I come and go as I please
I will never let my guards down and if I do let them down, it’s by mistake
I love passion and seduction, but get too close and I wander off
I will walk in your life and you’ll think of me as interesting. You will get to know a little piece of my soul, still in my control. But you won’t know
As soon as you want more I'll leave
Even if you are all that I ever wanted, the thought of jumping in the unknown feels like ice cold water under my feet. I can’t bare it.
I will love you with all of my heart, but I’ll only show a part of it to you.
This makes me a difficult lover
You can love me, kiss me, grab me and I will let you. But don’t get too close to the person I really am. She’s terrified of love. She’ll find pleasure in pain because that’s all she’s ever known. My challenge for you is to change that. Make her jump out of the cage she built for herself. You won’t regret, I promise.

what if I told you every scratch on my arm, every scar and every drop of blood and every trace of smoke is there for a reason. Would you understand? I don't think so. I do understand that. But even if I do I want to say to you that I can't tell you that I'm sorry about this. The pain in my head is so unbearable that my skin is numb to the touch. Every drop of blood has a little pain in it, untill all the pain is gone. You could say my skin is a faucet. It lets the pain flow outside. The scars aren't pretty, but they keep me alive. The faucet isn't working properly, but it works good enough to keep me breathing

And as I'm watching the flower petals hit the ground
I realize life is short enough to fall
I can gasp for the air once left in my lung
but finding it back is harder than I thought

Can you show me how to live
Because I tried but failed many times
My bones still fractured and skin still punctured
I can't seem to find the right stitches to get it back together
So I stay in bed and rest
In that comfort I find a hole
It's as big as a nikkel but it gets bigger over time
Now I can't help but wonder when it's big enough to fall
I can feel it lurking under my back
I find the strength to look around me
My thoughts are on my nightstand like a succulent plant
It's not necessarily a plant to feed, but I keep forgetting I already gave them what they needed
Now they are drowning in their flowerpot
I can see them dripping away as the time goes by
I can feel myself disappearing

I let my body be the gun
Shooting myself with silver bullets
Pulling the trigger with pleasure and joy
I find myself on the ground with thoughts keeping me down
and silence leaking out of me
I smell blood and metal
It slips away like time and day 
All what's left is biterness
And for a splitsecond I felt the pain
That one thing I was seeking for
Now I lay here still and dead
The numbness took the best of me

And I find it so hard to search for words to say
That my sanity went down the drain
Like the leftover soap seeping off my hair
It stings my eyes and turns me blind
The monster picks the moment like a greedy child picking a flower
It closes my throat so oxygen is a word I can't remember anymore
Thoughts drip down my body and I find myself drowning in the condensed walls of my mind
With damp fingers I try to reach for a strategy
But I seem to have lost my sanity

I want to tear my skin apart
I want to rip the pieces of my body off my soul and create something beautiful
I want to feel seeping wounds close up and I want to feel the tightness of them healing
I want my bones to snap like sticks
And my teeth to break like bricks
I want the taste of life on my tongue when the pain numbs my body

I want to feel