Floor

Floor Feb 2019

Lacking the feeling of empathy I walk amongst the pavement.
They told me sad was the word I had to put on, but I chose a different dress. Now I can feel how itchy the fabric is and I regret my choice. It never was my choice in the first place, I remembered. The dress restricts me and makes me feel numb, it turns my vision blurry and my body invisible. The sleeves tickle my arms and leave thin red marks where it touches my skin. I wish I could pull new jeans out of my closet, and leave the dress on the floor for once.

#clothing #dress #depression #madness #anxiety #mentalhealth

Floor Feb 2019

Insect

They sound so mellifluous, maneuvering through the skies
As a somnambulist I walk where they wander
Never ending fantasies dripping on my tongue
With shivering wings and etherial looks they pull me in
The petrichor of the first rain starts to work it's way into my memory
Solitude takes my hand and whispers into my ear
I feel welcomed by the bombinating sounds the insects make
They put me at ease while I wander further into society

#poetry #depression #society #art #madness #mentalhealth #anxiety

Floor Feb 2019

Dead

With cold whispers flowing against her heart she walked alone.
Holding her broken pieces in her arms, moving on the beat of the music she kept in her head as if it was her only prove of sanity.
When they looked in her eyes they saw emptiness, almost like a grey depth. It scared them away. She gave up on trying to help people understand. She didn't even understand it herself. With blood seeping through her thin skin she made a path for the people behind her, hoping they would make it through when she wasn't around anymore. With the last breath stumbling out of her lungs she pushed her head through the dog leash. 'Life, I've been your animal for way to long, it's time to give me up.' The grey depths of her eyes changed into beautiful star constellations. The time seeped through her fingers. Life had listened.

#depression #mentalhealth #sanity #madness #art

Floor Feb 2019

She was

She was a shadow of her own mind
A pitch black hole in the air
When people looked at her the hope that she'd come back would fade away

She was a crack in a perfectly fine mirror
Nobody seemed to notice it at first, but it eventually got annoying to look

She was a papercut in her family's finger
A small stripe of blood and biterness in a beautiful surface that shouldn't be touched

She was broken but all she worried about was how it affected the people around her. And nobody seemed to take a needle to stitch the pieces back together

#depression #madness #mentalhealth #anorexia #art #mentalillnes

Floor Feb 2019

Violin

She plays violin on her wrists
Sinfully beautiful symphonies appear on her skin
Like paper sheets her blood will flow
With eyes determined on the price
She watches the last bit of her soul seep out of her wounds
A lonely sound escapes her lips
The last lonely sound she'll ever make
Now she's in a different place
And replaced the violin for clouds

#depression #madness #mentalhealth #mentalillnes #whoami

Floor Jan 2019

Who am I?

And he thinks it's so easy
Because he knows how to love
But I never met that feeling
I've had a dark cloud above my head and my heart for as long as I can remember
Who even am I?
My brain tells me it's perfect
But my feelings got stuck behind this wall
I can't seem to find them.
Every day I pretend. I pretend that I'm fine.
'yes I ate my dinner, yes I took my medicine, yes I love you'
These lies became a friendly play.
But the glue behind the mask is wearing off and slowly reveals the broken pieces left of me.
I don't know anymore
My brain divided itself into little fragments, hovering all over the place.
The only safetynet is myself, and I can't seem to find her.

#depression #madness #mentalhealth #mentalillnes #whoami #question

Floor Jan 2019

My throne of bones

And they say there's nothing beautiful about bones
But all I see when I feel them appear more and more is pearls
I proudly parade along the pavement with veins and collarbones poking out like a sinful trophy
They are the jewels on my crown
The jewels I had to pick up from the ***** roads I crossed
Instead of making me heavier they let me hover through the sky
I can feel the storm in my head when the last bit of sugar leaves my body
Clouds appear when I stand up
Still looking for my throne I trow the last bit of nutriment aside and there it is. The end of the road shows me the thrown I've been waiting for. I've lost my body, but gained the pride in my head back knowing I can fight my natural desire to eat

#depression #madness #mentalhealth #anorexia #eatingdisorder