Denxai Mcmillon

Denxai Mcmillon Oct 2015

I shall cut ties to this ****** town
From the frays of the rope
I'll ignite the flames that burn the bridges.
I'll miss you all
when I think of you from time to time
I'll revisit the place where I used to meet you halfway
Shrug, turn on my heels and return to where I am respected.

Denxai Mcmillon Oct 2015

Save me

I'm fighting tears
like
the knights of lore fought dragons
I'm a turret of emotions
The demons under my bed
are reaching up and holding me by my throat as I sleep
Forcing me to dream of the good days of old
Forcing me to face my fears for the future
I wander the streets late at night
A slight limp from the broken bone in my foot.
I'm self destructive
Why would I let myself heal
when I know I'm hurting everyone I love.
I can't breathe again.
The ball and chain on my ankle is cutting deep.
The white noise I found an escape in isn't enough anymore
The voices are coming back.
My border line personality disorder
is burning bridges
While I desperately drag my past as I try and ***** the flames.
I'm reaching for buckets of water
But dumping gasoline
Burn, baby, burn

Denxai Mcmillon Oct 2015

Mrs. Reilly, I need you the most but you left your extra son behind

I'm trying to find solace in silence
Making loneliness my confidant.
I'm stuck between two good things
And I've never felt more like I want nothing.
The woman who I've been secretly calling mom in my head.
The woman who made the bitter motherless boy into a man, has died
The woman well, the girl, the person whom I know would rather I not call her woman.
The person who loves me without needing to, needs me.
And I can't muster the strength to reach out.
My introverted mess of being is sinking in on itself.
Everyone knows I was a suicidal wreck.
No one knows that I'm getting worse.
No one sees that I've been writing suicide notes again.
I'm obligated to leave now
I'm leaning towards staying.
I'm a dead end kid.
I'm a dead end kid.
I'm ******* hopeless
I'm sick of putting others before my selfish suicidal Thoughts.
I want to play like my predecessors and swing from a tree by my ******* throat.

Denxai Mcmillon Oct 2015

Untitled

I've never been one to much like goodbyes.
Today I saw two of my best friends for,
what will most likely be,
the last time outside of work.
We didn't speak of missing one another
we simply continued existing, the three of us.
I've said more goodbyes than I care to.
To people whom I've loved deeply.
My comfortable life is shattering.
I'm leaving my heart in Frederick
While I run to San Diego
I don't know what to do.
I don't want to say goodbye to you.
I don't want to say goodbye to you
I want to stay home, in bed,
and
talk about the things we disagree about
I want to stay home, in bed,
And
Call out of work to cuddle
I want to stay home, in bed.
I want to keep calling this dead end city home.

Denxai Mcmillon Oct 2015

Frederick, Maryland you will be missed

It's bittersweet,
Visiting all the places that make this small town my home.
The sushi place I went with coworkers every Monday.
The parking deck that I lost my virginity in.
The creek I swore to myself I'd one day jump over.
Baker park, where I first did all the flips I know.
It's bittersweet knowing that in a few weeks I'll no longer be here to watch my home town grow.
It's bittersweet
Bittersweet.
Bittersweet.

Oct 2015

Elioinai

advice is cheap

Advice is cheap
It comes out so smoothly
easier than compliments
which I could give more freely
Honestly I'd rather listen
and watch our faces tumble down together
as you speak of all the tender places
Life has found to pinch you
But there are no eyes to see upon this black and white screen
and supporting arms must be constructed
out of paper thin words
so flighty in their meaning
which fall apart like card pyramids
at one breath of misunderstanding
My profile is no weighty substitute for
the eternalness of audible sighs of a friend
But I want you to know that I heard you

For Wesley McMillan and Gavin especially, and everyone else who's painful lyrics I have given a ♡ but been unable to comment on

#life #pain #listen #advice #support