come
I invite you
study me
I want you
embrace the wonder
I will show you
the snowflake of my soul

I'm getting to the point where "lost" isn't even close to enough to explain where I am mentally. I know what I need and from now on I have to listen to my head over my heart. More often then not I find myself pacing and I remember how much my ex-fiancées mom hated when I paced or how much it stresses me out. I need to escape. I need an escape from my head and writing seems like it's going to stab me in the hand. My random bursting into tears are happening more often. No one seems to care. Who am I ******* kidding. No one knows. Anyone I feel like I can tell, I can't.  I wish I could stay in my small town. Lead my feet with my chest and walk casually through life. But leading with my head is speeding **** up so ******* much. I had my first really bad panic attack in almost a year at the airport on my way home. I'm not okay because nothing stays the same. My head is an abusive dog owner and my heart is a puppy that can't keep up on the walk. I can't breathe. I'm freaking out again. I'm ignorant and naive.

So much is changing.

This place makes me happy
This change is a good one.
This pain in my chest is telling me not to come back
But I know that it's time for me to go.
For the first time I'm listening to my head
While my heart's ripped to shreds.

Life is more fleeting than a snapchat **** when you can't screen shot. Don't waste it trying to be a social media addict.

The sea is much too large for me to see it all.
I need to remember that feelings are like the sea.
They run deep.
They crash and become violent as the shore approaches
I'm too young to think I've felt all there is to feel.