Anhedonia takes me under her wings,
With the softness of a feather she strikes against my forehead and takes out all the joy.
She smiles at me with crooked teeth and tells me it's alright to die.
Anhedonia forces her hands into my chest and rips my heart out so I can't feel the rhythm of my passion anymore
Then she puts me on her lap and starts to rock me back and forth, like I'm a little child. She tells me it's okay to feel the emptiness. She leans in and kisses me on the lips, ******* out the last bit of energy in my vessels and soul. She picks me up and gently lays my body down. She pushes her thin fingers on my eyelids to shut them as if she wants me to sleep. Yet she whispers nightmares in my head. Anhedonia took control of me, and I can't find a way out.

And I think they know I care
But the walls are so high they can't hear the whispers
Desperately looking for more than numbness I dig underneath it
All I find is dirt and broken promises
Stuffed in the ground like bones of a memory
I want to tell them
I want to let them in
But my only way to show them is going up
And the sky is terrifyingly blue in contrast with the dark stone of the wall
All I can wish for is their voices
All I can hold on to is the hope that somewhere, behind the wall, some people care enough to stay around to build a ladder

I'm thinking as if I'm sinking, with my head deep down under the water surface.
Choking in the coldness of my thoughts.
I got used to the negative voices after a while, scraping down the surface of my brain like sand on skin. My eyes are closing because of the unpleasant pinch the whispers bring.
It works like salt, tiny crystals blinding my eyes for what's real.
I can hear the people screaming from above. They want to save me.
I just lay there in my thoughts, hoping for a wave to make the final decision, or a rock to give me final hope. It's hard to see with salt in your eyes.
It's even harder when you're the one causing the blindness yourself.

What don't I understand, little girl?
I've seen so much of the world
The pain is temporary, like the youth you used to have
What don't I see, my little girl?
I've heard so much about the world
The sorrow will disappear like the sun dissappears for the moon
What don't I feel, my precious child
I've been here for a while
I know you feel like feeling nothing
But that's how society makes us something
I know I won't be able to show
But eventually these feelings will go

He said to the gravestone