Unity

Is such a funny five lettered word  
Unity makes me see two hands clasping together
Happiness melting through their respected fingers
As if it were butter in the savannah
The sun blessing them with outlining rays
Newly minted and cherished
Everything in the world freezes
Glossing over in perfection
But it only has its perfection because of this newfound love
The world spins in harmony
The atmosphere shatters into a thousand lovely harsh shards
Each one numbered with a past memory of yours
Soon those too will meld together with the present
You see the past and present have always been in love with each other
They share your heart break
They divulge in your laughter
Passing the goblet back and forth between each other
Watching the sun set over this broken boulevard
Strolling down the broken and shattered pavement
Of the floor of your memories  
Grays and blacks symmetrically folded together
Past and present
Ran into death and life
Who would've thought Unity
Would've caused this much peace
In our misshapen world

You hate that I wear your shirts
Specifically the ones that you got from being in the marines
Its just I don't know you

I never really did
So I wear your shirts because you've worn them
And I was hoping that the fibers would tell me who you were

The woven strands would tell me about your personality
The dyes would tell me about your past
A history written in cloth

The folded crisped sleeves
Telling me about what happened in the past ten years of not talking to each other
You see I **** at talking about what I'm feeling

The only proper way I can is spilling it through the tip of a pen
Or pouring it into a keyboard
I'm slowly reminded that your shirts don't take on a condescending tone

Telling me that I'm just a kid
Part of me was hoping that
Some kind of weird information transfer would happen

Your shirt and I would swap information
So the next time you put it on
(If I hadn't taken it with me)

Everything I've been through would swap into your head and be processed
And you'd stop calling me a little kid and you'd realize that
I **** at showing emotions and that you aren't a brother to me

You're a stranger
And you left
When you did I had to grow up because you were the first to go

Ten years ago you left and I don't hold anything against you because I don't know you
And my earlier memories are always swirling eddies
A fogged shower mirror that I can never make out

You left and when you did you left a child behind
Someone who still had chimed belled laughter
Will o the wisps smiles

Someone who treaded on pearl ingrained feet
But those pearls began to sink in and cut
Only to become blood rubies

Unforgivingly beautiful
And seductively painful
I walked back into your life on those ruby kissed feet  

I stood a little taller
My shoulders a little broader
My face a bit more graced with age

Hi

I'm your slightly older younger sister
How have you faired these past ten years?

Sadness creaks through the crevices of my heart
Black
Slick
Oil
I'd been happy for a long while
So long in fact
I'd forgotten how it felt
I'd forgotten how it tasted
A bitter mellow felt coating my tongue
Unwanted red velvet
It shrivels from the world
Erasing itself from the history of spoken words
Vocal communication
My voice box and its chords disintegrate
Deeming me unworthy of speech
The order passed by my forgotten friend
Signed and decreed by my weary ears
Who are tired of hearing me talk
The muffled cries have turned into a broken record  
My mind has stopped printing
Because it's tired of reading my thoughts
Marking them down and making them semi permanent on paper
A Mache record spinning under my needle tongue
Cranking out dismal beats and notes
The morning dew deflates and turns to a mood ruining gray
The sun shines white
Colors run through my field of vision
As if somehow
They've got somewhere more important to be
Instead of bringing my life color
The necessary pop
The only excitement
And here I am hands splayed
Flabbergasted
Trying to convince these things
That are on the scientific spectrum
Of things that the human eye can see
That I'm worth letting me
See them
But even the crystal pale brown of my eyes
Seep through my skin
Just to turn into a glacier
Monochrome color

Drunk on silence
Drunk on happiness
I never really knew how straight your smile was
Or how it something so simple
That only takes 43 muscles to do
Could make my heart flutter and tingle so much
You're really special
And it literally turns my smile upside down
When you go in on yourself and degrade yourself so much
Drunk on violence
On anger
I never knew that there were so many things that you could get drunk on
That wasn't whiskey
Or bourbon
Or *****
Not to mention spiced ***
Over the course of my life I learned
That you can get high on good days
And crash on worse days
I've learned that life is just a huge cocktail
Except you're in Russia
And instead of you drinking it
Savoring it's bitterly stinging caress
It savors you
It lifts you up to the edge of its lips
And takes a wonderfully large sip
Right from your life source
That's why you get up every morning
Feeling a little drained
Or that's why you don't get out of bed at all
And I know it's hard to find something to look forward to
But in the end when you find that something
Or someone
It'll be worth it
The darkness will shrivel away
And your day will get sunnier  
So please
Just keep getting up
It's worth it It won't seem like it now
But it is I promise as long as you keep getting up
It's worth it
You're worth it

I want to scream I hate these lines
I hate this structured organization
They never stop and they always keep going on
Jesus just shut the hell up
Everything is too loud
Everything is going too fast
I can't handle this
My eyesight is bleeding out
Seeping through this page
Dotting it with blood
Its wonderfully terrific
Now I won't be able to see the bane of my existence
Everything in my head is too loud
It's so ****** loud!
It's ironic because when I scream
No one ever hears anything
It's all white noise
Delectable  
Dissectible
Deafening
White noise
I'm slowly swirling down into a whirlpool of madness
The worst part isn't that I'm scared
It's that I'm starting to become intoxicated by it
Haha
Help