They drain you
They aren't adding any positive value
And yet you still
keep them around.
Why?

Why?

You must not be
afraid
to let them go.
Sometimes keeping them around
is hurting you more
than the pain you think you may have
by letting them go.

Let them go, darling
You will be okay.

You can't keep giving them
power & permission
to hurt you
the way they do.

You forget that saying nothing can be more painful than saying something hurtful.
~~~
Will we do something we'll regret or
will we not do something & regret it?

i'm sorry i said
that you cannot help me




i didn't mean
that i did not want you to..

PRIVATE TERRITORY.

i gave warning signs...

BEWARE OF RUMORS

i trusted i wouldn't have to issue fines...

the lines i drew,

were the same ones you crossed.

i said i would tell you what's true,

but it looks like curiosity got the best of you.

you should have asked me

before you ran to her.

you don't know me

and neither does she

and i will not be the opinion of someone who doesn't know me.

stories are stories.

sides are sides.

pick & choose, you have nothing to lose...

you could have tried to make it fair, at least.

this narration was never up for LEASE...

paint me with your palette, but i will never, EVER be your masterpiece.

Do you remember
the way it felt?

In the beginning
like nothing could
touch us?

Like we were
unstoppable?

That overwhelming feeling of
newness
of
flying
of
excitement
&
light.

When we were
hopelessly happy?

Do you remember
the way we
would speak
everyday?

Never running out of
things to say?

What I would do
to have this dance
with you
beneath these
cotton candy clouds
sprawled across the
gold & blue

i thought i lost us
but i realized that
we will live on forever
in my words

say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
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say it
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say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
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say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
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say it
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say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
how to say "i miss you" in asl
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

who am i to feel this way
when i don't have you anyway

.

i love you more than you will ever know
don't bother
i cry at the sound of your voice
i am dramatic
i am ungrateful
i am atrocious
and there is no sorry
for hurting me
what you do best
but you aren't supposed to
you're supposed to
tell me you love me
& actually love me
you're supposed to
tell me i am wrong
when i feel inadequate
tell me i am strong
when i show you tears
say you're sorry
when you demolish my spirit

.

Salty air, truth or dare? Truth...

this is the poem
i am convinced i will never be ready to write.

this is the poem
i have been avoiding writing
because i know the depth of it...
the depth of what we had
& how difficult it is to capture it.

we know how it was.
we know how it is.

we know how we wanted it to be
& we know how it didn't get to be.

even writing it now
makes the lump in my throat grow wider
& the tears that have waited this long to be let out
make a caleidescope of my eyes...

your pale blue eyes
& your hands as warm as a fire
faded in the distance during a winter snow storm
in the middle of nowhere...

you came out of no where
& when i wasn't looking...
they say that's when you find it
is when you least expect to...

that was you for me.

we had so many sparks
we could set this town ablaze...
so much chemistry
we could create a thousand new & undiscovered elements...
& far much more in common that we or anyone
would have ever guessed...

but we knew how it was...
we know who we were...

we had lightning in a bottle,
you said to me
right before you left...
and then someone removed the lid
you said to me
moments before my heart gave out...

i could never forget how it was...
because how could i?...

i will never forget the way we were...
because how is that possible?...

i will never forget the way it felt
as we fell head over heals,
risked everything for this lightning,
as we sat with our feet barely touching the ground
watching as those warm, bright summer days past us by...

i will never forget how the inner edges of your eye brows would raise up when you could just tell how i was feeling.
the way your cheeks turned baby pink, flushed when i kissed you on your birthday that night in my car,
or the way you'd look up at me unable to speak when i'd merely graze you i had that profound of an impact on you...

i will never forget those hours you spent painting & drawing for me or pouring your darkest most vulnerable parts of you onto paper...nor will i forgive myself for letting you down...
when i made you hurt...
when i made you scream...
when i made you frustrated...
when i made you cry...
when i made you feel unseen.

i will always remember to allow myself to feel, to remember, & smile when i hear the music that belongs to us...
the quiet moments only we know...
the moments where we could just say anything & just be ourselves & allow ourselves to be
fully known
fully seen
fully heard
fully loved
fully cared for
fully understood
fully accepted...

we will always have that lightning...
no one can take something like that away from us.
we will always have our bottles,
cherished, remembered, & tucked away safe...
maybe one day we'll rebottle some of that again...

There is so much more
that lies ahead  waiting for you
than what left you
b e h i n d

You
said
you
love
me
but
do
you
?