I wish I could tell you
All the things I never got to say
But my minds over thinking my heart
Its got me sick to the stomach
Its got me weak at the knees
Its got me contemplating my morals
You're an addicting disease
Oh ,
how I hate falling for it.
And I wish that last nights escapade would have been meaningless
But my heart is out of my chest
And my lungs can barely function
And I think
About how much I hate falling for it.
Then I reflect
And I understand how it all came together
How the pieces of the puzzle fit together
And I am so grateful
That being nieve
Was the only downfall
That I can honestly say
I am blessed with
Because I'm not ashamed
That I can finally admit
That I loved
Falling for it

Framed.
I surround myself with an abundance of its glorious aftermath.
A cheap thrill for the night.
Let a half hour soak in the wrath.
I've continued to overdose myself with an endless cycle of euphoria
a sinful, deadly deception-
a vindictive vice.
Where manslaughter may be the only token for temporary happiness.
Be hypnotized with me, no pressure
as I am eager to embrace a mouthful of its alluring poison
like candy,
sweet candy.
A marigo-round of dileberate madness.
I spin around;
it's the sensation that brings me back every **** time.
knowing I wont come back every time.
I'm addicted.
So very addicted,
atleast I can admit it.
It's the sweet taste of cotton mouth,
it's the beautiful realization I figured myself out.
Spin me.
Let the drug seep through my pores
and bless you all
Hold me.
Let your sensation be my only amusement for the night.
I crave it.
I wont let myself go through withdrawls.
I can't control its endless cycle of euphoria
After all,
my addiction is to be
chemically happy.

In a coma state of bliss
with, an old memory  
of
a fascinating moment
that can not be forgotten.
I have lost all train of thought
and my sober mind
is about to relapse
please help me
with forgiveness.
Please heal these
****** wounds
Of a broken heart.
Shattered in the mirror
is a look of dissapointment
in myself.
But I know
soon
everything else will be better
as soon as I
let
it
all
go.
Let the weakness leave my body
as an overwhelming fear
of loneliness
is left
with me
and holds me
captive
to a house with never ending walls of white.
Though I am blessed
I don't embrace the light
enough;
I hold a grudge
against myself,
as all regreats come back to haunt me.
Like a shadow in the night,
I am left alone.
and in regards to how I feel,
I want you to feel,
as miserable as I do,
because you did this
to me.
But I have
to learn how to
let
it
all
go.

One by one
as the fall...
the sky starts getting closer.
The only optimistic route,
leads to another lonely adventure.
But I fight it anyway.
Freedom is the only stretch
that my hands can't fully grasp.
but karma will come around.
I'm miserable,
at this point,
but someday,
soon I hope
this will all be another turning point in history.
And the shadows
fill sky and clear the air.
When the lightning finally strikes,
the thunder rolls off in the distance..
The solitude in this stormy weather
wont be so traumatic in the end.
They can patronize me..
And then, when they think its over,
the rain will burst out
from the *****, cotton colored clouds
and  I will proudly say,
I did it with love.

Love happened.
It came, and went.
Just like the sun.
And the stars burned like diamonds
When the fire hit the bowl
and I knew the meaning of the word
incredible.
Intimacy was discovered.
And I fell fast and hard.
It changed with the seasons.
But I never let rock bottom be the end of me.
When I look back and remember,
I think of oceans and trees.
I recall laughter and movies.
And my happiness is
Oregon grown.

Still empty in December after 11 months of being full, the year was nearly over.
I wanted to give up after a lifetime of rejection.
He was just as lost as I was.
Both of us were determined to find solitude.
Under a magnified glass we melted the pieces we had left over of ourselves together.
And the walls began to fall.
I found rhythm in our breath.
I also found truth behind his stare.
It only eased the heartache of every impossibility and the overwhelming complications of whatever twisted thought I could dream up.
It only stopped me in my tracks.
It evolves even when I take step backwards.
But still it revolves around the energy that brought us together.
Nothing makes sense when your as confused as I was.
But I have direction now, somehow, because of him.
They called it lack of understanding.
Some call it love.
I found it to be a direction all my own.
And no one can take that away from me anymore.
Even when it explodes in my face and everything is ruined.
Lesson learned.
Because sometimes we end up with exactly what we wanted.
And it turns out to be everything you need.

I once cared
enough to prove
that
sometimes love conquers all.

I once cared
enough to prove
that
yesterday is not a shame.
But yesterday was different.
Yesterday was an exception.

I bleed words
out from ink
Stained on paper lines
that shelter freedom.

You stab me with contradiction
by judging my hearts only emotion.
I was cursed with a sense of self worth.
And you destroyed my only passion.

I once cared enough to prove it.
But yesterday you took that away.
Yesterday was a shame.

I cried about your willingness to disrespect me.
Yet you can't confront yourself.
Because a mirror is truly the only enemy.
yet I am the one in hell.

I once cared enough to prove it.
But yesterday you took that away.
Yesterday was a shame.