I am not lonely anymore; I begin to profile in the mirror.
In a collage of interpretation I welcome my every imperfection.
Fear dies slowly, after living in the back of every thought.
I swallow the negativity and grasp the significance.

I rewind time. In simple seconds after guessing how much I'd hate to relive this again.
I can make the impossible happen in my sublime world.
With a push of a button, I can't be discouraged.
Frame by frame in my mind I go back to everything I already had.
To the days handed over so easily. But, those days are out of reach for me.

I recall when things were perfect, the things that I took for granted.
I ask is it all irreplaceable?
What are the odds like, and when do they give up?
Or is my brilliant passion a delusion?
Can my efforts be defined as enough?
I always ask too much, too soon.
I finally faced my fear only to find my faith abandoned by ideas that decayed.
I have learned my lesson. Maybe it is meant to be this way.


Will you lose consciousness and recollect the information after time?
Excuse me, I can too, read your mind.
Will you forgive me for confiding, like a child blinded by the innocence of common sense.
Somethings I wish to forget.
I accept responsibility, can you empathize with me?
If a penny were to please you I would give you plenty.  
I would give you my very last; even the shirt off my back.
I just wish I knew half as much as you.

Now is what I bring to you; today is all I have.
I hate to constantly be relieving my uneventful past.
Clever, rushed and unafraid.
Yet, my power is to leave your world complete.
Let me show you whirls of grace, through descriptive words I've grown to know inside and out.
Like magic and fairies and gratified lust, let me make you cry.
I will fracture silence and bring out the person you wish you could be.
I know I can not hurt you intentionally.
Take a step forward and masquerade the memories with music.
On the edge of the end of the rest of the world.
I will show you the beginning of this incomparable girl

You are green.
Like my sorry.
I fill your buckets with ideas of promises,
but my worry breaks the illusion of the possibilities.

I am ocd.

I fear the worlds gift of breath and excitement.
I wont face the end of the tale.
I wish I were dreaming but its too hard to make it
just another thought in the back of my head.

My blood, scars and becomes infected
and wounds are left with no protection.

I want to heal.
But I am stuck behind a glass.
I am too far back.
Just go on without me.
I'll surrender eventually.

And I will be green like you,
too.

I believe in Santa not because he's real.
But because of his existence I know exactly how I feel.
He brings joy to all the children with his spirit and his gifts.
And I am for certain, I'm on his nice kids list.
I believe in love and laughter and this is my advantage.
Because without Santa, all I have is an empty package

She knows it all it seems.
In the space above the clouds
there is a dreamer who believes heaven is below her,
looking up into her eyes.
And then, she falls asleep.
There's no glass in between heaven and you,
to catch her if she falls.
But she's brave enough to peek up at the almost.
Gosh, it was so close.
There's still sunlight in the cracks, the twinkle in her eyes says she'll be back.
So you just cant say no, even if you want to.
But she knows it all it seems.
Even if she's wrong. She continues to dream, and
she still believes in you,
even after all you've put her through.
And she sits,
in between the space
of heaven, and better days.
Waiting for you to look up to her and say
she's your heaven too.
Because she's brave enough to tell you, almost.
Gosh you were so close,
to the heaven that we all wish we had.

Driving under the lights on a bus going nowhere,
starring into the eyes of a demon
heaving.
not listening to the heartbeat
not seeing
what's right in front of me.

Promises mingle with fall outs
and dreams seem better off
without doubts
but somethings keeping my mouth
from speaking.
What I see
is you abusing me,
and love is just something you say to make me feel better.

Stopping at a red light in a small town,
starring into the eyes of a demon,
bleeding.
Not holding on to the words you speak
I'd rather let go to the tears that I cry,
because it's only your resentment.

Lifted.
By the gift of your soul.
I will surrender, ever after with no resilience.
Fidget in disbelief.
Let the pictures relapse, to recall where this started.
in some safe haven under your spell.
Drifted.
By the scent of something else to make me forget.
Something far too toxic to describe.
Yet it is in dreams we dare to keep the monsters alive.
Sheltered.
By the demons of feeling sorry
I will surrender, ever after with no resilience.
Fidget in disbelief
Let the pictures relapse, and recall where this started.
in some safe haven under your spell.

I believe in you
Even though the pitch dark sea is drowning everything.
I believe the words
You sang to me under the sheets last spring,
so poetically; I hung on to all of those dreams...
But yesterday finally came, and suddenly tomorrow is already here.
All I see are promises falling apart- around the kitchen table.
It's all to shameful.
What is left of you?
Is there nothing left to give??
All I can see are the excuses that you mopped me up with.
I can't embrace that shade of your heart,
so I thought it over,
so many times I lost count.
Lets just start over
it is the only thing that ever makes sense anymore.
I ask myself, "what the hell am I doing here still
Am I crazy is everyone as clueless as me?"
It's just me--
I don't know all the in-betweens.
But I wish I did.
Just like I know you wish you knew..
the thoughts that flicker behind my eyelids-
if you only knew..
I've always hated being in the dark