is framed
by your window awaken the timeless
beauty in ya'
for you too are reflected within it
let the swaying trees outside gently whisper 
towards your direction  "you are our brother"

did traveling an ocean change anything
you are still as silent as ever

and I still feel like I am nothing to you

I trust that whatever crumbles will give way to something better
that cutting to the core will reveal the immense loveliness
that never departs my side

May better thoughts link arms
and dance their way into your mind.

May it pull all your seams
tightly together so that today
you feel whole

May your eyes source the world
catalogue its pieces
so that in silence you fall gently
into its beauty
again, and again and again
Until you dissolve
into it’s charm

Gratitude emerge soft
and profoundly onto my palms

A life yet to come
I think this world is so beautiful  
even when most things do not go my way
I linger under a ginkgo tree mesmerized
at at how lovely the yellow leaves in winter
look against the night sky

after this lifetime –make me light
after I have emptied myself out –disperse me
.









.
I can feel how impermanent this world is
and how solid and unchanging the unseeable one truly is

her little hands need you
so I quiet my mind and heart
trying to will them into submissive silence

May there be joy in your heart
I know it’s absence and may it never leave your company
May you be blessed with the kindness of one sunrise after another, a new day after another new day
and may ease sit in your belly

I find this living so beautiful that I will myself to get up
may I let the day deliver me beauty
may I trust the unending loving nature of this existence will find me
open me to
and deliver me the gifts of joy
like walking calmly down a road my feet blessed with ground to walk upon
and eyes
my eyes with which to behold it
or feeling the wind blow as I look up at the clouds
grant me these small serenading joys

You are free
my palm is open
fly where you please

it is a beautiful world
and it is all yours
this lifetime is precious

I would never clench my fist
or cup you within my two hands

There is a loving stream of light that embraces me. Never too far and never too weak in presence –always guiding me sheltering me with warmth. Years smile at this bravery to live and this inescapable joy to be authentic, authentic for the sake of my own happiness.

May the slow falling of the rains
sing you a lulling song

I want to write about the way the stars swallowed with matter the emptiness
and how the moons began to orbit the planets and how the planets became
silent floating dreamers
witnessing a red giant’s combustion
the ardent way a life burns bright in the midst of such a universe as our
all inevitably traveling towards extinguishment

It is today I want to write about all the possible impossibles that brought me here
I sitting on an orbiting rock
my chest rising and falling with bones just below flesh and arteries pumping rivers of red blood through me

As a child they never called me Guadalupe nor did they call me Lupe.
They called me Lupita and Pita.
Sometimes my parents still call Pita.

I hug my legs
apanasana pose
and I whisper to myself
“hang in there Pita”

My hand is extended towards you but yours seems further and further away.

Can’t make it out in the distance anymore even though we live in the same city now.

May your eyes shine because you are a gemstone of a human
May you know that all my words are only guides that take you to the doorway of the beauty that you already posses

(May you know that I know no one is perfect, but I still so fervently love humanity)

We need to live and breathe and mingle with the joys of life
we cannot sever connections to the earth or any “them” energy flows from one to another as we are the one

You went from a small mount
to becoming a mountain
and then as the year progressed
you became a wide valley
and I agree that I might be lost, but I am lost your depths

I whispered those words
and the light inside my little Buddha statue began to flicker over and over. I starred  at it and this thought entered my mind like a banner being carried by a jet across the sky “there is always light”
I uttered it and the light stopped blinking
i forget I am never alone

it was just that the rain reminded me of you
and I had to hold all the unspoken words
and all my tangled web of misperceptions without clarification in a bag
apart from what you are
who you are
who knows who you are

and I hold what you might think of me in a bag, too

and I know the mind cannot arrive at truth
it can only circle around the field  
and drive itself dizzy
until it collapses

so I close my eyes and try to sense
what does not have words

I think you would find me silly
for closing my eyes not just for the purpose of sleep but for the purpose of seeing your face in a lucid dream

I need someone who genuinely cares about me
who doesn’t need to will themselves to love me, but that in their heart knows they would like to greet each day by my side

I need a hand sometimes. I can handle my own, but it would nice to have someone show up for me.

To take a walk with or invite me out for cup of tea

Someone who wants to know how I am doing. If I am okay?someone I can turn to and feel comforted and loved by even if we don’t have much

Someone I could talk to, that could speak back to me

Someone who helps me grow and looks at me with eyes of compassion and gives their smile to me as a gift

In my eyes you are light
and shadow
And beauty and
someone I risked
so much to see
because your worth it
and so much more to me

Under the layer of confusion
is the softness that seems to yield to you
and there you are
amongst all  
shinning never faintly
always brightly

I lean further in
because from afar
everything is abstract

You sneak into my mind and I so joyfully want to welcome you in

I love you, but you never came
I just sat here surrounded by buildings
and people in a neighborhood
within this big, big city
having left it all
and having bought my one way ticket here

I love you, but you have not come
and I have started to memorize the names of street and buildings
within the old neighborhood market:
I know what stand sells what
–having walked into all of them
and having peeked into the busy ones

I love you, but you still are not here

I hope I was as kind as possible
that I showed up when it mattered
even if it was not at your timing
and that I tried to lift you
higher
maybe in a young, shaky and clumsily way
but I sure hope it was higher

I hope I was gentle
what I do to others is already done unto me
I hope I lifted you higher
I can only hope

I do not know if I would cry or smile first
whichever it is
I do know I would be blessed to see you
no questions in my mind about that

I do not always have to do it alone
I always felt I had to but I am more open to receiving help now; I am more open to resting my head over a shoulder and admitting my own limitations
I am not ashamed of being imperfect I am blessed by it because I can see that I am just like everyone else
and I like that ordinary people can do extraordinary things together
nourishing one another for as long as skin, body, and who knows maybe even spirit goes

I have faith in all the beautiful things this world has to offer
I have a corner tucked so deep inside my chest nothing touches it
there I keep my fire
there I keep my hope
there the light abides

I keep my hope close like a pillow
that I can rest my head upon

May they be a soothing balm
the days that are to come

May they be
moving, regenerative  
and wildly bold
the hours that lie ahead

May they be bright
and always on your side
the thoughts that ring out of your mind

this I wish for you
in the weeks, months
that are to come

It is about timing
and the willingness to act
I had the willingness but never the timing

Half of it is grace and the other is your own hand

Don’t let there be gloom, it is so easy for it to grow when watered
it will cover even the most beautiful of flowers,
you’ve always been gifted with a green thumb, and a large heart
you deserve to harvest
lovely things are coming
water those blossoms because they do give fruit

May the steady rain trickle it’s song  over your umbrella and accompany you
sweetly while it pours over the streets you know.

The sun is already within you
yours, no key, no code, no price
no person, nothing stands between you
and the brilliance of your sunshine
you are forever endowed with its warmth

I am dizzied and confused but I want to change my life
I want to set myself up for joy
to meet me in the mornings
I want to cultivate the seeds of giving
surround myself with those who also give back
no more letting anything else make my decisions for me
I accept my power of choice
and choose what my life becomes
and dare reach for a beautiful life
not free of struggle but enriched by it

behind the big wave
is grace

All the birds could chirp and all the clouds could vanish leaving the clearest sky
but if I cannot muster the courage to go outside how much of it can I take in

How well can I say that I have lived ?

It softly whispers to me
"i would wait two decades
if that is how long it took"

I say nothing;
I have no words for the wild heart
that pumps this blood inside.

Let gentleness be my way
let it lead me
direct me when my eyes must close

Today, I want nothing, and so I have everything I need.

pen over the blankness
hands drafting
their portion intuitively reimagined