It does not feel great to be last on the list
nor does it feel great to be ignored
or to be forgotten
to not receive an apology
or any form of communication

it does not feel soothing
or healthy, nor loving and not even  friendly to be treated in such manner

it feels like punishment
for being a flawed human being that regardless of mistakes deserves to be appreciated, valued and not taken for granted

allow the freshness of the cold air
to let you cry of sadness or of joy
let it purge whatever sits in your chest
so that you can feel so that you can dream,
because you ought to believe in the kinder things
and reach for them with might and tenderness
hold your arms out towards the most beautiful of visions
of what your life can be

You are free
my palm is open
fly where you please

it is a beautiful world
and it is all yours
this lifetime is precious

I would never clench my fist
or cup you within my two hands

Do not underestimate
how lovely I think you are
If it has been unsaid
if I forgot to tell you,
forgive me

I dig my head in books, I stop and stare at leaves
I just assumed you could feel my love
the way the we feel the wind over ours skins
So forgive me, I tried
many times to tell you
that you mean so much to me
that at my core you sit
and you never leave me

May they be a soothing balm
the days that are to come

May they be
moving, regenerative  
and wildly bold
the hours that lie ahead

May they be bright
and always on your side
the thoughts that ring out of your mind

this I wish for you
in the weeks, months
that are to come

I come this way(for you)
come your way
steered for no other reason here
than to meet you
on this stream

if you do not see with eyes of love
i will understand and will respect that
if you frown I will take it or smile

I steered this way to see you
so I whatever fate awaits
it is in the making
in your hands
and in the trembling of mine

I pushed myself, I listen to the little voice and I shed limitations
painful and uncomfortable but I learn and I grow and that this what this life is for

I lean further in
because from afar
everything is abstract

I keep my hope close like a pillow
that I can rest my head upon

You feel genuine to me
natural
a breeze with the right temperature
a soulful hand with profound brown eyes that sail like ships through this life’s ocean
your mainsail and jib that have weathered storms give me the courage to steer

May the days pass and may you know with all sincerity you are loved.

May the slow falling of the rains
sing you a lulling song

I close my eyes and think of the warm smiles and hands of friends who have held out their open palms and lifted me

when I close my eyes I feel them
gather within me and I know I am strong because I am not alone

And I thank them for not leaving me out in the cold, alone when they could hear me struggling through the storm

I thank them for being true to their hearts
for stepping out on a limb for me
for such a love is grace received

when I close my eyes i feel warmth, peace and I have the sense that life will only get better
that this will only deepen

I do not know what storm you’re facing brown eyes.All I know is a portion of my best wishes and my good vibes are always sent towards your direction. However, right now I must keep my own ship afloat. I must figure out how to steer in a way that yields love and respect as I make my way across the ocean.

Don’t let there be gloom, it is so easy for it to grow when watered
it will cover even the most beautiful of flowers,
you’ve always been gifted with a green thumb, and a large heart
you deserve to harvest
lovely things are coming
water those blossoms because they do give fruit

behind the big wave
is grace

I find this living so beautiful that I will myself to get up
may I let the day deliver me beauty
may I trust the unending loving nature of this existence will find me
open me to
and deliver me the gifts of joy
like walking calmly down a road my feet blessed with ground to walk upon
and eyes
my eyes with which to behold it
or feeling the wind blow as I look up at the clouds
grant me these small serenading joys

I whispered those words
and the light inside my little Buddha statue began to flicker over and over. I starred  at it and this thought entered my mind like a banner being carried by a jet across the sky “there is always light”
I uttered it and the light stopped blinking
i forget I am never alone

At random hours of the day
I feel a warm pulse in my chest
and the image of you surges from the depths of my mind

I think you would find me silly
for closing my eyes not just for the purpose of sleep but for the purpose of seeing your face in a lucid dream

I do not always have to do it alone
I always felt I had to but I am more open to receiving help now; I am more open to resting my head over a shoulder and admitting my own limitations
I am not ashamed of being imperfect I am blessed by it because I can see that I am just like everyone else
and I like that ordinary people can do extraordinary things together
nourishing one another for as long as skin, body, and who knows maybe even spirit goes

Keep him well through spring as you did through winter
as you done for years
and you have given him breath
keep it steady and constant in his being
deliver him joy
travel swift like the morning dew
and be there when the new day comes

I feel this ball of energy entering me
something has come
it has already arrived within me
announced itself
but I cannot yet see it here
in the materials world
but it is deep and makes my heart race

It is days like these my being howls and wishes to diminish distance, fold miles and come close to you.

A life yet to come
I think this world is so beautiful  
even when most things do not go my way
I linger under a ginkgo tree mesmerized
at at how lovely the yellow leaves in winter
look against the night sky

after this lifetime –make me light
after I have emptied myself out –disperse me
.









