"CaN you piCtUrE YoUrSelF AlOnE?"

Yes, of course I can.

Does it mean I want to be? **** NO.

The light burned with the intensity of the sun, turning the room into something of a poorly designed sauna.

I remembered when you were here. In this part of my soul. You trianed with me here; but under all that I felt your wandering gaze everytime I was under a loaded barbell.

I remember we would start slowly slipping off pieces of clothing here and there purposefully bumping into eachother so we could be closer.

I always found it funny how my shoes and your boots would be the only articles we actually moved out of the way.

I remember looking at you as you glowed under that light. I think it was then I knew I was *******. Because the next time I'd be bumping into you.

Our lips would meet like a promise I wasnt ready to break. The world would quite down just for a moment as I would actually let myself sink into your warmth.

My arms wrapping around your waist and cupping the back of your head. Yours wrapping around my neck and upper back. Your legs locking squeezing tightly around my waist as if the pain of being away was hurting us both. We became one there.

The combination of sweat, the smell of your hair when you let it down to block out the light so all I would see is your hungry grin.

Unaware and unable to stop your love. Not that I ever wanted to.

We were messy untamed, and we left signs of our love all over the padded floor, on the walls, against the weight rack especially on the bench.

Dripping with sweat and I was practically sliding into you. Each moan you made music to my ears, we were glued to eachother because the thought of being separated was to much to bare.

And our poorly designed sauna made it harder to focus and not fall.

With every heavy breath your sweet voice would reassure me everything was alright. Every moan you would make was as if the heavens opened up for a moment to that glorious garden and fountain.

This was us it was our pleasure you would turn me into jello. And I would have to muster up all the strength to carry you in my arms because you wouldn't be able to stand steadily.

An the way you would whisper "we should continue in the shower" with a giggle, knowing **** well we would be slipping all over the place.

Never once have I thought or cried out this is unfair, why is this happening to me.

I still can't believe these words actually leave people's lips.

Yet, here I am, thinking it's unfair. For me to be were I am on the verge of something greater then myself bigger then me! It started with two but it's gonna be ending as one.

I'm just a man fighting for his life day in and day out. I'm not a shell nor am I a ghost. I've gained so much strength. I'm not gonna stop till I see what I want to see; what everyone sees.... what she saw.

Sure I look like I'm homeless... its because I'm looking for the right place where I can lay my fullmetal soul down.

Eventually we burning souls will be able to rest but not here not now, sometime down the road okay.

That or we'll run out of tears and our fire will go out an we'll become that monster.

There's alot to be said about end of life care.

But should alot be said?

They're knocking on heavens door, each breath a silent prayer.

Every drive filled with prayers asking for strength. Wiping away tears doing all you can so that they're comfortable and if they go in the night I hope it's peaceful and I hope they know they were loved.

Be at peace when they pass. Be at peace when they go; learn to let go.

Honnor the DNR.

And cry, yell, rage! This is all apart of the process.