Hope

A fleeting tasteless thing
Something that used to be so full of flavor
Something that actually had a meaning
Causing my nervous system to spark
Stirring emotions through my body
Causing
God forbid
Emotions
But now it just feels like frost bite
And if I sit here long enough
That frostbite
Will slowly but steadily
Turn into hypothermia
And then I'll feel woozy
And then I'll feel warmer
They'll be calling ME the next tropical storm
I'll take off my clothes
Because I think that's what happens
When you start to freeze from the inside out
Hoarfrost cracking through my blood stream
I never thought it would end this way
But I guess it is a fitting death
For someone who's already frozen on the inside
It only needs to be completed
On the outside
From the beginning to the end
To the inside from the outside
Always fleeting
And never to be caged
Never to be obtained
Or granted
Or even achieved
That
Is what the simple
Four letter word
Hope
Means to me

The dying rays of the sun
Reaching up to kiss its pink tinged clouded lovers
Blue powdered sky dancing behind
Stealing its breath
And unknowingly
Stealing mine
Sweeping my heart away
With the very last ray
Just to do it again
Taking my eyes and filling them
Pitchers full of awe and delighted shock
Because holy hell
You are the most beautiful thing
That my eyes have ever been graced with
And its terrifyingly terrific
Because every time the sun sets
You always change
Thank you
For unlocking the door to my sealed memories
Happy ones
Lost ones
Ones where if I thought about it before
I wouldn't see the shade of happiness
Or taste the laughter
I'd just watch the sadness
Slide comfortably over my heart
I'm glad that you were the one to steal it
And my last breath
I'm grateful that you were the last thing I saw
Before I laid that old side down on a bed
Weaved and sown out of regrets and scars
Draped in sadness and anxiety
A grave fit for me
Thank you

Cortana
How may I assist you?
How long does it take to heal a broken heart?
Cortana
I don't know how to help with that
Cortana
How long does it take to regain broken trust?
Cortana
I don't know how to help with that
Cortana
How may I assist you?
how long does it take to heal?
Cortana
I don't know how to help with that
Cortana
Why can't I talk straight?
Cortana
I don’t know how to help with that
Cortana
why do my words trip and stumble out of my mouth?
Crashing faster than the snow from an avalanche
Roiling down the mountainside
Cortana
Error
Cortana
How do I fix myself?
Cortana
Error

The longer I drink from your life source
The more it soothes my vanilla charred nerves
As I sip from the forbidden goblet
Searing down my throat
Love can be a balm
Healing
Mending
But too much of it can be a poison
I keep sipping
Watching the rain streak down the window
Almost able to feel the pitter patter
On my clam frozen skin
Maybe if I drink enough
My hands will stop shaking
When I spread them
I see the silver bells dangling from them
Softer and lighter than any fairies laugh could be
The flavor of your dreams coats my tongue
Oh what it is to be so young
I sit back
Watching the ashes dance  
Steam wafting up to my nose
I saw your last breath
Before I saw your eyes glaze
Turning into vacant mirrors
And it was pure joy
Wrapped in a package
Taped with bones
Oh
What it was to be young again.

I'm a sucker for brown eyes
But then again I always just loved
The thought of waking up to look into grave dirt
And not be buried securely under it for once
I'm also a sucker for blue eyes
Because I'll never be able to drown in them
Like I've just ever so slightly drowned in the sea
I mean it was just a little bit
Part of me thought it would be fun
I like Canada dry
So much so that I think
It may have actually taken over my body
Absorbed all of my blood
And now my heart
Which has unironically and uncoincidentally
Turned into a perfectly undented Canada dry can
My smile will blind you
Whenever I choose to do so
When a guy tells me I should smile more
I honestly only smile because
When his eyes fall upon it
They will shriek
Sprout arms
And shut his eyelids
But little did they know that it would be too late
Because they've already shriveled up
Turning to a fine layer of dust inside of their respected sockets
So yes I'll smile for you
I'm a siren walking
Who also just happens to be an opera singer
Just so I can replace the glasses that I shatter with your ear drums
I'm a lovely rose in the garden
The better replacement
Of snow whites poisoned apple
Admire my glimmering
Harmless beautiful petals
You don't notice that you're getting light headed
But that's alright
Because I get your last breath
That belongs to me as you inhale
My sickly sweet fumes
Heavier than the humidity in the air
As I sit
Sipping my peppermint tea
Reading your life
Like I read the pages of my book
Because I'm all about blue seas
And brown rays of sunshine
And did I mention?
I'm a sucker for a smug smile

Oh Mr. Sandman
Bring me your dreams
Ba ba ba ***
Make them the cutest that I've ever seen
Even if its just for a few seconds before Insomnia
Sweeps me off my feet
In the kitchen
We waltz
1
2
3
Cotton candy dreams
1
2
3
Feather light tonight
1
2
3
Come on let's keep going
1
The dance isn't over yet
2
I know that you're starting to break a sweat
3
Put on that mask for me
3
Let me see what you refuse to
3
You can't be what you want
2
But you can be what I've shaped you to be
2
So just sit down
1
We're almost through
1
And write what I want you to write

Hi. Yes thanks. I know I have pretty eyes I’ve heard that a lot.
Can you stop talking to me now?

I say that within my head because I know it would be considered “Rude”. When you’ve just given me a compliment. At least that’s what it’s deemed by most people in society.

If a guy tries to start a conversation with you or give you a compliment. Why don’t you just smile. And talk back.
Why don’t you just not? I know it’s considered polite. But I don’t owe you a smile. I don’t owe you a conversation. I don’t owe you a **** thing. Let alone a smile.

But that isn’t appropriate of me. I mean. Honestly how dare I tell someone no. Let alone a person of the male race. Who thinks that they’re being polite and reasonable. But when I try to disengage the conversation and walk away. You either step up. And verbally pull me back. Because if I keep walking and ignore you it’s rude. And there’s a chance that if you’re one of those guys. You will persistently keep walking and follow me down the street towards my house.

And I certainly don’t want you knowing where I live when you won’t even let a conversation end. And then there are the guys. That have grabbed me by the arm. Turned me back around. And boldly stated. We aren’t done talking. And by the fire in hell. It has taken every single fiber of my being. To hide the fury in my eyes. And all of my will. To keep my hands by my side instead of delivering you a well deserved punch to the nose. Because how dare you think that the conversation ends when you want it to end. Maybe I should be honored that you wanna talk to me. Despite the fact that I don’t even know you and you make me uncomfortable. And I have noticed your eyes. And how they’re constantly roaming. But no girl. Is and has to put up with you. An utter stranger. Who uses the excuse of. “Don’t be such a *****.” When you’re denied a conversation or you’re told no.

So thank you. For the ever so painful conversation. The fact that. You randomly chased me down when I shook my head. And started walking faster. And last but not least. The fact that throughout the time span of this entire conversation. You’ve never made EYE CONTACT with me not even ONCE.
So.

To the self entitled ****** who decided that I owed them a conversation. When I politely and quitely shook my head no to your offer of a conversation.

*******.