.
I can feel how impermanent this world is
and how solid and unchanging the unseeable one truly is

Could you just hold me really tight
tight enough to squeeze the air out

May you be engulfed by laughter
chuckle hard and feel at ease
At one with the flow of
life around you
May whatever negativity comes
your way fall of your shoulders
and dissipate like a cloud of dust

Hi little star we made many mistakes
tumbled to the mercy of old habits
found at the very tips of our being
touched deep wells of sorrow

little star there is nothing I want more
than to make sure your path gets better
and that from here on I am better, too

we did really roll down the hill and into the lake, but moving in water is starting to feel refreshing

we made many errors but that is what takes me from pain to humbleness  to continual humbleness  to refreshing humbleness to liberating encompassing humbleness

I am dizzied and confused but I want to change my life
I want to set myself up for joy
to meet me in the mornings
I want to cultivate the seeds of giving
surround myself with those who also give back
no more letting anything else make my decisions for me
I accept my power of choice
and choose what my life becomes
and dare reach for a beautiful life
not free of struggle but enriched by it

Sleep with love in your heart
tomorrow is a new day
rest, close your beautiful eyes

Today is a Sade kind of day
rest and lay down over the smooth
blanket that is her voice

Casting all the fears aside rapidly
before they cling like mussels
to the beams below my mental pier’s walkway

Casting them all aside
because I would rather try to understand you, than let these thoughts grow thicker

Casting them
because I indeed long to know you better
know the mighty lovely things about you and the not so lovely things too

it was just that the rain reminded me of you
and I had to hold all the unspoken words
and all my tangled web of misperceptions without clarification in a bag
apart from what you are
who you are
who knows who you are

and I hold what you might think of me in a bag, too

and I know the mind cannot arrive at truth
it can only circle around the field  
and drive itself dizzy
until it collapses

so I close my eyes and try to sense
what does not have words

We need to live and breathe and mingle with the joys of life
we cannot sever connections to the earth or any “them” energy flows from one to another as we are the one

The sun is already within you
yours, no key, no code, no price
no person, nothing stands between you
and the brilliance of your sunshine
you are forever endowed with its warmth

i keep a wrapper
tucked in the corner
of my wide-leg
jeans with a little
offering: a small
keychain dream
i can hang
from pair of keys

And there
and here
I transform
what you give me
all the splinters
****** to open
a small surface protruding
into my life
but with intention
find it laying over a flower
Over the smile of a stranger

It is about timing
and the willingness to act
I had the willingness but never the timing

Half of it is grace and the other is your own hand

If I desire to cry I sit there and cry
if the feeling of inadequacy falls over me I take it into my hands and embrace it fully. I feel the not so pleasant, so that I feel the marvelously pleasant things that living has to offer.

May your eyes shine because you are a gemstone of a human
May you know that all my words are only guides that take you to the doorway of the beauty that you already posses

(May you know that I know no one is perfect, but I still so fervently love humanity)

I love you, but you never came
I just sat here surrounded by buildings
and people in a neighborhood
within this big, big city
having left it all
and having bought my one way ticket here

I love you, but you have not come
and I have started to memorize the names of street and buildings
within the old neighborhood market:
I know what stand sells what
–having walked into all of them
and having peeked into the busy ones

I love you, but you still are not here

May better thoughts link arms
and dance their way into your mind.

I trust that clarity
clears
that the spark  
of hope cannot be trampled
I give all trust to you

My hand is extended towards you but yours seems further and further away.

Can’t make it out in the distance anymore even though we live in the same city now.

Today, I want nothing, and so I have everything I need.

I refuse to be snarky
to sit in a room and poke fun of others
intentionally
to complain and complain to no end

I refuse to tear people down or roll my eyes at them. I just rather sit quietly and read my book. I want this space of mine to be calm and joyful.

I have faith in all the beautiful things this world has to offer
I have a corner tucked so deep inside my chest nothing touches it
there I keep my fire
there I keep my hope
there the light abides

When I feel real sad I put on some old school salsa and make my to cumbia. I dance like no one is watching because no one is and I end up having a blast. I revert to feeling like I am 5 year old again dancing surrounded by aunts and uncles
by my cousins and friends

There is always hope to lift us in the morning hours and gently guide us
quietly without a word

Hope that presses against us like a little purring cat
like the penetrating ray of light
that comes in through the window
and bathes the whole room

There is always hope

and if we have it and we add to it courage
then there is no need to despair
we can change anything
how lucky are we that a few decisions
can bring about inner change
and in turn outer change to

May there
always be kindness
close to you
revealing itself
when you need it most