I took a walk this evening
barefoot.
Just in socks actually.
my peachy pink ones that only
go up to my ankle.

I took a walk this evening
in just my socks,
just to feel something different.
i felt a little more human.
a little less A.I.
and a little cold on the soles of my feet.

i wonder if there'll be a day when
i can go places and not be
looking over my shoulder to see
if my mom is following me.
watching me.
smothering me.
protecting me.
controlling me.
i know she means well.
but she's doing it all wrong.
but apparently, i have to be a mother
in order to be able to spot bad parenting.

i look up at the vast blackness
and see a star
trillions of miles away.
i wonder if it's even a star at all.
it could be a planet.
mars or venus i suppose.

i wonder what it must be like
to be a bright burning mass
far...far away from here...
where people could only look at you
from a distance
and see the beauty that you are...
sparkling...twinkling...brilliant...light...
up close we aren't as beautiful.
maybe only to the ones who don't love us
for who we really are.

as i walk home, i walk along the lines
along the sidewalk cement.
i stretch my arms outwards
on both sides of my body
and make-believe i'm an acrobat
dozens of feet in the air...

i hate falling.
it either hurts or just makes me overthink what the pain will feel like once the fall is complete.
i look up.
i look up at that vast twinkling darkness . . .
i am no longer falling,
i am  f l y i n g . . .

he makes the mundane feel romantic
and the ordinary feel extraordinary.

things like paper boats, white wildflowers on the side of the road, times of birth, or picking up fallen-over magazines from the floor at the store.

he makes me want to dance
like no one is watching.

he makes me want to
chase my wildest dreams
and stop at nothing or no one.

he makes me want to touch him
until our cheeks are colored crimson,
salty sweat drips from our brows,
and we fall asleep from sweet exhaustion.

he makes me want to
fall and fly &
grow and cry

he makes me want to
run away from this place
we call "home"
to make a new one from nothing.

he makes me want to
love myself and never look back
to what held me from doing so.

he makes me want to love him..
he makes me want to love him
no matter how hard..
no matter how easy..

a capital letter

maybe there's hope for me afterall

distant persistent beats

reverse . . . reverse . . . reverse

if i only could . . .

i dreamt of fire

i wake to fire

stretch out my hand into the young, bright, & golden ray

finger wrapped in brown bandages

i stand there staring at how i could find something so mundane so wonderful . . .so romantic . . .so beautiful

i slowly tilt my hand & turn it so that my palm is facing the pale-painted ceiling

i slowly open my palm, outstretching my fingers, then gently close it again as if to catch the ray

rays . . .a byproduct of fire

something beautiful can come of something terrifying

i need fresh air

morning air is filled with purity, a life unlived, untouched, untainted, unknown . . .

filled with dew & songs of birds & innocent light

maybe there is hope for me afterall

Hours, how many more hours longer until the butterflies cooped
                  within this hollow stomach of mine tell me you're near?
Umbrella terms for emotions that cannot be expressed with words.
God, only God knows if we will meet for the first time all over again...